RE: Transparency and Sadists

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Transparency and Sadists

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Transparency and Sadists

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Transparency and Sadists - 6/28/2008 4:22:25 AM

TheEvilBstardsMo

Posts: 41
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fairerthanshe

Greetings all,

For those of us in a Master / slave dynamic who have committed to the concept of transparency and who happen to serve sadists, how do you deal with the desire to withhold information which might get you an unwanted outcome?

Let me give an example, SJ is an extreme sadist, I am not a masochist. We are fairly active in the local scene and one evening after a public event, I commented on a particular Dom's unattractiveness. SJ told me not to make those kinds of comments about people in the scene or he would arrange to give me to them for a night. I understand that his desire was that I not say unkind things about others. So in this case I have been told not to be transparent - make sense?

In another scenario though, we talk about sexual fantasies all the time and I am to recount to him dreams I have, especially those he suggests through hypnosis. Oftentimes he will ask, "Is this just a fantasy or something you wish to make a reality?" and the question quite frankly scares the bejeezus out of me. Some of my dreams are horrifying in nature and I would never want them to become reality. So while I have the obligation to answer honestly and not withhold anything from him, my gut reaction is to lie my ass off and say "Oh yeah - that is so hot! I would love to do that!" because my feeling is that he would never make it happen simply because I wanted it so badly.

I guess my initial reaction to the post is the best. If you "lie your ass off," then you are not presenting yourself honestly. If the person that you are with is a true sadist, you can also be getting yourself and him into much difficulty. Honest communication is paramount in a BDSM relationship.

(in reply to fairerthanshe)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Transparency and Sadists - 6/28/2008 4:46:23 AM

fairerthanshe

Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline

Greetings a'ishah,

Good to see you! Thanks for your response. I think part of what I was seeking when I wrote this was the acknoledgement that my internal reaction is part of the process and assurance that it would get easier.

I don't mind showing the fear; he reads me so well. The reaction is a split second thing and has not affected my action, in other words, I am transparent with him. It does fuel what we share and it challenges me in ways I never would have dreamed.

Thanks again for sharing with me, pretty girl, I appreciate your counsel.

well wishes ~ fairer

_____________________________

The Nuclear Bomb of Awesome, rockin' the MoFo Hawk, still a bad-ass with a bouncy attitude, and spreading joy as a predator in Hello Kitty panties

Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to hisannabelle)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Transparency and Sadists - 6/28/2008 6:23:51 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

My Master is a sadist. He delves into the physical as well as the emotional. Transparency can be especially difficult sometimes because of this. But y'know... after nearly 6 years... I kinda like that I'm handing him the rope to hang me with (metaphorically speaking of course). I LIKE knowing that each and every thing I tell him, he's cataloging for future reference and that while I might not see the outcome of my transparency for a long time, I can be VERY sure that I WILL see it sometime in the future.

What I really really like about this is the fact that it drives up anticipation on my part. We get to laugh about the things I'm saying that I KNOW will come back to bite me in the ass (him in pleasure, me ruefully). But MOST of all, I like the fact that the conversation, and my transparency means I get to also tell him that it scares me to even tell him this stuff...and that just MAKES HIS DAY!! So, transparency (and the resultant vulnerability it creates within me) in the moment can be something we both get off on. Waiting for the other shoe to fall (so to speak) makes that excitement last longer, and having it happen - sometimes days, weeks, months or even years later (when I've just about forgotten we talked about it, only to remember the conversation in brilliant clarity at the moment it's brought to life) is like a culmination/climax all of its own.

So yes, transparency is difficult with a sadist, but once you give up protecting yourself and start revelling in the vulnerability of it all, transparency is just OH SO MUCH FUN!!

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 6/28/2008 6:25:10 AM >

(in reply to fairerthanshe)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Transparency and Sadists - 6/28/2008 6:39:16 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Oh... and I guess I just have to wonder why commenting on someone else's unattractiveness should be considered a right in the first place. Each and every one of us is unattractive to SOMEONE and if reminding someone to be nice is taken as a push toward secrecy, well then, in this situation, I'd say that's a good thing. The quest for transparency is not a free pass toward being cruel and catty just cause you can. And I'd venture to say that even amongst the tackiest of sadists among us, most would confess to the limit of good manners.

Furthermore, complaining that the reminder to be nice is a way of making you less transparent sounds more like a temper tantrum than anything else.

So, no, you weren't told not to be transparent. You were told to be polite - with a nice and tidy little reminder why it would be important for you to choose to be that way. You were also told how distasteful your little comment was to him and transparency would dictate that HE inform YOU of that, would it not? Or do you see transparency as only working from the submissive to the dominant? I mean really, does transparency give you the right to make comments that are distasteful to him and put him in the position where he just has to sit back and "take it" in the name of YOUR godallmighty right to be transparent? Or should he also be honest in his conversation with you - especially in regards to how he feels about what you are saying?

Perhaps you can answer that question?

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 6/28/2008 6:40:01 AM >

(in reply to julietsierra)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Transparency and Sadists - 6/28/2008 6:57:52 AM

fairerthanshe

Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline

Greetings juliet,

I do understand about revelling in the vulnerability - like I said, sometimes it scares me and my question was really more towards the direction of "does the vulnerability aspect become more prevelant in one's natural response?" I can see from the many responses that it does. Thanks for your input.

In terms of the comment on the gentleman's unattractiveness, it wasn't delivered in an ugly manner nor was it received by SJ in one. His comment was very matter of fact and I have heeded his word. It was a comment shared privately between us, not publically nor in a public venue. It was merely an example of one stricture he has placed on my speech. I don't have any problems with the various ways in which he guides that aspect of my demeanor. I apologize if my OP did not make that clear.

Thanks again for responding ~ fairer than she

_____________________________

The Nuclear Bomb of Awesome, rockin' the MoFo Hawk, still a bad-ass with a bouncy attitude, and spreading joy as a predator in Hello Kitty panties

Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to julietsierra)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Transparency and Sadists - 6/28/2008 7:06:12 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

hello fairest of them all...

Several folks have talked about the squirm factor. It sounds familiar.

Yes, I've been in this type of predicament and it is thrilling and exhiliating and just about hte only way that I enjoy fear... with a trusting partner who I know will not harm me but will turn the tables and somehow knock down the walls of my fears and inhibitions or at the very least, not tiptoe around them.

It is delicious. I have a phrase for it - goddamnit, hallelujah.

Your question as I understand it is about how people experience this... with fear, shaking, trepidation, stumbling, tongue tied, blushing... and ultimately admittance. It is the struggle that the sadist loves, the mind fuck.... To me this is part of the thrill of humiliation. The sadism of humiliation. (for me of course the masochism aspect).

But yes, the desire to not speak up, to not be transparent is there. That little voice that says "be careful you might get what you wished for." lol. It's another form of suffering. And ohhhhhhh goddamnit hallelujah.

peace and passion,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to fairerthanshe)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Transparency and Sadists - 6/28/2008 7:32:46 AM

fairerthanshe

Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline

Greetings sunshine,

I think I will start every session with "goddamnit hallelujah!" and see how that goes over! lol Mind if I share this with SJ?

It is all about those walls coming down and if I didn't trust him as deeply as I do, then I wouldn't be in this relationship. So there you go - I've gotten the answers and assurance I needed to help deepen this area of my enslavement and I appreciate all the well thought out responses.

hugs and kissy to you sweet missy ~ fairer

_____________________________

The Nuclear Bomb of Awesome, rockin' the MoFo Hawk, still a bad-ass with a bouncy attitude, and spreading joy as a predator in Hello Kitty panties

Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Transparency and Sadists - 6/28/2008 11:38:57 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

If you are not maso, why did you accept a collar from an extreme sadist?

I did this too ... and I could basically answer exactly as Fairer did ...

I blame DV ... He has strong Kung Fu ... I couldn't resist Him.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to candystripper)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Transparency and Sadists - 6/28/2008 3:20:32 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
It is delicious. I have a phrase for it - goddamnit, hallelujah.

this totally made my day! thank you :) now i will have something to giggle about while i'm slaving away at my job all evening...

a'ishah.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Profile

Post #: 29