• Being responsible for another person's life and the choices they/we make
• Being in control of my household since this, to me, is the traditional definition of a marriage
• Being allowed to act they way a man is meant to act, powerful, trusted, responsible and not embarassed to show my ownership of my sexy wife.
• Being pleased when I want and how I want.
• Helping steer my wife's life in a direction that truly benefits both of us.
• Helping her learn to keep a house/family the way I feel it ought to be kept, a la 50's style household. 
  

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ORIGINAL: Darkeyes83

Just remember which head holds your brain, and make sure that's the one that's doing the thinking.

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so I keep those fantasies to myself for the time being, and enjoy them in their own right.  If the situation ever develops to the point where one of those fantasies can become reality without treading on the happiness of my girlfriend or myself, or the wellbeing of our relationship, then by all means I plan to speak up.

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Just remember, just because someone agrees to something, doesn't mean they're comfortable with it, or even if they think they are, it might turn out to be otherwise when it actually happens.

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ORIGINAL: MrFester
I know there is much more to bdsm than this, so please, let's not say I know so little.  I understand there is MUCH more than this and that's why I ask.  I'm sure I am leaving more out, and perhaps after a bunch of people sling insults I'll add more, but hopefully I will continue to get more good advice amidst the flames.

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ORIGINAL: Darkeyes83

Two books that were recommended to me, that I'm picking up this weekend, are SM-101, by Jay Wiseman, and Screw the roses, send me the thorns, by phillip millar/molly devon.  I've read the descriptions for them(online, I'm picking them up instore though), and it seems pretty comprehensive.

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Noticing, though, some of what the op said, does set off all sorts of warning bells for me,

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why has he not setup some form of obedience training/punishment system in order to train her?

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Isn't this one of the first things a D/s relationship generally does? Set the limits, manage the behaviors, and then enjoy the rewards?

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ORIGINAL: MrFester
Of course I am looking forward to having a woman submit to me,

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As my friend suggested, perhaps my wife, who does know everything about tonight and is sitting here next to me as I type, would benefit from seeing how this type of a relationship makes me feel. 

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Tonight is about her beginning to decide if she is determined to live this as a lifestyle or as a kink fetish thing in the bedroom.  It is not about her learning the "one true way" to be a sub, only seeing the way this particular sub is.  The way this girl is is how i would like my wife to be. 

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we talk alot. 

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• Being responsible for another person's life and the choices they/we make
  
• Being in control of my household since this, to me, is the traditional definition of a marriage
  
• Being allowed to act they way a man is meant to act, powerful, trusted, responsible and not embarassed to show my ownership of my sexy wife.
  
• Being pleased when I want and how I want.
  
• Helping steer my wife's life in a direction that truly benefits both of us.
  
• Helping her learn to keep a house/family the way I feel it ought to be kept, a la 50's style household. 

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ORIGINAL: MrFester
.  After reading we decided not to do in role and we just sat and talked.  Still are, actually, although they are speaking in private. 

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* Being responsible for another person's life and the choices they/we make
* Being in control of my household since this, to me, is the traditional definition of a marriage
* Being allowed to act they way a man is meant to act, powerful, trusted, responsible and not embarassed to show my ownership of my sexy wife.
* Being pleased when I want and how I want.
* Helping steer my wife's life in a direction that truly benefits both of us.
* Helping her learn to keep a house/family the way I feel it ought to be kept, a la 50's style household.




and what about what she likes of the lifestyle. What you give for reasons... is really all about you... and no... saying you taking care of her is not about her... it about how you feel and think doing that. What about how she thinks and feels of being taking care of... what does she feel about responsibility for her You ... her and maybe kids..

in my opinion you are making the most common of mistakes that I see men make coming into this lifestyle ... in your eagerness you are making it all about you.. and frankly... I am not convince that you are actually listening to her. It might be that she is not saying to much.... which for submissive women that are very new is rather common... but in your eagerness.. you just might be moving so fast that you are not hearing the subtle communication that is coming from her. You need to listen to that... in a big way!!!

I don't think have the both of you meet and experience new things as a bad thing... this friend coming over could be a great thing....IF both are ready for it... IF both are motivated internally for the benefits the experience can bring. But One doing for themselves and the other doing it all for the other.... well... it is a rather short road in most cases.

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This is so far what I like about this lifestyle:

• She likes seeing me happy
• She likes to feel needed
• She likes when I get jealous, but never overly so.  Just enough to make it fun.
• She likes the idea of discipline.  For us, that is spanking, orgasm control, leash time and restraint.
• She dislikes the idea of punishment, but accepts some.  For us it has so far included eye contact denial 'cause she just plain hates it, extended orgasm control (more than three days) involving much bringing her to the brink and leaving her alone to go to work and coming soon ignoring her.
• She loves seeing how I react to her obeying everything I say in the bedroom.  She loves the fact that when she gives herself to me completely behind closed doors she has a much better time because she is able to forget her inhibitions.  It is me telling her to lick my anus, not her deciding to do it on her own, although she is indeed starting to do it without me saying anything.
• she does not like the fact that I don't want her to question me in front of anyone else. Or talk about private matters in front of people we don't know.  In private, absolutely, but not at work.
• She absolutely loves the change I have shown toward her and how much more time we are spending together, hence the reason I think being ignored would be a great punishment.  She feels as though I love her more now, even though I have always felt this way, just never knew how to express it.  As we were discussing tonight, she knows I know more about her than she does.  I can tell her things about herself that she doesn't know.  She also admits that she doesn't know nearly as much about me.  Not for lack of telling, but because she has a lack of listening.  Where I can read her body language and facial expressions, she can not even remember some of the things I have outright told her.  Some stuff of course, but not as much as she really should after nine years.  She has learned more about me in the past three weeks than the previous three years.

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Tonight is strictly A. A show and tell, and B. admittedly a power trip for me.  Of course I am looking forward to having a woman submit to me, and as I discussed with my "friend" I am a little weirded out by it since she is not "mine" in any way, shape or form.

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ORIGINAL: MrFester

Okay.  So I have a sub friend that has been on the bdsm scene for almost ten years of experience as a full lifestyle sub.  My wife, whom I love dramatically, and I have started to get into the bdsm scene and things are progressing steadily but slowly.  I feel one of the problems we have is that she doesn't know what I mean by being a sub and the other major problem is that I am still in inner turmoil about what it's "Okay" to feel.  Now, here's where the dilemma come in.  My sub friend, who is a friend of my wife's as well, is coming over to talk to her, try to help teach her.  She says she's going to come in "in role" and address me correctly from her knees and avoiding eye contact and so on.  I'm kind of freaking out.  I am really excited for this to happen, even though I know it's only a role play with her.  I am so excited that I am actually getting turned on thinking about it.  Is this normal?  I truly hope so because I get an adrenaline rush just sitting here.

The other big question I have is how far do i go with it?  The other sub and I have spoken and there are no boundaries there, at least not any that I could ever willingly cross.  My wife and I have spoken as well, and she says she is comfortable with watching another woman receive my attention.  she wants this to be part of her training, so I feel as though I should take it all.  Is this something there should be a safe word for? 

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ORIGINAL: MrFester

Over the past three weeks My wife and I have honestly never been so more in love.  I don't know if that's a byproduct of the new relationship, but I am more in love with her now than I have been in the past five years.  I don't love her more, but I am IN love with her more.  I see her in such a different light.  Not because she is acting that much different, okay, in the BR, once again, but for the moet part besides a few minor changes, she still acts the same.  There has been this power exchange in our marriage since day one and I have never seen it.  I had never seen the submissive in her before, and I certainly hadn't considered it "a gift" in any way shape or form.  But now, after reading more, I am beginning to understand her for what she is and who she wants her to be.  I don't know, it's a weird thing for me to put into words.  From what she says, she feels the same way.  We spent the past three years without any Real kissing and for the past three weeks that's all we have done...Constantly kissing.  It's fantastic cause it's one of my main turn-ons.  I truly think this is the right path and with some counseling help from CM I agree I am trying to get too much at once so I have decided to slow down in my quest for the ultimate submissive experience.  She has also started increasing her pace of learning I have noticed from her web activity.  This is not including the sites I point her toward.

Also, my profile states that we are looking for a sub to help train My wife, not for me to train.  And that is something we have talked about since the beginning and done in the past, minus the D/s aspect.  My wife is bi, which helps dramatically.