RE: Starting Slow...Why is this a problem? (Full Version)

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GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Starting Slow...Why is this a problem? (11/4/2005 11:42:38 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: addcted2it

Instant slave as opposed to submissive? Well, there are some who would say argue this point. My definition of a slave is one who has no choice. A submissive OTOH, HAS a choice. Assuming that is is true, then one who professses to be a slave, even though he or she has had experience, that experence in your opinion is not relevant? Am I missing something here? Or is this just a backlash from those dom/dommes who have had bad experiences from those who indentify themselves as slaves?

- Phil


Hi Phil...
If Misstoyou doesn't mind, I''m going to try to respond to your comment from a different perspective.
I have, in fact, had boys who have written to Me and told Me they are slaves and they have no choice, and they need to be owned...*by Me* Where is My choice in this? I don't even know the boy. It really doesn't matter how you label yourself. Many feel that unless you are in a current relationship as owned property, you are not a slave. You may be a submissive with previous slave experience, or you may be a submissive who aspires to a slave position. Regardless, the objection is to the "instant slavery". It is the assuption on the part of a boy that all he needs to do is offer himself up to a Domina and he will be collared. It doesn't work that way. At least not in real time.
As to a slave having no choice...a slave does have a choice. He chooses his Dominant, and, hopefully, he chooses wisely. Because in most slave relationships, unless or until the contract is broken, that is the last choice he will make.
And I have had boys contact me to be a slave, and then they respond, "well, I didn't want to be that much of a slave" or "that is extreme slavery to me". So unless a boy is willing to take a little time to allow the Domina to achieve a certain comfort level, and feel a reasonable compatibility, it is not a matter of just taking anyone in. Even if the boy feels like he will be happy as a clam, and he needs nothing more than an email or two and to see the photos, the Lady is likely to want more time. Unless you are applying to an established household wity several slave. Even then there are usually certain applications and interviews to pass.
It is important for people to feel some compatibility, and feel relaxed around a person. Even when one hires a housekeeper, there are applications, references, interviews,etc. In many cases, there is intimate involvement (not sex, but things like body massage or bathing) as well as some ritual involved in the M/s relationship.
Previous experience does count. Sometimes it is good...soemtimes not so good. There are many things to be considered on both sides, prior to this sort of relationship. When a boy expects to be instantly accepted, just because he is saying he want to come to a Domina, it is a turn off. At least for Me it is. So, no, I would not say that this is backlash from bad experience that Dominas have had from those identifying as slaves. I would say it is more a wondering on Our part that any boy would be that willing to just pick up and move without even really knowing the Domina, and/or assuming that the Domina doesn't need to know at least a reasonable amount about the boy. This is why first impressions in an introductory email and the info provided in a profile are so important. And why so many boys search and search and wonder why they never find their Domina. Don't you want to know a little something aobu tthe Lady you are planning to dedicate yourself to? Don't you think She should know about you?
Hope this helps.




theRose4U -> RE: Starting Slow...Why is this a problem? (11/6/2005 9:02:34 AM)

As usual Dusty I'm right with you. It seems like the "insta-slave" idea is more the creation of users & HNG's. Too many want to throw themselves at your feet and expect that you will welcome them with open arms. The question of what do you expect & have to offer seems to escape them. I mean WHY would I want to know what I was getting myself into? [:@] If anything someone that throws themself especially as a "slave" at me just because I'm female makes me VERY VERY wary. My first thoughts are what is so out of control in their life that they must give that control to a woman they know nothing about and what are they running from that they are so willing to drop everything. Scary scary stuff.




mnottertail -> RE: Starting Slow...Why is this a problem? (11/6/2005 9:23:36 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mymojo

you read my mind word for word brother, i have been ''domme hunting' on collarme for quite a long time and rarely get much of a response at all. my own answer to this dilema was that all the dommes were satisfied with what they had and why should they take the time and spend the effort to train a novice. even though i think im worth the time doesnt mean they are going to see it in the same light. but i know in my heart how willing and eager i am and until i find someone who will allow me to be in their presence i will be the only one who knows.......



Now, I am not castigating you or anyone else. Neither am I saying you do anything on the order of what I am about to say. But many do.

I am not a Domme/Dominatrix/Mistress/Lady or any other term you want to use for the female of the mindset.

However; many men speaking to women on this site starting new are obviously not considering the effect of their actions.

Common shit I see is to the effect of..... please Mistress I am a hopleless and lowly worm who desires nothing but to lick your pussy and ass until you become chapped and have and can only exhibit the emotion of an infant.

Well, suppose she decides she has to let the chapping heal for a day or two..........

Then what? You would be forced to interact with her by such methods as looking at her, considering her humanit, discussing subjects with her, and generally adding to her........ that will be the preponderance of the time.
They are far more likely to want to know if you can eat with your mouth closed than how long you can keep it open.

Furthermore, you guys have listed yourselves as submissives, most people would take you at your word.....(both male and female).

If you must beg and grovel and wheedle and pine, don't you think in due time and at the convienence of your owner or one or goddess or whatever you call them you will be commanded to do so without concern for your ability? Ability for those things can be taught quite easily.

Well, I mean no disrepect to either Dommes/Mistresses or slaves/subs
but hope that those who should ponder these things will do so.

Ron




WalterRego -> RE: Starting Slow...Why is this a problem? (11/6/2005 3:14:32 PM)

Any woman you write to here will be a "Domme". So put that aside and in the back of your mind for a while.

When you contact someone, be sure you know why you are contacting her, as opposed to any of the hundreds of other women here. Explain or make it evident why you think she would be interested in meeting you. Interest her, amuse her, enchant her, court her, as you would in meeting a woman in real life, in the vanilla world. It will take some time to see if there is something about her which makes you feel you would really like to serve her ~ as opposed to any generic Domme. No one likes or wants to be a stand in or cardboard cut out function of someone else's fantasy divorced from reality. If there is, something about this woman that moves you, that makes you want to give her what she wants, then you will probably find yourself wanting to serve her or give her what she wants as opposed to wanting her to fill your fantasies.

You may be looking for someone to fulfil your dreams, but so is she and it only works if it is real.




BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Starting Slow...Why is this a problem? (11/6/2005 9:25:32 PM)

quote:

Common shit I see is to the effect of..... please Mistress I am a hopleless and lowly worm who desires nothing but to lick your pussy and ass until you become chapped and have and can only exhibit the emotion of an infant.

Well, suppose she decides she has to let the chapping heal for a day or two..........

Then what? You would be forced to interact with her by such methods as looking at her, considering her humanit, discussing subjects with her, and generally adding to her........ that will be the preponderance of the time.
They are far more likely to want to know if you can eat with your mouth closed than how long you can keep it open.
Great advice, but I have a feeling I and other dominas are the only ones reading and apreciating it unfortunately. Oh well... M




UtopianRanger -> RE: Starting Slow...Why is this a problem? (11/7/2005 1:22:42 AM)

quote:

They are far more likely to want to know if you can eat with your mouth closed than how long you can keep it open.


HAR! I had a lady {who is very close to my heart} tell me the other day that she had experienced this with a former lover and it made her cringe. It's a shame that not everyone is taught good-manners and proper-etiquitte early in life.

quote:

Furthermore, you guys have listed yourselves as submissives, most people would take you at your word.....(both male and female).


Borked again! If it were up to me, I'd loose the titles you mention above { They're too-broad-in-scope } and just define myself as a '' Self-styled connesuior of dominant women.'' LOL!



- The Ranger




msangel4u -> RE: Starting Slow...Why is this a problem? (11/8/2005 4:17:22 AM)

Well hello there darlin... Like I told you a woman that is truly interested will take her time in getting to know you and not make demands you are not ready to meet. I guess the difference is in your time lines.

I spoke once with a gentleman online, days turned into weeks, into months. He wouldoffer to meet me when he knew I had plans, when I was ill and not likely to be going out etcetc. After month three I told him. I am happy to continue chit chatting with you but its obvious to me that you dont intend to leave the safety net of online anoynimity,so please dont propagate the fact that you want to meet with me. He actually offered again Sundaay during a time frame I had family plans which he knew about. I told him no thank you.

So I would say that while being safe and comfortabe you also need to understand that communication and getting to know each other online is a an investment of time and to some extent emotion... You dont have to give yourself to submission just to grab dinner or coffee kind of thing.

I dont have or believe in firm timelines. I have met with people for a brief social meeting as quickly as 48 hours after initial contact ha s been made or as long as a month. Each individuals journey and path is different and as a Dominant its my responsibility to respect that. It is also my right to say ok you have become a wasteof time if things never progress.

Does that make sense?




mnottertail -> RE: Starting Slow...Why is this a problem? (11/8/2005 11:02:59 AM)

The act of preaching to the choir has occurred so many times to so many of us; M, that I propose we change our nicks. You can be the Right Reverend BlkTallFullFig and I will be the vicar mnottertail...............

LOL.........

gotta keep on trying tho, etwas M?

Ron




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