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came4U -> RE: Excuse vs Explanation (6/17/2008 6:20:21 AM)
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I recently had to remove someone who was full of 'excuses' from my life. A friend, not a close, good friend, but she really wanted my help..with depression.
Her own grown children can't handle her anymore and don't accept her calls and now I found out whyyyy. Yes, she is already medicated by a psychiatrist.
problem 1. "I can't eat, I have noo appetite" she says. She lives on a single bowl of cereal per day. "waa waa, im losing weight again nowwww".
my solution: I looked up appetite enhancers (peppermint, etc), things she can do to try to trigger a better appetite. I honestly tried to tell her that food, and the act of cooking it 'should' be a joyful experience. She doesn't buy much groceries, so I suggested she go to a deli and buy diff sized samples. etc etc.
her immediate reaction: "ohh ok, will try it." Next day: "oh blaaa, just cereal is fine for me, been doing it for years'.
Problem 2. The man in her life, a 'loser' she calls him. He 'walks about with slugged shoulders, like a cloud over him'. He is miserable, yet nosey about her life. He has to be right there (he is a neighbor--double no no in my book) when she comes and goes. She even describes him as an 'emotional drain'.
My solution: Say 'ENOUGH' to him, since he is useless at giving any emotional support when she needs it.
Her immediate reaction: 'Yeah you are right". Next day reaction: "I can't just can't remove someone from my life that easily."
Problem 3: "I am bored, not in mood to go out, yet not in mood for tv or knitting anymore...."
my solution: Take up a new hobby, try something new, go out tomorrow and buy a needlecraft, mix it up, check the YMCA for something that interests you.
her immediate reaction: "yeahh, that sounds like a good idea". Next day: "ohh, no I didn't go, I am not up to learn something new", :I can't afford it."
Problem 4: "I need you to talk to (wanted me to call her 2x daily) between shrink appointments (once a month).
my solution: tried the calling her 2x day for a solid week. Also gave her numbers of emergency and as-needed mental health facilities that can give her appointments throughout the month.
Her immediate reaction: She jotted down the numbers and community resources very carefully. Next day reaction: I ask if she called them. "yes, called the direct mental health crisis line, they only spoke to her 10 minutes she said and "No, didn't call the other agencies... they aren't for me" she says.
then it went back to complaints of her appetite.
I stopped taking her calls. It was sucking the life out of me, calling twice a day for an hour of her complaints.
I cannot tolerate excuses. Some people just have to accept responsibility for the situation they are in and pull themselves up by their boot straps to change things.
I felt bad for a short while then that stopped when I realized how exhausting she had become. It didn't matter what I said..her excuses were never ending and monotonous.
How does this relate to D/s? I'm not sure but, honestly, whatever it has to do with, whoever is on the end of recieving the excuses (be it Dom or sub) has either got to be a saint or just masochist sometimes to even tolerate it on a constant basis. I know I can't.
Using Omega's analogy...yeah, sometimes we just gotta get our asses crawling up onto a cupboard to reach the pans. Try, at least. geez.
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