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RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 11:09:01 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline
quote:

"can I catch faery .... please?"


what???why would you want me???

is it my tattoo's?????

my hair???

my boobs???


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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 11:09:51 AM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline 		Love the hair, I've got a thing for tattoos, you're purty and funny.... what's not to like?  (I haven't looked at your boobs so decline to comment either way till you show them to me!)

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 2:35:54 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KinkeeCpl
Ideally, if those here and at other lifestyle places are more open-minded than the vanillas, then it stands to reason that the female submissives wouldn't continue to behave the same as females in the vanilla world.  For instance, the obtaining of sex/play,  or even so little as a phone number or email addy SHOULD be easier, but it's not. 


I don't see why it "should" be easier or why just because this is a BDSM site women are any different. Women are women, vanilla or otherwise. I don't see why just because they're "open minded" or "submissive" they should just throw themselves at you.

(in reply to KinkeeCpl)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 3:02:26 PM   
DarkVictory


Posts: 247
Joined: 8/7/2004
Status: offline
I do not find it hard to acquire female submissives.  If I was not too selective, it would be like fishing at the aquarium at feeding time.  As you add to your selection criteria beyond 'has a vagina, will suck cock', the choices begin to fall away.

I suspect that the experience of a couple of 'domme' friends of mine is fairly typical or normal.  Male subs are outnumbered enough, or desperate enough, etc to rather fundamentally misrepresent who they actually are, submerging it under a willingness to pretend.  This erodes over time, of course.

(in reply to KinkeeCpl)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 3:11:25 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkVictory

.  As you add to your selection criteria beyond 'has a vagina, will suck cock', the choices begin to fall away.



I think its when you have criteria like .. must be able to iron, with starch, while tight lace corsetted, in spike heels, while steaming drunk and unable to focus, without leaving scorch marks

that you really start to get a limited choice

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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 7:22:52 PM   
fungasm


Posts: 321
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

The sub women on here are very picky.
 
They want what they want-and if you cannot deliver-bye bye bothersome.


You make that sound like a bad thing.....

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 7:23:39 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		i guess i didn't read the part in the handbook that said i was supposed to loose all my brains because i am involved in bdsm. i am supposed to have more trust in men in bdsm than in the vanilla world?  Or do i predicate my life and relationships on sex first and relationship second?
I am no different now than when i was vanilla, in that i want to know someone before diving into the sack with them. I have to have a feel for how they are as a person as opposed to a penis - not that i have anything against penises, but i find brains more sexy in the long run.

I can 't do "fuckbuddies" - there has to be some sort of commitment for me to be comfortable any relationship.  Sorry OP, but i am not different than vanilla in this aspect.

(in reply to Deliena)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/20/2008 7:32:00 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KinkeeCpl

In My/Our experience, the acquiring of male subs is much easier than of female subs.  Wondering if any have an explanation as to why,  even in an alternative lifestyle, this is so. Ideally, if those here and at other lifestyle places are more open-minded than the vanillas, then it stands to reason that the female submissives wouldn't continue to behave the same as females in the vanilla world.  For instance, the obtaining of sex/play,  or even so little as a phone number or email addy SHOULD be easier, but it's not.  Any advice is appreciated. Not trying to be critical of those here, there are exceptions to everything.  Not "whining" either lol.  Frankly have had better luck with vanillas, who can then be trained, than those with experience.

Well no surprise there!

(in reply to KinkeeCpl)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/21/2008 1:17:23 AM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline 		you lost me at "must be able to iron"

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/21/2008 1:21:38 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		what is "iron"?

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/21/2008 1:33:17 AM   
adrian28


Posts: 833
Joined: 3/8/2008
Status: offline 		Oh wow! I hope it stays friendly in here. That's what I get for following MM.

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/21/2008 2:05:02 AM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

what is "iron"?


I have no clue - answers on a postcard to the usual address please

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/21/2008 2:10:33 AM   
Sundowner


Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

what is "iron"?



I think it's like a "bus" MM. (Let me know if you find out what it is and it's interesting would you?)

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/21/2008 4:18:03 AM   
MasterHermes


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/23/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HalloweenWhite

At the risk of sounding sexist (I'm sorry if it I do) but I think its got something to do with the (emotional) make up of  women, I think women want to take more time getting to know someone and making such a big comitment, also, I think they want to be sure they can trust Someone.

My 2 cents.


Quoted from HalloweenWhite, but dedicated to OP:

Its actually genetic make up and not specific to human either. You can observe same behavior in females of different animals races. It is a very natural behavior for female to choose best possible candidate for herself. Animals usually have fixed criteria on what makes best candidate. For human it changes from person to person, culture to culture and one century to another. So you cant observe human and make a conclusion like male with best voice will get a mate or the richest or smartest will. While every woman will not be attracted to same thing, this genetic code will still be active and they still will be looking for the best possible candidate. So no, vanilla or submissive doesn't make a difference. Submissive women will not be less selective than other women.

There is nothing you can do about it. You can not change this behavior. But there is a very big human population out there so the chances are high enough for every male. As a conclusion your reasoning is not correct when you say "ideally, if those here and at other lifestyle places are more open-minded than the vanillas, then it stands to reason that the female submissive wouldn't continue to behave the same as females in the vanilla world. " . Your assumption is being open minded is the key element here but it is not. Unfortunately there is no short cuts for understanding the nature of human behavior. Psychology , Biology and Sociology all play a part in this.

I hope this helps your search
Hermes




< Message edited by MasterHermes -- 6/21/2008 4:20:11 AM >

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/21/2008 5:15:16 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Ok guys, time to sit down together at a table order a pizza a nice cold picher of beer.   Time to play "Lords of Acid" ABC's for you here.

If you take the time to listen to any female sub/slave from this site, they'll be more then happy to share the horror stories with you.

This was perhaps one of the first things, I was taught about "the lifestyle" as well from a submissive friend.  "That there are too many asshole Doms out there".  Not much has changed in almost the last 20 years.

In many regards what is now considered "the lifestyle" was shaped changed by a lot things in the 80's.  But that's another topic in itself.  But's it's been around 20 years, I've known this hidden magical knowledge.

The thing is and I had to admit it, that there is a high level of truth in the Stereotyping regarding those that wear the DOM orientation label.  Assholes.   If anything internet interaction and behavior patterns reaffirm this ugly truth.

Fact is, that there are stalkers, guys that have not become morally or ethically grounded with their darksides.  Guys that don't know how to control their dysfunctional darksides.  There are those that are too caught up in fantasy porn as well.   The BDSM community as it is, is still rather new and still maturing in many ways.   The down side is that many people's mindsets still have to mature enough as well regarding BDSM, the lifestyle and our wonderful sub-culture.

Even the whole friggen Evolution of the Labels we are using.  The BDSM community today, is a bit a of hybid bastard child from various other kinky sub-cultures.  It's still growing and under goes a lot of challenges.   The down side, is that some Guys with a fucking hard on think they can score some easy slave girl, by impressing them with how DOM they can be.  They attempt to force things with little regard if somebody has submitted or not.   In fact they have this notion that submission is something to be beated out of a submissive/slave girl.   They have this false notion that first time Verbal Humilation and barking orders turns the slave/sub girls on that they are gonna score.  LOL....    Sure it might work to a limited degree, however the truth of the matter is that they are so far off base it's not funny.

For me, I was into BDSM before I knew shit about the lifestyle.  I got to experience the natural mechanics of it without labels, stereotyping and posturing and mindless fantasy.   In part simply a fusion of my childhood upbringing, genetics whatever else you want to look at it.   Yes, I even had childhood abuse in my past.   I don't know what makes everybody tick that's in "the lifestyle" I'm pretty certain everybody is pretty human.  That they have other needs, wants and desires besides, SEX and KINK.   Also that Trust and communication is involved.   If I had been an asshole about things, I know would not have done 1/10th of the things I have done.   Mind you I've done some really awefully wicked kinky twisted things to girls.

Being a Dom requires a fusion of being an Asshole and a Mr. Nice Guy in the same package deal.  But that's my two cents on this topic.  Some guys are just pure Assholes... just as some guys are simply Well too Nice! LOL...

(in reply to KinkeeCpl)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/21/2008 5:46:27 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		I don't see the OP as complaining  but  as stating his/their  observations and wondering a bit why this is the case...

and I believe the mains one have been mentioned already..supply and demand ...the ratio of male subs to Dom/mes is huge  so opportunities don't present themselves very often so grab what they can without asking a lot of questions for fear they would be rejected if they did.....   plus less are looking for LTR  commited relationships  they want the playtime without all the strings....females generally want relationships and  want to know your trustworthy before commiting... the numbers game also puts them at an advantage and allows them to be choosy ...they may get a half dozen interests in their inbox a day  where as a male sub may be lucky if he would get that in a year ..he often has to do the hunting and propositioning


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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/21/2008 6:07:41 AM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		Being a bi male, my perspective on this is probably a bit more basic:

The reason guys are so much easier to find, and get any kind of action from, is simply because males are much more into sex as a physical thing, rather than as a metric for how much someone "loves" you. To guys, sex (and playing a scene) is about as involving as a game of baseball, or running a marathon. It isn't until later, when the barriers start coming down, and you start sharing vunerabilities, do our emotions begin to engage.

It's no real secret that most of the guys on CM are looking for a partner to fulfill a fantasy with, or someone who will be, at most, a mutual masturbation tool. Of course, there are a few who are looking for a bit more than that. But to find them, you'll need a flashlight, a pickaxe, and a pair of night vision goggles.

Women are pretty much approaching things from an emotional/security position. Most will be willing to get into bed, provided you treat them with a modicum of respect, and assure them that you aren't just going to run off after you've shot your wad, had a cig, and raided the fridge. So, women are much more cautious.

Because they are much more cautious, women like to take their time (at least compared to guys) and as such, withold such things as home addresses, phone numbers and email much longer than males, who (by comparison) will meet you at Denny's after ten minutes of IM chat with a pocket ful of condoms, and a bottle of lube.

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/21/2008 7:57:07 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Deliena

you lost me at "must be able to iron"


quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

what is "iron"?


well there are two I can cross off the To Procure list ...*pulls on flame retardant knickers*


_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to bipolarber)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/21/2008 9:03:39 AM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline 		ROFLMAO softness - sorry to disappoint.... I'm just not a "service" girl.....

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Lifestyle double standard? - 6/21/2008 9:27:30 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

what is "iron"?


You need to talk to the TwoNYCDommes.  They have an ironing fetish and an iron box with a hand in it, so they might be able to help ya out.


(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 60
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