RE: First dates: Do you enjoy being in control, or being courted?

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RE: First dates: Do you enjoy being in control, or bein... - 6/22/2008 7:25:31 PM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
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When I was searching for my slave, we were "dating" instead of control in the beginning. You do not really want to take over a prospect to soon or they will be freightened and run.
For the first few dates, talk about likes and dislikes. Set up a collar relationship training program, and go from there.

Regards, MissSCD

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RE: First dates: Do you enjoy being in control, or bein... - 6/22/2008 9:48:15 PM

needDomme

Posts: 115
Joined: 4/8/2006
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For me, this one is easy. I'd much rather go as I'm told than to make decisions. It need not mean that the one who chooses pays. I've always thought that the sub should pay, but that the Domme should choose. That is what makes me most comfortable.

need

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RE: First dates: Do you enjoy being in control, or bein... - 6/23/2008 6:37:40 AM

MissEnchanted

Posts: 510
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quote:

ORIGINAL: needDomme

For me, this one is easy. I'd much rather go as I'm told than to make decisions. It need not mean that the one who chooses pays. I've always thought that the sub should pay, but that the Domme should choose. That is what makes me most comfortable.

need

Muahhh baby!

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RE: First dates: Do you enjoy being in control, or bein... - 6/23/2008 6:58:34 AM

vampchick88

Posts: 346
Joined: 4/10/2007
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Call me old fashioned but first date i prefer to get to know the person better to see if we click before just kink. When I first went to see pet he was very sweet, very much a gentleman. he kept opening doors for me, this I thought would only last a day but to my wonder and amazment it lasted the whole time. With pet I like being courted, it makes me feel loved, even though pet has already earned my dominance and my heart he still continues to court me by doing small things to make me smile, laugh, or squeak.
In order for me to control someone I've got to feel a connection with them. I've tried doming those that I didn't know well just to see how it would go....not so well to say the least. When I feel a connection I can let go, not worry about harming them, and have fun. I can get into my own headspace and have a blast. ~Lorelei

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RE: First dates: Do you enjoy being in control, or bein... - 6/23/2008 7:15:39 AM

MISTRESSKUMA

Posts: 226
Joined: 8/15/2007
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all women are in control during courtship and the dominant ones keep the control (passively and/or aggressively (lucky subbie)) past that stage. pretty simple.

< Message edited by MISTRESSKUMA -- 6/23/2008 7:16:42 AM >

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RE: First dates: Do you enjoy being in control, or bein... - 6/23/2008 8:20:13 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VictoriaDoll4her

I don't think I could "date" a domme. It all sounds l ike it would to be just another way to wind up in a one sided freindship/relationship with me doing everthing. If that's what a sub is then it's not me. sub for "play" is one thing but in life.. where's the equality? Or doesn't the word equality exist in the bdsm vocabulary?

Until we agree to have a power exchange between us, I view any Domme as an equal to me. So for me, when we meet and go through the initial "get to know each other phase", it really is pretty much a case of dating. I want to get to know "the real person"/"the real woman", establish a friendship and see where that leads, before deciding if there's potential for something more. If there's no vanilla connection for me, then there's not going to be a D/s connection either. I'm not looking for just a play partner, I'm looking for something more than that. Consequently, I don't see any incongruence with "dating" a Domme and slowly moving into the D/s realm as something more than a friendship develops between us.

- pixel

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Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

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Post #: 46

RE: First dates: Do you enjoy being in control, or bein... - 6/23/2008 10:21:59 AM

TwoNYCDommes

Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
do you prefer to be in a position to pick when, where and what, and be in charge of first dates with submissive partners?

It seems we define "courted" differently that you do. We tend to agree with those who have noted that the person being courted is in control--which is fortunate for us, as we enjoy both.

Semantics aside, when arranging an initial meeting with a submissive, we typically make the decisions, from the basics (such as that the meeting will be brief and in a public place) to choosing the specific location. Obviously, there is discussion on many points. We choose a date and time that is convenient for all of us, for example. We also consider what we know about the submissive--if he does not drink, for example, we might suggest meeting for tea rather than in a bar. But the decision will be ours. Any "arrangements" necessary would be made by the submissive, however. If a reservation were needed, or if we simply wanted to make sure that a particular bar was open in the middle of the afternoon, we would instruct the submissive to call.

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RE: First dates: Do you enjoy being in control, or bein... - 6/23/2008 2:25:07 PM

Aimtoplease101

Posts: 319
Joined: 2/8/2006
From: San Diego, California
Status: offline

Assuming the Lady doesn't have other preferences, I like to take the lead as far as suggesting a place, making reservations, pouring the wine, etc. But while on the "date" (and I've had a number of Dommes tell me it isn't a "date," by the way), I figure my role is to be attentive, receptive, available, and compliant, but to allow her to set the tone and agenda for how things will go, and to respond appropriately.

Thus, for instance, I won't initiate physical contact, a kiss, or lead the get to know you discussion into kinkier areas. Instead, I'll follow her lead.

Regards, ATP

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RE: First dates: Do you enjoy being in control, or bein... - 6/23/2008 4:24:54 PM

sodsta

Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
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To me, D/s is very much about trust. If I were going on a first date with someone in the hope that it would eventually lead to a healthy D/s relationship, I think I'd much prefer to be vanilla at first and get to know them. I mean, relationships - even kinky ones - need to be based on more than just kink. If you have the kink but nothing else... what do you really have?

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RE: First dates: Do you enjoy being in control, or bein... - 6/23/2008 5:47:40 PM

cloudboy

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I haven't had a "first date" in four years. As I imagine it, its probably better to share a milkshake than to suggest a drive up to lookout point.

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RE: First dates: Do you enjoy being in control, or bein... - 6/23/2008 8:42:56 PM

CoasttoCoast

Posts: 71
Joined: 5/22/2007
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my personality usually makes me in control of all first dates, you know, as much as is friendly, not that i'm ordering people around,

but, with a kinky lady? If she wanted to order me around, that'd be... interesting. I have no idea how it would go.

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RE: First dates: Do you enjoy being in control, or bein... - 6/23/2008 8:53:20 PM

CoasttoCoast

Posts: 71
Joined: 5/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I haven't had a "first date" in four years. As I imagine it, its probably better to share a milkshake than to suggest a drive up to lookout point.

Lookout point has milkshakes

whaddaya gonna do now?

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Post #: 52