quote:

ORIGINAL: RealSub58

To test the waters of attration and compatability, the submissive went to visit the dom, this time at his home.  The submissive was told that his place was a mess, that he hadnt done much to it since Jan when he had heart surgery. Not a problem she said.

When she arrived, to  put it mildly, she had never seen anything like it. She herself was not an immaculate or even great housekeeper espeically living by herself...but this was awfull. She couldnt even begin to describe it. Ok, so she thought she could handle it. This was Monday afternoon.

Wednesday afternoon he went to the store and while he was gone she packed her bag and left. It suddenly had all closed in on her, making her physically sick.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I wouldn't have gone to visit in the first place if I wasn't sure I still liked him.

Beyond that, I would have gotten a motel room and said I would meet him for dinner but I'm not a free housekeeper and it was wrong to get me there for that purpose. Oh yeah, I would also have found the phone book and given him the page with cleaning services for him to call.

But selfish? Not especially. Not terribly mature because she accepted it even when she felt bad about it, whereas she should have spoken up immediately.

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ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

personally, i wouldn't have given a second thought to going to see someone i didn't feel i was compatable with anymore, let alone to their house; to me, that's not 'testing the waters', that's more like, trying to see if i wanted to live with them or not, or spinning my wheels for no apparent reason.

if i did like him and wanted to visit him at his house, and he had just had open-heart surgery, the last thing i would expect is for his house to be clean or for him to do any strenuous activity, so spending his time at a computer is a good way to avoid it...


if i was there and couldn't stand the way the place looked but liked him, then i would have taken the time and elbow grease to get his home in order; it's not like it was something he should/could be doing after such an operation...

quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

I had a friend once who lost control of her house.  I found out because she'd asked me to babysit one day when she was in a bind.  Yes, her house was worse then I could imagine, every dish was out on flat spaces and dirty, there were piles of trash here and there throughout her apartment and there was no sign of organization.

It made me feel closed in and clausterphobic and yes, I felt physically ill.  I chose to act rather then sit and dwell so I went into the kitchen and started doing dishes.  By the time she came home, I'd done about half.  You can't imagine how grateful she was, she had gotten just so overwhelmed that she could not see anyway to get control, she could find a starting point and anytime she tried to take action she'd get pulled in so many directions that she'd get nothing accomplished.

Buying is another sign of feeling overwhelmed.

I guess that I'd take a stab at helping him and seeing if he'd respond well to that and if once managable if he'd slob it up again or maintain the clean before I *poofed*.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

YhMa, if he could afford to buy more stuff on EBay than his place can hold, he could afford a cleaning service for one time. And although the discussion of her cleaning his place didn't come up, I'll put money on it that he thought this was part of her submissive service.

Beyond that, hoarding is a disease. Impossible to cure, and when people talk to the hoarders what they get in return is abuse. The most famous case if of the Collier Brothers. Look it up.