Procuring

Procuring (Full Version)

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softness -> Procuring (6/17/2008 10:29:27 AM)
Procuring - finding suitable and willing sexual partners for a third party. One of the services I give is procuring. I wasn't happy about the idea at first, when I was initially told I was expected to do this I became huffy, indignant and hurt. It took a lot of maturity, acceptance, and most importantly just deciding I was going to submit pleasingly to it and get on with life. I want Sir to be as happy as I can make Him, being a good girl for Him will do that and a good girl for Him - gets Him enough pussy to drown in. If I am the one going out there and finding Him other girls, nothing is hidden from me, its open, healthy, respectful and therefore unlikely top explode into a world of hurt and damage. I have no say whatsoever in Sir's sex life - none - zip - nada. Its not up for negotiation and never has been. I could though have a big say in who shares His bed if I am the one putting them there. I have no control on IF there is another girl in Sir's bed ... but I can have control over WHO the other girl is in Sir's bed. I can make sure they are all suitable, well behaved, pleasing to Him, and tolerable to me. A big issue for girls asked to procure is their own insecurity about their position. Sir has told me again and again that I am secure in my position as long as I am pleasing. I am learning also, that I cannot easily be replaced. So .. being that I cannot be easily replaced, and that He will not seek to replace me as long as I am pleasing - what possible risk can another girl be to me? .. especially if I am the one who put her in His bed. How does procurement sit with you?

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Procuring (6/17/2008 10:40:29 AM)
We have a totally different dynamic, so it wouldn't happen. But if He woke up one day possessed by an alien or something, and out of the blue decided that I would be required to do this, I couldn't do it because it would be damaging to me emotionally and mentally. Thank goodness He is not the type who would want to damage the one He loves....... so it's not a concern for me.

JohnWarren -> RE: Procuring (6/17/2008 10:56:13 AM)
I find it amusing and a little sad. Libby and I are both enthusiasticly poly, but rather than to procure women for me, her job is to reject those who will eventually cause me unhappiness. Being a male and therefore having the tendency to think with my "lower brain" in such circumstances, I have made some very bad decisions in the past. However, Libby has an excellent track record in identifying those who will be fun, loyal and stay within the boundaries and those who will result in chaos down the road. In our relationship, she's rejected a number of women. In two cases, I disagreed but went along with her feelings. Within a year of being rejected, each of the two women had wormed themselves into previously balanced relationships and destroyed them. Sometimes, she'll put limits as "play with her all you want but she can't move into our home" or "let's stay with public play with this one" and all indications have proven her right. This, of course, is all offline. Online, when I see "I'm looking for a replacement/third party" from a "slave" I do wonder if it's not from some guy in a tee shirt typing in his mother's basement.

softness -> RE: Procuring (6/17/2008 11:01:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JohnWarren I find it amusing and a little sad. Libby and I are both enthusiasticly poly, but rather than to procure women for me, her job is to reject those who will eventually cause me unhappiness. Being a male and therefore having the tendency to think with my "lower brain" in such circumstances, I have made some very bad decisions in the past. However, Libby has an excellent track record in identifying those who will be fun, loyal and stay within the boundaries and those who will result in chaos down the road. In our relationship, she's rejected a number of women. In two cases, I disagreed but went along with her feelings. Within a year of being rejected, each of the two women had wormed themselves into previously balanced relationships and destroyed them. Sometimes, she'll put limits as "play with her all you want but she can't move into our home" or "let's stay with public play with this one" and all indications have proven her right. This, of course, is all offline. Online, when I see "I'm looking for a replacement/third party" from a "slave" I do wonder if it's not from some guy in a tee shirt typing in his mother's basement. What specifically is it that you find "sad" and "amusing" ?

Midnght -> RE: Procuring (6/17/2008 11:01:31 AM)
Personally I find it appauling that any Top would use their submissive to procur others. They should do it themselves.

Stephann -> RE: Procuring (6/17/2008 11:02:42 AM)
I can't typically enjoy the procurement dynamic. In large part, my interest in enjoying other women comes from 'the chase.' I receive an enormous thrill of finding women on my own, 'wooing' them to some degree (drawing them in by whatever means I care to employ) and enjoying them based on my own efforts. If charlotte were to bring home a girl for me, I'm sure I'd probably enjoy it, but giving it to her as a task would be a bit like asking her to do a picture-puzzle for me; the end result being pretty and all, but the fun of a puzzle is in the solving. Seems that it'd be much easier and less expensive in terms of the value of my slaves man-hours to simply call an escort service. The dozens or hundreds of hours she'd invest in finding other girls for me would amount to tens of thousands of dollars if she were working otherwise. I can buy a hell of a lot of girls for that kind of money. Stephan

softness -> RE: Procuring (6/17/2008 11:03:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Midnght Personally I find it appauling that any Top would use their submissive to procur others. They should do it themselves. do you give the same response when directed to do the ironing?

TwoNYCDommes -> RE: Procuring (6/17/2008 11:04:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Midnght Personally I find it appauling that any Top would use their submissive to procur others. They should do it themselves. Do you feel that way only about procuring, or about any service a sub could provide for their dom? If the former, why do you see it as different?

Stephann -> RE: Procuring (6/17/2008 11:05:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Midnght Personally I find it appauling that any Top would use their submissive to procur others. They should do it themselves. Ditto; I'm not saying D types shouldn't do it, in fantasy it's pretty hot. The reality is what I don't care for. Stephan

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Procuring (6/17/2008 11:11:02 AM)
I don't know how I would feel about a sub finding me other men....in a way, it would be cool, since I have had a DP fantasy like, FOREVER, and have never been able to find two compatible men (ie two guys that I like) who don't develop last minute homophobia. And think of the cuckolding possibiliites! (yeah, not my trip, just sayin') I am with Stephann, though~~I would rather find my own entertainments and get them on my own terms, instead of having them brought to me like meat. Fun idea, not one that I would want in real time.

TwoNYCDommes -> RE: Procuring (6/17/2008 11:15:14 AM)
I suppose it would be a highjack to ask those commenting on subs procuring for their doms to also give their opinion on doms procuring for their subs?

charlotteS -> RE: Procuring (6/17/2008 11:17:17 AM)
I would enjoy procuring a girl for Master if I happened to see one that I thought he would enjoy (did that for him on his Bday actually.) However, as something I am actively seeking to do it would make me feel that he's too lazy to do it himself. Not that that's necessarily the case but just that that is how it would make me feel. charlotte

softness -> RE: Procuring (6/17/2008 11:17:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus having them brought to me like meat see that is probably the thing Sir likes most about it ... I am a piece of meat to Him .. delightful, helpful, pleasing ... MEAT ... He even describes me as "meat for His table" a house is a piece of property made from bricks a car is a piece of property made from metal a slave is a piece of property made from meat I am bringing more meat to His table ...

christine1 -> RE: Procuring (6/17/2008 11:17:36 AM)
i couldn't do it for my dominant, but then again he would never ask me to since we're monogamous. i don't see a problem with procurement as long as both parties agreed to it as far as the relationship goes. obviously it works for some and not others.

JohnWarren -> RE: Procuring (6/17/2008 11:18:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness quote: ORIGINAL: JohnWarren I find it amusing and a little sad. Libby and I are both enthusiasticly poly, but rather than to procure women for me, her job is to reject those who will eventually cause me unhappiness. Being a male and therefore having the tendency to think with my "lower brain" in such circumstances, I have made some very bad decisions in the past. However, Libby has an excellent track record in identifying those who will be fun, loyal and stay within the boundaries and those who will result in chaos down the road. In our relationship, she's rejected a number of women. In two cases, I disagreed but went along with her feelings. Within a year of being rejected, each of the two women had wormed themselves into previously balanced relationships and destroyed them. Sometimes, she'll put limits as "play with her all you want but she can't move into our home" or "let's stay with public play with this one" and all indications have proven her right. This, of course, is all offline. Online, when I see "I'm looking for a replacement/third party" from a "slave" I do wonder if it's not from some guy in a tee shirt typing in his mother's basement. What specifically is it that you find "sad" and "amusing" ? That someone is so lacking in personality, confidence or wherewithall that he has to set another to seek out those who by all rights should be seeking him. You asked.

OmegaG -> RE: Procuring (6/17/2008 11:21:38 AM)
FR This was something that was talked about at the beginning of our relationship and I expressed my desire to not fill that role. Over the course of my relationships I've had several men who've liked the idea of a 3 some but have always wanted me to find the 3rd. I know that from those expereinces, I don't put alot of effort into the venture nor do I think that women are particularly better at finding a 3rd (which was always their reason for asking me to do it). My role is more like Libby's, I feel. I meet the people that he's made aquaintances with and if I have any reservations, I communicate those with him. It's ultimately his choice to proceed or to look elsewhere. I still think that it's easier for a man to find his own playthings then to be provided with them through an agent, an agent can only get what he asks for specifically and often times there are unspoken factors that make a person attractive or not.

charlotteS -> RE: Procuring (6/17/2008 11:22:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JohnWarren quote: ORIGINAL: softness quote: ORIGINAL: JohnWarren I find it amusing and a little sad. Libby and I are both enthusiasticly poly, but rather than to procure women for me, her job is to reject those who will eventually cause me unhappiness. Being a male and therefore having the tendency to think with my "lower brain" in such circumstances, I have made some very bad decisions in the past. However, Libby has an excellent track record in identifying those who will be fun, loyal and stay within the boundaries and those who will result in chaos down the road. In our relationship, she's rejected a number of women. In two cases, I disagreed but went along with her feelings. Within a year of being rejected, each of the two women had wormed themselves into previously balanced relationships and destroyed them. Sometimes, she'll put limits as "play with her all you want but she can't move into our home" or "let's stay with public play with this one" and all indications have proven her right. This, of course, is all offline. Online, when I see "I'm looking for a replacement/third party" from a "slave" I do wonder if it's not from some guy in a tee shirt typing in his mother's basement. What specifically is it that you find "sad" and "amusing" ? That someone is so lacking in personality, confidence or wherewithall that he has to set another to seek out those who by all rights should be seeking him. You asked. That certainly would be sad. However I would venture to say that just because a Dominanat partner asks the submissive to procure someone for him doesn't have to mean it's because he is lacking. Perhaps it's because the submissive enjoys feeling used for a bit. In fact I'm pretty sure that if Master asked me to do it a large part of his motivation would be to teach me a lesson or remind of how much I want to be treated with out the same rights as a girl friend. He certainly can all the pussy he wants so making me do it would be to add something to our dynamic. Hmmm...maybe I will even amend my above post to say that it might not be so bad for me if done in a deliberate way. food for thought.. charlotte

TwoNYCDommes -> RE: Procuring (6/17/2008 11:22:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JohnWarren That someone is so lacking in personality, confidence or wherewithall that he has to set another to seek out those who by all rights should be seeking him. But why would you assume that the fact that a dom sent his sub out to procure for him meant that he couldn't do it himself? Do you make that assumption about everything else doms have their subs do? To use softness's example, do you think that someone who has a sub do the ironing must be lacking the confidence or wherewithall to successfully iron?

softness -> RE: Procuring (6/17/2008 11:24:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TwoNYCDommes I suppose it would be a highjack to ask those commenting on subs procuring for their doms to also give their opinion on doms procuring for their subs? well for me personally ... I will never have sex with anyone other than my Owner while I continue to be owned by Him .. unless He says so ... which is unlikely. Am sure I am in the minority there however

Midnght -> RE: Procuring (6/17/2008 11:28:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: softness quote: ORIGINAL: Midnght Personally I find it appauling that any Top would use their submissive to procur others. They should do it themselves. do you give the same response when directed to do the ironing? Ironing is not the same as obtaining another slave, submissive what have you. But you make a good point even though it's comparing apples and oranges in my opinion. But I've always been of the mind set if you want something done right do it yourself.

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