For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (Full Version)

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SteelofUtah -> For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 10:59:27 AM)

This Question is primarily for the Single Crowd.

~~Does what you are looking for, what you refuse to settle without, what you require in order to commit, that picture perfect image in your head, Does it really even exist?~~

Now a Little back ground.

I was going through some one my C-Mails and I recieve a lot from people who choose not to comment on the thread but ask me questions on the otherside on what I have posted. I know that I can at times be an opinionated Ass but on the Trust thread I started awhile ago I got the most amount of other side replies than any other thread and I started going through all thier Profiles and checked to see where they are.

See most of the people who wrote me were dealing with the Mistrust or Distrust of the opposite sex or chosen partnership because of bad experineces and so they had come up in most cases this idea that before they got involved in another relationship that they were going to make sure thier next mate could live up to what in most cases I considered unrealistic expectations as they failed to account for the Human Factor that most people have faults.

The Main point I noticed with all the them is that what they wanted seemed to go against what they said that they enjoyed. They would say they wanted a Master who would respect them and love them and never treat them like dirt and yet want humiliation and degrading sex, or that they wanted a submissive with a mind and an opinion who follows all thier orders without question or complaint. Now I have gone back and checked all these profiles and although some of them have had some luck in finding a potential partner all were Long Distance or Not an actual relationship like they had been looking for. The rest were all still single and in some cases more Jaded than they were before.

I am in a relationship today and I am very happy. Is it the relationship I always saw myself as being in? Are you fucking kidding me? NOT EVEN CLOSE! but I am more happy today than I have ever been with a woman who loves me more than any other woman has (That I know of, I once had a stalker) and today I have also learned that what I wanted never would have made me happy.

I found that what I was looking for was just a way to keep people out no matter how much I said I wanted to be in a relationship my unrealistic expectations were always keeping me from getting in responsible relationships due to the reality that the only reason I had such expectations was to keep from getting hurt.

I subconciously yet intentionally passed up possibly wonderful relationships all because I was afraid to get hurt and rather than accepting a possiblity of happyness I stuck with a Guarantee of lonliness.

So what changed? I stopped saying no. I stopped passing girls by. Did I get Hurt OH HELL YEAH. But I never died and I learned a lot about myself and today I'm with a woman who at times DRIVES ME FUCKING INSANE, but I wouldn't want it to be anybody else but her.

Know what I mean?

So in case you forgot the question:

~~Does what you are looking for, what you refuse to settle without, what you require in order to commit, that picture perfect image in your head, Does it really even exist?~~

Steel



DaddyDomsgirl -> RE: For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 11:10:08 AM)

for me it is out there....i have found a great Dom after a couple years on here...was under a different name most of that time....i have also found some fakes on here.....but the Daddy i have now is Real and True knows what He is what He wants and how to get it...He has showed me that there can be friendship,caring,devotion and respect in a D/s realstionship as W/we are builting on all of that...yes it is hard at times as i do push buttons alot and have disappointed Him a few times....but i learn from that and don't repeat it...so it is out there just may take time.



SteelofUtah -> RE: For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 11:14:24 AM)

But is what you have the exact image of what you were looking for? Did you find the Master of your Expectations or did your view on what you HAD to have change when you met your Daddy?

Steel



Leatherist -> RE: For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 11:17:49 AM)

I can have more than one kind of relationship. I'm versatile-not masochistically rigid.



DaddyDomsgirl -> RE: For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 11:20:49 AM)

i haven't changed anything since i met Daddy....He takes me as i am.......brattiness and all...He knows how to push me and knows when i just need someone to lean on...so He is more then just my Daddy,He's my friend also.....so it helps in the way W/we are with each other.



faerytattoodgirl -> RE: For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 11:21:22 AM)

no...the hot goth girl/sugar mommy/mistress  does not exist [8|]



wwwkevinww -> RE: For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 11:23:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

This Question is primarily for the Single Crowd.

~~Does what you are looking for, what you refuse to settle without, what you require in order to commit, that picture perfect image in your head, Does it really even exist?~~

Now a Little back ground.

I was going through some one my C-Mails and I recieve a lot from people who choose not to comment on the thread but ask me questions on the otherside on what I have posted. I know that I can at times be an opinionated Ass but on the Trust thread I started awhile ago I got the most amount of other side replies than any other thread and I started going through all thier Profiles and checked to see where they are.

See most of the people who wrote me were dealing with the Mistrust or Distrust of the opposite sex or chosen partnership because of bad experineces and so they had come up in most cases this idea that before they got involved in another relationship that they were going to make sure thier next mate could live up to what in most cases I considered unrealistic expectations as they failed to account for the Human Factor that most people have faults.

The Main point I noticed with all the them is that what they wanted seemed to go against what they said that they enjoyed. They would say they wanted a Master who would respect them and love them and never treat them like dirt and yet want humiliation and degrading sex, or that they wanted a submissive with a mind and an opinion who follows all thier orders without question or complaint. Now I have gone back and checked all these profiles and although some of them have had some luck in finding a potential partner all were Long Distance or Not an actual relationship like they had been looking for. The rest were all still single and in some cases more Jaded than they were before.

I am in a relationship today and I am very happy. Is it the relationship I always saw myself as being in? Are you fucking kidding me? NOT EVEN CLOSE! but I am more happy today than I have ever been with a woman who loves me more than any other woman has (That I know of, I once had a stalker) and today I have also learned that what I wanted never would have made me happy.

I found that what I was looking for was just a way to keep people out no matter how much I said I wanted to be in a relationship my unrealistic expectations were always keeping me from getting in responsible relationships due to the reality that the only reason I had such expectations was to keep from getting hurt.

I subconciously yet intentionally passed up possibly wonderful relationships all because I was afraid to get hurt and rather than accepting a possiblity of happyness I stuck with a Guarantee of lonliness.

So what changed? I stopped saying no. I stopped passing girls by. Did I get Hurt OH HELL YEAH. But I never died and I learned a lot about myself and today I'm with a woman who at times DRIVES ME FUCKING INSANE, but I wouldn't want it to be anybody else but her.

Know what I mean?

So in case you forgot the question:

~~Does what you are looking for, what you refuse to settle without, what you require in order to commit, that picture perfect image in your head, Does it really even exist?~~

Steel


You can strive to be perfect, but perfection can never be attained because something, anything, can always be improved upon.

The same can be said about people.  Perfection cannot be attained.  People are flawed from the get go, nevertheless, people still should be valued. 

Basically you want your imperfections to be overlooked in any serious relationship, and vs versa.

For each, those choices vary.  Some might care mightily about toothpaste, another group might care about looks, & another about personality.  Sadly, too many care about the financial situation.  Maybe that isn't all bad, its better than no one caring about finances.....

In my personal choices, I prefer money to not matter though.......That already rules out 90% of women who do care.....



wwwkevinww -> RE: For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 11:26:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

no...the hot goth girl/sugar mommy/mistress  does not exist [8|]


hey, I also want the maid/ponygirl in that mix.....I think your mixxing up costume changes to be funny.. ;0

Your point is well taken though, people do have unrealistic expectations and thus end up with no one.

I still think there are women out there who actually don't care about money.  Maybe they have nothing, and that is why they don't care.  ;0



Leatherist -> RE: For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 11:26:25 AM)

Women are "nesters", and money equals home security-that they have that nest. Those that cannot be part of providing that get passed over in favor of those who can.
 
As far as overlooking imperfections? I don't think you reasonably can. You might work on or ACCOMODATE them,that's all.



AmbrosialWench -> RE: For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 11:26:32 AM)

Well theoretically the person I imagine should exist somewhere in the world. Statistically I will most likely never meet him. The odds are not in my favor...And to be honest I am glad, as it is always nice to have a fantasy. 



Daes -> RE: For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 11:26:40 AM)

I was single for two years, searching for a partner that I could submit too. I have standards and more than once thought about lowering them so that I could just have the relationship I desired, though I didn't. I went through play partners, I did not want them for a relationship. It gets tiring, trying to find the One for you.

But, now having my Sir - I Love him, more deeply than I have for any before Him.

And I say to you, it is possible.

Though, perfection is simply an idea and it constantly changes, what you may think would be ideal can easily be revealed to be something else.



faerytattoodgirl -> RE: For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 11:36:07 AM)

well i have a couple goth mistresses in my friends list but they're not sugar mommy's.... ugh.. [8|]



persephonee -> RE: For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 11:40:50 AM)

i think its more important to decide what it is that you can not tolerate or live with and work out from there. Makes for a shorter list than all the qualities you hope that your partner possesses.



persephonee -> RE: For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 11:42:02 AM)

~sorry~
supposed to be a fast reply.



came4U -> RE: For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 11:44:09 AM)

quote:

~~Does what you are looking for, what you refuse to settle without, what you require in order to commit, that picture perfect image in your head, Does it really even exist?~~


I believe it does. I get closer to it every waking second lately.



Stephann -> RE: For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 12:18:30 PM)

I've been in relationships that made me happy.  They didn't necessarily satisfy my every desire, but I was content.  I'm happier today, in my current relationship, than I've ever been.  It's also much closer to what I considered to be an ideal relationship than any other relationship I've had.

We can content ourselves if we wish, without having what we think is ideal.  Indeed, I don't think most people have a sufficient level of self awareness to know what they really want.  Other people often believe they want something (as a fantasy) without really grasping the implications of the reality.  Personally, I try VERY hard not to fantasize about things I don't really want, and pursue things I really do want.

Stephan



ShiftedJewel -> RE: For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 1:11:57 PM)

Define "goth"? I know hot doesn't fit me, but does owning and wearing a lot of black count for anything?
 
I don't care about money... and I have stuff. Maybe they don't care about money because other things are far more important?
 
Is what I'm looking for out there? I don't know... anyone seen any unicorns lately?
 
Jewel



LadyHibiscus -> RE: For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 1:43:10 PM)

I don't have any precise picture of who I want, I just know what I need, and try to stay focused on that.  Does that person exist?  Well, there are what, six billion people in the world, right? 

I look for people that interest me first, and look at their orientation second.  This creates problems for the top men who are all set on having a slavegirl, of course!  I am more interested in someone that I am compatible with, who can meet my needs, and accept and share my kink, even if he is not a kink partner.  (here, it DOES help to be poly). 

I find that my knowledge of my needs focuses me more than searching for any kind of fantasy "want".  It doesn't make the search any easier, but it does make it more sensible.



hejira92 -> RE: For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 1:43:20 PM)

I didn't have to change the image of what I was looking for- I had to change my image of ME.
 
I had to see myself as worthy, and, even though I tend towards service sub, I had to see that I was worthy of consideration and affection.
 
I had to see past my education/income prejudices (see? not ALL women are hung up on money) and focus on honor and trustworthiness.
 
I had to get over my problem of confusing staid for stability.
 
I had to open my heart to possibilities (take the chance and trust) and accept that hurt/disappointment may result.
 
And many times, I had to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. Without becoming bitter or jaded.
 
But most of all, I had to like myself and I had to really believe that I had a ton to offer to the right Dom/Master.



candystripper -> RE: For those that are Looking ... Does it really exist? (6/26/2008 1:49:04 PM)

Excellent Op, Steel.
 
My answer is yes, what i want/need to be collared does exist.  There's no guarantee I'll find it, but I know people who have.
 
I think Your implied advice is to boil it down to it's very essence; forget about 'trappings' like age and worry more about the character of the Dom and the relationship we could have.
 
I can tell You, I struggle with this.  I don't want to give up my 'age restrctions' and they're in my profile now.  I guess I'm willing to risk a lot for the 'unlikely' -- the 'rare' -- the 'highly unlikely' -- but at this point at least, I'm not willing to risk much for the 'damned near guaranteed to fail'.
 
candystripper



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