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Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/19/2008 11:12:56 PM   
AAkasha


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If a femdom and her male sub cannot see eye to eye on a relationship issue that is not a dealbreaker (such as frequency of play or types of activities), who must compromise?  Because it is a femdom relationship, should the male sub be the one to compromise?  Should the relationship be 50/50 instead, with both people having to compromise?  Should it be 75%/25% with the femdom on the higher side?

Femdoms, have you been in relationships where the submissive is willing/happy to compromise (since you are the femdom) in some areas, but claims he needs equality or to have his needs met in other areas, asking you to compromise instead? How did you resolve that?

Akasha


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RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/19/2008 11:25:35 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		the dynamic being that the female is in charge in my book she  should be the one in command , if the submissive can not submit to her will then  humm maybe  he is not submitting?perhaps he is a bottom ? perhaps he is in need of further training or instruction by the Domme ?as far as the % it all depends on the dynamic and how much say and freedom the Domme allows .  

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RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/19/2008 11:36:33 PM   
SolangeRichards


Posts: 170
Joined: 5/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think you always have to fall back on a simple concept and that concept is who is the captain of the ship.

It's great when everyone has their say and all of that, but at the end of the day one person is in charge and that's the direction the boat goes in.

Compromise is great, and frankly, it's inevitable, from all sides really, but female led relationships are just exactly that. 

When everyone says their piece she decides and at that point you start heading in that direction.....

At the heart of the question that really is the only dynamic.

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RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/20/2008 1:18:55 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		To me, it would depend upon who finds the thing more important. How the toilet paper unrolls isn't a deal breaker for me...but I highly prefer it to come over the top. Thus, the slaves should just suck it up and put it on the roll that way. Whether we have a steak from this restaurant or that one often isn't important to me...if the slave have a preference, they can decide.

Master Fire


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RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/20/2008 4:31:17 AM   
rubberpet


Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline 		I think it should depend on the dynamics of the relationship sought.  Both Mistress and I were equals going into our relationship, but I choose to turn over full authority and control over to Her.  However, even as Her collared slave and property, I refuse to sacrifice anything about myself if it is detremental to my emotional or physical well-being.  If I want to play more and She's not in the mood, I know She'll have a good reason besides the one "because I said so"!  In fact, I'd probably welcome the break from all the use and abuse She'll put me through!  LOL  So, yeah, I'll compromise.  If I've been working crazy hours at work and am so tired that I can't even blink my eyes, I think She'll be OK with not expecting me to do anything except lay there like a frog on a log.
 
If She wanted to make me a cuckold, I would refuse to compromise because we said we both wanted monogamy and that is what our relationship is based on.  Plus, I don't share very well.  I'm just a selfish little fucker that way.  See...bad for my emotional well-being.
 
For the things that don't damage our relationship, I think I should be the one to compromise first because She is the domme and I am the slave.  I should be expected to compromise and it should be up to Her to decide if She wants to be benevolent enough to do so.  While She does take my feelings and concerns into consideration, She has the ultimate final say in things.  I hear it's good to be the boss.....

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RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/20/2008 4:44:52 AM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		Sometimes, if it would harm the relationship if he compromised and wouldn't if I did, then I do the compromising. Generally, I expect him to. I agree with the captain of the ship analogy (have used it myself many times); I consider him to be my first mate.

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RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/20/2008 4:49:46 AM   
chezzy71


Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
Status: offline 		I feel i would be the one to compromise mostly because i am retired with a ton of time on my hands.Even if i didn't have that luxury,i would still feel the need to compromise.However,i shouldn't have to compromise my entire life away either.That wouldn't be fair nor right.Like any relationship,it is a two way street but it just happens to be guided by a dominant female.

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RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/20/2008 6:58:23 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
To me, it would depend upon who finds the thing more important.


I agree. Practically speaking, I think it depends on the issue, and what is more likely to preserve or enhance the relationship.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/20/2008 7:33:54 AM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		Compromise by definition is MUTUAL concession. Each side gives in to some extent, gives up something they want, and in return, gets something they want.

One person unilaterally giving in to the other is simply concession or acquiescence.

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RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/20/2008 7:42:04 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Femdoms, have you been in relationships where the submissive is willing/happy to compromise (since you are the femdom) in some areas, but claims he needs equality or to have his needs met in other areas, asking you to compromise instead? How did you resolve that?


If you are in a relationship, no matter who is in charge, there is always going to be compromise if you are going to stay happy. Just becasue I am dominant doesnt meant that the boys can happily turn off their wants and needs if they dont completely match mine. And if they do it unhappily, and they are always the ones giving up what they want in deferece to my desires, I doubt that would remain a happy relationship for very long.
Fox is happy to compromise on most things, however there are a few issues where I have to meet him half way. He does not drink, at all, and he cannot be around me when I drink. This gives me 2 options... only drink when he isnt home or if I am out with other friends, or give it up completely. There is no compromise on his end, for personal reasons. I have made my decision in this case, since it is far from a deal breaker, but it was certainly not something he was going to compormise on and be comfortable doing as I wish.
There are other things, many of them on Angel's side of the relationship. Its gie and take, the ones I feel strongly about the boys cmopromise to keep me happy, and the ones they feel strongly about I do the same.
It is not worth ruining a good relationship over the stubborn notion that since I am the dominiant I should never have to copromise. Id rather have my peaceful relationship coexistance than win a small victory, get things my way and then have someone resent the situation and eventually have to deal with a breakdown somewhere.

DV


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(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/20/2008 8:10:45 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		The key is what type of emotional and psychology issue (future or current) said compromise might create.

If the impact is very little, the make the compromise regardless of who is making it.

If the impact is great then why are you with this person to begin with?

I'm completely unfair with this general issue -- if someone is my slave they have accepted an unfair balance of authority and responsibility in the dynamic. This ranging from we only move for my job and we live in my house to we have sex when I saw we do and in the fashion I desire.

A stupid owner thinks only about herself; a wise owner always thinks about the bigger picture and that includes the slave obviously. I have had to make some tough decisions for example denying Fox's request to get a job in another city because he hated his current job -- it took me a few weeks to make that decision but I decided that living apart would do harm to our dynamic. Instead we had him schedule different hours at work which did change how things worked at home but not nearly as much as him living in another city 5 days a week would have.

When he became my slave he gave me that authority to make those sorts of decisions. It required a great deal of sacrifice on his part but also some on my mine. That made it "fair" by our standards.

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RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/20/2008 9:49:58 AM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline 		I'd initially say that it depends on how important the issue is to one vs. the other.  That said, if the male is the one that compromises all the time, eventually I believe that resentment will inevitably build in him which will carry over into other parts of the relationship.  I should also qualify this with the fact that I'm not talking about decisions regarding the psychosexual dynamic or the basic areas of the power exchange that was presumably negotiated at the start of the relationship.
 
To my way of thinking, trying to create "win-win" situations where both can feel good about the outcome is a far better approach whenever possible.  I do my best not to view these things in "black & white" terms; instead looking for the shades of gray in between and creative workarounds that might give each some sense of having "won" something or got at least part of what they wanted without either feeling as though they totally "lost".
 
 - pixel
 


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RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/20/2008 10:11:57 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Even if a problem is not an immediate dealbreaker, the truth is no relationship can stay good if one person is always resentful at not having their needs met. Now in a part time relationship, it won't matter so much because hopefully the less happy person gets their needs met through their primary partner among others.

But in a monogamous relationship having one person constantly sacrifice their happiness is a prescription for failure.

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RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/20/2008 5:14:06 PM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


If a femdom and her male sub cannot see eye to eye on a relationship issue that is not a dealbreaker (such as frequency of play or types of activities), who must compromise?  Because it is a femdom relationship, should the male sub be the one to compromise?  Should the relationship be 50/50 instead, with both people having to compromise?  Should it be 75%/25% with the femdom on the higher side?


In terms of play, i think it has to be the submissive who compromises... otherwise it changes the whole dynamic from submissive-who-pleases to fetishist-who-demands, and there's just no joy in that.

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/20/2008 6:00:09 PM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline 		MasterFireMaam,

quote:

How the toilet paper unrolls isn't a deal breaker for me... but I highly prefer it to come over the top.


Well... it's just so *obvious* that this is the way to do it.  I mean, I can't imagine why this would even need to be mentioned.

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 6/20/2008 6:01:53 PM >

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RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/20/2008 9:27:07 PM   
jonathan


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


If a femdom and her male sub cannot see eye to eye on a relationship issue that is not a dealbreaker (such as frequency of play or types of activities), who must compromise? Because it is a femdom relationship, should the male sub be the one to compromise? Should the relationship be 50/50 instead, with both people having to compromise? Should it be 75%/25% with the femdom on the higher side?

Femdoms, have you been in relationships where the submissive is willing/happy to compromise (since you are the femdom) in some areas, but claims he needs equality or to have his needs met in other areas, asking you to compromise instead? How did you resolve that?

Akasha



If it is not something that will psychologically damage him, he gives in. You rule. End of discussion.

my $1.25 (inflation)


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RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/20/2008 9:42:58 PM   
VeryMercurial


Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		Let's see if I am a Dominant and not a Top, the answer is fairly easy here.
He will normally compromise in most situations.
If you wanted 50/50 why not just seek a vanilla relationship?
If the dynamic keeps changing enough just make the submissive the Dominant,
and the problem is solved.
What an odd question.

< Message edited by VeryMercurial -- 6/20/2008 9:43:27 PM >

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RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/21/2008 5:42:47 AM   
MISTRESSKUMA


Posts: 226
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial

Let's see if I am a Dominant and not a Top, the answer is fairly easy here.
He will normally compromise in most situations.
If you wanted 50/50 why not just seek a vanilla relationship?
If the dynamic keeps changing enough just make the submissive the Dominant,
and the problem is solved.
What an odd question.


I would agree completely. If you wanted compromise why not go for a vanilla relationship? Whats the point of a power exchange if you compromise????????????????? Or just call each other bottom and top then.

(in reply to VeryMercurial)
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RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/21/2008 8:33:37 AM   
MmeGigs


Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
To me, it would depend upon who finds the thing more important.


That's how it works in my household.  This isn't something we have to deal with all that often.  There aren't many things that we disagree on or feel strongly about.  We usually do things my way because that's the way we're bent and he generally agrees with me anyway.  If he feels strongly about something we talk about it to see how important it is and go with whoever feels most strongly.  I will usually defer to him when it comes stuff having to do with his family or his job.

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RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? - 6/21/2008 11:19:47 AM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA


quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial

Let's see if I am a Dominant and not a Top, the answer is fairly easy here.
He will normally compromise in most situations.
If you wanted 50/50 why not just seek a vanilla relationship?
If the dynamic keeps changing enough just make the submissive the Dominant,
and the problem is solved.
What an odd question.


I would agree completely. If you wanted compromise why not go for a vanilla relationship? Whats the point of a power exchange if you compromise????????????????? Or just call each other bottom and top then.


Because, as a wise man once said, with great power comes great responsibility.  When you're the Captain of a ship, you have to make decisions.  These decisions may not necessarily be the most popular all the time, but its your duty to keep the ship on task and afloat.  You have to make decisions that are best for you and for the crew.  Sometimes these will go against what you'd prefer and more often than not it will go against what your crew would prefer.  Still, its your duty as a leader to do what's best for the group.  If not, then your ship will run the risk of sinking.

An Owner has full control over her pet.  She's the leader in the relationship and, ideally, she's looking out for their best interests.  She's the captain, the pet is her crew, and the relationship is their ship.  At the end of the day, it's their joint responsibility to see that the relationship continues and flourishes.  This means they will both more often than not have to compromise.  Even if the pet is expected to defer in the vast majority of all things, I personally don't think it makes one less Domiant if they decide that its in her best interest, and in the best interest of her pet, to compromise for the good of the group as a whole.  It just makes the Domiant in question realistic and with a full understanding of her role and its vast responsibilities. 

DV's Fox

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