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RE: submitting to a couple is better? - 6/19/2008 10:05:54 AM

Sylverdawn

Posts: 1123
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My partner is Dominant and Male.. and a self identifying Gorean... He has a girl she has lived with us for five years... she is not my girl..she is his property. We would accept a male submissive as my property. I think the problem arises when the submissive is looking for more than D/s... when the submissive is looking for the ONE.. who will love them own them make them complete, the whole romantic loveslave bullshit for want of a better term. Ive never understood why if thats what slaves want why not get married to a nice RC boy pop out a couple three kids and be perfect 50's wife who has a dry martini and dinner on the table when the big bossman gets home then be a good girl and play a little slap and tickle in the bedroom. In my experience most men will play Sultan to your harem girl given the opportunity

We have general household rules.. how the house runs... and she has personal rules.. I am aware of them.. and do my best not to put obstacles in her way.. Now Im not saying its perfect harmony all the time and that she has not suffered some as a result of us working the kinks out..but we have all stuck it out thus far and are content as far as I can tell.

Living in Hope and reality
SD

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Post #: 21

RE: submitting to a couple is better? - 6/19/2008 10:51:49 AM

Reigna

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Joined: 8/27/2007
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It depends on the people. If everyone involved wants and can handle a triad, then it could well be better. I am not poly, so for me and anyone involved in a triad with me, it would be a nightmare.

(in reply to MrJandMrsG)

Post #: 22

RE: submitting to a couple is better? - 6/19/2008 10:53:20 AM

aidan

Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
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Naaaaah...I'm going to have to say no to that.

The thing is, and I've only realized this since I've been with Mistress, but I am extremely, apologetically greedy. I don't want to be competing for Her love and affection with anybody. Thought experiments on a poly-type scenario always seem to end with me laughing maniacally while doing very unpleasant things with a ka-bar and the other person's abdomen. (This isn't to say I'm an asshole about friends and family and whatnot, because, gods, that's crazy. I mean the same kind of romantic love and affection that only we share.)

And that's just when it involves Her being with another sub. A sub secondary to me. The idea of Her being with a vanilla guy? Or a dom? And I'm the second banana? Aside from only being possible in some nightmare bizzaro-world? No, that dog won't hunt, monsieur. I'm not nearly enough of an emotional masochist to try and deal with that headache.

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RE: submitting to a couple is better? - 6/19/2008 10:59:02 AM

Reigna

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aidan
I am extremely, apologetically greedy.

Most people are, in exactly the way that you describe.

(in reply to aidan)

Post #: 24

RE: submitting to a couple is better? - 6/19/2008 12:51:28 PM

ShiftedJewel

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Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

it is my experience that couples want a female. usually for sexual reasons.
it is rare that they actually want a loving relationship. having gone thru this bs myself which i'll never do again. as i want to be loved..not used.

it is also rare that they would want a male.

note that i said its my experience and not what everyone of them want or do.

You know... you keep saying that, and I realize that you would be right 99% of the time, but there are exceptions. I'm post-menopausal and couldn't give a shit if I ever have sex again.. ok, that's not accurate, I do care, I care because the idea of it really bothers me a lot. Thankfully I have the worlds most understanding husband and twice has the sex drive of several women so he doesn't suffer. For me, it's love that I'm after... a lifetime commitment, companionship, conversation, working together, laughing, playing games... all that crap that for some reason you don't think dominants are capable of doing. Yes, I would take on a male, in a heart beat, but that doesn't mean he's gonna get laid either! I really don't like to sound bitchy and I'm honestly not picking on you, I think you are awesome. It's been a rough week and I guess I kind of felt picked on here...

Jewel

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RE: submitting to a couple is better? - 6/19/2008 1:10:47 PM

hardbodysub

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Joined: 8/7/2005
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I would absolutely, positively not submit to a male, so I'd have to say no to submitting to a male/female couple unless my interaction is solely with the female. Of course, that's not really submitting to a couple is it?

Submitting to a two-female couple: you bet I would, yes. I can't say it would be better than submitting to a single female. No opinion on that, really.

(in reply to MrJandMrsG)

Post #: 26

RE: submitting to a couple is better? - 6/19/2008 1:15:45 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
The difference is that is someone is going to be considered a slave then it becomes increasingly difficult to say "I can't right now" to someone who owns you..

I have submitted to a female couple and have not had this problem. Also, a scenario of having more than one person who has authority over an individual is a common one in life. If one is amidst a task assigned by person A and person B comes in with another, I think it would be reasonable to explain the task at hand and ask what should be done. In most cases, either person B would be willing to wait or, if the second task had greater priority and must be done immediately, would assume resonponsibility for addressing the matter with person A. I think the responsibility of determining a heirarchy of authority or a protocol for determining priority of instructions lies with the couple.

Cheers,

Sea

Exactly which is what I'm pretty sure I talked about in the entire post I made.

However, while I might ask for CV or resume style information from a potential slave I, personally, have much higher expectations of where I will sit in his life then let's say two bosses at work might believe. Hopefully at wok such a heirarchy is all ready laid out and hopefully you have less emotional energy vested in a job for pay than in your Ds dynamic.

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(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 27

RE: submitting to a couple is better? - 6/19/2008 2:38:56 PM

SweetNika

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Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
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I am not sure if I could ever submit to a couple but mostly that is because I have never been able to submit to a woman or even allow a woman to top me. In truth I don't get along with most women on any real intimate level, never have. I am sure it does / has worked for women in the past and perhaps some day I might meet a couple that I felt I could serve. However, today, this moment in time I couldn't and wouldn't submit to a couple.

Blessed be,
Nika

< Message edited by SweetNika -- 6/19/2008 2:51:35 PM >

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Blessed be,
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Post #: 28

RE: submitting to a couple is better? - 6/19/2008 2:40:20 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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hence the "usually" which doesnt mean ALL... and the note at the end that says "not everyone".

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RE: submitting to a couple is better? - 6/19/2008 2:46:53 PM

Sylverdawn

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Aidan, I can understand what your saying... and my question to you.. is who is in charge.. are you simply sexually submissive or is it something more. Nothing wrong with simply sexually submitting to another person and retaining a traditional relationship otherwise. Everyone has the right to request their own personal boundries and their partner can accpet or reject them. I wish you the best

SD

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

(in reply to aidan)

Post #: 30

RE: submitting to a couple is better? - 6/19/2008 2:54:12 PM

christine1

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From: i'm headed to HIM...
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well, i wont' submit to a female, and i'm not poly so a couple wouldn't work for me. nice to know boundaries and what you can and can't do.

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Post #: 31

RE: submitting to a couple is better? - 6/19/2008 3:03:51 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

We are a dom/domme couple (like no one knew that... lol) and maybe our dynamic is different then most. First off, we never over-ride what the other has said unless something has happened or come up and one of us has to make a "corporate decision" at the last minute. I can't honestly remember when that's happened, but should it happen then the explanation will come from the one who made the decision, not the sub/slave that followed it. We avoid the time management and authority conflicts completely. But it's taken time, we didn't become this well oiled machine over night.

And yes iwear, some dominant couples do accept males.

Jewel

Ditto to all of this except that we are a domme/domme couple ...

Holly and I work quite well together most of the time - we aren't quite the 'well oiled machine' yet, but we're working on it.

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Post #: 32

RE: submitting to a couple is better? - 6/19/2008 4:10:50 PM

TheShadows

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline

Fast Reply:

As the Female in a married Dominant couple, I can't answers whether or not it's better, but we would like to think that the dynamic that we're looking for would be interesting, to at least one person. Judging just from the amount of emails we receive, there is no lack of interest in submissives/slaves serving Dominant couples.

For those of you that think that there HAS to be a leader within the Dominant couple, I say to you, ask around. Talk to people who live in Dominant couple arrangements. (We're both equal partners in our relationship. We own our slaves together. We are a package deal. There's no power struggle. We go out of our way, with lots of communication, to avoid the "Well Master told me to do A, and Mistress told me to do B" scenarios.) I think you'll find that most Dominant couples would make some of these same statements.

Now don't get me wrong here. We are well aware that submitting to two Dominants is absolutely not for everyone. There are those people out there who are looking for "THE ONE", and that's fine. There are those out there that are completely monogamous and totally stroke out with jealously at the thought of having to share time, attention, and love with a third party, and that's fine, too. But, it's really sad to me that most people who don't have first-hand knowledge of these types of relationships concentrate more on the "...you can't..." and less on the "I'm happy that you can..."

As always, YMMV...
~TheShadows~

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RE: submitting to a couple is better? - 6/19/2008 4:28:36 PM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

hence the "usually" which doesnt mean ALL... and the note at the end that says "not everyone".

I know, I apologize for sounding the way I did... It seems like I've been defending my self and my life choices a lot lately and sometimes I defend to strongly. Like I said, it's been a real tough couple of weeks for me. Please forgive me.

Jewel

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Post #: 34

RE: submitting to a couple is better? - 6/19/2008 6:02:32 PM

Skully7000

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Joined: 7/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sylverdawn

I think there has to be a primary owner .... as well the household has to be set up so that the expectations are clearly outlined.. the boy/girl understands his her duties... and there should be no stop doing what your doing and do for me.. for example Miss comes in a finds boy/girl doing the ironing.. "why" she says.. "because Mr needed his shirt ironed" ( first this should never happen because the requirments should be that ironing be done on say sunday nights for the week in advance) "ah" says the Miss, "well when your done the groceries need unpacking" I cant see a situation where two come inconflict if they have set up a system for duties and discipline.

for generations couples have survived owning one car, in a similar manner... couples who are of equal power must prioritize, compromise, and communicate to make things work.

Respectfully I disagree that there "has" to be a primary owner. while there is often a slight imbalance (daddy's little girl, momma's boy...or other traditional stereotypes that come naturally from a household scenario) having one owner may also help increase the imbalance by creating resentment from the sub/slave towards the Non-Owner, when non-owner does give an order.

I do feel there *should* be clearly defined expectations outlines as to how the house is set up..but then again that just falls under "communication" and that is a high priority in any relationship.

Cheers
Skully

(in reply to Sylverdawn)

Post #: 35

RE: submitting to a couple is better? - 6/19/2008 6:43:51 PM

Sylverdawn

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear Skully:
Thank you for your response.. I can see where your coming from... In our house because we are hetro and thusly boys/girls are sexually bonded with his opposite gender dominant they tend to look to that Dominant for THE FINAL WORD .. while in essense the slave belongs to Us and serves the needs of the house there are primary and secondary relationships. nevertheless the dishes get done, the laundry is taken care of, the shopping gets done, we are never without pressed clothes. We try always to maintain open communication and contracdictions after ten years are few and far between.

< Message edited by Sylverdawn -- 6/19/2008 6:45:52 PM >

_____________________________

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.” Elyane Boosler

Being a women is hard work Maya Angelou

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RE: submitting to a couple is better? - 6/19/2008 8:49:56 PM

PhoenixRed

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Joined: 10/7/2007
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*fast reply*
Yes, there are those of us who would like a male sub! In our household, I would be the primary owner of the sub/slave, but they would also have to respect and listen to my mate. My mate and I have an equal relationship, but he isn't really into wiitwd as far as specific activities. He has been learning to co-Dom with me recently, and does like the idea of having a live-in sub. All the BDSM activity would be with me, and I would have final authority in any chores/discipline, etc. In my dreams....I would find a guy that wants to serve a couple, have me as his Domme, gets along really well with my mate, and is very versatile regarding service. In the perfect ultimate dream, this masculine, well-built boy would be bi and become part of our poly household, and have a relationship with both me and my mate as well as serving. Hey...we all have dreams no matter how improbable it is they will com true!

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RE: submitting to a couple is better? - 6/19/2008 9:01:49 PM

MistressTaboo

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Joined: 6/10/2005
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Yes we are actively looking for a MALE sub...but we are a FemDomme couple...in the vanilla part of the world the sub has to be able to handle orders from my husband...and respect him...why? Cause I married him and when this is all said and done he's the one I'm growing old with...40yrs from now...he's the one in my arms...I get a lot of mouthy boys telling me they are better than him etc...respect the roll...I chose him...he's my husband...But if he says hey clean this while I chop that..(most help he needs is in the kitchen) they have to be comfortable with that...Most of the time he's a polite guy...he'll say Hey can you do this first before you do that? Can you fetch this while I'm doing that?

In a BDSM world he wants to be last...he wants to be the last one played and the one to watch etc...that's his thing...most guys are ok with this...

And as for them thinking with their cocks...I found the way around that is to lock up the cocks...chastity is a girl's best friend.

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Post #: 38

RE: submitting to a couple is better? - 6/19/2008 9:15:19 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
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From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: iwearpanties

i think your rite about doing for one and then being told to stop and do for the other that is somethign i never thoguth about . as a Mistress or Domme would you want to see yours dommed by others Male or Female or Dom couples

None of the above. No one tops my pets, but me. I do not allow it.

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VampiresLair

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Post #: 39

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