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One Liners (WARNING - Some Politially incorect!) - 11/2/2005 10:33:50 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!

The overly sensitive should not proceed...

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: One Liners (WARNING - Some Politially incorect!) - 11/2/2005 4:29:54 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		hehehehehehehhehehehehe

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: One Liners (WARNING - Some Politially incorect!) - 11/2/2005 5:04:09 PM   
DrkAngl


Posts: 145
Joined: 4/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.


Damn, so that's what happened to all of them. Was wondering where they all went. LOL

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: One Liners (WARNING - Some Politially incorect!) - 11/2/2005 8:16:41 PM   
AlderTheKitty


Posts: 174
Joined: 10/3/2005
From: Oshawa
Status: offline 		meow there is one left

_____________________________

i am a strong person and will not be pushed around which makes my submission a special gift that few are going to receave

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RE: One Liners (WARNING - Some Politially incorect!) - 11/2/2005 10:23:32 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Hey...I'm offended only by the Italian one.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: One Liners (WARNING - Some Politially incorect!) - 11/2/2005 10:52:26 PM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		well now hush my mouf....

i sho do like that southern joke...
-A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....

thas 'bout right as rain neighbor...

----------
thank you
i really enjoyed these...got a couple good chuckles.

wolf


< Message edited by lonewolf05 -- 11/2/2005 10:53:08 PM >

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: One Liners (WARNING - Some Politially incorect!) - 11/3/2005 7:08:01 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Hey...I'm offended only by the Italian one.


Me too!

I didn't include the "lifestyle" Italian one liner but feeling "evil" this morning...

How to you keep an Italian submissive quiet?
Tie his/her hands together.

CIAO!

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: One Liners (WARNING - Some Politially incorect!) - 11/3/2005 7:18:13 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		*big grin* I swear I move my hands even when I type.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: One Liners (WARNING - Some Politially incorect!) - 11/3/2005 4:37:43 PM   
masteroffire


Posts: 66
Joined: 11/9/2004
From: Yukon, Oklahoma
Status: offline 		all hilarious..... and true

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"They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm."
Dorothy Parker, 'Fair Weather,' Sunset Gun, 1928


(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: One Liners (WARNING - Some Politially incorect!) - 11/4/2005 11:30:31 PM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		More offensive humor!

Why can't a man find a good woman who enjoys watching sports on t.v., going to football games with her face painted and heavy drinking?

She already has a girlfriend.


How do straight men and gay men differ in their views on football?
Straight men believe it's a manly sport meant to be watched. Gay men believe it's a sport meant for watching manly men.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to masteroffire)
Profile   Post #: 10
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