RE: Some advice please.

RE: Some advice please. (Full Version)

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submissivesilk -> RE: Some advice please. (11/3/2005 1:43:43 PM)
As for being needy. i'm a fairly intelligent woman. i'd say i'm well rounded and emotionally secure, comfortable in my own skin so to speak. But i do have a need. No, it isn't to serve, or follow blindly, it's to please. In giving pleasure, in whatever form, i am pleased.

anopheles -> RE: Some advice please. (11/3/2005 1:47:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: anopheles I've never talked to one (never wanted one), have you? And how do they generally interact with other members of the power exchange community? Reason I ask you in particular because you usually have a nifty opinion on such things. --Anopheles Being "needy" is generally not good. I, unfortunately, have been trained too far on that edge and so I tend to be a little TOO cautious and hard to accept help and ask for it when I need it, for fear of being perceived as "needy." This is bad because having NEEDS is good, it's normal, it's healthy, it's human. I am service and control oriented. I am fulfilled by being used and being of use. I have had many discussions with my friends in the past weeks about how there is an emptiness from the lack of focus in serving without being owned. It's been tough for me to stay strong and be ok without that outlet of service for me. This is where that poly thing helps a lot- other relationships means other outlets...even if it's not quite the right fit, it's helpful. So yes I do think there are people who truly are oriented to serve and find a great fulfillment in their lives in service. But being NEEDY about it, or anything, is very negative and draining and not a good basis for a relationship. I think I get your gist. You want to serve, because it makes you feel god and fulfilled. You don't NEED to serve, just because you either don't have know what else to do. Good for ya! I think a Master always prefers a submissive that wants to serve, not need to. --Anopheles

Tapestry -> RE: Some advice please. (11/3/2005 2:05:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Yeah that's actually not good. Most secure people don't want that sort of needy person, they want a strong self-secure person. Now, a dom can help with you to teach yourself how to be self-secure, but getting into a relationship so you can feed off of them is never positive in the long term. Point well taken and made note of as well. Thanks. No feeding off another person...sigh...I try...is there a balance to be had from that much obsession and something less needy, but where my feelings of desire for his approval are still acceptable to him? Maybe it depends on the individual man, since each person is unique. tapestry

girl4you2 -> RE: Some advice please. (11/3/2005 8:48:33 PM)
if he's not calling, he's not interested. that he didn't tell you before hand may boil down to his basic animalistic wishes. i'm sure when you think on it, you'll see you are great and you deserve better. i wish you well. this isn't meant to be cold, just reality. so time to reflect, and then to know there is someone out there who is your match, not identical, but one with whom you "click." never settle.

harmony3709 -> RE: Some advice please. (11/3/2005 10:58:04 PM)
Ah yes......another victim of DDS -- the Disappearing Dom Syndrome. You are certainly not alone in this, and I agree with the others, that you should not think it was you or anything you did or did not do. And I, too, wish it didn't happen and especially for your first scene. I may not have started out doing it conciously, but I did definitely learn from each and every experience of someone I met, whether it be for a drink or more than that, and in time, I was surprised at how I began to be much better at weeding out those who were just looking for a night of play or even a regular play partner, neither of which was what I was looking for. Hopefully you can take something away from the experience, something that in hindsight may be more noticable to you, and you will at least have learned from it. As far as being needy......first of all, that is a relative term. I had been so convinced that men in general avoided any woman who even remotely appeared "needy" that I bent over backwards to be anything but. Since I happen to be a fairly independent person, this was not hard....for most of my life anyway. However, I happened to have met my Master at a time in my life when I do have things going on that I can definitely use help with and definitely need a shoulder to cry on some nights and an ear to listen while I vent. I feared constantly that he would find me to be too needy and all the possible consequences of this. In fact, I still worry over this, due to the conditioning that has been done to many women with this particular issue. Now I am having to re-program my brain to understand that wow.....of all things......he actually LIKES the fact that I happen to need him and turn to him. In fact, he has been having to work harder to change this behavior pattern of mine than anything else. At one time when I had once again held back due to that same old thinking that hey, I'm tough and I can handle this by myself and don't need anybody's help.......I was told that if the same circumstances came up and I didn't call him immediately, I would face punishment. So while I agree that there are definitely degrees of being needy and the extreme is not likely to be healthy........at the same time, I know that I for one have found it to be a pleasant surprise that at least one man out there does not run screaming from the room because he happens to be needed. And because of the fact that I have needs also, including yes, my need (not desire) to serve. Which luckily just happens to work for him very well! Blessed be, harmony

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