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Introducing or bringing people to the lifestyle? - 6/26/2008 9:55:29 AM   
Untouched1282


Posts: 142
Joined: 2/12/2008
Status: offline 		What's your opinion on the topic? In some ways, at least from a submissive perspective, it seems too...I dunno. I've seen quite a few people talking about wanting to "introduce" people to The Lifestyle, some have even semi-jokingly alluded to seducing people.  While I understand and appreciate the desire to introduce to people to an alternate way of life, perhaps something they'd be more than willing to enjoy once exposed, it seems awfully self-serving, which is one thing I don't appreciate. I understand wanting to explore something you enjoy with someone you care about, but attempting to lure someone into something you enjoy simply because you enjoy it seems a bit much, at least for me.

I dunno. Just curious what everyone else thinks. Perhaps you could share a story about how you were introduced to The Lifestyle (I know there was a recent post about this topic).

PS: I hope my questions are not pestering or perceived as condemnatory. My sole goal is to poke and prod the minds of some of the more established D/sers on this site.

Thanks!

< Message edited by Untouched1282 -- 6/26/2008 10:05:08 AM >
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RE: Introducing or bringing people to the lifestyle? - 6/26/2008 10:19:11 AM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		I wasn't introduced to the lifestyle.  I wanted the lifestyle before I knew it even existed, as strange as that may seem.  I knew I wanted to be a submissive in a relationship since I was very young, and it only seemed natural to gravitate towards people and places that understanded how very seriously I wanted it.  Being from a small town, most of my learning about the lifestyle came from reading, with an excursion to a Munch and the meeting of my Owner coming only after I was largely out on my own in adulthood.

I never wanted to introduce a vanilla person to the lifestyle.  It always seemed to be a very unrealistic notion to me.  I wanted somebody to enjoy controlling and enslaving me because -they- enjoyed it and because they were making me happy--not simply because they were making me happy.  Personally, I'd feel like a pseudo-freakish burden if I simply got somebody to play the part to amuse me.  That's all I thought I'd be doing if I even got a vanilla person to be supportive and understanding.

So, I stayed away from vanilla relationships, and as such I've never had one.  I never felt mixing the two was very wise at all, and the last thing I wanted was to be every slimy person who's ever found himself/herself trapped in an unfulfilling vanilla relationship looking for D/s fun on the side.  I cut off the possibility of that happening.

I don't blame people for trying to introducing people to the lifestyle, and I don't honestly think it -never- works.  It may work more often than I realize.  However, I personally don't put much stock in the notion.

DV's Fox

(in reply to Untouched1282)
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RE: Introducing or bringing people to the lifestyle? - 6/26/2008 10:36:13 AM   
at612


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282

What's your opinion on the topic? In some ways, at least from a submissive perspective, it seems too...I dunno. I've seen quite a few people talking about wanting to "introduce" people to The Lifestyle, some have even semi-jokingly alluded to seducing people.  While I understand and appreciate the desire to introduce to people to an alternate way of life, perhaps something they'd be more than willing to enjoy once exposed, it seems awfully self-serving, which is one thing I don't appreciate. I understand wanting to explore something you enjoy with someone you care about, but attempting to lure someone into something you enjoy simply because you enjoy it seems a bit much, at least for me.



hrm.  If someone isn't familiar with something, what is the harm in introducing it?  "Oh, you haven't had this type of coffee?  You should try it!"
Sometimes maybe people don't realize their talents unless they explore them.  My friend is a great artist, but she didn't even know she was good at it till she "had" to take an art class at college.  Now she loves it.

There is a big difference between introducing someone to something new and forcing it apon them.

Secondly, I think your post sounds a bit condescending.

quote:

but attempting to lure someone into something you enjoy simply because you enjoy it


This happens all the time in the real world.  "Oh you don't play golf?  I love it, I'll take you out sometime if you want to try it".







(in reply to Untouched1282)
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RE: Introducing or bringing people to the lifestyle? - 6/26/2008 10:53:55 AM   
Untouched1282


Posts: 142
Joined: 2/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:



Secondly, I think your post sounds a bit condescending.


How is it condescending? I too am a member of this lifestyle, and, if you read the full of my post would so that I said there is no harm in introducing something to someone who is unfamiliar with the lifestyle. I was simply reacting to some of the threads I've read. It seems based on the way some posters have framed things in other threads, some people long to bring others to The Lifestyle in order to bring their own self pleasure, not because they feel the potential-newbie has displayed indirect signs of having a D/s nature.

(in reply to at612)
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RE: Introducing or bringing people to the lifestyle? - 6/26/2008 1:16:59 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		One of the nicest things you can do for a woman is to make her realize her desire to be served.  Once they go black (leather), they never go back.

(in reply to Untouched1282)
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RE: Introducing or bringing people to the lifestyle? - 6/26/2008 3:49:56 PM   
DominantJenny


Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282

What's your opinion on the topic? In some ways, at least from a submissive perspective, it seems too...I dunno. I've seen quite a few people talking about wanting to "introduce" people to The Lifestyle, some have even semi-jokingly alluded to seducing people.  While I understand and appreciate the desire to introduce to people to an alternate way of life, perhaps something they'd be more than willing to enjoy once exposed, it seems awfully self-serving, which is one thing I don't appreciate. I understand wanting to explore something you enjoy with someone you care about, but attempting to lure someone into something you enjoy simply because you enjoy it seems a bit much, at least for me.

I dunno. Just curious what everyone else thinks. Perhaps you could share a story about how you were introduced to The Lifestyle (I know there was a recent post about this topic).

PS: I hope my questions are not pestering or perceived as condemnatory. My sole goal is to poke and prod the minds of some of the more established D/sers on this site.

Thanks!


I introduced my partner to the lifestyle because I hadn't known it was possible (no internet for me!) until AFTER we were married and in love. I did it with EXTREME care, for him, for our relationship, in general. I got lucky in that he took to it, but it was a LOT of hard work and I'd certainly never do that again.
I see nothing wrong with recommending someone check out BDSM, in the same way one recommends anything one thinks someone might like, as others have said.
I think trying to PUSH a partner into kink is a bad idea all 'round.
But sometimes you are in a difficult situation and you have to give it a shot and hope it works out.

(in reply to Untouched1282)
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RE: Introducing or bringing people to the lifestyle? - 6/26/2008 5:25:02 PM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Hmmm... I've been 'introducing' my husband to the lifestyle slowly, quietly, and continuously over 22 years of marriage.  First step is the fact that the checking account and all the credit cards are in my name.  That started because 'he just wasn't good with numbers or money'... so I took control of that.  Then I started taking on extra sex partners - aka 'boy toys'.  He decided it was better to allow me to have them than to lose me.  (Can we say Cuckold?)  Wasn't long that the bed room activities were totally orchestrated by me.  Then there was the simple fact that he gets off work at 3 and I don't get home until 6 - so it only makes sense for him to cook my dinner and serve it to me when I arrive.  Just little things.  Now that I'm more 'out' about my desires, he is still stead fast against 'anything that hurts'... but he builds me toys to use on my other pets.  I can't really call him 'Vanilla' anymore.


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to DominantJenny)
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RE: Introducing or bringing people to the lifestyle? - 6/28/2008 1:39:14 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		"Introducing " someone into the lifestyle doesn't necessarily mean that you decide on what role they take, the things they like, their interests, or their fetishes.  It means you show them where the door is, and maybe open it for them.  After that, they find their path.  It's not like it's a road that has to be followed.

Is it self serving?  Maybe.  I introduced My husband to the lifestyle, which meant that I was able to participate in it again with his blessing.  Still, that didn't turn him into a sub or anything. 

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Untouched1282)
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RE: Introducing or bringing people to the lifestyle? - 6/28/2008 2:20:20 PM   
firefey


Posts: 144
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline 		what's wrong with being a little self serving?  is it self serving to ask for what you want in a relationship?  is it wrong to express yourself to your partner?  and if you find yourself in a loving relationship but wanting a little more is it wrong to express that?  i would rather see subs and dom/mes alike talk with their partners and explore within their relationship than sneak around and cheat just to get their needs met.  as Fox said, that is sleazy.

and yes, sometimes it takes a little seduction.  especially if you're a sub male looking to get your girl friend/wife into the domination scene.  wome, in general are told we are not supposed to be like that.  it's unfeminine and wrong.  and we shouldn't enjoy submissiveness in our male partners, cause theya re supposed to be strong and in charge.  so yes, some seduction has to happen sometimes for the people involved to get out of their heads.

(in reply to LadyPact)
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