Passive Aggressive Dominants

Passive Aggressive Dominants (Full Version)

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blackbeard519 -> Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/26/2008 8:40:59 PM)
I was chatting with a submissive friend when she mentioned her frustration when her dominant becomes passive aggressive. It drives her around the bend. She knows what he wants but she feels conflicted. He's being too much of a pussy to come right out and either ask or order her as is his right in their relationship, she's supposed to "take the hint". She's not into that. So here's the question... How do you submissives out there deal with a passive aggressive partner?

came4U -> RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/26/2008 8:43:15 PM)
quote: How do you submissives out there deal with a passive aggressive partner? Passive aggressiveness is a fault, a character flaw. What do I do? Not tolerate it. Any man who pussyfoots around what should be done or understood is just that...a pussy. If he cannot articulate the issue at hand, I'm goners.

Bethnai -> RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/26/2008 8:43:27 PM)
I call 'em on it.

crouchingtigress -> RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/26/2008 8:45:56 PM)
communication.....not a strong suit for PAD's but they better get over themselves PDQ because subs hate that chicken sht crp.

lalbobbilynn -> RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/26/2008 8:46:45 PM)
i call another out as respectfully as possible. PA is unattractive in anyone and gives way to far to much confusion and resentment IMHO. Say what You mean, and mean what You say .... to all involved. Tricks are for kids! b.~

variation30 -> RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/26/2008 8:48:32 PM)
quote: It drives her around the bend. She knows what he wants but she feels conflicted. He's being too much of a pussy to come right out and either ask or order her as is his right in their relationship, she's supposed to "take the hint". She's not into that. sounds like all the info you need is contained in the quote.

blackbeard519 -> RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/26/2008 8:51:04 PM)
Good points and I say I can't disagree. I've been around the block a few times in this scene and I've met a fair few dominant types (both male and female) who were passive aggressive. To me it reeks of insecurity. For the record I suggest she either confront him and tell him its unacceptable or dump him. As an aside he's looking for 24/7 TPE. Which, if I may be irreverant....makes me wonder who will be the dominant.

softness -> RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/26/2008 9:53:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: blackbeard519 How do you submissives out there deal with a passive aggressive partner? I dump them ... quickly ... with more force than strictly necessary if I am honest. If I had gotten into a relationship with someone then it was because they had showed me they had a particular personality type, a certain way of behaving. Turning again and again to passive/aggressivism... would show me they had lied about that personality and behaviour.

MaamJay -> RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/26/2008 10:08:48 PM)
Avoid them like the plague! One PA ex-hubby has exhausted My lifetime quota of patience for that shit. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

candystripper -> RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/26/2008 10:51:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: blackbeard519 I was chatting with a submissive friend when she mentioned her frustration when her dominant becomes passive aggressive. It drives her around the bend. She knows what he wants but she feels conflicted. He's being too much of a pussy to come right out and either ask or order her as is his right in their relationship, she's supposed to "take the hint". She's not into that. So here's the question... How do you submissives out there deal with a passive aggressive partner? I personally despise passive-aggressive behavior. I can't do it myself; I'm just not sure how to behave that way. So I'm left in this bind where the person refuses to admit anything's wrong -- though clearly something is -- and I cannot speak openly about it because they lie and say 'o no, I'm fine'. It is a form of lying, if you think about it. If anyone behaves this way often enough I stop allowing them into my life. I hope I'd never be so stupid as to get collared by such a man, but I assure you it wouldn't last long. My ass would be gone. candystripper

ownedgirlie -> RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/26/2008 10:59:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: blackbeard519 How do you submissives out there deal with a passive aggressive partner? I don't. I don't even like myself when I've had passive aggressive moments. There's not any room for that in my world.

BitaTruble -> RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/26/2008 11:40:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: blackbeard519 I was chatting with a submissive friend when she mentioned her frustration when her dominant becomes passive aggressive. It drives her around the bend. She knows what he wants but she feels conflicted. He's being too much of a pussy to come right out and either ask or order her as is his right in their relationship, she's supposed to "take the hint". She's not into that. So here's the question... How do you submissives out there deal with a passive aggressive partner? I have a saying .. if you can't take the whip out of my hand, I am going to beat you with it. I'd deal with a passive-aggressive partner the same way I deal with any unruly child. Spank them soundly and send them to their room. [8D]

Silkendream -> RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/27/2008 3:57:50 AM)
Ah, bottoming from the top! How I loathe it. I would very quickly take control of the power vacuum and punish him for it. Then move on and find someone who would not lie to me ie represent themselves as a Dominant when they are not (actually this has happened to me). I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but there is no way I want to spend the rest of my life trying to prod a weak man into action, trying to make him strong, while paying lip service to his pretensions to being in control (or lies, which is what they are). (btw, did I mention I'd be cross?) [:@] [:o] [:'(]

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/27/2008 5:05:24 AM)
I don't do well with passive aggressive people because they have never learned to communicate properly. Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship so in my opinion I would not be with someone like that because it isn't productive.

DesFIP -> RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/27/2008 6:37:32 AM)
That doesn't sound like he's passive aggressive. It sounds as though he prefers his submissive to be proactive, to be into anticipatory service. While she's into obedience, doing things when ordered. Neither one is by definition wrong, they simply aren't compatible. And since she prefers to whine to others rather than talk to him about what the problem is, maybe she's the passive aggressive one. She knew what he wanted but wouldn't do it because he didn't bark orders? Manipulative for sure. Passive aggressive would be him agreeing to fix the leak for me, so I don't call the plumber, and then never get to it, plus throwing a tantrum when I give up and do call the plumber. Which is totally different.

Prinsexx -> RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/27/2008 6:56:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: blackbeard519 I was chatting with a submissive friend when she mentioned her frustration when her dominant becomes passive aggressive. It drives her around the bend. She knows what he wants but she feels conflicted. He's being too much of a pussy to come right out and either ask or order her as is his right in their relationship, she's supposed to "take the hint". She's not into that. So here's the question... How do you submissives out there deal with a passive aggressive partner? If they are predominantly passive-agressive (you know role their eyes heavenward and say stuff like: ~what's this pile of laundry doing HERE?~ and then go into a hissy and put the question into an affidavit) then I label them a vanilla husband. If the are passively-agressive and then whip my arse at random/ask me to suck cock for not obeying an order I didn't even get or I didn't realise they were giving then I call them an emotional sadist. I've absolutely no confusion which I prefer.

crouchingtigress -> RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/27/2008 7:02:12 AM)
well spotted celeste.... OP i agree two differnt styles of power exchange going on here, neither right or wrong, but if she is being driven crazy by his style she needs to find a more suitable style. My question to her would be....are you communicating as effectivly as you are expecting him to do?

SirDragon1961 -> RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/27/2008 7:03:01 AM)
He dips to all: I'm swaying towards desFIP. Blackbeard hasnt clearly defined the 'bitch' in context. There may not be a communication issue but an UNDERSTANDING issue. It may well be their expectations are incompatible. I will not judge based upon flimsy detail that does not explain initial boundaries, expectations, etc. Frankly Blackbeard I question you posting what can appear as looking for 'substantiation' for degrading a Dominant operating in a different dynamic to you. Get the message bud?!

DesFIP -> RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/27/2008 7:39:42 AM)
And I wonder how much is the op trying to convince said friend that her dom isn't any good, so she should submit to him instead. Being a cynic, I do think of stuff like this.

puppen -> RE: Passive Aggressive Dominants (6/27/2008 7:45:21 AM)
If he isn't taking control of his role, I'll do it in the most irate fashion possible. However, yeah, if he's staring at me and then a pile of laundry I was supposed to do... A different story entirely.

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