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need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 8:59:27 AM   
unclaimedsub38


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/27/2008
Status: offline 		Hello all.
I need a little help in trying to figure something out and hopefully not screw it Up., After a long time and meeting a few doms i have finally met one who i simple adore, When i first chatted with Him he was involved with someone else and all we ever did was basic chat, He also made it clear that He would never meet me whilst  He was in a relasionship with another and firmly believed in One ^One.  He approached me again when His ex sub moved away backed to france and asked to meet me.  i did :) i met him 3 times before He ever as much as kissed me and when it did happen it was absolutly brilliant!!!
I went away for a few weeks and was acheing to see Him when i got back which was last night, we played again and he was so soft and tender and completly concentrated on me and what I was getting out of it He made sure I had muliple orgasms and yet He never came once, He kept asking if i was ok as He knows i dont have a lot of experience and for me being with a real Dominant is a new experience ((as oppossed to the few wannabes i met met off the net)) My question is this, i can not stop thinking about Him and want to see Him again as soon as possible, He only lives about an hours drive from me, Will i come across as to needy if i let Him see how i feel, or do i just play it cool with Him. I dont want to have to pretend that my mind and body is not acheing for Him, but will i turn Him off if i appear to needy?? He has had a few subs which have all been long term and also has had one sub for 2 years as a 24/7, I met Him thru a mutual friend and he is also not a Dom who is or plays online.  He seems so real and nothing about Him I feel is a pretense  even as far as He insists I use His real name rather than Master/Sir, as He said He wants to keep it as realistic as possible. Help, I want to keep Him interested in me and feel that maybe If I let Him see how bad I have fallen for Him that I will turn Him off… after We played last night, he just kissed and held me for a long time and when I said I did not feel I had pleased Him ( meaning He did not Cum) He said that was a natural feeling for me to have and for me not to worry about it and He wanted to concentrate on my first experiences being great for meand that He was not in a hurry and did not want to rush me.   Help I don’t wanna lose this Man, and need to know what He expects as a Dominant
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 9:16:06 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The moment you think you have to hide who you are or what you are feeling or worse pretend to him because of fear of rejection, you've already killed yourself.

Be who you are, be reasonable, but he needs to know who you are really so he can make his informed choice.

He sounds great and at least initially like he can deal with neediness.  You know what he expects by asking him "What do you expect?"

_____________________________

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to unclaimedsub38)
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RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 9:16:14 AM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unclaimedsub38

Will i come across as to needy if i let Him see how i feel, or do i just play it cool with Him. I dont want to have to pretend that my mind and body is not acheing for Him, but will i turn Him off if i appear to needy??


If you want a successful relationship then I would suggest your don't play anything... be honest.

If you are doing something he doesn't like I am sure he will let you know.

If you want to know the absolute truth, the only person you can ask is him.

Good luck ..... smiles

(in reply to unclaimedsub38)
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RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 9:19:36 AM   
Masterdarkone29


Posts: 23
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline 		It appears he likes you as a sub... If he is that concentrated on you leaving him an email or voice mail message telling him you enjoyed your plays times and are looking forward to the next time you two can do so wouldn't be to needy in my opioin I think it would lead to making more contact and possibly on to other things that he might feel you are ready to experience.

Its good to see the Dom not rushing and taking his time with you.


(in reply to unclaimedsub38)
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RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 9:32:46 AM   
unclaimedsub38


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Be who you are, be reasonable, but he needs to know who you are really so he can make his informed choice.



Smiles... Thank you... i just sent Him an txt message saying how much i enjoyed last night and got one back saying " i was a good girl" Happy Days.. very big smile

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 9:38:03 AM   
unclaimedsub38


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ts good to see the Dom not rushing and taking his time with you.


Yes it is Masterdarkone.... Trust me i have met my share of wannabes and the "on your knees now bitch kinda doms" to last a life time.. It is  wonderful to meet someone who is real and is taking the time to get to know me rather than one who is only out for instant gradification....... Oh God just hope i dont screw it up

(in reply to Masterdarkone29)
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RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 10:15:19 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		best wishes :) 

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RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 10:41:12 AM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		You might try channeling some of the energy into something else like a journal or some other outlet if you feel that your neediness is getting too overwhelming. Maybe even a healthy physical activity that will not only give you some decent endorphins, but will also help you keep you occupied rather then dwelling on the new relationship. 
CD

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Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
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(in reply to GreedyTop)
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RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 11:39:49 AM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unclaimedsub38

quote:

ts good to see the Dom not rushing and taking his time with you.


Yes it is Masterdarkone.... Trust me i have met my share of wannabes and the "on your knees now bitch kinda doms" to last a life time.. It is  wonderful to meet someone who is real and is taking the time to get to know me rather than one who is only out for instant gradification....... Oh God just hope i dont screw it up



You are not needy...you are inspired. Yes, do not go overboard or hold back. Show your emotion and your ability now to...delay gratification. Oh...and he was out for gratification young lady...he simply passed this one time.

Yes, there is a problem asking for such advice here. When I first 'researched' the online dogma according to it...what this man sounds like simply doesn't exist. Call me cynical about some of what the so-called experts advise...a 'dominant lover' does not exist and is usually a married HNG coming on only to get laid.

My guess is he was smart and just didn't tell you he was one...can't come out and say it. Obviously, we can't rely on too much 'expert' advice.

< Message edited by MrRodgers -- 6/27/2008 11:53:07 AM >

(in reply to unclaimedsub38)
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RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 11:49:23 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

I dont want to have to pretend that my mind and body is not acheing for Him, but will i turn Him off if i appear to needy


That is WHAT a Dominant wants, lol for you to ache for him.

Enjoy what you have (you have already started to enjoy it while knowing he may have another/others anyways) and enjoy your experience of him and the learning.

You have to decide whether playing OR deep discussions about future plans and explectations is what you and he wants.

It sounds good as it is though.  That 'ache' feel would feel good enough for me.


(in reply to MrRodgers)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 12:03:06 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unclaimedsub38

Smiles... Thank you... i just sent Him an txt message saying how much i enjoyed last night and got one back saying " i was a good girl" Happy Days.. very big smile



I pretty much agree with LA, but I will add a word of caution. Men tend to enjoy the pursuit. If you find yourself texting him a dozen times a day, and if you notice that he stops responding as vigorously as before, give him some breathing room. It's fine to daydream about him, it's fine to feel all crushy. It's not fine to cling - I can't think of many people who enjoy long-term smothering.

(in reply to unclaimedsub38)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 12:07:03 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You might also search the term "sub frenzy" and think about whether it's him or having an opportunity to live out your fantasies.

Obviously calling him every ten minutes is not a good idea. But telling him you would like, when he has half an hour, to talk over what happened, and how you're now feeling, is. If he makes time you can then tell him that you're going around head in the clouds, can't stop thinking about it and then stop. Once you've told him how you feel, you don't need to keep repeating yourself. Just tell him and let him respond. Thank him for making the time and then think it over for a couple more days.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 12:11:11 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom
Men tend to enjoy the pursuit. If you find yourself texting him a dozen times a day,

Yeah.  I think the idea of keeping a journal is a good one, especially if you feel a desire to express express express how excited you are.  That way you don't have to hold anything back, but you won't be flooding your brand new guy with a firehose.

I once had a woman tell me she wanted my children.  This was at the end of the first date, after we had phoned and emailed several times.  It was a total turn-off for me, because she wasn't really infatuated with me.  She was infatuated by what very little she knew about me.  I just-friends'ed her on the spot.  Some of what you're feeling might be new relationship energy -- being in love with being in love -- and some of it really is attraction to him.  Only time and experience with each other can deepen the connection.

Good luck to you both.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 12:18:15 PM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		LA is right on track...
 
Do as she suggests and (no matter the result of this burdgeoning relationship) YOU will be alright.
 
~J

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The moment you think you have to hide who you are or what you are feeling or worse pretend to him because of fear of rejection, you've already killed yourself.

Be who you are, be reasonable, but he needs to know who you are really so he can make his informed choice.

He sounds great and at least initially like he can deal with neediness.  You know what he expects by asking him "What do you expect?"


_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 1:22:02 PM   
unclaimedsub38


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Enjoy what you have (you have already started to enjoy it while knowing he may have another/others anyways) and enjoy your experience of him and the learning.


He does not have others.. when i start started to chat to him maybe a year ago He did at that time have another sub and told me then that He would not meet another sub while He was involved with one. He contacted me only after she went back to France... sorry if i was not clear on that point
?


(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 1:23:21 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Stop thinking that you have an entitlement.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to unclaimedsub38)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 1:31:54 PM   
unclaimedsub38


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Some of what you're feeling might be new relationship energy -- being in love with being in love -- and some of it really is attraction to him. Only time and experience with each other can deepen the connection.


Smiles.. Maybe You are right, maybe it is not Him but the fact that Real Doms do exsist not the idea of "being in love with love"     as you have suggested but maybe the feeling of finally able to be a submissive  with a Dominant Man and feeling the release freedom from that...... smiles

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 1:38:07 PM   
unclaimedsub38


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Stop thinking that you have an entitlement.


With all due respect... Yes i do have the right to feel what i am feel....being a submissive woman does not mean i am without the ability to be intelligent and also want what is best for me, ... If i am not happy and if i dont have the ability to be the best i can be , how can i possibly make any Dominant happy??

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 2:55:23 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		When you learn to accept and love yourself, you'll no longer be desperate for someone else's approval and thus you'll no longer be needy.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to unclaimedsub38)
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RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 3:18:29 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unclaimedsub38

quote:

Stop thinking that you have an entitlement.


With all due respect... Yes i do have the right to feel what i am feel....being a submissive woman does not mean i am without the ability to be intelligent and also want what is best for me, ... If i am not happy and if i dont have the ability to be the best i can be , how can i possibly make any Dominant happy??


Have you considered that The Dominant has as much right to his space as you have to his time?

What entitles you to more than he is willing to give?

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to unclaimedsub38)
Profile   Post #: 20
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