quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddystouch

Thanks for the advice all. Thinking about it I do agree that it might be a good idea to bring BDSM up early in vanilla relationships. I'm sure most girls wouldn't mind a bit of scening, it's more the "I'd like you to call me Daddy and be submissive to me pretty much 24/7" that I think won't go down too well But I see that it's better to filter out the ones who aren't in to it and move on, so cross that off the list :)

Well, IMO, a 'Dom' Who demands a list of the types of D/s play i like/have done/want to do in the future during a first convo is just not a potential match for me.  i'm uncomfortable discussing such intimate matters with strangers.  So, i disagree with S/some P/pl who've posted on this thread.
 
As for 'dating vanilla'; maybe Yr experience is vastly different from mine, but i find it's not 'productive'.  One of my favorite things is hair pulling.  A 'vanilla Man' i dated found this out -- so He tugged lightly on a strand of my hair.  A real Dom or Master would probably have wrapped His fist in my hair at the back, and forced my head into a position for, say, a deep kiss.
 
So, i've pretty given up 'dating vanilla' and now draw the line at 'kink aware' at the 'minimum'.

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

your chances suck!  why?  well because you're 19 with little to no experience and are identifying yourself as a dominant, not a top, and, you're looking for an instant relationship...

how about you slow down there dude and look for friends and/or play partners, and work yourself into a relationship instead of working so much on trying to find a relationship.

i am relatively new to D/s myself, and i too seek a long-term relationship.  Just because You know what You want, and only date females who might have that on offer down the road, does not mean You've made some serious error or are rushing into anything, IMO.

S/some P/pl have made statements in T/their posts as to W/who is too young/too old/too inexperienced/too experienced, etc.  W/we all see life through O/our own eyes....You shouldn't be discouraged by such POVs, IMO.

*shrugs* I don't like the word. I say so in my profile. Top? Dom? ...whatever, if I could I wouldn't call myself anything, but I've got to use a word sometimes. I just use the most common one I come across. I don't like the word dom because it sounds to me like dom as in domineering.  But neither do I like the word top as it implies superiority. I don't consider myself better than or above any sub, just different.

i like 'Dom' the best; i have some hesitancy in dating a "Master' because i am a submissive, not a slave.  For S/some P/pl the labels They choose for Themslves are highly descriptive; for Others the defintion is more fluid.  My advice is don't worry about this too much.  

There are plenty of old threads on these boards as to 'how to write a good profile'. You might consider running a search (see upper right of the main page of these boards) and purusing some for ideas.
 
For example:
 
http://www.collarchat.com/searchpro.asp?phrase=write+profile&fuzzyMatch=on&author=&forumid=ALL&topicreply=topic&message=body&timeframe=%3E&timefilter=0&language=single&top=300&criteria=AND&minRank=0&sortMethod=r&submitbutton=+OK+

I'm certainly looking for friends also, but I haven't had any problem making (digital) friends, so I didn't feel the need to mention it. Having said that, none of them are in the UK, let alone real life so I suppose I am having trouble with that also! If all my kinked friends are two thousand miles away, there's not much chance of one of those friendships developing into a relationship. Friendship is great, don't get me wrong, but I also want a relationship.

i agree with You. F/friends into D/s are great, and some 'online' F/friendships can become quite satisfying and 'real'.  i have F/friends in the UK and Australia (none in Nigeria, lol). 
 
However, in order for a possibility of a D/s relationship to exist for me, there must be a possibility of real life meetings/intimacy/dynamic.
 
i've never looked for a D/s site specifically meant for UK P/pl, but one i'm acquainted with draws P/pl from around the world, with M/many from the UK.
 
Here's the link:
 
www.silent-screams.com 

The site offers chat, personals and D/s stories and images.

As for random play, it doesn't interest me to be honest. I'm surprised that this seems to be considered a bad thing, I would have thought that fact that it is the connection and relationship I desire, as opposed to the physical actions, would be seen as positive... I know a lot of people enjoy playing like that and I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all, but for me I just wouldn't get a kick out of playing with someone with whom I don't have a very special connection i.e. am romantically invovled with, as opposed to a stranger or acquantance. Of course, never having been to such a thing I may well not understand them but I'm fairly sure I wouldn't enjoy it...

S/some P/pl who post on these boards offer 'newbies' the advice that T/they 'get out there' and 'find a D/s Group'.  i just joined a local group myself, and so far, i've limited my participation to using the Yahoo Group features.
 
When i feel better, i might attend a dinner -- but i'll probably never attend a play party or a dungeon. i'm not into vouyerism -- in fact it's a limit of mine. 
 
In short, do what Yr 'gut' tells You is right for You.  There is no 'one true way' in D/s, IMO.

I see what many of you have said about going to real life events to gain experience. Before I go on, I'd ask another question though: when you say 'experience', what kind of experience do you mean? When I say I don't have much experience, I mean that the 24/7 part of my last (and only) BDSM relationship was short, and thus I have little expereince of it. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I'd have thought people would be much less interested in how well I can swing a flogger or how many knots I can tie, and a lot more interested in my more general experience of D/s? And I'd assume that it is the former that I would learn at play parties, and it's certainly the aspect of BDSM that I find less important. So... would random play really give me the kind of experience I need?

IMO, no. See above.

Moving on though, I have to admit that I'd not be comfortable going to a real life BDSM event. I can't stand vanilla nightclubs as it is! And, whilst I'd say I do fair enough on dates and the like, large groups of new people (like a munch) and me do not mix, I fear. "Cry me a river" etc... I suppose I could suck it up and give it a go, I just wouldn't be optimistic about the impression I would give or the benefits I would reap when I'm deeply uncomfortable there.

Yr stated goal is a D/s relationship -- one that meets Yr wants/needs, as well as hers.  As i said, there's no 'one true way' to finding such a relationship. 
 
If You forego the play parties and dungeons, IMO, You aren't handicapping Yrself at all in reaching Yr goal. i can't think of a single collared submissive or slave friend who met her Dom or Master at a play party or dungeon.  O/other P/pl may have had different experience....still doesn't mean You should ever substitute S/someone E/else's judgment for Yr own.

I am on another BDSM personals site, and there's a few more I'll be signing up to. I hang out in the Daddy/little girl chatroom here whenever I can so I am doing something... I'll try and be active on these forums as well, if I can find anything to say. Obviously, with little experience I may well end up talking out of my arse ;)

O hell, there are members here W/who claim years and years of D/s experience and till 'talk out of there arse' occassionally.  Don't worry about expressing Yrself here; all POVs are equally valuable...or not...IMO.

A lot of people are saying slow down and I get that, but I'm sure you can understand that, well, when you want something really bad you want to go get it... I can't imagine having a long-term vanilla relationship, and I don't relish being single for years to come...

Yea i hear You.  Believe me, it's a problem all uncollared submissives and slaves face (as well as single Doms and Masters).  Aging doesn't mean 'life is fair' or even 'life is fun', LOL.
 
One last note:  remember as You seek Yr D/s goal, that You are 19, a very special time in Yr life. 
 
You'll never again be as open to the whole world.  Soon You'll have to declare a major; get a job and start a career, perhaps have a child, etc., and suddenly it's no longer possble to take a bike trip through Europe, etc.  So, treasure Yr freedom; and guard against the risks of disease/criminal convictions/general drama -- not just D/s, but in Yr life in general.
 
i envy You -- i wish with all my heart that i could be 19 again and this time, know about D/s.  i think Yr future is very bright, and i wish You much happiness.
 
pinksugarsub

1. RavenMuse
2. NorthernGent
3. MstrTiger

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddystouch

As for random play, it doesn't interest me to be honest. I'm surprised that this seems to be considered a bad thing, I would have thought that fact that it is the connection and relationship I desire, as opposed to the physical actions, would be seen as positive... I know a lot of people enjoy playing like that and I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all, but for me I just wouldn't get a kick out of playing with someone with whom I don't have a very special connection i.e. am romantically invovled with, as opposed to a stranger or acquantance. Of course, never having been to such a thing I may well not understand them but I'm fairly sure I wouldn't enjoy it...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddystouch

Just to update you all: went to my first munch last night! Was ok, will be going back next month :)