in need of a bit of advice

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

in need of a bit of advice

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> in need of a bit of advice

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

in need of a bit of advice - 6/15/2008 8:42:18 PM

Divasgirlblue

Posts: 7
Joined: 2/12/2008
Status: offline

Please bear with me as I am not always the best at getting things out
but I need some advice, help, maybe just to get it out or maybe just
some validation it's ok to feel this way. The other day at a function
with my Mistress, I found myself filled with anger and jealousy over
another sub that was allowed to suck on her toes and worship her feet.
It was for a good cause and he paid to do it but god
it got under my skin. I have seen her play with others before. In
fact, I rather enjoy watching her play with others. She is also
married, which I have no problem with. Which is I think why my
feelings in this situation have disturbed me so much. I was so angry
when I heard what was about to happen that I had to leave the room
before anyone could notice the anger and jealousy. She is aware that
I was not happy about it but she knows me well enough to know I need
some time to figure it out before I am ready to talk to her about it.
My thing is I feel like I have no right to be jealous. It is her
prerogative and I am well aware of that.
I now feel guilty for feeling angry and jealous. I want to figure
out how I can prepare myself for a situation like this when it comes
up again. Part of me wants to ask her if it would be possible to
avoid others worshiping her feet when I am present but is asking her
that wrong of me? If you have any suggestions, advice or experiences
in this kind of situation that you would be willing to share I would
greatly appreciate it.

-blue

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: in need of a bit of advice - 6/15/2008 8:47:32 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I'd suggest laughing at yourself. We're irrational creatures, we can be happy AND jealous about something at exactly the same time.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Divasgirlblue)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: in need of a bit of advice - 6/15/2008 8:48:03 PM

Puppy4goodHome

Posts: 1448
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: Beachwood Ohio and a few others
Status: offline

If I understand what you are saying correctly
no there is nothing wrong with being jealous about this it is a normal feeling at times to watch another with your Mistress
it is something That could make you sad and jealous or you could think about it like you just wish for your Mistress to be happy and at that time it is something that you enjoy you can talk to her at least that is something i would do to talk to My Mistress to let her know how i am feeling so she can understand what is going on in my brain i would do this
i don't know your Mistress but I'm betting that she would want to know how you feel about that perhaps :)

_____________________________

Pup on the loose better watch out

ross.g
Puppster
puppy

(in reply to Divasgirlblue)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: in need of a bit of advice - 6/15/2008 8:49:52 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

No one can tell you if it's right or wrong. No one knows the dynamic between her and you. No one has gone through your exact situation.

The only person who can tell you is her, not a bunch of strangers on a website.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to Divasgirlblue)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: in need of a bit of advice - 6/15/2008 8:56:52 PM

Puppy4goodHome

Posts: 1448
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: Beachwood Ohio and a few others
Status: offline

very well worded could not have said it any better and i totaly agree with this :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

No one can tell you if it's right or wrong. No one knows the dynamic between her and you. No one has gone through your exact situation.

The only person who can tell you is her, not a bunch of strangers on a website.

_____________________________

Pup on the loose better watch out

ross.g
Puppster
puppy

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: in need of a bit of advice - 6/15/2008 9:20:55 PM

SltlyBrokenAngel

Posts: 38
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'd suggest laughing at yourself. We're irrational creatures, we can be happy AND jealous about something at exactly the same time.

Perfectly said and so very true! The important part is recognizing it and moving forward. Laughter certainly helps!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: in need of a bit of advice - 6/15/2008 11:01:09 PM

subozzie

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/6/2008
Status: offline

Jealousy is a tricky beast. Pretty much all of us have the capacity to suffer from it. What varies is the form it takes. In my experience jealousy in a relationship most often rears up when the intimate aspects of a relationship are breached. I noted that you said your Mistress plays with others and you enjoy watching her do so. I am assuming that this other play did not include foot worship and toe sucking.

If I might ask, is toe sucking a very intimate and special activity for you that you feel you share with your Mistress? Do you feel that someone has invaded this special and intimate space in a way you don't feel when your Mistress plays in other ways?

Sex is not the only form of intimacy. Some people engage in sex without issues but never kiss, as this is too intimate. Others are fine with sex and kissing but not with someone spending the night or with pillow talk or some other aspect of the relationship that they hold as special.

If any of this hits a cord with you, I suggest you speak with your Mistress about how you feel this is a very special thing between you, how difficult it is to share and how sharing with someone who does not hold your Mistress in as high esteem as you do is even harder (I suspect the very fact that he paid for the priviledge rather than engaged out of true desire actually made you even more angry). Feel free to message me if this helps and you'd like to explore it further.

Otherwise, it none of it resonates for you, feel free to ignore it!

(in reply to SltlyBrokenAngel)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: in need of a bit of advice - 6/16/2008 7:42:41 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

As someone else stated, communicate with her. There is no other way you are ever going to work through this without her input.

In the future she may not even tell you when someone else is going to be servicing her? You won't know until you tell her your feelings. If she is your Mistress she cares about you enough to listen.

(in reply to Divasgirlblue)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: in need of a bit of advice - 6/16/2008 8:35:57 AM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

She is married and also plays with others at times so it's not an exclusivity issue. Apparently you have a strong attachment to that particular activity that you saw (or didn't, as the case may be). Ask yourself why is that activity so different to you than other play or her married relationship.

I was somewhat jealous as a young man and it never really bothered me. I was involved with a woman for a brief period who was incredibly jealous and after seeing that exhibited in her behavior I saw how ugly it was and decided to make some changes in my own mindset.

Every time I felt some feeling of jealousy I would literally stop and analyze why I was feeling that way. In almost every case there was no logical reason and brushed it off. After doing this repeatedly it I found that my feelings of jealousy appeared less often and even when they did they did not take control of my emotions.

Of course, there's always the possibility that this particular activity is going to be something that just trips your trigger. I have no good advice in that regard.

(in reply to Divasgirlblue)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: in need of a bit of advice - 6/16/2008 8:42:59 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If this is something that has been special between the two of you, and then she handed it off to someone else of course it is natural to feel as though you've lost something meaningful.

You need to talk to her about your feelings. And yes, if you need one thing to be reserved for just you to do, then ask for it.

Where's the link to that pickle thread that so eloquently explained this? Aha, found it! http://www.collarchat.com/m_1270033/mpage_1/tm.htm

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 6/16/2008 8:44:40 AM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Evility)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: in need of a bit of advice - 6/16/2008 9:48:45 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

The next time that she does it stomp on her toes and tell her to quit it.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 11