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Are Y/you a Good Neighbor? - 6/23/2008 10:48:15 AM

pinkieplum

Posts: 84
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quote:

There’s talk today about how as a society we’ve become fragmented by ethnicity, income, city versus suburb, red state versus blue. But we also divide ourselves with invisible dotted lines. I’m talking about the property lines that isolate us from the people we are physically closest to: our neighbors.

According to social scientists, from 1974 to 1998, the frequency with which Americans spent a social evening with neighbors fell by about one-third. Robert Putnam, the author of “Bowling Alone,” a groundbreaking study of the disintegration of the American social fabric, suggests that the decline actually began 20 years earlier, so that neighborhood ties today are less than half as strong as they were in the 1950s.

Why is it that in an age of cheap long-distance rates, discount airlines and the Internet, when we can create community anywhere, we often don’t know the people who live next door?

By PETER LOVENHEIM
New York Times Published: June 23, 2008 http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/23/opinion/23lovenheim.html?th&emc=th . Why did we allow this to happen? How many parents would be better able to raise happy, healthy UMs if their neighbors watched out for them? How many elderly people would be able to remain in their own homes if their neighbors fixed their meals, drove them to MD appts or cut their grass? Why do we seem willing to join a community 'online', but unable or unwilling to create one in our own neighborhoods? Comments? pinkeeplum.

< Message edited by pinkieplum -- 6/23/2008 10:52:26 AM >

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RE: Are Y/you a Good Neighbor? - 6/23/2008 10:58:41 AM

LadyRainfire

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Joined: 2/20/2008
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Maybe it's like that in some areas but not everywhere. I know of communities where we do know our neighbours and help each other out. I lived in the same house for 12 years ago and watched some neighbours come and some go. I can tell you all about them, how they've helped me, I've helped them, how we helped each other. Even if we didn't speak the same language, we communicated just fine. I can tell you of people in surrounding communities that I or my church helped, friends and families reaching out regionally or nationally as needed to those in need. My friends children listening just as much to me telling them "no" (or "yes" for that matter) and respecting it as they would their parents.

Fragmented society? Only if we let it....

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RE: Are Y/you a Good Neighbor? - 6/23/2008 11:04:49 AM

OmegaG

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Joined: 10/23/2007
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I was born and raised in a small town, were everyone knew everyone's business under the guise of being good neigbors. Even though it was all the I ever knew, I hated it. I am a private person and I don't like nosey people.

When I was Mormon one of the practices that I couldn't stand was the monthly or move visits that were assigned (at least two visits per month, one by a male pair of "home teachers" one by a pair of "visiting teachers) to each member. Many people loved the continuous support, but I guess I just don't like people that much.

Would we be better parents if every other adult in the area had a hand in shaping our kids the way they felt was appropriate? Hell no. Many times my father undid the lessons our neighbors tried to instill upon me.

Could our parents stay in their houses? Possibly, but sometimes it's not about the lawn mowing and the food, sometimes it's about the home relairs and the flights of stairs. It also depends on the individual elderly and what they need assistance on. Back in those elusive "good old days" parents didn't usually stay in their homes unless their kids moved in, usually the elderly moved in with their kids when they needed assistance. Assisted living was designed to allow parents independent living because it was the elderly who didn't want to become a burden to their kids or kids who had houses that couldn't accomodate the parents.

Neighbor hood communities only really worked when there was a religious and cultural bond that linked everyone, can't have diversity and close knit communities.

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RE: Are Y/you a Good Neighbor? - 6/23/2008 11:08:32 AM

housesub4you

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Joined: 4/2/2008
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What I have noticed is that all of my neighbors work 2 jobs so what little time the have away from the job is spent sleeping or with family.

There are several excellent studies on the social norms and mores of our society and the changes caused by people working longer hours and earning less. The average work week in the 60's was 30 hours (which is no longer considered full time) to todays average of 43 hours per week.

I would just like to thank the OP for giving me the chance to use my degree in Sociology, now I feel like the 40 grand was well spent.

< Message edited by housesub4you -- 6/23/2008 11:09:04 AM >

(in reply to LadyRainfire)

Post #: 4

RE: Are Y/you a Good Neighbor? - 6/23/2008 11:27:57 AM

slaveboyforyou

Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
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quote:

Why do we seem willing to join a community 'online', but unable or unwilling to create one in our own neighborhoods?

I guess I could ask my neighbors if they're into leather, chains, whips, and kinky sex. But something tells me that I wouldn't be received warmly. It seems more likely the police would show up and take reports about the creepy pervert that lives next door.

(in reply to pinkieplum)

Post #: 5

RE: Are Y/you a Good Neighbor? - 6/23/2008 11:38:31 AM

jlf1961

Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
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I admit I am a bad neighbor, actually I am not too much of a people person at all, and given the chance I would move to a location where neighbors are further apart, one where the nearest walmart is at least 100 miles away.

I am the person that grows cactus, juniper, and various native thorn bushes along the fence using the excuse it will keep unwanted wildlife out of the yard... as well as keeping people from trying to talk over the fence. (the added benefit is that anyone that tries to break in would discover it was a very painful prospect.)

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RE: Are Y/you a Good Neighbor? - 6/23/2008 11:39:24 AM

Emperor1956

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FR: Funny that Pinky would post this excerpt from the NYT article on the day I just finished reading Bill Bishops "The Big Sort" In essence, this book argues that we do build communities of like-minded people, and that this allows us to be (makes us?) more isolated, more intolerant and less willing to understand people of disparate incomes, backgrounds, ethnicity and religion. So, does humanity have it both ways? Live with people just like you and STILL ignore them? Apparently so.

And by the way, I know my neighbors. Why would that mean I'd ever trust my UMs to them?

E.

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(in reply to pinkieplum)

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RE: Alexsandr Solzenitsyn -- Nobel Prize Winner and Sov... - 6/23/2008 12:14:44 PM

KyttynTheMynx

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From: Moosecrotch, Va
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How many parents would be better able to raise happy, healthy UMs if their neighbors watched out for them? I sure as hell wouldnt entrust my neighbors to be my eyes and eyes for my future children. They are mine, so my job is to keep an eye out.

How many elderly people would be able to remain in their own homes if their neighbors fixed their meals, drove them to MD appts or cut their grass? In perfect world, that would be nice, but lets face it. We all mostly live our lives at 100mph and if we can find a night where we get 8 full hours of sleep, we are lucky. As was stated, its not always about the good deeds either. Some elderly have medical issues that require them to be under nightly or round the clock care. Some cant manuver stairs. At any rate (as harsh as it sounds) since when is it my job to care for anothers parents, when in a few years, I will have my own to care for? I surely wont be pushing mom and dad off on to their neighbors to look after, when they dedicated 18 years of their lives to me.

Why do we seem willing to join a community 'online', but unable or unwilling to create one in our own neighborhoods? Online is my escape from the stressors of life. My neighbors are all great people for the most part, but the most we all have in common is an area code, a zip code, and the fact that I went to school with most of my neighbors or their children. Its hard to carry on a conversation when it goes into awkward mode after a few hello's, and how ya been's are halfheartedly spoken when going to mailboxes, or walking in the evening.

< Message edited by KyttynTheMynx -- 6/23/2008 12:15:50 PM >

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(in reply to pinkieplum)

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RE: Are Y/you a Good Neighbor? - 6/23/2008 12:17:44 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
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I live in a condo so all of us owners pretty much know each other.
Many live here full time and some own a condo here for a weekend getaway or a summer vacation.
One or two are owned by corporations for the use of their owners or employees.
We watch out for one another and see each other at the mailboxes and the pool in good weather.
It's a nice way to live, you can go out and socialise or if you want privacy retreat into your condo.
And we have a good mix of socio- economic backgrounds.
Retired police, corrections officers, a retired arbitrage banker for B.O.A., (Vanilla and liberal who doesn't like guns and who I dated for about 6 months who's father was a Lt. General in the Army; "you want to tie me up? what for? you mean like cowboys and indians?"..."yeah,......like cowboys and indians.")

a lady who moved here from San Diego Ca. also in banking and who I probably could tie up but she's not my type, a retired steelworker and his wife from Pittsburgh, Pa., a semi retired science teacher from Pa. who I understand is also a multi- millionaire, a lady and her husband and children who rides horses for a living in Dolly Parton's Showplace 5 nights a week, her "dream job", a retired civil engineer for the city of Quincy, Mass who's also good enough on the ivorys to be a concert pianist, and a retired social worker from Vermont who drives a new Cadillac and decided she made a mistake by retiring and leaving Vermont, and many others.
We have 64 condos here and maybe 6 or 8 are rented. We don't have much interaction with them as most of them work a lot.
We have a maintainance guy Mike who does all the outside work and the place looks "marvelous!"
Am I a good neighbor? Yeah, pretty much, if someone needs a hand with something I help them out, if I make too much food I'll take it to the neighbors to share and I always pay my condo assoc. fees ontime.

And this is Myrtle Beach so people are very friendly here anyway.

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RE: Are Y/you a Good Neighbor? - 6/23/2008 1:23:51 PM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

quote:

Are Y/you a Good Neighbor?

The best.

You could smoke/grow dope, run a business, play loud music, and even run a whore house if you so choose.....and I could careless.

However... If you or any member of your family steal from me or hurt my dogs - I'll pull you out of your house/car and pummel you, and get away with it....

- R

< Message edited by UtopianRanger -- 6/23/2008 1:24:19 PM >

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RE: Are Y/you a Good Neighbor? - 6/23/2008 1:50:13 PM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I moved back to xyz street 1 year ago. 7 years ago, I lived on the same street for 7 years.

At current- we all see all in the yards- and at times it is one big camp site. I have come to enjoy that. However- being that I have clear off street parking, and my lot is situated with elbow room, it is posed for good vibes.

Of all the places I lived in IL, this is far better. It spooked me abit that next doors buddy knows the guy who sold me my truck as he was set to buy it- then did not. He knows the couple in the back.

A neighbor a few doors down snow blows my front sidewalk all winter long. Next door has mowed my grass, and I have mowed theirs too.

All the homes adjacent are fixing up and alot of care/upgrades done.

They all have seen me in over drive; working like mad on my garden. I think it gives them comfort that someone is "guarding" the tranquility.

Likewise I chat with the kids. As the get older- we should not have the vandalism trouble some have.

They know that I am emotional and the place might look like a tornado- but they get abit awestruck when I figure out the plan.

I went a few blocks over to a gal that had rocks on freecycle. Who pulls up? bill and his wife. who then went with me to lowes to each buy 24 in x 24 in patio cement, 3 of them, $25, - $10 coupon. so $75 of rock for $45. bill I had met via freecycle. he and his wife had me over to thanks given - [the 1st year mom moved away]

So- there are some good points,

I am looking into http://www.the-artistic-garden.com/hypertufa-recipes.html learning to make fake rocks. I picture a rock wall- with foam insulation in it. or a 2 story waterfall built this way.

(in reply to UtopianRanger)

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RE: Are Y/you a Good Neighbor? - 6/23/2008 2:11:03 PM

kiwisub12

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Joined: 1/11/2006
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In 50's i am willing to bet that June Cleaver was the one that knew all the neighbours and baked them cakes and pie, while Ward was at work. Nowdays, June is riding with Ward to work, and hasn't the amount of time she had previously to do all the socialising at the neighbourhood pool. Thats why we don't socialise with our neighbours. That and the fact that we have little in common with our neighbours, other than sheer physical proximity.

(in reply to pahunkboy)

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RE: Are Y/you a Good Neighbor? - 6/23/2008 2:11:10 PM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
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quote:

How many parents would be better able to raise happy, healthy UMs if their neighbors watched out for them?

How many elderly people would be able to remain in their own homes if their neighbors fixed their meals, drove them to MD appts or cut their grass?

Why do we seem willing to join a community 'online', but unable or unwilling to create one in our own neighborhoods?

Yes, I am a good neighbor. I take in my neighbor's toddler (when she sees my back door open, it means I am available to enjoy spending time with her as I garden), I water her grass if they are gone for the day and I am not, I cook a lot and often make 4 or 5 batches for the freezer ..I give her one if she looks like she had a long hard day. We get along great. I consider myself lucky to have decent neighbors. Others close by, the same friendly relationship but not as close.

I don't mind my neighbor asking favours from me.

She and I also have our own neighborhood watch going on if either of us goes away for the weekend. Just to ensure neither of us gets broken into or in case of fire etc.

< Message edited by came4U -- 6/23/2008 2:13:39 PM >

(in reply to pahunkboy)

Post #: 13

RE: Are Y/you a Good Neighbor? - 6/23/2008 2:13:49 PM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
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i've been in situations where i didn't know my neighbors and where i have. i find that if you want to know your neighbors, it takes a small effort and not much else. i much prefer being on good terms with neighbors. it's nice to say hello and chat for a minute with the people in the area. when i had my house and my huge veggie garden, the neighbors could come in and take what they needed for a meal if they wanted to as long as they didn't waste it, but i grew 30 tomato plants of different varieties and about 10 zuchinni's as well as peppers, eggplant, and various herbs...they had to get through my dog though, and if they knew me, they knew my dog. neighbors would talk over or through the fences and help if a car wouldn't start or if a pipe broke, etc. it's nice to have that network of people.

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RE: Are Y/you a Good Neighbor? - 6/23/2008 2:20:37 PM

MissIsis

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Joined: 1/1/2005
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Somehow, I think the neighbors might try to run us out of the neighborhood if they saw or came across our whips, chains, blindfolds, handcuffs, ropes, St. Andrews crosses, not to mention if they accidentally walked in & saw someone attached or chained to any of these things. In the old days of great neighborhoods, people didn't lock their doors & neighbors would just walk right in. Heavens, I think it was Georgia that in the last few years made it illegal for a woman to own a vibrator. I think I would much rather prefer my privacy.

(in reply to came4U)

Post #: 15

RE: Are Y/you a Good Neighbor? - 6/23/2008 2:22:58 PM

Raechard

Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
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There is a reason man invented big fuck off fences and god invented gigantic flora.
You can choose your friends not your neighbours, you get stuck with them when they move in and the war is almost part of the fun. If I could I’d breed a herd of rabid cats and cut strategic cat sized holes in the fence, I would. As long as it was my fence I don’t want to be starting land disputes. The one on the left is mine, the person at the end has two fences that’s all I know.

An army of killer zombie cats and an annoying recoding of a little yapping dog barking Mwahahaha, zee possibilities are endless.

(edited because I mis-spelid Mwahahahaha)

ok so no one spotted my other mistake I put in there to test your errm observation

< Message edited by Raechard -- 6/23/2008 2:54:41 PM >

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RE: Are Y/you a Good Neighbor? - 6/23/2008 2:51:46 PM

GimpinDenial

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/20/2008
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I'm a good neighbor....
I give free nudie shows everyday

I do what I can....

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Post #: 17

RE: Are Y/you a Good Neighbor? - 6/23/2008 2:54:45 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
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like a good neighbour........statefarm is there...........

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RE: Are Y/you a Good Neighbor? - 6/23/2008 3:11:43 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

Just because I happen to live next door to someone doesn't mean I need to be friends.

Good fences make for good neighbors.

I choose my friends for reasons other than geographic. Neighbors are just people that live on the same road as me.

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RE: Are Y/you a Good Neighbor? - 6/23/2008 3:11:50 PM

abcbsex

Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

I don't retaliate with loud rock music when my downstairs neighbor plays her loud rap music... so yea, I consider myself a good neighbor. I spy through the peephole at the guy across from us though, he seems to have a pool table but no one ever comes over to use it. Makes me wonder what he'd think of us knocking on his door, "wondering" if there was anyone around with such a recreation item.

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but it needed to be at least.... four times bigger.

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Post #: 20

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