Bad experiences (Full Version)

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Understudy -> Bad experiences (11/6/2005 7:37:22 PM)

Okay, first off , my note to the mods. I am not sure if this is the correct subsection for this. If it is not and it needs to be moved please do so and let me know.

I was looking through the profiles of some of the people in my area and one memeber had poster in their blog about a bad experience they had meeting someone else on collarme. I like collarme and I get pissed when I find out about people having bad experiences. Now that doesn't mean the person you met is a vegan and you are a meat eater or they are conservative and you are liberal.

So what I would like is stories about experiences that wasn't positive and advice for those who have had them. Now please so the moderators don't have to work overtime and don't close this thread, obey these rules: Do not post names of others. Do not flame or be condescending.

The idea here is to learn from some of the bad experiences and help others to not have them.

And finally to the moderators, if any of this gets out of hand or this is inappropriate please close and remove the thread with my complete understanding.

Sincerely,
Brendhan



KittenWithaTwist -> RE: Bad experiences (11/6/2005 7:48:44 PM)

I'd say that we all at least like our lives, but we still have bad experiences-possibly every day, every hour, every minute-someone has a bad experience.

I've had bad experiences through collarme. Three times, I was stood up for vanilla meets. Once, I met up with someone to play and that person hurt me and brought me very abruptly out of an intoxicating head space.

I've met some cool people and some not so great people. But such is life. It has good points and bad points and in between points. It certainly doesn't make me look down on a website.



sub4hire -> RE: Bad experiences (11/6/2005 7:51:24 PM)

quote:

I was looking through the profiles of some of the people in my area and one memeber had poster in their blog about a bad experience they had meeting someone else on collarme. I like collarme and I get pissed when I find out about people having bad experiences. Now that doesn't mean the person you met is a vegan and you are a meat eater or they are conservative and you are liberal.


People have bad experiences all of the time. It isn't a BDSM thing. I personally know many from Collarme, at the last party I hosted I needed to smack the hand of an abuser from here. The mod's cannot control who is here. It's a free site...how would they verify people anyway? There is no possible way.
I run a BDSM group where I teach safety. Our primary focus is education.
The one thing I say to all is...meet at a munch. Don't leave the munch with anyone if you came alone. If you want to meet someone from the internet...meet them there. Part ways. You can always chat with them again and meet again at a later date. No need to rush things.
If you want to play with someone for the first time. Play at a party where other's are around. Never play alone, until trust has been established.
Value yourself first and foremost and never short change yourself.

You won't go wrong my way.




Understudy -> RE: Bad experiences (11/6/2005 9:14:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire


People have bad experiences all of the time. It isn't a BDSM thing. ......



I agree with you on that point and I understand it. I think I was trying to make a greater point than that alone.

In the BDSM lifestyle there is a much more avaliable of course for things to go wrong. While the individuals who belong to collarme.com are like minded they may not be similarly inclined. All you have to do is look at someone's profile to and in many cases you will find people who don't enjoy things you do.

Also and this was something I wanted to try to develop on, because you have a bad experience with someone does not make that individual a bad person. I was very concerned when I posted the orginal that was all readers would see. Someone you meet may not be right for you and you make thing that person is bad for you. You may be inclined to think they are bad for the universe but I wanted the stories shared to stop with you. Because while that person may not be right for you they may be perfect for someone else.

I know I have gone through many who I had no desire to spend another minute with and they were bad experiences for me. However they ended up being perfect for someone else.

I know the mods would have a heart attack because of someone making personal attacks and mentioning of names. I was more concerned that a person telling a story while bitter or angry would ruin someone that simply may have been a case of bad chemistry.

I am all for meeting in public places and the kiss (keep it simple stupid) principal when meeting people for the first few times.

Also keep a friend informed of who you are meeting, where and when you are meeting them. And establish call in times to let them know you are okay and if you are not okay.

Sincerely,
Brendhan



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Bad experiences (11/7/2005 5:01:56 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Understudy
In the BDSM lifestyle there is a much more avaliable of course for things to go wrong.

There is? I'll tell that to the biker/mountain climber/scuba diver/construction worker/I could keep going and going and going here community of the world.

quote:

While the individuals who belong to collarme.com are like minded they may not be similarly inclined. All you have to do is look at someone's profile to and in many cases you will find people who don't enjoy things you do.

Yeah I don't know why the idea that just because someone is also "kinky" means that you will really have anything else in common keeps being perpetuated.

quote:


Also keep a friend informed of who you are meeting, where and when you are meeting them. And establish call in times to let them know you are okay and if you are not okay.

Sincerely,
Brendhan

I don't advocate safe calls, they only help you find the body sooner. If I feel a need for a safecall, I just won't meet the person.



pandoravampire -> RE: Bad experiences (11/7/2005 5:22:29 AM)

ive had bad experiences, but they were bad moments, and are now either resolved, or in the process.

my bad experiences came from me. Ive had play sessions where ive come out on the minus side from when i went in. Ive had some really crap moments, when ive thought 'ill never be able to............ and been negative on myself.
I guess what im trying to say is twofold
1. I am responsible for my bad moments.
2. I am accountable for my bad moments.

Safe Call Arrangements: cocked the whole thing up, and sent my friend into a unecessary panick, due to my late call. I was busy. Realising how fucking stupid id been, at the moment when it really sunk in, that was a bad moment.

Really letting someone down by my inconsideration, that was another bad moment.

Handing back my collar, so far, this was the worst for me.

You see my point? bad moments, can come from a lot closer to home than the dastardly dom/domme.

But from others? Seeing a look of disgust in a vanilla man's eye's post coitally-that was none too flash.

pandoravampire





anywhereanytime -> RE: Bad experiences (11/7/2005 6:30:46 AM)

*sigh* i have yet to find what i'm looking for on here, so i haven't had any bad experiences. i suppose the only bad thing that's happened time and time again is when people show interest and then disappear. But other than that, i met my one and only Master far before i knew about CollarMe, so i haven't really had the opportunity to experience anything really bad here, thank God.



FTopinMichigan -> RE: Bad experiences (11/7/2005 7:08:02 AM)

My unfortunate experiences have had nothing to do with this website, and I wouldn't complain about the site, when it was a person that may have caused a problem.

I've found that when I allowed someone else's judgement to cloud my own, that I've made mistakes in meeting others. Such as trusting a friend's judgement, on someone without getting to know them myself, or going to a party of their friend's, when not being comfortable with the surroundings.

My judgement was the issue, more than the other person being problematic.

I go with my first instinct now. Live and learn. I've been fortunate not to have had serious incidents that caused harm.

I trust myself now...before others.
K



LadyAngelika -> RE: Bad experiences (11/7/2005 9:01:32 AM)

quote:

I don't advocate safe calls, they only help you find the body sooner. If I feel a need for a safecall, I just won't meet the person.


I agree with you LuckyA. I figure I have pretty good judgement. The only time I've done a safe call was when I went out of town to meet someone and I only made the safe call to appease a friend who was concerned. I, however, was very sure of my move and if I had any doubts, I wouldn't have gone.

- LA



domtimothy46176 -> RE: Bad experiences (11/7/2005 9:51:57 AM)

I've not had any experiences that I would label bad although I have had some I would consider to be a waste of my time. As a result, I'm more inclined to spend extra time talking with a prospect before the initial meeting if the prospect is not a forum regular.
Timothy



CelticPrince -> RE: Bad experiences (11/7/2005 9:59:59 AM)

pandora,

an excellent presentation of something often not recognized!!

CP



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Bad experiences (11/7/2005 12:00:31 PM)

and brought me very abruptly out of an intoxicating head space.



So then what happens when you're pulled out way to fast, I imagain it'd be very disorentating. Is it painfull?



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Bad experiences (11/7/2005 12:09:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion
So then what happens when you're pulled out way to fast, I imagain it'd be very disorentating. Is it painfull?

It can be very annoying, make you angry, and as you said, disoriented. But you recover, just like a bad nightmare. I think it's a good skill for a top and bottom to have to be able to get themselves out of headspace in case something has to happen. I always let the people I bottom to know that I will resist returning from a headspace, but if they are insistent, I can come out of it fine.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Bad experiences (11/7/2005 12:27:00 PM)

Lucky when I have nightmares they leave me a little.... off....... for the rest of the day expesially if I woke up crying.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Bad experiences (11/7/2005 12:29:44 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion
Lucky when I have nightmares they leave me a little.... off....... for the rest of the day expesially if I woke up crying.

Yes, but you're still functioning and not damaged and you continue living life just fine.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Bad experiences (11/7/2005 12:44:18 PM)

yeah, You just feel funky for a while. I always feel like I am in a fog and it makes me kind of depressed for the day. Crying always makes me feel subdued.



Quivver -> RE: Bad experiences (11/7/2005 9:49:21 PM)

I too have to agree with Pandora.
Most *Bad* experiences are created from our own mistakes.
Those that complain of being Doormats come to mind.
So many in an attempt to please push their own needs to the background then find they are not happy, or worse yet feeling used. Lucky usually calls this Frenzy. Seems quite an appropriate word for the act. It's hard to find that balancing act of strength in self, yet submission. ~ ~ ~ possibly why so many of us hear that "your no sub" ~ ~ ~ [;)]

Q



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Bad experiences (11/26/2005 8:43:26 PM)

we all have bad experinces relationships or bdsm or anything i have had my share it helps me to relize the shit heads from the real people quickly kinda like saying this people are cool and these people well what can you say but thats all part of the growing and understanding human behavior
[&:]



veronicaofML -> RE: Bad experiences (11/26/2005 11:58:11 PM)

my only bad 3experiences are nosy peop0le sticking their nose in where it is not wanted.........by a few select females.......

but by and large.........the majority here are pretty good.....
we got some shitty mods here that stuck their nose in...and a few dommes...but most folks are okay.
they just get pissed coz i won't buckle under......

i'm just not wired that way.



EvilGeoff -> RE: Bad experiences (11/27/2005 12:12:32 AM)

I wish I had something constructive to add to the conversation here but I haven't had any bad experiences with anyone from collarme. At least not that I was aware of them being involved with collarme.

I _have_ had issues with someone on Alt, who likes to threaten and bully people (and BDSM groups!) to try to get his way. The community network has been informed of this yo-yo, and whenever a new nick crops up we quickly relay the info, circle the wagons, and get him shut down again. So far, none of the threatened outtings, lawsuits, or law enforcement raids has occured, so I'm pretty sure that even the nilla's see he is a total whack job. *evil grin*

If he pops here in collarme... I'll be happy to help spread the word.

YIK,
- Geoff



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