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Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good dominant?


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Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good domi... - 6/22/2008 1:10:31 PM   
sucre


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/24/2008
Status: offline 		Hello everyone, this is my first post BTW so I hope I am posting in the right section :) I am sure people have asked a similar question before but I was just wondering about your opinions about my situation. To tell the truth, I have never dated an openly dom guy before, most of my 'kinky' relationships have been with so-called 'vanilla' guys.

I am dating a vanilla guy and I have been trying to introduce him to some things to make it more interesting for me, like hair pulling and being more rough with me during sex. Actually, we barely speak the same language so it involves me often doing the things to him to show him what I would like, to which he replies that he doesn't like this stuff being done to him but it's ok for me. Good so far. The other day he asked me how often I masturbated - he seemed to think I did it a lot since I have trouble orgasming through penetration alone. Hmmm. He said that if I stopped I would enjoy it so much more, to which I replied "I won't masturbate again." He seemed to like this and he said as he was leaving "remember, only masturbation with me." This really was music to my ears. Do you think he has dom possibilities or am I reading too much into this?
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RE: Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good ... - 6/22/2008 1:14:02 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sucre
I am dating a vanilla guy 
Do you think he has dom possibilities

I dunno. What are dom possibilities?

< Message edited by Rule -- 6/22/2008 1:15:11 PM >

(in reply to sucre)
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RE: Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good ... - 6/22/2008 1:15:06 PM   
katie978


Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline 		  It seems likely that you are reading to much into this.

  Pleasing a partner is a natural desire. Doing a few tricks of the dominant trade that you have been shown does not make you dom-I'm sure there are plenty of submissives who will pull hair and pinch nipples when they're with a vanilla partner.

  Given his apparant lack of understanding of how women orgasm, I wouldn't get too excited about the "orgasm control" either...seems like he just wants to please you, not that he wants to be in control of when you recieve pleasure.

  Who knows, though, it's possible he is dom and he never knew it. It just doesn't seem likely so far, based on what you said.

_____________________________



"That's the plan. Rule the world. You and me. Anyday ::wink::"



(in reply to sucre)
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RE: Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good ... - 6/22/2008 1:17:51 PM   
sucre


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

quote:

ORIGINAL: sucre
I am dating a vanilla guy 
Do you think he has dom possibilities

I dunno. What are dom possibilities?


Good question. I meant that he likes to dominate and is not just doing it to please me in the bedroom. Katie, perhaps you are right about him just doing it to please me, but I'm not sure.

(in reply to Rule)
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RE: Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good ... - 6/22/2008 1:21:57 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		We're not going to be sure, either. He may, or may not. Talk to him about it, if you feel comfortable doing so, see what happens.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to sucre)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good ... - 6/22/2008 1:26:17 PM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		I think you're reading way too much into a him doing a few things that you've asked him to do and his not wanting you to cum by yourself because somehow (?) this is supposed to make it better when you're with him.  To me, being a Dominant extends far beyond the bedroom and being able to orchestrate some rough sex (which you've initiated, not him).

If you didn't have a language barrier, you could plop him down and talk about it, but I'm not sure if you would be able to get across to him what it is you want. 

(in reply to sucre)
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RE: Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good ... - 6/22/2008 1:29:09 PM   
sucre


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/24/2008
Status: offline 		Yes, needingmore, it is difficult with the language barrier! We get along fine despite our language differences, it's fun, but I can't just sit him down and explain that I am into bdsm because he wouldn't understand. It's all a bit difficult :)

(in reply to NeedingMore220)
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RE: Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good ... - 6/22/2008 1:30:53 PM   
sasseeNshy


Posts: 120
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline 		From first blush, I wouldn't say he is showing any "dominant" tendancies, however, it reminds me of the fable how "a man will look forever to find a golf ball".

(in reply to NeedingMore220)
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RE: Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good ... - 6/22/2008 1:33:18 PM   
sucre


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/24/2008
Status: offline 		Sassee, sorry ignorant me, can you explain what you mean by the fable??

(in reply to sasseeNshy)
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RE: Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good ... - 6/22/2008 1:33:30 PM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sucre

Yes, needingmore, it is difficult with the language barrier! We get along fine despite our language differences, it's fun, but I can't just sit him down and explain that I am into bdsm because he wouldn't understand. It's all a bit difficult :)


Hell, show him some pics of what you want!  See if he likes it or is horrified ...

(in reply to sucre)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good ... - 6/22/2008 1:44:21 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		And show him some golf balls....

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to NeedingMore220)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good ... - 6/22/2008 1:48:36 PM   
sasseeNshy


Posts: 120
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline 		Bad Level...bad (although I think by gawd you know exactly from where I speak)

(in reply to Level)
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RE: Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good ... - 6/22/2008 1:57:28 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to sasseeNshy)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good ... - 6/22/2008 2:00:18 PM   
sasseeNshy


Posts: 120
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline 		I'm sorry, at times I tend to be cryptic...it was a somewhat sarcastic response and I apologize for that.....however, in my humble opinion.....just enjoy the ride.  Despite our inner desires........we cannot change men, they will not magically become what we want them to be..Dominant or otherwise..........so if you enjoyed your date, ride it like you stole it.

(edited cause my spelling sucks) 

< Message edited by sasseeNshy -- 6/22/2008 2:01:37 PM >

(in reply to sucre)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good ... - 6/22/2008 2:35:46 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		Everyone has to start somewhere. I'm pretty sure plenty of people have "dom" and "sub" ways and don't even know it. Does he? I don't know. Just have to explore and find out.

(in reply to sasseeNshy)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good ... - 6/22/2008 4:26:01 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Google bdsm information in his language and show it to him.  You won't be able to control what he reads about it, but...  If he has no concept of what you are needing, he needs something to work with.  If you want more than some kinky sex, he will have to be a dominant personality and learn what it means to be a dominant in a relationship.  From my own experience... you can't remold a person.  He will either get it or he won't, but it does seem he is trying in some way.  Good luck...

(in reply to Usako)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good ... - 6/22/2008 5:08:02 PM   
MasterHermes


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/23/2008
Status: offline 		I will go against general opinion in this one. Do NOT Talk to him. Let everything flow and see where it leads both of you. If you must do something, you can make him comfortable, give him hints of how much you enjoy being dominated. If this is totally new to him, telling him right away this is what you expect can confuse him. Even if he gets interested and wants to "try" , he still can feel pressured about being good enough.

If you really like this guy and serious about him do not rush into BDSM. Enjoy the beginning of a new relationship. If , after being together for a certain time period, he still shows dominant tendencies but doesn't know how he should step into BDSM world, then you can start talking to him about it and introduce him new possibilities. Who knows maybe he already is into it and will surprise you :)

Be happy & Enjoy your relationship
Hermes

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good ... - 6/23/2008 1:47:58 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

Do you think he has dom possibilities or am I reading too much into this?


I'm not a big fan of having to inform a man that he 'should' or can be dominant with me just because I enjoy that. If it isn't obvious that he is, then teaching him is not my bag. I kinda attempted this once, turns out I created a monster. (he got in some woman troubles because of it). I tried to make a mountain out of a molehill. 

Yet, If you have the time and patience to do so..go for it. 

(in reply to MasterHermes)
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RE: Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good ... - 6/23/2008 1:35:28 PM   
sucre


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/24/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks for all your input! I think perhaps for the moment I am not ready to sit him down and explain what I want or show him pictures. I don't want him to run away or think I am a freak. I imagine it's just a case of taking one step at a time. It's nothing serious, but I still would prefer to wait.

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Vanilla date...Could he be a turn out to be a good ... - 6/23/2008 4:28:08 PM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Good luck to you - and enjoy! 

(in reply to sucre)
Profile   Post #: 20
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