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RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/17/2008 11:10:03 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

Ladies what is it you think first when you hear about another couple having a Threesome?
~ the few I've had come to mind.

Do you assume it happned because the Man wanted it?
~ no, I dont assume that, but it is among the things that cross my mind

If you have ever been asked to partisipate in a Threesome and choose not too what were your reasons?
~ I have chosen to and not too depending on the circumstances at the time. You ask about the `nots`...
it's totally clear to me that the other female was only doing it for him.
snicker, he was an ASS.
i wasnt comfortable with him, wasnt attracted to him, didnt want the drama.
(no order in those statements, just what came to mind)

If you choose to agree to it what was the reason you agreed?
~she was a good friend. he was a great guy. wonderful chemistry. i was made to.
(again no order)

Did it end well or poorly?
~both.

Do you feel the same way now about the situation as you did then?
~it's been ages ago, but nothing has changed.

Why do you think the women that do partisipate in these activities do it?
~I think many go along out of fear of loosing him if they dont.

For those of you who partisipate in Swinging or Poly or Threesomes of Sexual Openness how do you see these acts?
~ again it's been ages since i've participated but I think it can be fun. But there is a fine line where that green eyed monster can/will raise it's head (and not always on the womans view)

how do you determine thier Design?
~this is the hard part. I think many males can be pleased without the emotional/friendship, you know it's all in the packaging. the use of the word `toy` comes to mind. few women care to be a toy, not that they dont exist but finding that elusive one is a chore. for me, i need chemistry/friendship to make it fun and keep it open.

Do you still get jealous?
~i'm sure i could.

If so How do you deal with that Jealousy?
~i dont know.

Why do you think women who don't partisipate in these activities choose not to or think it's wrong?
~i cant speak for them.

I really want to know from a submissive point of view male or female what makes this activity right or wrong in your eyes?
~to make it right all involved have to have that tired old line we use so often here. clear communication..........

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 21

RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/18/2008 2:27:18 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Not to completely derail another thread I wanted to ask the submissives and slave a very personal and in depth question about the "Threesome" "Second Girl" and "Harem" Ideas that get thrown around a lot.

Now I have already gotten my fill of, "I would Never", and "I should be enough", and "If he needs more than me there is something wrong" answers. I get it you don't want to share. But my question is a little more in depth than that.

I can't speak for all men but I know that a some men who practice the same kinks I do when it comes to sex and multiple partners tend to agree, it's not an emotional thing in which we compare pussies it's a sexual drive to be with a woman who fells and smells different. That being said I find the most common complaint is about how this second woman relates to the first one, and often how it is believed that there is something wrong with the first girl and that is why the guy wants another girl.

Before I get to my Question I want to state that For ME personally I can be Head over heels in love with the woman of my dreams and still want to fuck any attractive woman that I see who happens to turn my head. Beyond that my wife is a NYMPHO she wants it three times a day every day and anyway I want to give it to her. Because I am not that sexually driven I offten have to turn her down or fuck for the sake of fucking which isn't always bad but is rarely great and when times like this happen she asks me if it was good and well I like to answer honestly and tell her "it was a good release but I wasn't that into it, I just didn't feel like having sex"

Because of this behavior my wife thinks that I am not attracted to her anymore which is far from the truth I have simply become very comfortable with her and don't feel I need to be slaming her stupid for fear that I might have to go with out in a month. I have gotten to the point where I make love to my wife in a romantic way and every once in awhile I get the wild hair to push her head through a wall. The point being I love my wife very much and still find her very attactive and sexy.

And Yet I still get arroused at the Idea of having sex with another woman who also has sex with my wife. This Idea turns me and apparently Thousands of me on and leaves them wanting this and suggesting it often. Threesomes are the most common sexual desire outside of the initial relationship. The Idea of a Permanent Partner who is equally dedicated to the two of you as you are to each other and in retrospect would be to her is the desire I have always had and although sexual connection is a part of the union I want it is not the ONLY or even the MAIN part but this isn't about what I want I just want to quell the "It's all about your Penis" comments at least as many as I can.

So the questions, Ladies what is it you think first when you hear about another couple having a Threesome? Do you assume it happned because the Man wanted it? if not what exactly do you feel?

If you have ever been asked to partisipate in a Threesome and choose not too what were your reasons? If you choose to agree to it what was the reason you agreed? Did it end well or poorly? Do you feel the same way now about the situation as you did then? Why do you think the women that do partisipate in these activities do it?

For those of you who partisipate in Swinging or Poly or Threesomes of Sexual Openness how do you see these acts? how do you determine thier Design? Do you still get jealous? If so How do you deal with that Jealousy? Why do you think women who don't partisipate in these activities choose not to or think it's wrong?

I really want to know from a submissive point of view male or female what makes this activity right or wrong in your eyes?

Please respect others points of view and refrain from attacking a personal view as this is all about getting as many sides as possible not focusing on one side and digging in at it keeping others from wanting to share thier side.

I am Very Curious to see the replies.

Steel

I have participated in threesomes - bothe MMF and FFM.. and have had a good time in all of these. My thoughts about threesomes though - especially established, long terms ones is more difficult - especially given the explanation you've provided here.

I do a lot of talking to myself in the car on the way to and from work about things I need to work through. The following is a conversation I'd have with myself given the situation you've described. It is pretty exemplary of how I view the long term threesome situation given your scenario (and before I begin, please know that I realize that healthy poly situations exist and thrive and can be wonderful things. It's just that I don't think that's what he's talking about here):

So, you want someone else. Here we go again. Ok. I'll take at face value the fact that you say you still love and want me and find me attractive. So, why is it that if I am so wanted and attractive, you can't seem to find the time, desire or wherewithall to spend time with me but feel you need to add someone else to the mix? I get that you like things that are different. So do I. I get that someone can turn you on and that even so, you are still attracted to me. I get all that.

What I don't get is that loving me, fucking me, whatever you want to call it, is such a chore, yet fucking someone else, isn't. And you say you want her to be long term? So... why?... so you can NOT fuck her on down the road too? What are you hoping for? Someone who I will befriend who will eventually be able to talk to me openly, so that in addition to me wondering what's going on with you, I now have to bolster HER feelings too? Yes yes, I understand, that she'll be able to bolster mine as well, and honestly, I'm sure we'll be good friends - it's happened before and it'll happen again and I value those friendships greatly. But HONESTLY, it's not HER I've got the issue with. It's YOU.

You see, I can't help but feel that instead of working through your issues of lack of interest - however temporary (and we ALL have them - yes, even me), what's different is that you run to someone else in what feels like an attempt to escape the work of getting through those temporary down times. What I do NOT understand is your unwillingness to find what will make a relationship feel new again and then, working to that end. Y'know, what I WOULD understand is if we had such a hot sex life that it overflowed to include someone else. I'd GET that and be so enthusiastic you'd be the one saying "uh.. honey... perhaps we can just slow down a bit?" Instead, it feels to me right now like you're running and that you are attempting to fill this gap of.. complacency.. with other people so you won't have to face what's really going on. But... you know.. even though we both have a great time, it just seems to me that this really isn't a good way of doing things - not for you, not for me, and certainly, not for her, who has NO understanding that this is just how you are..

You're asking a girl to join an already established relationship. Yet, I've watched you for years. I know you. And I know that it'll be only a relatively short time before it'll be ME who deals with her tears as she wonders what she's done to make you not desire her. It'll be ME who has to build you up in her eyes even though I know EXACTLY what she's feeling - to keep the peace for you. And it goes on and on and on.

So, if I'm getting this right, I get to stuff my feelings about how you're so in love with me that you just HAVE to go find someone else - cause I've become too "comfortable." I have to wait while you go through the new relationship excitement, where you pretty much forget about me for a while (and I'm just supposed to understand and wait - some more), I have to keep telling myself that you still care for me (but why does this sometimes feel like you're telling your Aunt Ethel that you care for her? Believe me! I do NOT want to be your Aunt Ethel!) AND THEN... I have to calm her, make her feel welcome, help you make her feel wanted, learn to care for her, learn to sometimes even love her, and in a short while, I'll have the privilege of then working to hold her together as you get so "comfortable" with her that you start ignoring her too.

And just what are YOU doing?

(Like I said... I talk to myself a LOT in the car)

Ok Ok.. I know I'll have a great time. I always do. And I'm not just doing this to make you happy. But damn it all! I sure do wish you'd step up and follow through. I hate it when you start paying me more attention just because someone new's about to pop up. If you did it like that all along, I'd be hot for someone else to join us as well - but you don't, and I'm not and well, this will be just one more person I have to put back together again when your interests change. (I sometimes feel like a parent watching their kid with a new toy! I just know that when the next toy shows up, she'll be put on a shelf waiting to be played with again - I SWEAR this sounds like a scene out of Toy Story!!)

But hey... I guess you're you and I'm me. As long as I am taking care of myself along the way and treating her as I'd want to be treated, then what you do is on you. So... bring it on. But honestly.. don't be surprised if one day, this all gives way and I start being so "comfortable" with you that you no longer interest me either...and my dear... then what? I pray that day never comes, but if it does, it won't have been cultivated by me. And when you're wondering what happened, I pray you will look in a mirror and realize all the times you COULD have spent loving me - and others but were too bored to bother.

And while we're at this, I'd like to point out that it is YOU who says that actions speak louder than words. So the next time you want to hold me up to be the model of insecurity, you might want to remember that your actions are NOT saying what your words are, and telling me you love me, are attracted to me and all that means absolutely nothing if you can't be bothered to show it in your actions as well. So.....ok.... here we go again.

Ok.. time to get out of the car...Darn good thing I live an hour away from work!! Any closer and we'd be fighting all the time cause I'd never have the time to work through all this cr... stuff.

That's what I'd be thinking given your scenario Steel.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 6/18/2008 3:16:59 AM >

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 22

RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/18/2008 5:39:54 AM

lanie38

Posts: 120
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline

~FR~

Wow just wow julietsierra...that was one of the best posts I've ever read, amazing for me for a variety of personal reasons I won't go into here... but thanks for that...

Steel...I figured out a long time ago that I'm just wired to be monogamous and I really don't dig chicks...so that kinda takes care of that...I don't even fantasize about threesomes...I truly get off on a one-on-one scenario, I like that connection, and any interruptions by a third party, well are just a nuisance and I lose focus and become disinterested.

I think threesomes have become quite mainstream. You hear about them all the time...straight, gay, Ds, Ms, everyday folks, all kinda folks are doing it. I think the scales probably tip a bit further on the doing it to please their man reasons, but I've spoken to lots of women who throughroughly enjoy it as well (and btw most of those are bi).
But I think success with adding another ultimately comes down to finding someone who's compatible and thinks the same way you do, or is genuinely open to and a leat a bit turned on by the idea.

Good luck to you and your wife...I will agree with one of the other posters and say that it does seem like you're sending your wife some mixed signals and just from what you've said here I'm not surprised she's feeling insecure and not jumping at the chance to add another to the mix...

Edited for typos

< Message edited by lanie38 -- 6/18/2008 6:22:16 AM >

_____________________________

Don't be so humble...you're not that great. ~ Golda Meir

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 23

RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/18/2008 6:17:20 AM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

Unlike shawn, who was very sweet and politically correct with his answer, I'm more blunt and to the point with this topic. Mistress can have all the subs and slaves She wants, but I wouldn't be with Her long enough to even find out their names. I am strictly monogamous and want a domme who is, too. Poly make work for some, but it's not for me.

I'm so thankful that Mistress is strictly monogamous and has made it very clear to me that I am the only one She wants to be with. She's told me that I fill every one of Her needs, wants, and desires...that I don't leave Her longing for anything because I do everything I can to be exactly what She wants and needs. We have discussed the idea of bringing in another female to play with on a very rare occasion, but neither one of us is ready to really delve into that because we want lots of time with each other first.

I say whatever floats your boat, but that poly boat ain't for me. Just my two cents.....

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

(in reply to lanie38)

Post #: 24

RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/18/2008 8:02:49 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

Ladies what is it you think first when you hear about another couple having a Threesome?

I have the same reaction i have when i hear about a couple having sex. Its no big deal, most people do it.

quote:

Do you assume it happned because the Man wanted it? if not what exactly do you feel?

Nope i don't assume anything. Don't even think about who wanted it. That would be the equivalent of who initiated sex in a monogamous relationship.
I also don't really feel anything, why would i? Its someones sex life is all.

quote:

If you choose to agree to it what was the reason you agreed?

It was a poly relationship, it just felt natural for us all to sleep together and have sex together.

quote:

Did it end well or poorly?

Pretty poorly in a bed of jealousy, changing of minds and bad communication.

quote:

Do you feel the same way now about the situation as you did then?

If you mean about it ending badly - yes.
If you mean would i do a threesome again - yes.

quote:

Why do you think the women that do partisipate in these activities do it?

Because it fulfills a need / want in them and also their partner.

quote:

For those of you who partisipate in Swinging or Poly or Threesomes of Sexual Openness how do you see these acts?

Threesomes, swinging, poly as an act of sex.
Poly slightly different as their is more of a commitment all round.

quote:

how do you determine thier Design?

With good communication, mutual decisions and honesty.

quote:

Do you still get jealous?

No.

quote:

Why do you think women who don't partisipate in these activities choose not to or think it's wrong?

Same reasons as people find anything wrong, morals, personal choice, opinion.
Same reasons as people choose not to do anything, morals, personal choice.

quote:

I really want to know from a submissive point of view male or female what makes this activity right or wrong in your eyes?

Its not a question of right and wrong for me. Its just plain personal choice to have the freedom to be involved in a threesome etc if i wish to and not if i dont.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 25

RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/18/2008 8:04:00 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

It occurs to me that you haven't mentioned whether your wife is attracted to women.
Many men have that idea that it would be hot to have two women going at it. But if your wife isn't into it, (or like me, repelled by the thought), then how is that a benefit to her?
People go through periods of mechancal sex. It is unfortunate you are at that stage while your wife is finding joy in sex. I am curious though, if she should decide that she needs a man more into her, would you welcome a new man for the both of you to play with?
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

And Yet I still get arroused at the Idea of having sex with another woman who also has sex with my wife. This Idea turns me and apparently Thousands of me on and leaves them wanting this and suggesting it often. Threesomes are the most common sexual desire outside of the initial relationship. The Idea of a Permanent Partner who is equally dedicated to the two of you as you are to each other and in retrospect would be to her is the desire

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 26

RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/18/2008 8:37:56 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

So the questions, Ladies what is it you think first when you hear about another couple having a Threesome?

Cool for them.

quote:

Do you assume it happned because the Man wanted it? if not what exactly do you feel?

I don't assume, I outright ask. What do I feel? No different to any other sexual experience.

quote:

If you have ever been asked to partisipate in a Threesome and choose not too what were your reasons?

N/A

quote:

If you choose to agree to it what was the reason you agreed?

Because the people were cool and we all clicked and because I knew they had a good secure relationship and had been together a few years.

quote:

Did it end well or poorly?

Ended absolutely fine.

quote:

Do you feel the same way now about the situation as you did then?

I feel the same in the sense that it was a great experience. I wouldn't do it again because I was single then, I am not now and I am now in a monogamous relationship.

quote:

Why do you think the women that do partisipate in these activities do it?

I participated because it was an experience to try for me. I did it because the people rocked and there were no ties other than a small amount of intimacy. Why women do it in general? I can't answer for others.

quote:

For those of you who partisipate in Swinging or Poly or Threesomes of Sexual Openness how do you see these acts?

No different to any sexual experience.

quote:

how do you determine thier Design?

Not sure about this question and what you mean.

quote:

Do you still get jealous? If so How do you deal with that Jealousy?

I was on the outside looking in, so no, jealousy didn't play a part for me.

quote:

Why do you think women who don't partisipate in these activities choose not to or think it's wrong?

So many reasons all different depending on the person. Jealousy, insecurities, because they aren't wired for poly/threesomes, out of some form of entitlement, not bi or attracted to same sex. Many more reasons.

quote:

I really want to know from a submissive point of view male or female what makes this activity right or wrong in your eyes?

It's right when its a joint choice made for the correct reasons for both parties. It's unhealthy when it's done as some sort of fix-aid.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 27

RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/18/2008 9:06:20 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Before I get to my Question I want to state that For ME personally I can be Head over heels in love with the woman of my dreams and still want to fuck any attractive woman that I see who happens to turn my head. Beyond that my wife is a NYMPHO she wants it three times a day every day and anyway I want to give it to her. Because I am not that sexually driven I offten have to turn her down or fuck for the sake of fucking which isn't always bad but is rarely great and when times like this happen she asks me if it was good and well I like to answer honestly and tell her "it was a good release but I wasn't that into it, I just didn't feel like having sex"

Shouldn't you first be making sure you're taking care of businesss at home before looking for other places to take your business?

quote:

So the questions, Ladies what is it you think first when you hear about another couple having a Threesome? Do you assume it happned because the Man wanted it? if not what exactly do you feel?

If its a male dom/fem sub couple I think its a pretty reasonable assumption that the male dom is the one gunning for it - its definitely not always the case, but the majority of the times it seems to usually be the case.

quote:

If you have ever been asked to partisipate in a Threesome and choose not too what were your reasons? If you choose to agree to it what was the reason you agreed? Did it end well or poorly? Do you feel the same way now about the situation as you did then? Why do you think the women that do partisipate in these activities do it?

I've done threesomes for a variety of reasons. When I was single/unowned it was to have fun (in a fff threesome I had it was a lot of fun!) or because a particular friend that I had sex with intermittently had a guy in her life that wanted the "girl on girl" show while she was getting his attentions. In threeways that I've had with my owner its a bit more personal (the reasons) but we've had them and had fun with them - I think usually fun and fun sex is a strong motivation/reason for doing the threesomes.

I've had them go badly (in the instance with the close friend she literally threw a tantrum once, which made me swear off sex or threeways with her for several years) and I've seen them end awkwardly - threeways are a difficult balance and they aren't really a stable structure (in particular for longevity I think).

So while I don't have a real strident opinion on whether they are right or wrong I don't seem them as an ideal structure for a relationship at all - but they can definitely be fun for sex from time to time.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 28

RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/18/2008 9:35:45 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Mmmm so I guess that my 4 some for the weekend is out of the question.

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

Post #: 29

RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/18/2008 10:08:34 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Thank you LA that was exactly what I was looking for and were I know you love the Search Function none of the Threads I searched had these questions being asked in this why which is why I started a new thread I felt although the questions were similar they were not being asked together and Thus I was not going to be getting the kind of answers I was looking for. And although your responce answers the Gambit of my questions it none of the searches I did fully did.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In regard to the Personal Questions I have been asked. First off Thank you for your interest in my life or at least enough of an interest to comment. I think it is important to say a few things. Andi is my wife we have been together for two years and have been married for one. In Fact June 16th was our one year anniversary. When it comes to the sexual side of our relationship I openly admit I am the Oddball because I don't make much sense in that department. I am sexually arroused by the idea of Taboo Sexual encounters. Some guys are turned on by a Smell or the sight of a Naked woman, I get turned on by the Taboo. That being said I am very much in love with my wife, she is the first person I have ever loved more than I loved myself and that puts her into a position no other woman could.... for there is only ever one first.

That being said My wife and I view sex differently, like others My wife sees sex as a deeply emotionaly driven act and I don't I just never have I see it as an enjoyable activity. This is the Main difference. My wife also has serious image issues and a long history of being left for other Women so she tends to externalize these ideas onto all men so in her head the ONLY reason I would want to have sex with another woman is because I don't want it from her anymore. Where as in my head I see it as "Sweet, TWO beautiful women.... and at the same time" To me it is strictly the activity. The intamacy I share with me wife is that of our connection, I am more comfortable around my wife than any other person and I have never been as open as I am with her with anyone else.

When I said my Wife thinks I'm not attracted to her anymore this was a mis-speak. First off my wife is interested in a second girl as well, but she also has image issues so in a perfect world she would have a girlfriend and Me and I would never have contact with the other girl. See she WANTS the female contact as well she just doens't want to share me. This is something we have been working over for the last year since we started talking about Poly in the first place. Her main issue is when I start connecting with the other girl her head tells her it is because I'm not attracted to her anymore and all I want is something new. What she doesn't get is that I actually really want for my wife to have someone to connect with on a sexual level to give her the Bisexual contact that she enjoys, but at the same note I do not want my wife to have a relationship that I am not a part of just as I do not what to have a relationship that my wife is not a part of.

I know that the way I speak sometimes I give people mixed messages but that is because I know the whole story and I don't feel the need to tell the whole story from the very beginning especially when it doesn't have much to do with the question I am asking.

For a Heads up, I am not asking this question to figure out the best way to have a Threesome, My wife and I engage in them simi-regularly, I am asking this because I wanted to know how submissives felt about this idea in general and I wanted a wide varity of answers.

Thank you all for you comments so far and I hope to get more, as I am fasinated by the answer so far especially those who are not okay with it and why they are not okay.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 30

RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/18/2008 10:19:27 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

(snipped)
Ok.. time to get out of the car...Darn good thing I live an hour away from work!! Any closer and we'd be fighting all the time cause I'd never have the time to work through all this cr... stuff.

That's what I'd be thinking given your scenario Steel.

juliet

juliet...........

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who has these conversations in my head.

Thank you for sharing those personal thoughts with the rest of us. I think some men tend to simplify certain things that are anything but simple and do not look at the big picture....... especially when they're thinking with their crotch.

My Master and I had a conversation once about how men compartmentalize things, including relationships, so they don't always "get" the big picture. He has a non-lifestyle girlfriend and early in our relationship, He couldn't quite understand why I wanted little to no interaction with her (I'm not talking sexual, as I am straight). So I started listing all of the very probable scenarios of what would happen if I did socialize with her, or with them together. He was shocked, but admitted that He hadn't really thought of it that way...... that He just wanted us all to get along. *sigh*

Anyway, thank you again for sharing your driving conversation with us.

< Message edited by BRNaughtyAngel -- 6/18/2008 10:33:25 AM >

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 31

RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/18/2008 10:29:00 AM

jezzabelle19

Posts: 24
Joined: 4/11/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

So the questions, Ladies what is it you think first when you hear about another couple having a Threesome? Do you assume it happned because the Man wanted it? if not what exactly do you feel?

If you have ever been asked to partisipate in a Threesome and choose not too what were your reasons? If you choose to agree to it what was the reason you agreed? Did it end well or poorly? Do you feel the same way now about the situation as you did then? Why do you think the women that do partisipate in these activities do it?

For those of you who partisipate in Swinging or Poly or Threesomes of Sexual Openness how do you see these acts? how do you determine thier Design? Do you still get jealous? If so How do you deal with that Jealousy? Why do you think women who don't partisipate in these activities choose not to or think it's wrong?

I really want to know from a submissive point of view male or female what makes this activity right or wrong in your eyes?

Please respect others points of view and refrain from attacking a personal view as this is all about getting as many sides as possible not focusing on one side and digging in at it keeping others from wanting to share thier side.

I am Very Curious to see the replies.

Steel

Okay it doenst always happen because the man wants it the woman can want it to. Now i have been asked and said no, i am bisexual but i am a one person woman, its just not my thing. This activity isnt wrong, whatever floats your boat, you know?

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 32

RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/18/2008 10:45:42 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Juliet after reading your Inner Dialogue I have printed it out and I will be having andi read this tonight to ask if this is how she is feeling because honestly if it is then I was completely oblivious to most of it.

There are some things you wrote that are FAR off base from where my mind sets however I could see how she may be thinking that way and not seeing what I am actually feeling.

Juliet Thank you for that it was refershing if not Ego Crushing and I think you for both.

I will return later with where we stand on this issue now that I have a Different POV to look from.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to jezzabelle19)

Post #: 33

RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/18/2008 11:05:25 AM

NeedingMore220

Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
When I said my Wife thinks I'm not attracted to her anymore this was a mis-speak. First off my wife is interested in a second girl as well, but she also has image issues so in a perfect world she would have a girlfriend and Me and I would never have contact with the other girl. See she WANTS the female contact as well she just doens't want to share me. This is something we have been working over for the last year since we started talking about Poly in the first place. Her main issue is when I start connecting with the other girl her head tells her it is because I'm not attracted to her anymore and all I want is something new. What she doesn't get is that I actually really want for my wife to have someone to connect with on a sexual level to give her the Bisexual contact that she enjoys, but at the same note I do not want my wife to have a relationship that I am not a part of just as I do not what to have a relationship that my wife is not a part of.

Thank you for clarifying a bit. It's tough. I can completely understand your wife's position - wanting someone yet not wanting to share you. And I also understand your position - not wanting her to have someone not shared with you.

Only you know her well enough to know how to overcome her insecurities, which are based on her experiences - tough to get over! Maybe it takes a little more time with just the two of you within your relationship. Congratulations on your year anniversary! Perhaps a little more time with just the two of you together would help both of you meet in the middle on this issue. Another year of you showing her that you find her desirable and another year of her coming to terms of what she wants blending with what you wish.

I know I'm really not wired for poly - it could be that she isn't either, but perhaps when she is ready to try it, she'll realize it's perfect for the both of you.

Best of luck to you both ... and thank you for sharing so much of yourself on the boards. I've found this thread enlightening.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 34

RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/18/2008 11:06:32 AM

NeedingMore220

Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

Juliet, that was a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 35

RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/18/2008 11:53:31 AM

hejira92

Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

It occurs to me that you haven't mentioned whether your wife is attracted to women.
Many men have that idea that it would be hot to have two women going at it. But if your wife isn't into it, (or like me, repelled by the thought), then how is that a benefit to her?
People go through periods of mechancal sex. It is unfortunate you are at that stage while your wife is finding joy in sex. I am curious though, if she should decide that she needs a man more into her, would you welcome a new man for the both of you to play with?
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

And Yet I still get arroused at the Idea of having sex with another woman who also has sex with my wife. This Idea turns me and apparently Thousands of me on and leaves them wanting this and suggesting it often. Threesomes are the most common sexual desire outside of the initial relationship. The Idea of a Permanent Partner who is equally dedicated to the two of you as you are to each other and in retrospect would be to her is the desire

I think Steel forgot to mention the point that Andi is totally bisexual and has had primary relationships with women in the past. A new girl would be enjoyed by both (image issues aside).

Edited to add:
Oops. Should have kept reading. Steel answered this.

< Message edited by hejira92 -- 6/18/2008 11:54:36 AM >

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(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 36

RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/18/2008 12:07:22 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Thank you hejira,

I miss you and Cuff by the way.

Sorry folks, Yes it should be explained that before me my wife was in a 2 year relationship with a Woman. She is into women and sees the relationship between her and Men no different than the relationships between her and women. She also has been in Poly Esque situations before where she was in a commited relationship with a woman and they had boyfriends on the side for the sex.

I always leave things like this out because I don't realize how important they may be to someone looking in , and again I didn't see how this information had any importance on the Questions I asked. I gave the personal information as a way to help people understand that the questions I am asking really didn't have an alterior motive I was just curious about how other people submissives primarily see beinging in a second person in a sexual position. My Personal life is relativly good sure we have our inner issues but I figure everyone does.

Again thank you hejira for pointing that out.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to hejira92)

Post #: 37

RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/18/2008 1:50:12 PM

TwoNYCDommes

Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
I am sorry about that I tend to only speak from my own experiences
...
I also Appologise that I may come off anti MMF or even MMM in my questions
...
Hopefully that answers your questions

No need to apologize. It's your post, you're free to focus it on anything you like. We all can only speak from our own perspectives. I appreciate your candid response my (potentially hijacking) questions.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 38

RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/18/2008 2:10:48 PM

TwoNYCDommes

Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar
Mmmm so I guess that my 4 some for the weekend is out of the question.

Foursomes are an entirely different dynamic.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 39

RE: ~~You and me and she makes Three~~ - 6/18/2008 2:50:53 PM

Lumus

Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline

I can see where Steel's coming from [and not just due to a shared gender]. Since I'm neither female, nor submissive, I'll skip those questions; truth be told, I'm replying in part because I like conversations with Steel, and partly because of personal background [which I'll get into].

Like any other heterosexual non-puritan male with a strong sex drive, I find threesomes erotic, yes. To sum a little from juliet [and apologies if I oversimplify for this nugget of truth, luv] - why you want it is always a factor; and yes, even if it's not in your head, you should consider that the thought is in hers. Passing that hurdle, there's always the emotional finances of the situation to consider - yours, hers, and hers #2. If nothing is stopping you at either of those gates, then most of your questions answer themselves.

You already know I'm monogamous, Steel; what you don't know is that I was not always that way. The woman who introduced me to "the lifestyle" was diehard on the idea of poly. We started poly, went monogamous, went back to poly, and then we parted. In the first part, we were exclusive and mostly conversational about the poly lifestyle. She changed because she knew I wouldn't share her with another man, and we were monogamous...which hurt the relationship immensely, since she had a sex drive that made mine look puny, and a roving eye [not hands per se...but eyes, oh, yes]. We still talked about it on occasion, and near the end she said that poly involving another woman was fine. As you have probably already guessed...it was not. We had our threesomes, based on certain agreements we made with each other beforehand; and as it turned out, I was fine with it, she was not.

I'll briefly pause here to clearly state - there were numerous issues outside of the lifestyle that factored into our eventual parting, and I do not blame her, nor would I cast aspersions. We don't talk anymore - she's engaged, and to my knowledge, about as happy as she will ever be. My last words to her were, "Good luck, and have a happy life", and they're as true now as when I said them then. However, that's when I chose to be content with monogamy...because of how and who I am when monogamous, as opposed to how and who I was when I was not. That's about me and my head space, no aspersions to poly are meant there, either.

With a situation like the one you're in, Steel, you both need to communicate on the subject often and well. No pulled punches, and no flinching. If she feels unwanted due to differences in sex drive, perhaps both of you should sit down and go over what you do together outside of the bedroom and the lifestyle. The happiest and most successful highlights of any relationship I've been in involved very simple, tranquil, blissful moments that had nothing to do with sex - a look in her eye; holding her hand. If it really boils down to sex, and it's her drive pushing her emotional buttons, you may wish to explore her involvement in the whole structure. Yes, you're the Dom, but it might be that it's better to let her do the searching, the consideration, the critiquing. In the end, Dom or no, you'll be one corner in a triangle which sounds motivated more by her passion than yours. The rest is between you and her, and The Potential, and nun of our biz, no?

Looking forward to a reply from ya, here or on the other side. Even if it's only to say that you think I'm full of crap [which you haven't said yet, not even in P&RS...and that surely does make me wonder how you miss my many ridiculous postings...].

_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 40

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