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Sub Brattiness - 6/24/2008 10:38:29 PM   
ajar


Posts: 5
Joined: 11/30/2007
From: NYC, NY
Status: offline 		I have some concerns on sub brattiness.

I've never been in a D/s relationship yet, but i know (from other experiences) that i get really turned on when i feel i've upset or disapointed someone i'm in a sexual relationship with. It makes me want to make up for the trouble i've caused and makes me feel like i really deserve to be punished. And i love the thought of being punished! However, i'm worried that by acting out i can give off the impression to my Dom that i'm disrespecting him beyond just our game, and i don't want to do that.

How do you engage in bratty play with your Dom/sub? If you're a sub do you ask for permission before you act out? I'm worried that if i ask for permission first, the acting out and his reaction will feel forced and fake.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Sub Brattiness - 6/24/2008 10:55:26 PM   
cuddlemesoft


Posts: 47
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline 		Be upfront that you are seeking a relationship with those dynamics. Many Doms enjoy a little spunkiness in thier subs and some even enjoy a brat as it gives them ample opportunity to correct thier sub. It is about individual expression and fulfillment.

I can be quite bratty at times and I have a play partner that enjoys that about me. We have talked about it numerous times when we are not engaged in play and both agree that we are happy with the dynamic that we created. During play (especially when others are present) we have gotten good at reading when either of us is going too far and rarely need to say anything. I enjoy pushing him but he knows that in the end he always has the final word. When he has a fist full of my hair and pulls to my knees it quickly stops me in my tracks.

(in reply to ajar)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Sub Brattiness - 6/24/2008 10:59:17 PM   
tigerseye


Posts: 79
Joined: 1/10/2008
Status: offline 		i am a bit of a brat and my Master knew that getting into our relationship ^_^  he likes it because though i may smart off from time to time i do know how far is too far and i don't go over that line....if i do occasionally toe the line too closely he is right there to remind me of my place *smiles*

_____________________________

~rose~


(in reply to cuddlemesoft)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Sub Brattiness - 6/24/2008 11:24:35 PM   
Bethnai


Posts: 492
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline 		My experience is limited and I was dealing with a Daddy/Dom. Having said that, its either acceptable or not. It seems to me that one is either bratty or they are not.  I see your 1st post, btw. Doms either will accept that or they wont.
I said something about, what if I'm a brat? He said to me, "Baby, we can explore as many personalities that you need to right now." He gave me a lot of room to move, which I don't think would have been available with many. I would, now, directly ask if I did not know prior to.
He lived about 3 hours from me. I would talk shit, respectful shit, but shit. The man was 6'4" and I am 5'3" and although I have had since then self defence classes at the time I did not. It was great fun......cause he was 3 hours away.  Deals were made..if I win..then this and if I lose then this occurs. I would, and he knew I would, write checks he knew my ass couldn't cash.  Race from the couch to the bathroom became deep discussions about body length, starting positions and impact of the corner walls and how much time it would cut versus arm length and speed.
The closer that he got, the less shit I talked and by the time he walked in my door I was actually worried. He so played on that. He had been playing on it a week prior to the trip.  He gave me a 4 point list of how he was going to break me down and then did it exactly the way he said he was, so the mental shit was already in place.  When I lost he used that time as a period to introduce some of the things I was curious about. 

Ask. What is the worst that can happen?

(in reply to ajar)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Sub Brattiness - 6/25/2008 4:07:51 AM   
LadyRainfire


Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline 		It's been said already already but repeating doesn't hurt - communication and asking. Some like it, some don't, some tolerate it, some won't even tolerate it. Brattiness is not tolerated or allowed in my personal relationship with Lumus yet he knows I can be a bit of a brat on the forums in the P&RS section. That's ok as long as I don't let it carry over into our private life. And if I do slip, I pay the price. Steeply at times.

So if it's something you know you enjoy, it's a fact of who you are, that's a great first step. Make sure you're upfront about that with anyone you get into serious talks with and that's its something they enjoy as well.

Good luck! 

_____________________________

"Desire is an insatiable beast. Sample your strongest dreams, and you will only crave more." ~ Master

~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

(in reply to ajar)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Sub Brattiness - 6/25/2008 4:11:45 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyRainfire

Brattiness is not tolerated or allowed in my personal relationship with Lumus yet he knows I can be a bit of a brat on the forums in the P&RS section.





_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to LadyRainfire)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Sub Brattiness - 6/25/2008 4:14:22 AM   
LadyRainfire


Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline 		Oh look, queen of the brats herself shows up...... 

_____________________________

"Desire is an insatiable beast. Sample your strongest dreams, and you will only crave more." ~ Master

~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Sub Brattiness - 6/25/2008 4:26:14 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyRainfire

Oh look, queen of the brats herself shows up...... 




_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to LadyRainfire)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Sub Brattiness - 6/25/2008 4:45:21 AM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline 		If your need is not full time.. see about using it in a scene.. I am not a brat,  Hmm do you think "goodpet" might give that away.. LOL.. but with that said,, we sometimes do a couple of different scenes where i can let loose and give back.. it is fun, i am a bit sassy, challenging, and somewhat bratty during the scene only..

the other thing you can try is a command that he can use to give you a warning.. for me it is "That'll do girl" which is actually a border collie command to tell them to stop hurding. So if i get too full of myself, at anytime, all he has to say is that and I know it is time to stop and reel myself back in.


(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Sub Brattiness - 6/25/2008 4:57:50 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		the term Brat and topping from the bottom all come from the belief that there is one true way, its rather sad really, for example some people love holding hands when they go to the shops others hate it, is there a right way? no there isnt. all the labels and terms we use mean a differant thing to each of us (seriously look up whats the differance between sub and slave and you will see what I mean). What you want from a relationship no doubt will be what someone else wants too, just be honest about it as others have said, dont beat yourself up over it.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to goodpet)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Sub Brattiness - 6/25/2008 5:57:32 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		I'm not a full time brat, but I have my moments.  However I'm not thinking about punishment at those times.  I prefer the direct approach, if I'm craving a spanking, I ask for one.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Sub Brattiness - 6/25/2008 6:02:29 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ajar

How do you engage in bratty play with your Dom/sub? If you're a sub do you ask for permission before you act out? I'm worried that if i ask for permission first, the acting out and his reaction will feel forced and fake.


The bottom line in all my relationships is that the submissive is there to please me.  Behaving in a way that causes me discomfort, first calls for a severe talking to, explaining what was done and why it bothers me, and then if the behavior is repeated, I may reconsider the relationship.

If a submissive wishes to be "punished" I'll be glad to create a scenario where that happens.  However, the choice is mine and it's done for our mutual pleasure.  Anyone who tries to manipulate me into that is risking the entire relationship

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to ajar)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Sub Brattiness - 6/25/2008 6:54:39 AM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		you know, the punishment scenario thing is how alot of people begining out get their head around the whole control/dominance/being spanked side to it all.

i remember being a total wind up to vanilla guys at times.  once i cut all four phone lines in the appartment because he kept going on about making me phone my dad.  i really really wanted him to spank me for it.  i got really really hot anticipating it - it didnt happen.  the point im making is that its hot to imagine and you, at the moment think that its only going to be hot if its punishment.  its that ultimate expression of control/dominance going on in you right now.

let me tell you:  that element goes away - if you find yourself a Dom who's into spanking and will spank you whether you deserve it or not, even if you want him to right then or not, the whole, have to be bad to get spanked melts away.

one other thing too, punishment, if he's smart, wont be spanking - not if you like it too much.  punishment is there for correction and direction.  punishment isnt hot, and it isnt something you will want to incur when youre submissive to a guy you really want to please.  (sorry about that.. lol)

so, enjoy your fantasies and dont worry, one day youll get a wonderfully hot red bum and it wont necessarily be because youve been naughty.

truly, no matter how confusing all of this might seem right now.  with the right guy itll fall into place.

and im aware you probably dont want to be told all of that - but youll find out its true some time and youll be totally fine with it. xx

< Message edited by lally3 -- 6/25/2008 7:00:00 AM >

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Sub Brattiness - 6/25/2008 9:00:21 AM   
MistressOriette


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/31/2007
Status: offline 		I think it depends on the dynamic of the relationship and the personalities of the parties involved in the scene. I am very demanding of some subs, yet can be very easy on other subs. The one I play with the most (My favorite pain slut) is very bratty. It turns Me on because he and I both know that I will punish him for topping. It is a fun way to get the scene going.......our form of foreplay if you will. Once the scene begins, he is nothing but submissive. Protocal is great and to be expected, but personally, I tend to get bored with it sometimes. For Me , brattiness can spice things up and ignite more creativity in My Domination when I get bored with a relationship or robotic re-run type of scenes. With other subs, I get very turned on by thier bottomless pit of submission and that deer in the headlight look in thier eyes. That look makes Me feel like a shark in bloody waters. There is no right or wrong way, only what turns both of you on the most. Turn ons can change over time when you are in a relationship, be it D/s or vanilla. If it's not broke, why try to fix it. If your Dom is not happy with you being bratty and feels that you are being disrespectful.......I think he will let you know somehow.

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Sub Brattiness - 6/25/2008 9:08:36 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Explain to him this is what you like.
Solution is to use role play. You can be a naughty schoolgirl to your hearts content and get the ruler applied to your ass without deliberately burning dinner.

This confines the 'bad' behavior to the sexual arena.

Additionally, you can develop cues between you two to show him your mood. I took a white tee and used fabric paint to write the word brat on it. If I stroll out in it and a short skirt, he knows what my mood is and assuming I'm not interrupting anything important, he will give me what I'm asking for. Sometimes of course I get more than I wanted but that's the risk you take, and honestly, that's fun in it's own way (afterwards).

I can also poke and tickle him because he will grab me, hold me down, and do it back to me and more. But obviously I choose an appropriate time for this.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MistressOriette)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Sub Brattiness - 6/25/2008 11:18:33 AM   
bashfulhuck


Posts: 119
Joined: 5/26/2008
Status: offline 		For me, in a D/s relationship, in the vast majority of it, there is no room for me being a brat. I don't act out to try to get punished, because that's disrespecting my Domina. I don't pout when a decision doesn't go my way, because I know and trust that she made that decision in both of our best interests.
Now in scene play on the other hand LOL. I can be a real brat sometimes, and my Domina absolutely LOVED it. It would make her laugh this little evil laugh, then I knew my entire back was going to glow red. There used to be a submissive female where we played all the time that was also a brat, and we just fed off eachother's energy, which kept our Dominants very entertained all night long.
There were also times though that I know brattiness is not appropriate to what my Domina would have wanted, and in those times I toed the line.
I just had to remember, that once we left the play space, normal life took hold again, and I was to be a respectful submissive. There were only a couple of times I ever truly crossed the line with her, and believe me, the disappointment she had in her voice was truly devastating to me.

Peace and serenity,
bashfulhuck 

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Sub Brattiness - 6/25/2008 11:24:20 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		If you're a playful happy person, find someone who is at times playful and fun too.
It's usually pretty easy to read someone and to figure out when they're in a silly fun mood, or they are not.
At least it is with Honey Master.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to bashfulhuck)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Sub Brattiness - 6/25/2008 11:29:51 AM   
Daes


Posts: 246
Joined: 4/20/2007
From: Diamond Bar, SoCal
Status: offline 		I got my moments too, though this tends to come out when we are in public like at a mall, for instance. He tolerates me, though if I do this in private its a whole 'nother ballgame - and I would Never do it to the point where he has to punish me.

*shivers*

I haven't been punished yet, but I dont doubt he'll have me screaming to the point of passing out. >.> Much rather avoid that, thank you.

_____________________________

~*Estrellita*~
I want to be in surrender of His strength, of His power. Alone, I am nothing, but in His arms I am all things...

~His puppy~

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Sub Brattiness - 6/25/2008 11:44:10 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		brat??? whats that??? 

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to Daes)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Sub Brattiness - 6/25/2008 1:22:56 PM   
spinninsweetness


Posts: 477
Joined: 3/6/2008
From: London
Status: offline 		I'm brat.

I put it in my profile, I bring it up at every oppertunity.

Those that dont like it say goodbye, and I focus on those who like it!

_____________________________

I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. I actively seek it out.- Bill Bailey


(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 20
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