Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Eager To Please To A Fault?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Eager To Please To A Fault? Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Eager To Please To A Fault? - 11/3/2005 11:33:35 PM   
harmony3709


Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline 		Agreeing to something out a desire to please, more than a desire to do whatever it was they were asked to do is common for submissives, and at least from what I have observed and read, seems to be more so than from a desire to obey. Obviously often be a part of a submissive make-up, the desire to please and the desire to serve, I have seen this (in myself as well as others) present in other aspects of the submissive's life as well as just pleasing or serving his or her dominant.

What this has me wondering though is, have you ever felt that being eager to please has negatively impacted your life?

I realize that a quick yes to one's dominant may be the appropriate course of action, but has this ever been a problem for you at other times? Have you found yourself saying yes when you really should say no.........like yes, you can bake 18 dozen cookies for the bake sale in two days when you know you already are up to your eyeballs in things you need to do? Or you can have Christmas at your house, when it's really the last thing you want.

Do you ever find that being eager to please can at times be a curse as well as a blessing?

Just wondering,
Blessed be,
harmony
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Eager To Please To A Fault? - 11/4/2005 2:31:49 AM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

I realize that a quick yes to one's dominant may be the appropriate course of action, but has this ever been a problem for you at other times? Have you found yourself saying yes when you really should say no.........like yes, you can bake 18 dozen cookies for the bake sale in two days when you know you already are up to your eyeballs in things you need to do? Or you can have Christmas at your house, when it's really the last thing you want.
Do you ever find that being eager to please can at times be a curse as well as a blessing?


Yes, yes, yes! I've always been eager to please, whether it be staying over at work when I have other plans, going out with my friends when I'm exhausted or sick, or committing myself to projects that put way too much of a strain on my time or wallet. I have a bad tendency of attempting to make everyone happy all of the time. I've gotten a bit better in the past year, but not much. It's very, very hard for me to say "no" when it's not doing me any major harm and I know I can help.
I think quite a bit of it stems from the fact that I was generally hated when I was younger. I didn't have a single friend from age 12 to age 16. People at school went out of their way to make me miserable, and I mean truly, violently miserable. Things changed when I switched to public schools, and I was popular. But when I found that I had friends I wanted to make them happy with me. I juggled pleasing parents, teachers, friends, and peers. I wanted to prove, to myself and others, that I was a worthwhile person (this is still the main problem, today). Of course, most people have a miserable time in school, yet this is where it all stemmed from for me. I constantly need to prove something to someone. I know now that I'm a wonderful person (and conceited), but I quite often overcompensate in my attempts to make others happy.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to harmony3709)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Eager To Please To A Fault? - 11/4/2005 4:00:14 AM   
Aquariansub


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline 		My whole life I have gone out of my way to please others...particularly family and friends...interesting though I was never really happy....I was too busy trying to make those around me happy. Not long after I met my Dom I realised that what was important was my happiness....pleasing him was so easy...yet in this case it wasn't taken for granted. I realised that in trying to please others I was only hurting myself....If I was truly happy then those that mattered around me too would be happy. One thing that really takes me by surprise is my Independence....I thought it would be lost through my submission....to me though it has only grown.

(in reply to harmony3709)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Eager To Please To A Fault? - 11/4/2005 7:15:29 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, many submissives have the people-pleaser/can't say no/can't disappoint/gotta be perfect/can't let people down attitude.

The ironic thing is realizing how self-centered this perspective usually is, despite the intentions to be as helpful and selfless as possible.

One of my boys has a very bad past with women in that he will do anything to gain their approval, to not disappoint them, stemming all the way to past abuse from his mother. This causes him to make bad judgements. I've put some limits on his behavior and have been working very hard with him to realize he needs to think about the long term results and not just dread that immediate guilt/disappointment that comes after saying no or doing something that is right.

It's a long hard road, but definitely necessary skill to learn.

(in reply to harmony3709)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Eager To Please To A Fault? - 11/4/2005 8:04:47 AM   
Belladonna82


Posts: 171
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		Its not a fault per say....but it can be the sub/slaves down fall if the sub/slave does have a brain but most i have met lately seem to be rather smart. A sub/slave must not rush in blindly but you should have it in your nature to always want to be pleasing.....but not to where you'd hurt yourself lol...but....in any way heathy.

_____________________________

Blessed be!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Eager To Please To A Fault? - 11/4/2005 8:09:55 AM   
wipmebeetme100


Posts: 198
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Do you ever find that being eager to please can at times be a curse as well as a blessing?


Most definitely. I was often finding myself way over extended and it was hard finding the time to do everything i had commited myself to. Now, Master must approve all of my volunteer efforts....until i have a better understanding of time management in relation to volunteering. It is working out great so far.

_____________________________

Happiness is like peeing your pants: Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth
~Unknown

(in reply to harmony3709)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Eager To Please To A Fault? - 11/4/2005 8:33:17 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..~smiles~

hmm..guess i'm a freak of nature somehow. Growing up the only one that I cared to please and not hurt (even though it happened) was my mother. Anyone eles's approval of me mattered not.

Now when it got to the stage of real sexual awareness, and relationships in general..when I came across a Man, not just a male (started at about 15) or a boy..that inner fire swelled to please or be found pleasing to them consumed me.

To this day what my mind, body, heart perceives to be a Man comes around..that inate fire lights up, and the need to please or be found pleasing takes off. Ofcourse now I don't act on that in anyway not allowed by my Owner. :) But anyone else that I do not perceive in that fashion (which is zero ever for a female now since my mother is gone) then they will get my genuine curtesy, and respect as just being another person but there is nothing in me that would make me feel like going overboard to please or be found pleasing by them.

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

(in reply to wipmebeetme100)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Eager To Please To A Fault? - 11/4/2005 12:33:11 PM   
harmony3709


Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

Greetings..~smiles~

hmm..guess i'm a freak of nature somehow. Growing up the only one that I cared to please and not hurt (even though it happened) was my mother. Anyone eles's approval of me mattered not.

Now when it got to the stage of real sexual awareness, and relationships in general..when I came across a Man, not just a male (started at about 15) or a boy..that inner fire swelled to please or be found pleasing to them consumed me.

To this day what my mind, body, heart perceives to be a Man comes around..that inate fire lights up, and the need to please or be found pleasing takes off. Ofcourse now I don't act on that in anyway not allowed by my Owner. :) But anyone else that I do not perceive in that fashion (which is zero ever for a female now since my mother is gone) then they will get my genuine curtesy, and respect as just being another person but there is nothing in me that would make me feel like going overboard to please or be found pleasing by them.

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin


I would say you are definitely not a freak of nature...........*smiles* Oh wait, then again, according to some vanillas, we're all freaks of nature, lol!!

But seriously, submissives come in all varieties and the best for you is who you are.....in my humble opinion, of course.

Blessed be,
harmony

(in reply to starshineowned)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Eager To Please To A Fault? - 11/4/2005 8:45:13 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

My whole life I have gone out of my way to please others...particularly family and friends...interesting though I was never really happy....I was too busy trying to make those around me happy. Not long after I met my Dom I realised that what was important was my happiness....pleasing him was so easy...yet in this case it wasn't taken for granted. I realised that in trying to please others I was only hurting myself....If I was truly happy then those that mattered around me too would be happy. One thing that really takes me by surprise is my Independence....I thought it would be lost through my submission....to me though it has only grown.


Awesome and DITTO
i learned how to say fianlly say no to others and hey it was OK.


_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to Aquariansub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Eager To Please To A Fault? - 11/5/2005 3:04:05 AM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		yes its gotten me into a bind more than a few times

(in reply to harmony3709)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Eager To Please To A Fault? - 11/6/2005 5:49:43 AM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: harmony3709

Agreeing to something out a desire to please, more than a desire to do whatever it was they were asked to do is common for submissives, and at least from what I have observed and read, seems to be more so than from a desire to obey. Obviously often be a part of a submissive make-up, the desire to please and the desire to serve, I have seen this (in myself as well as others) present in other aspects of the submissive's life as well as just pleasing or serving his or her dominant.

What this has me wondering though is, have you ever felt that being eager to please has negatively impacted your life?

I realize that a quick yes to one's dominant may be the appropriate course of action, but has this ever been a problem for you at other times? Have you found yourself saying yes when you really should say no.........like yes, you can bake 18 dozen cookies for the bake sale in two days when you know you already are up to your eyeballs in things you need to do? Or you can have Christmas at your house, when it's really the last thing you want.

Do you ever find that being eager to please can at times be a curse as well as a blessing?

Just wondering,
Blessed be,
harmony


I'm really not remotely a people pleaser, so I have to say it hasn't been an issue for me. I also have issues with authority and don't particularly like it people tell me what to do.

Except for my owner.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to harmony3709)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Eager To Please To A Fault? - 11/6/2005 8:35:45 AM   
PerhapsitsFate


Posts: 42
Joined: 11/30/2004
Status: offline 		I've always known that I try to do too much, even when people don't expect or ask me to. Above and beyond is always my goal, in my professional and personal life. Working in the hospitality industry, I go to great lengths to make a guests stay unforgettable... I derive so much satisfaction when someone tells me that they've never been treated so well in a hotel.

On the personal side, I do exactly what everyone else has said... I can't say no, volunteer when I shouldn't, etc, etc and so forth. This thread made me think about how when I go to visit a Sir I know.... I go to the extreme in my preparation.... perfect hair, makeup, lingerie, clothing, shoes.... from the skin out I look the best I possibly can. I teeter into his place on 4 inch stillettos... do a little twirl as he admires me... give him a peek at naughty lingerie..... he's puttering around the kitchen cooking us dinner. We chit chat and he says, "girl, why don't you go get comfortable" (which is my cue to put on my lounge clothes, tie my hair up (which I had spent an hour to make it look just so), and fold up all the lingerie and put it in my bag. I pad about his apartment in my bare tootsies unless he makes me put on his slippers when we go on the balcony. It's funny now that I think about it, I don't think all my effort is unappreciated, but maybe it's unnecessary, at least in this case. He's never demanded that I appear "just so", but possibly it's my need to feel like I've done enough to please him.

Thanks to the OP for this thread, it's given me food for thought, and definitely fodder for a discussion with him!

_____________________________

"Be still, sad heart and cease repining; Behind the clouds is the sun still shining; Thy fate is the common fate of all, Into each life some rain must fall, Some days must be dark and dreary."
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

(in reply to Wildfleurs)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Eager To Please To A Fault? - 1/21/2006 9:50:06 PM   
subiekitty


Posts: 34
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Its actualy a trouble spot right now in my D/s relationship with Master.

Master is trying to teach my about my own power, and duty to be assertive, and other matters related to preventing my intensly submissive nature from leading into abuse. Baiscly that if i don't leanr this and incorperate it into my being, then to serve her as a slave is likely to turn into unintended abuse via neglect of my own needs.

This of course is smacking right into my NEED to serve and to feel owned. So yea it is a pain but its who i am :)

(in reply to PerhapsitsFate)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Eager To Please To A Fault? - 1/22/2006 2:42:17 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

have you ever felt that being eager to please has negatively impacted your life?


Yes, definitely. In an instance where I chose the wrong person to be the recipient of my pleasing behavior. Other than that, I don't think it's a bad quality for a sub to have. Just be careful whom you bestow your pleasing nature on, make sure they value you and what you bring to them.


edited for grammar

< Message edited by KatyLied -- 1/22/2006 2:44:58 AM >

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to harmony3709)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Eager To Please To A Fault? - 1/22/2006 2:55:44 AM   
girl4you2


Posts: 1622
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
quote:

have you ever felt that being eager to please has negatively impacted your life?

Yes, definitely. In an instance where I chose the wrong person to be the recipient of my pleasing behavior. Other than that, I don't think it's a bad quality for a sub to have. Just be careful whom you bestow your pleasing nature on, make sure they value you and what you bring to them.

whomever you eventually do trust to bestow your submission and pleasing upon will be a man who will find himself very enriched in all ways and he will see the value in you that is so dear and precious.

_____________________________

maireann croí éadrom i bhfad. is maith an scáthán súil charad. is leor nod don eolach.
got shoes?

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Eager To Please To A Fault? - 1/22/2006 3:00:36 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		girl4you2:
quote:

whomever you eventually do trust to bestow your submission and pleasing upon will be a man who will find himself very enriched in all ways and he will see the value in you that is so dear and precious.


Right back at ya!



_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to girl4you2)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Eager To Please To A Fault? - 1/22/2006 5:29:49 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

Just be careful whom you bestow your pleasing nature on, make sure they value you and what you bring to them.

I think that may be impossible to do when somebody is deceiving you with the intention of taking advantage of your desire to please.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Eager To Please To A Fault? - 1/22/2006 9:33:56 AM   
Tapestry


Posts: 226
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: harmony3709

Agreeing to something out a desire to please, more than a desire to do whatever it was they were asked to do is common for submissives, and at least from what I have observed and read, seems to be more so than from a desire to obey. Obviously often be a part of a submissive make-up, the desire to please and the desire to serve, I have seen this (in myself as well as others) present in other aspects of the submissive's life as well as just pleasing or serving his or her dominant.

What this has me wondering though is, have you ever felt that being eager to please has negatively impacted your life?

I realize that a quick yes to one's dominant may be the appropriate course of action, but has this ever been a problem for you at other times? Have you found yourself saying yes when you really should say no.........like yes, you can bake 18 dozen cookies for the bake sale in two days when you know you already are up to your eyeballs in things you need to do? Or you can have Christmas at your house, when it's really the last thing you want.

Do you ever find that being eager to please can at times be a curse as well as a blessing?

Just wondering,
Blessed be,
harmony


Yes, i became way too involved with everything from religious activities and children's activities to extra professional obligations. This is partly because of my desire to please, which means not saying no. But it was also a result of a very unhappy marriage and home life, my husband having no interest in me or our relationship, and my need to feel fulfilled and needed somewhere, somehow.
That marriage is over (yay!) and i've tried to make better choices for myself. i've learned to say no, and have begun to set boundaries and limits in my relations with other people, and extra activities. This has especially become important as Master and i have discussed and agreed to always place our relationship as the most important thing, and everything else second to it. Being able to please Him and serve Him fulfills that need to please, so i don't have to be involved in everything else. And knowing that He values me and our relationship as much as i value Him and our relationship makes it so much easier to say "no" when people ask me to do something.


_____________________________

Tapestry

Daddy's Little Girl

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."

www.tapestry41.blogspot.com

(in reply to harmony3709)
Profile   Post #: 18
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Eager To Please To A Fault? Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.113