RE: Procuring

RE: Procuring (Full Version)

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Leatherist -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 8:30:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist What really makes me laugh is reading couples profiles where the sub complains that no one she writes to ever replies. And how rude they are! Seems rather poetic..Considering how many of those same women probably blew off tons of other people, rudely never replying. I love karma. Huh? Colour me confuzzled but cant see the link between procurement and cmail here. [8\|] This is the complaint the procurer herself often posts. She's hunting for another sub-and they keep blowing her off, ignoring her trolling.[:D]

tsatske -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 8:39:34 AM)
I write to women i find interesting - but then, i am bi. I send him profiles, for him to view, too. Of course, on collarme, this does no good, because we have confirmed that our collarmail is not going out for either of us. ARRGH! so every now and then i 'waste a little time' and write a letter some cutey will never get. I have to say, though, when i was single - i was very open to couples, and i actually LIKED it when the woman did the initail approach - didn't require it, as long as she was anxious to talk with me soon - but i did like it, it seemd to say good things, to me, about their poly dynamic - UNLESS it felt like 'procurring'. I can see why procurring is hot for both you and your Master, but i don't like the way it feels to be procurred. Meat for the table? absolutely - as long as i am owned, cherished, adored meat. (how contridictory is that? well, okay, while i am feeling like 'just meat', i need to feel owned, but i do not feel cherished and adored at that moment - but i know that i AM) I do not want to feel like 'meat for the table' to someone who does not have an immense amount of respect for me. I am not saying it is wrong for others who do enjoy feeling that. I am saying, i am probably not alone in my feelings and prefrences, and wonder if your Master gets a little less 'meat' because of other subs who do not like feeling 'procurred'. Of course, one cure to this is to have you 'procur', but also hunt on his own.

missturbation -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 8:41:13 AM)
quote: This is the complaint the procurer herself often posts. She's hunting for another sub-and they keep blowing her off, ignoring her trolling Ah another judgement !! How do you know it is mail she has sent out to subs for possible procurement that is being ignored? Maybe she is mailing peeps about all different manner of things. Secondly i presume that you have mailed the op and recieved no reply to make this judgement call? Is it sour grapes on your part that then makes you say this or a genuine 'pot kettle black' call? Maybe the op just has not had chance to reply to your mail yet if you have sent her one. Or it could be any other reason you can think of.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 8:41:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation Also a shame is another trait of cm which seems to have shone through in this thread (and not in a good way). Not only do people judge the topic in hand but the entire relationship of the people concerned with the thread. It seems to be a case of anything they can arm thenmselves with to justify their judgement and appear right. Taking it even one step further, people then go on to judge the individuals within the relationship, calling out words such as "mentally unstable," "lazy," "living in fantasy," etc. In this thread we even saw DV being judged for still contending with a divorce, for heaven's sake. Hell, my own divorce isn't even finalized - - going on three dreadful years of trying to just finish it already - - guess I'm just as vile, eh? Unless folks live according to the same values and principles as the flame throwers, they don't stand a chance around here. I applaud those who will share what they do despite what is thrown at them for it - it's a great education for those who are open to receiving it. quote: As Harold Medina said ' Criticizing others is a dangerous thing, not so much because you may make mistakes about them, but because you may be revealing the truth about yourself.' What a great quote, and quite applicable to what we periodically see here.

missturbation -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 8:50:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation Also a shame is another trait of cm which seems to have shone through in this thread (and not in a good way). Not only do people judge the topic in hand but the entire relationship of the people concerned with the thread. It seems to be a case of anything they can arm thenmselves with to justify their judgement and appear right. quote: Taking it even one step further, people then go on to judge the individuals within the relationship, calling out words such as "mentally unstable," "lazy," "living in fantasy," etc. Yes i agree wholeheartedly. Seen way too often round here. quote: In this thread we even saw DV being judged for still contending with a divorce, for heaven's sake. Hell, my own divorce isn't even finalized - - going on three dreadful years of trying to just finish it already - - guess I'm just as vile, eh? Lol, most vilest of vile you are. [:D] I'm not entirely sure what the dig about divorce was but im guessing it would have been the 'shock horror' of Dark Victory seeing someone else whilst still married. I know myself my divorce took around 12 - 18 months to be completed and i dont know what its like in the stakes. Are you expected to stay single for that entire time? Also who knows how long they had been seperated before they filed for divorce! So many variables and so little info that we who do not know Dark Victory other than from his posts here hold. quote: Unless folks live according to the same values and principles as the flame throwers, they don't stand a chance around here. I applaud those who will share what they do despite what is thrown at them for it - it's a great education for those who are open to receiving it. Me too. Personally i will never stop sharing what i am, what i do, even though it may be unorthodox and wrong to some who post here.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 9:03:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation quote: Taking it even one step further, people then go on to judge the individuals within the relationship, calling out words such as "mentally unstable," "lazy," "living in fantasy," etc. Yes i agree wholeheartedly. Seen way too often round here. You and I have both been subject to it. quote: In this thread we even saw DV being judged for still contending with a divorce, for heaven's sake. Hell, my own divorce isn't even finalized - - going on three dreadful years of trying to just finish it already - - guess I'm just as vile, eh? Lol, most vilest of vile you are. [:D] Mwaa hahahaha....[sm=trident.gif] quote: I'm not entirely sure what the dig about divorce was but im guessing it would have been the 'shock horror' of Dark Victory seeing someone else whilst still married. I know myself my divorce took around 12 - 18 months to be completed and i dont know what its like in the stakes. Are you expected to stay single for that entire time? Also who knows how long they had been seperated before they filed for divorce! So many variables and so little info that we who do not know Dark Victory other than from his posts here hold. It was a remark about how maybe since he is in a divorce,his wife must not like him having this meat in his bed, or something like that. Some divorces take as little as 6 months here. Some go on forever and ever....(like mine) due to one party's absolute refusal to cooperate with anything (like my ex). All sorts of complications, emotions, and who knows what other issues can take place when divorcing. I myself had no idea! quote: Me too. Personally i will never stop sharing what i am, what i do, even though it may be unorthodox and wrong to some who post here. I am selective now, but where what people would say to me used to disturb me, it no longer does. I've received some ridiculously scathing emails about who I am, personally, from people who haven't a clue about me. I've also received a great many email from people who were glad for what I posted, because they would never put themselves out there like that but were glad someone could relate to them. In the case of the OP, if she is up front and honest to the procurees (is that a word?!) about what she is doing, there is absolutely nothing at all wrong with it. I understand people not wanting to participate in such activities themselves. I don't understand the need for the personal undercutting, though. That sort of thing always perplexes me.

softness -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 9:13:46 AM)
Leatherist I think you are referring to my journal about not getting any mail through on CM one week .. and remarking how it coincided with me not having a naked picture as my main profile pic. I went onto say that though the break from endless troll-mail was a welcome relief .. the loss of genuine emails from genuine people - was a sad one. Now when I email women about DV ... its usally because I have chatted with them a while in a room, or seen them posting somewhere or other .. I send a personal email to them, and am very careful to be respectful, friendly, interesting and engaging. If you can find a thread somewhere where I said ..."oh my god, I keep randomly emailing nameless fuck sluts and the cunts don't even have the manners to reply" then I will happily retract that. I think however (unless I am plain batshit crazy) I wouldn't have said something like that

LotusSong -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 9:14:27 AM)
Maybe it's because I'm so old school.. but if I love someone, I would not put them in stressful situations knowingly. I wonder some things though..like how long have you been with this person? Did you know this going in? Are your emotions just swallowed in resolution or are your really "ok" with it? Is he really 'all that' that you compromise yourself so willingly? I feel he has you emotionally blackmailed just like the boyfriend sitting in the back of the 57 Chevy what says "If you love me. you'll do it".

softness -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 9:25:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong Maybe it's because I'm so old school.. but if I love someone, I would not put them in stressful situations knowingly. I wonder some things though..like how long have you been with this person? Did you know this going in? Are your emotions just swallowed in resolution or are your really "ok" with it? Is he really 'all that' that you compromise yourself so willingly? I feel he has you emotionally blackmailed just like the boyfriend sitting in the back of the 57 Chevy what says "If you love me. you'll do it". I really am ok with it, I have known it 3 years, He really is all that ... and more oh He doesn't just have me emotionally blackmailed He has me down trodden, brainwashed, doormatty and compliant - I hvae never been happier, more contented, more fulfilled and more generally in delight at the world. have you any idea how long I have looked for a Man who will do that to me ... who was able to do that to me? I think that you are transferring your feelings about the situation onto me ... which is simply a bad idea - you are making an incorrect supposition

Leatherist -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 10:07:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation quote: This is the complaint the procurer herself often posts. She's hunting for another sub-and they keep blowing her off, ignoring her trolling Ah another judgement !! How do you know it is mail she has sent out to subs for possible procurement that is being ignored? Maybe she is mailing peeps about all different manner of things. Secondly i presume that you have mailed the op and recieved no reply to make this judgement call? Is it sour grapes on your part that then makes you say this or a genuine 'pot kettle black' call? Maybe the op just has not had chance to reply to your mail yet if you have sent her one. Or it could be any other reason you can think of. You are not paying attention. I told you "I have read it on the profiles of subs trying to procure subs for thier master" No judgement on something that was posted by someone else.

Leatherist -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 10:08:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness Leatherist I think you are referring to my journal about not getting any mail through on CM one week .. and remarking how it coincided with me not having a naked picture as my main profile pic. I went onto say that though the break from endless troll-mail was a welcome relief .. the loss of genuine emails from genuine people - was a sad one. Now when I email women about DV ... its usally because I have chatted with them a while in a room, or seen them posting somewhere or other .. I send a personal email to them, and am very careful to be respectful, friendly, interesting and engaging. If you can find a thread somewhere where I said ..."oh my god, I keep randomly emailing nameless fuck sluts and the cunts don't even have the manners to reply" then I will happily retract that. I think however (unless I am plain batshit crazy) I wouldn't have said something like that It has nothing to do with you-I have read this whine on other subs profiles time and again. I just thought it amusing that they were getting back what they dished out.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 10:31:28 AM)
LOLOL!! Softness, doormatty and compliant!! So glad that you have a hidden side, beauty! [:D]

softness -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 10:41:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist What really makes me laugh is reading couples profiles where the sub complains that no one she writes to ever replies. And how rude they are! Seems rather poetic..Considering how many of those same women probably blew off tons of other people, rudely never replying. I love karma. Huh? Colour me confuzzled but cant see the link between procurement and cmail here. [8\|] This is the complaint the procurer herself often posts. She's hunting for another sub-and they keep blowing her off, ignoring her trolling.[:D] quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist It has nothing to do with you-I have read this whine on other subs profiles time and again. I just thought it amusing that they were getting back what they dished out. am confused .. perhaps you can help me?

LotusSong -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 11:16:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness oh He doesn't just have me emotionally blackmailed He has me down trodden, brainwashed, doormatty and compliant - I have never been happier, more contented, more fulfilled and more generally in delight at the world. So why even ask your OP? quote: have you any idea how long I have looked for a Man who will do that to me ... who was able to do that to me? Nope. That's why I asked how long. I figure at LEAST a whole 4 years. quote: I think that you are transferring your feelings about the situation onto me ... which is simply a bad idea - you are making an incorrect supposition No, just offering some thoughts. The fact that they made you bristle speaks volumes to me. Carry on.

softness -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 11:29:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong So why even ask your OP? quote: To hear what other people thought of procurement. Not what they thought about the health of my relationship, my choices, His decisions, my state of mind or any of the multitudinous other side issues which have been raised. - I have said this several times now at various points in the thread quote: Nope. That's why I asked how long. I figure at LEAST a whole 4 years. quote: Longer ... DV wasn't the first person I served, certainly not the first I have played with. Its more than 7 years since I had my first BDSM relationship - 7 years from there to here. Thats a long time. I am happy I have arrived. No, just offering some thoughts. The fact that they made you bristle speaks volumes to me. Carry on. volumes of what? ... you totally misunderstood my tone if you feel it was "bristling" I merely corrected you. I apologise if by being corrected .. or having your thoughts answered ... in the calm and reasonable way I posted before, caused you some offense

TwoNYCDommes -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 11:45:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist I have read this whine on other subs profiles time and again. I just thought it amusing that they were getting back what they dished out. Interesting... I've never seen a woman make this complaint, only men.

CruelDesires -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 12:04:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist What really makes me laugh is reading couples profiles where the sub complains that no one she writes to ever replies. And how rude they are! Seems rather poetic..Considering how many of those same women probably blew off tons of other people, rudely never replying. I love karma. Huh? Colour me confuzzled but cant see the link between procurement and cmail here. [8\|] This is the complaint the procurer herself often posts. She's hunting for another sub-and they keep blowing her off, ignoring her trolling.[:D] quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist It has nothing to do with you-I have read this whine on other subs profiles time and again. I just thought it amusing that they were getting back what they dished out. am confused .. perhaps you can help me? I read it that he was speaking on general terms. Not about you in particular. CD

softness -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 12:12:04 PM)
I think its perfectly reasonable for me to have taken this "This is the complaint the procurer herself often posts. She's hunting for another sub-and they keep blowing her off, ignoring her trolling.[:D] " as directed towards me "the procurer herself" sounds pretty specific dont you think? am sure however I am in error in someway, and am happy to be corrected if this is the case

Leatherist -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 12:13:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TwoNYCDommes quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist I have read this whine on other subs profiles time and again. I just thought it amusing that they were getting back what they dished out. Interesting... I've never seen a woman make this complaint, only men. It's one of the few times I got to laugh so hard.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Procuring (6/19/2008 12:39:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation quote: When they run up against something outside 'their' boundaries, they judge it. Please tell me this is not the firt time you have noticed this here? A while back i started a thread about my Sir hiring me out for money to someone and it caused a very similar stir to this one. No...it isn't the first time I've noted it. What I have found ironic...and amusing...is the supposition that judgement is wrong espoused by some---and then gone against on this thread. We all do it---judge---every single day. BUT, it is easiest to act as if you don't when you can stand up and say that "you should not judge other people's D/s dynamic/BDSM play/whatever" when what you are speaking of is something you either agree with or have absolutely no interest in for yourself or when what is being talked about sets aside the sexuality...rather amusing in its' own right, given the definitions of sadism/masochism...for the loftier parts of what is occurring. I know I judge...to me, it is just stupid and wrong to put a "potentially-loaded" gun against a submissive's head. But that is MY opinion and I can't stop you for doing so. But, I will be "non-politically correct" and tell you I think its wrong and I won't hold myself out as being non-judgmental. Hell...I get judged all the time...on my abilities as a doctor, on my abilities as a father, on my abilities as a human. I carry faults in all those areas as I am human and not perfect. One thing in my favor...when confronted with something and allowed only a few hours to a few days to think about it...I can either agree or disagree with whether or not I have been at fault and can apologize for it. quote: As i said in my original post in this thread i find it a crying shame that in a lifestyle supposably as diverse as ours that we feel the need to judge others and what they do together CONSENSUALLY. Though it would probably be more of a semantic argument or one of degree, here is where I would quibble with you. See my first paragraph. quote: Also a shame is another trait of cm which seems to have shone through in this thread (and not in a good way). Not only do people judge the topic in hand but the entire relationship of the people concerned with the thread. It seems to be a case of anything they can arm thenmselves with to justify their judgement and appear right. As Harold Medina said ' Criticizing others is a dangerous thing, not so much because you may make mistakes about them, but because you may be revealing the truth about yourself.' As I noted, I don't mind the judgement so much. It is my opinion that we all do it, to one extent or another, in many if not most parts of our life. What I do find ironic/a bit sad/a bit amusing is what I have already noted. Re: your final quote. Hmmm...am I revealing the fact that I have been judged and found lacking by certain people outside my BDSM life who then had life come back and bite them in the ass and I found that amusing? [;)]

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