What am I doing wrong?

What am I doing wrong? (Full Version)

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killthemusic -> What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 10:52:38 AM)
I've been on collar me for about a month, and I feel a little disheartened. When I send out messages to people, they never reply. Is this a common occurrence? I am always sure to discuss anything that I read in their profile that interested me, and inform them about myself as well. I always include a pic, etc. I state my experience (NONE!) and my age (18), could this be what's causing them not to reply? It really is very disappointing to see that one's mail was read, but obviously didn't touch the person enough to even right back 'thanks but no thanks.'. I don't want to seem whiney or anything but it is bumming me out a little. Any advice would be appreciated. Marc x

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 10:59:08 AM)
a month??? try 10 years before you complain.... nobody is obligated to write back to you...

killthemusic -> RE: What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 11:02:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl a month??? try 10 years before you complain.... nobody is obligated to write back to you... Hi, Thanks for the reply. I'm not complaining. I was asking for advice. Marc x

everhope -> RE: What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 11:10:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: killthemusic I've been on collar me for about a month, and I feel a little disheartened. When I send out messages to people, they never reply. Is this a common occurrence? I am always sure to discuss anything that I read in their profile that interested me, and inform them about myself as well. I always include a pic, etc. I state my experience (NONE!) and my age (18), could this be what's causing them not to reply? It really is very disappointing to see that one's mail was read, but obviously didn't touch the person enough to even right back 'thanks but no thanks.'. I don't want to seem whiney or anything but it is bumming me out a little. Any advice would be appreciated. Marc x Marc, please consider yourself officailly written back to.. you may now move on and simply enjoy yourself here on Collarme. learn, laugh and love. i have had more disappointments after responding back and forth in written form and even more in flesh to flesh meetings than i could ever get from someone not responding to begin with. then there are those out of the blue totally awesome e-mails that actually amounts to something....keep yourself open to those. may you find your bliss via an e-mail. ps. whining never helps any situation...just sayin.

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 11:11:23 AM)
ok well...threads like these are almost posted on a daily basis....you should search them out... they often get responses like i posted...

killthemusic -> RE: What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 11:13:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: everhope Marc, please consider yourself officailly written back to now. you may now move on and simply enjoy yourself here on Collarme. learn, laugh and love. i have had more disappointments after responding back and forth in written form and even more in flesh to flesh meetings than i could ever get from someone not responding to begin with. then there are those out of the blue totally awesome e-mails that actually amount to something....keep yourself open to those. may you find your bliss via an e-mail. ps. whining never helps any situation...just sayin. Thanks for the reply, yeah, after rereading my initial post it does seem whiny. When someone contacts you, what do you like to see in their message, if you don't mind me asking? What truely grabs your attention and screams that the person might have some promise? quote: ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl ok well...threads like these are almost posted on a daily basis....you should search them out... they often get responses like i posted... I appreciate what you are saying, I did search previous to my posting of the thread, but didn't uncover much. Thanks alot for your truly wonderful help. [;)] Marc x

taintedgypsy -> RE: What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 11:15:35 AM)
I do not think there is any advice to help you. If you are reading profiles and sending thought out and heart felt messages than those who are interested will reply, those with old world manners will acknowledge and decline graciously and the rest for their own reasons will delete. Online shares with the real world its percentage of all types ... hang in there and keep your chin up. You might also consider looking into local groups and finding real life contacts, though again dissappointment is part of life. All you can do is resist the temptation to join the ranks of bitter, twisted and jaded and enjoy life ... lifes journey is not always smooth and besides a few bumps make you appreciate the more gentle parts of the ride lol.

SingleRarity -> RE: What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 11:17:01 AM)
To the OP: Getting into a vanilla relationship is difficult, and when you're looking for someone kinky your available pool is much, much smaller. Also remember that there are far more male subs than female dominants. Domme's are often overwhelmed with the amount of mail they recieve. Your great message is probably lost in the piles of crap. To the Mistress's: Hope it's ok to answer in your forum! Daddy's Ballerina "e"

LadyHibiscus -> RE: What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 11:21:05 AM)
Make sure you read profiles very very closely. I don't respond to all my email---though every nice compliment DOES get a "thank you" response---if the person is just miles out of my EXTREMELY specific parameters. Out of state? Too young? Totally not a kink match? Not getting a response. I even say right in my profile that I don't answer all my mail.....I can live with being Rude Dominant. What can any of us say but keep trying? Hang around on the boards, see what people say, and maybe get to know the folks that are local to you. I have met lots of great folks from here---of ALL orientations. Don't limit yourself, just get to know what you like, and have fun.

killthemusic -> RE: What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 11:32:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: taintedgypsy You might also consider looking into local groups and finding real life contacts, though again disappointment is part of life. I appreciate your post. There doesn't seem to be much in my area for D/s, after a google search I found one place, but it had a dress code that I was totally uncomfortable with, so I gave up on that idea. quote: ORIGINAL: taintedgypsy All you can do is resist the temptation to join the ranks of bitter, twisted and jaded and enjoy life ... lifes journey is not always smooth and besides a few bumps make you appreciate the more gentle parts of the ride lol. Hmm!!! Is that really what this website does to people? :D quote: ORIGINAL: SingleRarity Getting into a vanilla relationship is difficult, and when you're looking for someone kinky your available pool is much, much smaller. Also remember that there are far more male subs than female dominants. Domme's are often overwhelmed with the amount of mail they recieve. Your great message is probably lost in the piles of crap. Thank you for your reply, I appreciate that many people get a lot of mail on this website, it's unfortunate that many of them are timewasters as I have read on many Ladies' profiles, I guess that hardens them toward the messages they receive also. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Make sure you read profiles very very closely. I don't respond to all my email---though every nice compliment DOES get a "thank you" response---if the person is just miles out of my EXTREMELY specific parameters. Out of state? Too young? Totally not a kink match? Not getting a response. I even say right in my profile that I don't answer all my mail.....I can live with being Rude Dominant. What can any of us say but keep trying? Hang around on the boards, see what people say, and maybe get to know the folks that are local to you. I have met lots of great folks from here---of ALL orientations. Don't limit yourself, just get to know what you like, and have fun. Hello Lady Hibiscus. I always take care to choose who I message very specifically, I limit those who are looking for real time stuff to my own country (Scotland) as it's not very big :). Most people don't seem to have an age rage in their profile, but I generally never message anyone 30+ as I feel the generational gap may be much to wide to form a relationship be it friendship, play or more. As for the kink thing, I have never experienced any D/s and I am really interested in trying all sorts of stuff, and I try to convey that in my messages. Would you recommend that I talk to other submissives in my area also to get an overall feel of everything? Thanks, Marc x

LadyHibiscus -> RE: What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 11:43:00 AM)
Scotland!! God, I love that accent.....Glasgow is my favorite..... but anyway! I am one of those folks who will always recommend talking to real humans first, and networking with other submissives. Femdoms network, why shouldn't the subs? Talk to as many people as you can. I haven't perved your profile, but also make sure it is filled out decently---and there are several recent threasds you can search for to help you out.

killthemusic -> RE: What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 11:51:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Scotland!! God, I love that accent.....Glasgow is my favorite..... but anyway! I am one of those folks who will always recommend talking to real humans first, and networking with other submissives. Femdoms network, why shouldn't the subs? Talk to as many people as you can. I haven't perved your profile, but also make sure it is filled out decently---and there are several recent threasds you can search for to help you out. Lady Hibiscus, I don't think my profile is great at all, I truly couldn't think what to write in it. I will search the forum and look for threads and revise it tonight. I really appreciate all your advice. P.s i'm not very fond of my accent but you flatter me. I live in Glasgow! ha. Marc x

DelilahDeb -> RE: What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 11:55:07 AM)
Sigh. Scotland. Best of luck, OP; I don't expect to get there this lifetime. I can state, for your better information, that even some of the irrelevant messages I receive get replies. Only the out-of-country "I will be your slave 4ever" get instantly blocked. Thus far, I'm not receiving the dreaded "mountains of messages", but then I'm pretty picky and over 50 and not in any major metro centers. Witch, poly, not looking for a live-in, not high protocol, don't wear heels, hate stockings...hell, sometimes I'm surprised that I'm here at all. The thing that you're doing RIGHT is responding to specifics in profiles that speak to you, and responding honestly. Good luck finding local community; for me that's been the most rewarding. Interesting point; the quantity of high-grade scene in metro England had not given me to expect such a dearth in Scotland. (Should ha' known...that Calvinist influence, ugh! But then, Massachusetts, a once-Puritan center, is a hotbed, so one never knows.) Lady Delilah Deb

LadyHibiscus -> RE: What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 12:01:19 PM)
[8D]LadyD, just post a new cleavage shot, and you will be flooded....... I swear, it's like they never saw boobs before.... Marc, the third accent I learned (after English and Italian) was my Glaswegian next door neighbor! Big love!

killthemusic -> RE: What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 12:02:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DelilahDeb Sigh. Scotland. Best of luck, OP; I don't expect to get there this lifetime. I can state, for your better information, that even some of the irrelevant messages I receive get replies. Only the out-of-country "I will be your slave 4ever" get instantly blocked. Hi Lady Delilah I appreciate you taking the time to reply. If I can tell you anything it's that you are not missing much by not seeing Scotland! quote: ORIGINAL: DelilahDeb Thus far, I'm not receiving the dreaded "mountains of messages", but then I'm pretty picky and over 50 and not in any major metro centers. Witch, poly, not looking for a live-in, not high protocol, don't wear heels, hate stockings...hell, sometimes I'm surprised that I'm here at all. The thing that you're doing RIGHT is responding to specifics in profiles that speak to you, and responding honestly. Good luck finding local community; for me that's been the most rewarding. Interesting point; the quantity of high-grade scene in metro England had not given me to expect such a dearth in Scotland. (Should ha' known...that Calvinist influence, ugh! But then, Massachusetts, a once-Puritan center, is a hotbed, so one never knows.) Lady Delilah Deb I believe that it takes all kinds, and I really hope you find a nice match for yourself. Thank you for your kind words, perhaps I have not looked hard enough, there may be a goldmine out there, hopefully I can find it by using Lady Hibiscus' advice in her previous posts. Marc x

KatyLied -> RE: What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 12:05:18 PM)
Maybe they don't want their music killed.

killthemusic -> RE: What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 12:09:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied Maybe they don't want their music killed. Oo err, maybe not! I never thought of that. Do many people have a hard limit of 'killing' music on here? :P Marc x

DomKen -> RE: What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 12:15:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: killthemusic If I can tell you anything it's that you are not missing much by not seeing Scotland! Glasgow's not that nice but the highlands and Edinburgh are very much worth seeing. BTW good luck searching, straight male subs probably have the hardest time of it since their aren't that many Dommes out there.

killthemusic -> RE: What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 12:30:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomKen Glasgow's not that nice but the highlands and Edinburgh are very much worth seeing. BTW good luck searching, straight male subs probably have the hardest time of it since their aren't that many Dommes out there. I agree, I'm only in Glasgow for university, not because I like the place. :). Thank you for your words of encouragement, good luck to you too :D Marc x

Termyn8or -> RE: What am I doing wrong? (6/20/2008 1:25:37 PM)
You are on the hunt. First of all a hunter needs to be quiet sometimes. Sending out a bunch of mails is very counterproductive. If you are mailing female Dommes it is likely that some of them will block or ignore you, not for personal reasons but because of the volume of mail they recieve. Some people are too persistent. Any female can get a one night stand just about anytime, and you are only in Glascow for the university, so you will probably be moving when you graduate no ? It seems that on CM, people aren't looking for just a tryst or three, they want something more solid. If you are moving in a couple of years that makes you less attractive. Another thing is being overweight. Now I know from real life that if you are tall, being overweight is not a turnoff for alot of Women. But when you are 5'8" tall it can be. You might want to make an effort to be fit and trim. And there is no pic in your profile. There is no pic in my profile because they bounce it, for some reason it is disallowed. I tried two, one was very poor resolution but was just me and the wall with an Ozz Franka in the background. The other was alot better quality but may have been bounced because I had a beer in my hand. Go to "Who's Viewing Me" and see if those you mailed perved your profile, if most did, that could be a turnoff. It is also a bit sparse on information. IIRC when filling it out there are several pages, and a submit button at the bottom of each. Thing is, somewhere there is a "Next" button which takes you to alot more questions. They are basically about your interests etc., and there are alot of options there. "Beginner". "Expert" and so forth. If you are looking for a Dominant, it is still a relationship. Do you water ski, like to go barhopping, fine dining, outdoors like fishing or something ? You need to put it all in there. The first time I filled out my profile I missed a bunch of that, and I saw it in others' profiles. I went back and redid it. I need to redo it again, I'll get around to it. Thing is they don't know what you want. Do you want to lick boots or get tied up for a half hour and then get 'raped' ?. Or do you want to do dishes ? There are all kinds out there and you don't say much about what kind you are. How would you have her tease you ? How would you have her punish you ? Yes, I would have a close look to see if those you mailed checked your profile. If they have, you know where the problem is. T PS, don't even perv mine, it is in need of updating badly. T

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