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How do you test the waters? - 6/19/2008 3:12:15 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline
Good evening,
 
Something has been on my mind lately and a thread (Submitting to a couple is better) kind of brought it up earlier today. One of my limits is I don’t submit to women nor do I allow women to top me sexually. I have tried in the past and it did not turn out good at all. So it has since become a hard limit for me. However, lately I have been curious if it is something that I could.
 
I have grown and changed as a person. Alot of things I thought were limits before are now things I have come to enjoy greatly.
 
But in all honesty I wouldn’t even know how / where to begin if I did want to test the waters. Any ideas, suggestions, or input?
 
Thanks and blessed be,
 
Nika


< Message edited by SweetNika -- 6/19/2008 3:13:19 PM >

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Nika

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RE: How do you test the waters? - 6/19/2008 3:38:16 PM   
agoodgirl4Daddy


Posts: 336
Joined: 10/25/2007
Status: offline 		Give it time.  You'll prolly get plenty of emails from couples looking for an s-type.  I know i get them regularly, and i have no interest.  want me to forward my emails from Dominant Couples to you?

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RE: How do you test the waters? - 6/19/2008 3:41:51 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Do you go to local munches? If you do and there is a domme you like, maybe you could approach her and present your feelings. She may not go for it, but on the  other hand - maybe she will.

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RE: How do you test the waters? - 6/19/2008 3:43:25 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Well you can always ask a Pro.

I am sure you will find out quickly if you do or don't.

There are plenty on this board. Just ask.

Steel

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RE: How do you test the waters? - 6/19/2008 3:49:48 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		kiwi,
I don't do munches or groups for several reasons, although it does limit my interaction which can be both good and bad.
 
Steel,
I had not thought about that. Thank you.
 
Blessed be,
Nika

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RE: How do you test the waters? - 6/19/2008 4:05:35 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		I had never been interested in submitting to a woman, until Elizabeth showed up at a play party.  Six feet tall, black hair, blue eyes and dressed in a leather corset.   Damn, that woman was so mmmm mmmm mmmm.  Deliciously wicked and adorably fun.  The best time I EVER had at a play party was bottoming for her and her boyfriend.   He is hot too but notnearly as delicious as E. 

Maybe it is just the chemistry is lacking with those you have met so far.  I'm straight, but I would definitely be bisexual for Elizabeth.  Just thinking about her has me umm....purring.  Yeah.  Purring.  That's what I meant to say.

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RE: How do you test the waters? - 6/19/2008 4:10:33 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		I am bisexual and have had loving relationships with awsome chemistry with several women but I was always topped them sexually and I was never the submissive in the relationship. -laughs-
 
Blessed be,
Nika

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RE: How do you test the waters? - 6/19/2008 4:16:06 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
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Status: offline 		Want E's number?  (just kidding !)

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RE: How do you test the waters? - 6/19/2008 4:22:05 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Go to munches and dungeons and see if any of the female tops inspire feelings of submission in you. If just talking to them makes you feel that way, then ask them for some exploratory play.

But it's just like playing with men. You don't submit to all men, I presume. Just the ones who draw it out of you. And I'm guessing that you know whether or not you can feel that way with a guy before getting naked and doing spanky spanky.

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RE: How do you test the waters? - 6/19/2008 4:25:13 PM   
TheShadows


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline 		Well, the way I happened to meet up with a compatible bisexual female submissive was....She approached me at a private play party about trying a particular style of play she'd never experienced.  Of course, I was more than willing to get to know her, her limits, and Top her in a non-sexual scene, and it basically snowballed from there.

You said you don't do groups or munches and whatnot.  In my opinion, you'll have much better luck meeting women face to face, as opposed to a digital medium.  I don't know about others, but I, as a bisexual female Dominant, prefer to meet potential play partners in person for the first time, before there are any miscommunications or pretense via an online introduction.

I'm happy to see that you're self-aware enough to realize that you may have outgrown some of your limits.  I wish you luck in your re-self discovery...thingamajiggy.

As always, YMMV...
~MrsShadows~ 

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RE: How do you test the waters? - 6/19/2008 4:35:38 PM   
Prinsexx


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Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika

One of my limits is I don’t submit to women nor do I allow women to top me sexually. I have tried in the past and it did not turn out good at all.


That's because we have never met sweetie



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RE: How do you test the waters? - 6/19/2008 5:03:14 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline 		I see you're revising your profile. That's a good place to note your thoughts.
 
Don't be reluctant to admit misgivings about your past experiences, but say something like you're open to trying again with the right woman or couple. I suspect you'll be innundated with e-mails; the real challenge will be finding someone(s) who won't try to make you rush into things.
 
Good luck!
 
Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

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RE: How do you test the waters? - 6/19/2008 5:46:00 PM   
Skully7000


Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline 		1) I guess its hard since you don't go to group events....

but normally I would watch them play...if their style doesn't totally disgust you..then there is hope.

2) stop trying to find a dominant woman and just try to find friends.... once you find your friend who fits the bill ask if they will "casually" top you... if they top you in a friendly relaxed manner.. that might help take the stigma from your past relationships off...

whats that quote: Live like its your last day, love like you've never been hurt before....

Cheers
Skully

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RE: How do you test the waters? - 6/19/2008 6:22:21 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well we all DID start and test the waters at some point- whether we were thrown in the deep end or not.

You have an idea of what you want, you talk to people and find someone you trust to try it out with in the right circumstances.

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RE: How do you test the waters? - 6/19/2008 11:03:44 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		To quote Bette Middler just, "Open your lov'n arms and  your lov'n legs and say dive right in baby, the waters fine."

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RE: How do you test the waters? - 6/20/2008 12:28:54 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Focus less on finding 'a' woman to top you, and focus more on finding someone you like, to top you.

I'm heterosexual, but I've always been open to a man serving men in a non-sexual capacity.  It hasn't happened, because I believe most submissive men are sexually oriented when it comes to service.  If I met someone whom I genuinely enjoyed their company, I might consider such a situation; but it would have to be the man, and his genitalia that I'm interested in.  Indeed, for that matter, I wasn't attracted to my slave simply because she was pretty; it was the woman she is whom I've come to adore.

If you're just looking for a play partner, with a relationship on par with a tennis partner, I'd think it'd be their skills and compatibility that matter more.  If you're looking for a deeper, more committed relationship, you might want to simply see what sort of people you find out there, and take your time getting to know them before playing with them.

Regards,

Stephan




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RE: How do you test the waters? - 6/20/2008 1:09:37 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		My guess is that the issue isn't with women, but with something you feel women signify, have that men don't, or lack what men have. When you can identify what that is, you'll be a long way toward working through it.

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 6/20/2008 1:10:21 AM >

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RE: How do you test the waters? - 6/20/2008 5:02:18 AM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with posters who recommended munches and local groups. It would probably be best just to attend and get to know people and see if you click with anyone, rather than starting out with a mission to find a woman who can top you. It would probably give you more time to establish trust and rapport than you would get meeting someone online and you could begin in a public setting to provide a better sense of safety. Also, if you attend parties and such, you might be able to try one or two activities here and there without feeling like you have to submit fully to someone for a whole scene. 

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RE: How do you test the waters? - 6/20/2008 5:14:22 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		MasterFireMaam. Your like Yogi Bera in that afflack commercial. Please explain to me what you just said.

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RE: How do you test the waters? - 6/20/2008 4:25:28 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Oh lord...am I beginning to sound like Ron???

I was saying that her problem might not be with the female gender, but with something that "female" represents to her. Perhaps she had authority issues with her mom and so a female Top/Dom brings that back up. Or, perhaps she sees them as being weaker than men...or not as good...which would indicate that she feels that she herself is these things.

Is that better? Sorry to confuse!

Master Fire


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