Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Lifestyle double standard?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Lifestyle double standard? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 9:12:47 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz
Being a dominant does not guarantee you a bucket of sluts.

Well, hell.  Why didn't anyone tell me this before?  I would've just stayed vanilla.  That would have saved me a lot of grief -- no self-doubt thinking I was a teenage slime because I liked the idea of hitting girls.

And, yeah, it's easier to find a casual play partner if you're looking for a male sub.  But anyone looking for long-term deep partners is going to have a hard time.  I don't think there's any double standard there at all.  Everyone's got a lot of work to do, and you have to be either patient or lucky.

I do see one difference between men and women.  I have never had a serious conversation with a woman who for real-for real was looking for sex or scening with no strings attached.  Example: twice I went out with women whose profiles said that, and after meeting me they both said (in very different words) that they wrote that in their profiles so they wouldn't get hurt, but the reality was they wanted a relationship, and wanted to talk to me about adding strings.  (For the record, I prefer strings.)  By contrast, there do seem to be a lot of men in these parts who just want something physical and momentary.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 9:18:47 AM   
everhope


Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver

another factor that may weigh in could be that that female Sub's are looking for `their` One while male Sub's may not be. 


perhaps not even their "One", if they are poly minded, but the right poly philosophy and situation. i am approached on a regular basis (online and in the flesh) by every kind of Dominant style and poly situation imaginable. most don't fit me...in fact, thus far in the 6 years i have been active in the lifestyle only two maybe three have come close. 

< Message edited by everhope -- 6/20/2008 9:23:31 AM >

_____________________________

may we all find our bliss

Resident VWB

We all die.
The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.






(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 9:19:48 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KinkeeCpl
For instance, the obtaining of sex/play,  or even so little as a phone number or email addy SHOULD be easier, but it's not.  Any advice is appreciated. Not trying to be critical of those here, there are exceptions to everything.  Not "whining" either lol.  Frankly have had better luck with vanillas, who can then be trained, than those with experience.

The grand majority of people get into kink long after a thorough socialization of gender roles is in place.  Suggesting one can simply shed those because they become kinky would be unrealistic.  In fact, a large part of what attracts a LOT of people to the kink scene is because it reinforces their views of proper gender roles and get very upset if someone tries to take that away from them.

You're right, there is a double standard.  And it does suck ultimately for everyone.  But the good news is that if you're a decent person, the chances of you finding a decent person to have al ife with are pretty good.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KinkeeCpl)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 9:25:04 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline
quote:

but the reality was they wanted a relationship


yes because bdsm is not just sex and not about kink.  its a way of life.  it is a part of who you are.  we want to be loved just like any vanilla person.  we want to be treated with respect just as anyone in the world should be treated as. 

its not just about the body.  its far more complicated and include things like soul, heart, mind, love, respect, trust, loyalty...etc etc...

yet most people think its 100% sexual. 


_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 9:27:38 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

quote:

but the reality was they wanted a relationship


yes because bdsm is not just sex and not about kink.  its a way of life.  it is a part of who you are.  we want to be loved just like any vanilla person.  we want to be treated with respect just as anyone in the world should be treated as. 

its not just about the body.  its far more complicated and include things like soul, heart, mind, love, respect, trust, loyalty...etc etc...

yet most people think its 100% sexual. 



For YOU, but not for everyone. For some people it really is just about kink and/or sex.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 9:27:46 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The fact that my preferred interpersonal relationship is one with him leading and me following does not mean I'm only interested in being laid. Why should I be easy when that doesn't fulfill me? I have every right to be as selective as I need in order to be in a relationship that works for me.

And considering myself as so unimportant and cheap that I should be glad to have any and everyone play with me and then toss me back on the shelf does not work for me. I'm worth more than that.

The Man says I made him work for it, I grilled him intensely before I decided I wanted to meet him. He values me more for having been that selective. As for me? I had been celibate for five years prior to submitting to him. I'd still be celibate if I hadn't met him. Men of his value are rare, as am I.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 9:35:59 AM   
InsaenPleasures


Posts: 49
Joined: 4/27/2008
Status: offline 		No doubt this will be an unpopular response and I fore warn, it is only my opinion.

In general I have found CM, this community, to be generally contemptuous of the Dominant, more specifically the male Dominant but some of the contempt falls on the Dommes as well.  Unfortunately the Op lent some ammunition to the typical obfuscations of safety and comparisons to the vanilla world. In reality the lack of general, basic respect has nothing to do with those issues at all.

Safety is an issue we all must deal with. The Dom/me is in as much potential danger of being emotionally or even phsyically harmed by someone than a submissive is.  People of all stripes can be dangerous and underhanded an ddeceitful.

As far as a double standard, I think generally there is one by the people who post here and are vocal and generally have the protection of the internet and the sympathy of the online locals to protect them from disrespectful behavior. By disrespectful I mean basic human respect, which is generally not shown to people on this (or any lets be honest ) forum.  However, we need to be totally fair as well and lets be honest, female subs do I think receive a significantly greater amount of email abuse from Doms they do not immediately submit to, than any of the rest of us.  This is also part of the general online community lack of human respect.

Yet I do not think there is a lifestyle double standard, but that online communities, where it is easy to lie about who you are and launch vicious attacks without any repurcussions, create an atmosphere of distrust.  I am sure there are other forums where it is reversed, submissives are generally considered wannabes and treated to the severe lack of respect that, IMHO many Doms are treated to on this site.

I am not saying there are not good people here and there are many who fiercely defend their concepts in an honest and forthright manner. It is like anything, you have to pan in the river patiently before you find a nuggett of gold. 

Logan

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 9:51:03 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Hey my buckets got a hole in it. Oppps there goes faery.

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 9:53:37 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline
quote:


For YOU, but not for everyone. For some people it really is just about kink and/or sex.


gee i thought i said that

"yet most people think its 100% sexual."

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 9:54:11 AM   
adorability


Posts: 8
Joined: 5/21/2008
Status: offline 		I'm not sure what the "lifestyle", if there even is such a thing, has to do with it?  Why exactly do you think that it SHOULD be easier to obtain sex/play, or even a phone # or email addy?  Is that you believe submissive females are inferior?  Have less worth?  Are inherently less prohibited than their vanilla counterparts?  Have (or should have) lower standards?  Are nymphomaniacs with an itch to scratch that will submit to anyone that can scratch it?

Women are individuals.  For the most part, we are not solely defined by our kink or by our sexual orientation.  We all have the same issues to deal with when it comes to safety and health issues in dating/relationhips.  Being submissive does not necessarily mean that I'm eager to jump in the sack with somebody that's dominant.  I'm funny that way *L*- I honestly believe I need to be compatible with, and attracted to my partners- and that I need to trust them and bond with them before I can submit.  Not true for everyone, I know (and respect) that.  But, to have somebody think that it SHOULD be that way for all submissives makes it very easy for me to understand why that person is having difficulty attracting potential playmates or partners.        

< Message edited by adorability -- 6/20/2008 9:57:35 AM >

(in reply to KinkeeCpl)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 9:56:03 AM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

yes because bdsm is not just sex and not about kink.  its a way of life.  it is a part of who you are.  we want to be loved just like any vanilla person.  we want to be treated with respect just as anyone in the world should be treated as. 

its not just about the body.  its far more complicated and include things like soul, heart, mind, love, respect, trust, loyalty...etc etc...

yet most people think its 100% sexual. 



For YOU, but not for everyone. For some people it really is just about kink and/or sex.

Yes, but those people are neither real or true.

~stef


_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 10:03:35 AM   
Chrisdeb7478


Posts: 23
Joined: 3/28/2007
Status: offline 		Honestly as a collared submissive here. My viewpoint seems your looking more for the sexual than the scening/ play idea. I have a few site suggestions if your alooking for a quick lay.We seem to have guys think i'm easy cause i'm sub..got invited to an adult theater by a "Dom" cause he wanted oral. but not many folks into rushing into things be they male or female
quote:

ORIGINAL: KinkeeCpl

In My/Our experience, the acquiring of male subs is much easier than of female subs.  Wondering if any have an explanation as to why,  even in an alternative lifestyle, this is so. Ideally, if those here and at other lifestyle places are more open-minded than the vanillas, then it stands to reason that the female submissives wouldn't continue to behave the same as females in the vanilla world.  For instance, the obtaining of sex/play,  or even so little as a phone number or email addy SHOULD be easier, but it's not.  Any advice is appreciated. Not trying to be critical of those here, there are exceptions to everything.  Not "whining" either lol.  Frankly have had better luck with vanillas, who can then be trained, than those with experience.

(in reply to KinkeeCpl)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 10:04:34 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KinkeeCpl

In My/Our experience, the acquiring of male subs is much easier than of female subs.  Wondering if any have an explanation as to why,  even in an alternative lifestyle, this is so. Ideally, if those here and at other lifestyle places are more open-minded than the vanillas, then it stands to reason that the female submissives wouldn't continue to behave the same as females in the vanilla world.  For instance, the obtaining of sex/play,  or even so little as a phone number or email addy SHOULD be easier, but it's not.  Any advice is appreciated. Not trying to be critical of those here, there are exceptions to everything.  Not "whining" either lol.  Frankly have had better luck with vanillas, who can then be trained, than those with experience.

It's just the gender game extrapolated into the world of kink that's all.


_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to KinkeeCpl)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 10:09:52 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

In My/Our experience, the acquiring of male subs is much easier than of female subs. Wondering if any have an explanation as to why


Could it be numbers?  In my area, in this on-line community, there many more males than females, in general.  I'm not even taking into consideration whether they are dom or sub.  There is a ton of blue and very little pink.  The on-line experience is pretty much a woman's market.  Men are there for the choosing.  I'm  not saying they are equal in quality to each other, but there is no shortage of men in the pool.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to KinkeeCpl)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 10:18:56 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline
quote:


Yes, but those people are neither real or true.

~stef


you know your only WEAL and TWUE if the person in question can show us themselves on cam and thru phone sex...or thru tributes and gifts!

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 10:19:43 AM   
Sundowner


Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

because i am a submissive i should not be picky? I should settle for any doof that comes along? I should be more "open minded" than someone with a vanilla lifestyle and risk my safety?





Thank gawd you're not picky and you will settle - else I'd never have got a hug from you holls 

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 10:44:49 AM   
KinkeeCpl


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you all for all the advice, and btw, I don't want anyone temporary, and any beta sub to me would get as much attention as my primary, aside from all the vanilla bs that we all have in our lives. I am willing to be there for a beta as much as she is for me :) . And also, it's not just the sex I want, I would expect it because I'm not a eunuch, but I enjoy the bdsm immensely as well,  so......

< Message edited by KinkeeCpl -- 6/20/2008 10:49:22 AM >

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 10:47:41 AM   
everhope


Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Hey my buckets got a hole in it. Oppps there goes faery.


now that lil ditty...there's a hole in the bucket dear Henry, dear Henry."there's a hole in the bucket".... is stuck in my head, now!
thank you, Ray.  

_____________________________

may we all find our bliss

Resident VWB

We all die.
The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.






(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 10:51:15 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		At the risk of sounding sexist (I'm sorry if it I do) but I think its got something to do with the (emotional) make up of  women, I think women want to take more time getting to know someone and making such a big comitment, also, I think they want to be sure they can trust Someone.

My 2 cents.

(in reply to KinkeeCpl)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 11:05:38 AM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: everhope

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Hey my buckets got a hole in it. Oppps there goes faery.


now that lil ditty...there's a hole in the bucket dear Henry, dear Henry."there's a hole in the bucket".... is stuck in my head, now!
thank you, Ray.  


haha! to be honest my first thought was "can I catch faery .... please?"

(in reply to everhope)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Lifestyle double standard? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094