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dreamtiger61 -> RE: how can you tell if you have the right MASTER (11/29/2005 2:51:30 PM)
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Every relationship needs to be built on trust, honesty, commitment, communication. All people in a relationship must be willing to grow, learn, and help eachother develop into better individuals.
Finding the right Master or submissive, can be a challenge. It is like finding friends or a partner in a vanilla relationship with a bit more added to it. Finding a compatible submissive or slave and taking on the responsibility for that person's training and development must be difficult for dominants.
A submissive or slave, can find it difficult to find the right dominant to trust in their training or care. I was seeking what my heart always knew I was. The hidden part of me which hide within the deepest secret place of my being. It took my Master to find me.
For years, I had fantasies involving BDSM scenes. I had experimented with some BDSM play when I was married. I enjoyed it. The relationship with my ex ended because we both were seeking things we could not find in it or in eachother. After it ended, I repressed my own sexuality for about 16 years. My fantasies became my main outlet for my sexuality.
I had moved back into my parent's home with my children. I found raising two children without financial or emotional help from their sperm donor was difficult. I had not time to explore my own sexual needs or make friends. I fit into the role of supermom very well. I worked came home took children to dance and karate lesson attended their performances. I became the perfect stage door mother pushing her two adorable talented children into the spotlight. I was living for my children. Sometimes, I wonder if it was their dream or mine.
The whole time my own needs were repressed and locked away in my self-imposed cage. Fantasies and dreams seemed to plague my daydreams and nightmares. Always, it seemed a slave at the feet of a dominant Master or Mistress. The themes and scenes changed to different time periods. My inner slave crying out inside of me. She was waiting for the day when the prision bars of repression would shatter and allow her to break free to become herself and not the sugar coated vanilla illusion forced upon her by her family and society. Eventually it lead to her depression and suicidal thoughts as her inner pain grew stronger. She pushed those she loved away from her seeking only to heal through her own inner pain and unacted out dreams and fantasies.
One night, I felt drawn to seek out what I needed and wanted, a Master. I did not know what I was seeking at the time. I just started websurfing on adult sites and found links to sites which matched my fantasies. I joined one site and made a profile. I think, my first profile read something like horny female looking for.... or something like that. I got a lot of attention from it. I felt nervous at first on that site. I craved the attention which I never had in my life. I felt like starving child in a candy store wanting to consume all the treats. I had messages from many doms seeking a submissive. I had messages from submissives wanting me to dominate them. Half of the doms really scared the crap out of me. I had more pictures of male penises than I could ever want to see in a lifetime. I had very graphic descriptions of their ideas of fun bombarding my message box. I met quite a few interesting characters and wannabes online and had a good laugh about most of them. I kept a few as chatfriends as they turned out to be good people. They were not the one I needed in my life as my Master. I was in the chatroom one night sort of BS some of the men in the room. Master came online and joined the chatroom conversation and my BS ended right there and then.
My life changed the night Master decided to chat with me. Master found me and saw some potiential within me. It was the night my whole vanilla illusion crashed around me and the cage holding my inner slave opened to set me free.
I met him through an online chatroom on a BDSM site. I liked Master's approach in the chatroom. I could tell Master was interested in knowing about me. I felt very comfortable chatting with him. He was not rude to me. We chatted on the site for awhile and I felt very comfortable talking to him. Master asked me to chat on yahoo with him. We chatted on yahoo for quite awhile. Master gave me his phone number. He typed in the words call me now after his number. I was very nervous and my heart was pounding in my chest. I called his number and was startled when I heard his voice. The illusion started to crash the moment I heard him talk. We talked on the phone. I felt something inside of me changing. I knew this man saw through my games which I had tried to play in the chatroom with him. I fought the need to submit that night. We just talked about all kinds of things. We set a day and time to meet up by the end of the converstation.
When we met, I felt an energy which ripped through me like lightening in its intensity. I looked into Master's eyes. Master commanded softly, lower your eyes in my presence. Instinctively, the slave inside me took over and obeyed him. I felt his appraisal of my willingness to obey him. I was attracted to his way of controlling things with his calm approach. I felt his honesty, openness, and authority that first meeting. Master' strength and character came through that night. I knew that night that I was destined to serve this man. My Master had found me.
I knew, he could help me. Believe me, I needed someone in my life to help me get back on track. Master walked into a mess of a life when he first met me. Master has started the process of changing me for the better. It is also a process I want for myself. I want his control in my life. I want his control in my life because I know he is worthly to be my Master. Sometimes, I am not always worthy to be his slave but I am learning. Hopefully, someday I will be worthy of him as well.
I am not like the other subs and slaves Master has trained. Master is learning new skills through my training as well as I am learning from him. Relationships teach us things about ourselves and about other people in our lives. We change and develop with each new relationship and partnership.
I know my Master has needs both in and outside of the BDSM lifestyle. I have needs as well. The important thing is to discuss our individual needs with eachother. Communication is very important for any type of relationship. It is more important within a BDSM lifestyle where trust and openness go hand in hand with communication.
Honesty is very important. My Master is very open and honest when he discusses his activities within the lifestyle with me. I feel privilaged that he is so open with me about it. His openness and honesty is allowing me to become more open with him about my life and about my individual needs, desires, or dreams.
We have our ups and downs in our relationship often centering on my getting into trouble. I am new to the lifestyle. I have done things a more experienced submissive or slave would not dare or even dream of doing. Confession might be good for the soul but it can sure hurt your bottom.
I trust Master to correct me. I know, Master will discipline me without being abusive. Master is very firm and strict with me. Master also balances my punishments with compassion, understand, and care for me. Master also explains the reasons for the disciplinary actions and what needs to be improved to avoid another punishment in the future.
I submit to his authority and discipline because I know he wants me to learn and do better. I also know he will not spare the paddle, strap, riding crop, belt or his bare hand if my behavior needs correction.
I trusted my own gut feelings when I met my Master. Listen to your head and your heart. Test the dominant to find out their limitations. Behaviors work several ways. Sooner or later, a dominant will reveal their limits and patience and set the standards in no uncertain terms with you. Make the dominant prove that they are worthy of your submission and service. The submissive is in as much control as the dominant in any BDSM relationship. Without a submissive the dominant can not control. Without the dominant the submissive can not submit. A BDSM lifestyle can not exist without these dynamics. As they say opposites attract, it is the opposites which add extra spice to flavor the lifestyle needs of the partners within the relationship.
Most lifestyle relationships tend to be more intense and satisfying to the people involved in them. Lifestylers tend to be more in touch with their fantasies, needs, desires and limits. When we think about creating a play scene, we communicate and share our ideas, thoughts and fantasies with our partners in order to create the scene. In the process, we learn our partners desires, fantasies, wants and needs.
I have been in this lifestyle in a real sense less than 3 months. I am a natural submissive. It took my Master to unlock the slave hidden inside me. I could never return to the illusion of my former life. I know Master owns me and controls me. I need him to do that because my place is serving him. I desire him in ways I could never desire a vanilla man. I have a lot of fun with Master. I enjoy the play at the bar or at an adult store. Master can make me laugh. Master can make me beg and submit. I need someone who can do this with me in order to be free and be happy. It might sound weird to some people that a slave needs a master to be free but that is what every slave feels they need whether they openly admit it or not. Finding the right Master or submissive can be difficult. Sometimes, when you are not looking you discover it hidden away in its own self destructive illusions of vanilla sugar coated broken dreams. The Master appears when the student is ready to learn and accept who they really are. Perhaps, it is why my Master appeared when he did on that night in the chatroom. My life will forever be different now.
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