RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? (Full Version)

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MISTRESSKUMA -> RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? (6/21/2008 11:59:49 AM)

Thanks for sharing how you and she work it.



MISTRESSKUMA -> RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? (6/21/2008 12:16:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shawn1066

An Owner has full control over her pet.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Shawn1066

This means they will both more often than not have to compromise.




Yes, I agree, all owners should care for the pets. But does yours have full control or does she have to compromise?



undergroundsea -> RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? (6/21/2008 8:51:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA
Yes, I agree, all owners should care for the pets. But does yours have full control or does she have to compromise?


I think his point is that compromise is not necessarily antithetical to control. Sure someone in control can make decisions that are absolutely one-sided without regard to whether such a decision creates resentment amongst those in her charge. However, if resentment builds, it threatens and can end the relationship.

Cheers,

Sea



slavekal -> RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? (6/21/2008 9:03:52 PM)

It depends.  On a thousand issues.  In order to answer this, one needs to know the specifics of the situation.



Shawn1066 -> RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? (6/22/2008 12:18:03 AM)

 
quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shawn1066

An Owner has full control over her pet.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Shawn1066

This means they will both more often than not have to compromise.




Yes, I agree, all owners should care for the pets. But does yours have full control or does she have to compromise?


She has full control and she compromises when she sees fit.  It's unwise to go into a relationship, in my opinion, with the idea that you'll -never- compromise.  At the end of the day, it's her choice if she wants to compromise or not.  She knows when to say no just as easy as she knows when to compromise.  It's her responsibility to make such decisions carefully, and its not something she takes lightly.  In all actuality, she doesn't -have- to compromise with me at all, however she has done so on a handful of small--but very important issues.  We're both happier as a result...and that's really what its all about.  It's a sign of why her being in control works -so- well.  She fully grasps how much power she holds, and she wields it justly.

DV's Fox



Untouched1282 -> RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? (6/22/2008 12:42:13 AM)

Everyone has to compromise. People are changing, ever-adapting and evolving. Things will work well at first because there is a chemistry, connection, that is time is time-place sensitive. If the desire to maintain this relationship, if they truly care about the other person, then a person will want to work to gurantee that they bond remains strong.



LadyJeelys -> RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? (6/22/2008 6:31:40 AM)

I don't think that being Domme means I loose the ability to compromise. Secondary is my slave, my pet.....and my friend. It is to my advantage to compromise and I'm just not about cutting off my nose to spite my face. Plus, I'm just not sure I'd like me if I weren't able to yield sometimes. Pet is moving to Japan next year---and I can't afford to fly to Japan (currently). He can't afford to fly to NC. But we can afford to fly to Hawaii. Now, I could play super B and throw a tantrum and insist that he fly to NC, even though it will cause severe financial hardship---or even more super Domme and say, "you're paying for me to fly to Japan!". But he has legitimate reasons for not being able to afford that expense. AND compromise works out better for us. I mean, wow, Hawaii--no snow monkeys or Japanese S&M hotels, but I shall forbare.


But seriously, in my view being able to compromise is part of what being a relationship type Domme is. If a Domme is just going to play for a few hours and doesn't have any responsibilty for the health of her sub (other than don't maim), then she probably doesn't need to compromise. But, if you're slave is the guy you really care about, then you have to compromise. You have to administer that whipping to help him relieve stress after a really crappy day---even if "House" is on. Or allow him to say "Ma'am" when you're with his parents instead of "Owner". So, I guess I see compromise as not only being a good person but a good Domme.



MsLilac -> RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? (6/22/2008 7:23:57 AM)

 
In my opinion…

There is this, almost purest ideal, held by some certain subs and dom/mes alike, that as dom/me you should never compromise. I think that would work well in a part time relationship where no real connection or anything based in extensive human interaction is involved, and everything is simplified.

But the reality it is that regardless of the dynamics of a relationship, if you have a full relationship with someone, there is always a certain amount of compromise needed. Most of us strive to find connections with people we have a lot in common with, and have similar ideals and common goals with. But even then, no matter how well a couple are matched, there will be compromises.

I run a D/s household, I am the ‘captain of the ship’ (to pick up on a great analogy used in this thread). Part of what I consider my duty is to consider the well being of my slave and my sub. Of course, I have authority, and they do obey. Rarely do I need to compromise, as I feel I made wise choices in my men. But there have been occasions where we do not all see eye to eye. No matter how much people have in common, differences are inevitable. Some of these were minor issues, a one or two not so minor.

It really does matter to who the issue is more important to. When it’s important to all involved, then compromise is needed, if it‘s not a deal breaker. I don’t like compromise, and rarely do I ever need to, or rarely do I ever make a habit of doing so. But my relationships are worth so much more to me than one issue, compared to the relationships as a whole, where I am completely and utterly happy and satisfied beyond words. So, on the one big issue I can think of where I made a conscious decision to compromise a little, I did so.

I could have totally ignored the feelings of my slave and sub, and not compromised. Indeed, they would of followed my orders. But, I knew, in my gut, it would have been harbouring trouble for a later date, not to mention causing all kinds of resentment.

People have needs and desires, regardless of what side of the fence they identify with. These needs also evolve. If these needs are not met, even if they are met though a compromise, I can't see anybody being happy.



VeryMercurial -> RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? (6/22/2008 7:36:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


If a femdom and her male sub cannot see eye to eye on a relationship issue that is not a dealbreaker (such as frequency of play or types of activities), who must compromise?  Because it is a femdom relationship, should the male sub be the one to compromise?  Should the relationship be 50/50 instead, with both people having to compromise?  Should it be 75%/25% with the femdom on the higher side?

Femdoms, have you been in relationships where the submissive is willing/happy to compromise (since you are the femdom) in some areas, but claims he needs equality or to have his needs met in other areas, asking you to compromise instead? How did you resolve that?

Akasha



THIS was the original OP.
Personally, I never stated that the Domme should never compromise.
To say that, IMHO is crazy.
I said that to ME, a D/s relationship is not 50/50 most of the time.
Normally, for me, it is more 75/25.

I get so tired of the absolute thinkers around here.
Few things in life are ever 100%, common sense dictates there is always
some compromise in relationships.
oh brother



TexasMaam -> RE: Who is the one to compromise in a femdom relationship? (6/22/2008 3:26:24 PM)

It depends entirely upon the issue.  I'd consider a compromise if the topic at hand is not something I feel strongly opposed to.... 

If the issue is one I won't budge on, he'll have to let go of his opinion/feelings on the issue and compromise.

Then there are those situations where we simply have to agree to disagree.

TM



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