RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked?

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 3:03:31 PM

silkncarol

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I try to ask for what i need...i've learned i get better results from being good. In past relationships bad behavior was never rewarded with play or attention. At times He could read me and ask what was going on before i could realize and verbalize the need.........
It really does depend on the relationship dynamics and personalities of those involved..

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 3:05:51 PM

missturbation

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quote:

When, for whatever reason, you feel the need to have your leash yanked or held tighter, do you express this need to your dominant, and if so, in what way?

With Sir i have no need to ask for the leash tightening. When in his presence the leash tightening would choke me to death (metaphorically of course). When not in his presence i have enough on my plate with work and Sirs expectations of how to behave when not in his presence that i do not feel a need for it tightening.
Recently i have begun to build another relationship which hopefully will develop into a full blown relationship, unlike my other. We are quite a few miles apart and whilst he has felt that to put too much control on me now would be unfair, i have craved the leash tightening. I just asked politely and he said yes. Its working out pretty good.

quote:

Is it acceptable in your relationship to ask for this, or do you *"act out" and hope that your dominant responds?
*I realize that some dominants enjoy bratty behavior and some won't stand for it*

In neither relationship would this be acceptable.

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 3:17:44 PM

MaamJay

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Great topic! It's a bit more complex here, with My dual nature and all, but I'll let violet answer!

Like others, it's important to know the leash is there, though it's probably more slack all the time than most. That's partly because of my dual nature and also that Master is generally an easygoing sort. i'm also a born organiser so Master delegates that to me, which means i appear to have more autonomy than many subs would seem to have. Acting out or being bratty is not part of O/our accepted dynamic, though both of U/us are very cheeky with each other and tease ... there's definitely a line in the sand about how much is too much. There have been times when i've said to Master that i need His presence more strongly and it usually sparks a good long talk about what's happening and why. If i don't recognise it in myself though, it seems that i slip over into being more Jay ... which then produces a reminder about my "capitals"! Sometimes that's the only leash yank i need, other times i need more and express that. Master is always open to hearing it, like other Doms, what He actually does about it is entirely up to Him. It's probably true to say that whether He does act or not ... i get over it anyway! More often than not, it's tied in with monthly cycles or external circumstances that pass. However, i think the leash yank does tend to expedite things when it happens.

violet[A] aka Maam Jay

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 3:19:19 PM

BRNaughtyAngel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

Hmmm....Great topic, Naughty.

I don't necessarily need the leash yanked, but I have to know it's always there. I don't thrive well at all in an environment of ambiguity. A Ds dynamic that waivers just doesn't hold me in place, nor does it bring out the best in me or the utmost in my submission. I have found that when the dominant in the relationship flounders, so do I. I think this stuff takes a lot of energy and effort on both sides.

Having said that, I realize that we all hit bumps in the road or have things come up that can sometimes derail the Ds, but if it doesn't get back on track after things settle down, it starts to feel like a vanilla relationship to me, which leaves me fairly bored and uninspired.. I don't get bratty or act out, if this is the case-- It's actually very easy for me to directly state my feelings and needs in a relationship without hedging around the bush.

Hiya sexy

Things haven't exactly gotten off track for us, but our basic routines and time together have been temporarily altered and I have been feeling off balance, disconnected and generally out of sorts. So we are working on dealing with that the best we can until things can get back to normal.

But like you said, it starts to feel too vanilla and I start feeling like I'm just a girlfriend. I need to know that leash is relatively taut, and it needs to be yanked on periodically. It gives me great comfort and a definite feeling of security.

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 3:31:11 PM

kiwisub12

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My leash is a bit slacker than when we started. But that is ok for me because i am not a brat persay. Now that i know what Sir wants from me, i find it easier to give it to him, and the little extra freedom is good for me.
The rituals we have are what i feel as being my leash, and they never go by the wayside. They are the way i connect and reconnect to what my Sir desires.

As for play? - my Sir has no problem with me asking him for time in the dungeon. In fact, i think it tickles him pink to know that i desire what he does so well.

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 4:09:13 PM

DominantJenny

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FR

My guy has never needed his leash yanked. If he did feel a particularly strong need to be dominated, I would prefer he asked me. Usually, just being particularly submissive would do the trick, though.

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 7:24:33 PM

vampchick88

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pet knows anytime he wants to talk or ask for something I'll be there to listen. As he has more experience in the scene he throws out ideas, experiences, etc. Do I see this as topping from the bottom? No, not at all. We both are able to voice opinions, needs, wants, desires, the works. I'm always open for new thoughts. Sometimes things may be needed that I might not be aware of, how will I know this if he doesn't show any distress signs? I won't. Communication is key for me, and pet works it perfectly. ~Lorelei

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/26/2008 8:19:44 PM

ownedgirlie

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He usually notices it before I do - a slight shift in my mood or demeanor that he'll notice, and like that - he yanks me back to solid ground. Usually this will happen if I have allowed outside circumstancesto interfere with my thought process. I have learned to not do that so much these days. But he knows I do well in strict circumstances, and keeps it so because he likes me that way. When the leash is not tight, I keep my focus where it needs to be, but when I struggle at that, I tell him. Then he decides whether he wants to yank my leash or not. If he doesn't, it's a good lesson in maintaining my focus and reliability for him.

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/27/2008 7:53:50 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Acting out is never ok. The fun part is that merely the need to ASK first can be all the yank necessary.

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/28/2008 12:31:28 AM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

For the dominants: Is it acceptable to you for your sub/slave to ask for this if they are feeling the need for more discipline, control, etc. from you, or do you consider that manipulative or "topping from the bottom"? Does their asking for more from you insinuate that you aren't being "dominant enough"?

Assuming a man is watching and listening, there'll be no need for her to set her stall out - he'll know she's not towing the line. In the event he's paying attention and putting his heart and soul into it, but she's expecting more in the way of control, then perhaps they're not a match......but, assuming they haven't been together long, they'll inevitably go through a spot of toing and froing to work out what exactly constitutes leading and following in their relationship - so there's no surprise in that context.

Topping from the bottom? In the context of being open and honest - no. I have a cast iron rule that I want to know exactly what she's thinking - you can't own what you don't understand.

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/28/2008 1:13:11 AM

wwwkevinww

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

For the dominants: Is it acceptable to you for your sub/slave to ask for this if they are feeling the need for more discipline, control, etc. from you, or do you consider that manipulative or "topping from the bottom"? Does their asking for more from you insinuate that you aren't being "dominant enough"?

Assuming a man is watching and listening, there'll be no need for her to set her stall out - he'll know she's not towing the line. In the event he's paying attention and putting his heart and soul into it, but she's expecting more in the way of control, then perhaps they're not a match......but, assuming they haven't been together long, they'll inevitably go through a spot of toing and froing to work out what exactly constitutes leading and following in their relationship - so there's no surprise in that context.

Topping from the bottom? In the context of being open and honest - no. I have a cast iron rule that I want to know exactly what she's thinking - you can't own what you don't understand.

sorry, I own my foot, I know vaguely how it works. You can own something without completely understanding it. The vast majority of people don't know themselves that well, and are constantly surprised at how their feeling/thinking from day to day......I can own a light switch and know it turns on the lightbulb, if I had to reinvent the lightbulb, I'd have a hard time doing that.....I forget which material Edison finally got working when he passed electricty thru it, lol......

You also don't need to completely master yourself (next to impossible) to dom/master someone else who also hasn't mastered themselves.

As a caring person in a D/s relationship, of course you want to communicate and understand what each other are thinking/feeling, etc..... non-verbal communication is very informative. The reason and point is that without communication the relationship starts to get rocky.... It hardly matters what point in the relationship you are, if you don't communicate enough, the relationship will stop working....

I'm sorry, the op is feeling guilty for wanting the relationship to work smoothly, I don't get it.....um, if your dom is near you, you don't have to express your feelings verbally. Just sit at his feet and lay on his leg, he'll get the message clearly enough.....

If he tells you to shoo, tell him you miss him and want to be with him, but go ahead and shoo, at least non-verbally you spent time with him some.....

If you do this too much and he tells you to shoo too much, then its time to actually talk about it......

And you shouldn't feel guilty about wanting to have a D/s relationship....so realize this, address that your just being silly, and move on to other silly feelings. ;0 Sorry, I'm tired, so I'm just being silly myself. lol ;0

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RE: Needing Your Leash Yanked? - 6/28/2008 1:29:33 AM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wwwkevinww

sorry, I own my foot, I know vaguely how it works.

What's this then? You've tapped into your foot's mind? Perhaps we hold differing perspectives on ownership.

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