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Are you happy ? - 6/27/2008 10:18:30 AM

GilBlas

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These past 10 years, I have had many stop/go in my d/s life -- for various reasons: moves to different countries every two or three years (don't try Italy, you'll have to fly to Germany every week or so .. ), or I took a little too seriously my social and professional persona..

The obvious thought is that something denied will go underground and come back with a vengeance .... but looking back I cannot really say when I was happier -- when in denial or when trying to explore ?

Not sure what was the more frustrating .. Anyone has the same doubts ?

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RE: Are you happy ? - 6/27/2008 10:20:38 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Happiness isn't the way to go about it- fulfillment is. At what point were you experiencing yourself most AS who you are and who you want to be?

And yes, doubts are common.

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RE: Are you happy ? - 6/27/2008 10:42:25 AM

GilBlas

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Happiness isn't the way to go about it- fulfillment is. At what point were you experiencing yourself most AS who you are and who you want to be?

And yes, doubts are common.

Good point. It's easier to want to be what others designate - and others might be as powerful as Harvard University, the Roman Catholic Church etc.. there is a peace of mind easily gained when one conforms .. fear and uncertainty when one rebels .. Of course once the question is asked, the genius is out of the bottle and there is nothing else to do that going on .... but oh boy it's hard work sometimes !

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RE: Are you happy ? - 6/27/2008 1:02:59 PM

RavenMuse

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...

< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 6/27/2008 1:03:19 PM >

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RE: Are you happy ? - 6/27/2008 1:04:08 PM

metalmiss

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i satisfy myself in being content.

When i was in my late teens i turned my back on my persuit of the lifestyle to settle down with a vanilla boy of my own age who had caught my eye. The relationship lasted for 3 years, most of which was one of the happiest times of my life..
But something was missing & towards the end the craving caused me to develop psychological problems, it really did, as you so rightly put it "come back with a vengeance"..
So for me the only solution was to turn myself back to the lifestyle & carry on, despite how painful it was to leave the one i loved so deeply and i could so clearly see myself growing old with.. Staying there with my problems would have hurt him more.. He made me happy.. But i was not content.

i didn't seek out TPE for happiness, i sought it because i knew it would be a challenge which i would find rewarding & fulfilling. After 2 years on the UK scene, life pushed me towards my Master, a Man who makes my days not only happy but also content.
Like you, i can't discern whether i was happier in either manner of lifestyle.. But i am certainly more content in just being myself & on my knees.

When it comes to this type of thing, its common to doubt.. But when you look back, was it really such a conscious thing to leave it for a while and then come back? Or were you just being yourself and moving through life with your own natural rhythm? Because being yourself is all that really matters.

< Message edited by metalmiss -- 6/27/2008 1:08:22 PM >

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RE: Are you happy ? - 6/27/2008 1:08:27 PM

LaTigresse

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I just live. One day at a time. Savouring the moments. Finding the joy in whatever I happen to be experiencing at that moment.

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RE: Are you happy ? - 6/27/2008 1:32:31 PM

colouredin

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Its a bit like Brave NEw World, those people were drugged up on soma and knew their place because they were given it, were they happy? well chemically speacing yeah and they knew nothing else, jesus though its my idea of hell, i would much rather be miserable and aware than blinkered and falsely happy.

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RE: Are you happy ? - 6/27/2008 1:40:56 PM

camille65

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quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Its a bit like Brave NEw World, those people were drugged up on soma and knew their place because they were given it, were they happy? well chemically speacing yeah and they knew nothing else, jesus though its my idea of hell, i would much rather be miserable and aware than blinkered and falsely happy.

Your post is both timely and kinda funny. I just had an old friend over that I hadn't seen in 2 years, he commented that it was so good to see me at my kitchen table instead of 'being horizontal' which is how he had to see me for toooooo long.
It is due to Soma (and other meds) that I'm able to actually sit in my kitchen and visit with a friend instead of laying in bed.

So that just tickled me a bit.

As to being happy?
God yes.
I am happier at this stage in my life than any other before it. Even with all the crap going on, I am at my happiest.

It is inside. Way deep inside is where this happiness lives, I hope it stays because it feels good.

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RE: Are you happy ? - 6/30/2008 10:44:35 AM

littleone35

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i have always benn a pretty hapy erson (comes from being an optimist). When i submitited it was even happier than usual it was the happiest day of my life. As to being content I am very happy and content with Maste we were meant to be together.

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RE: Are you happy ? - 6/30/2008 10:57:34 AM

gypsygrl

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Nobody has ever accused me of being a happy person and this doesn't have a lot to do with bd/sm or what I'm doing at any given time.

I am sometimes content, fulfilled, satisfied, estatic, joyous, sad, miserable, apathetic, frightened, confused, anxious, frustrated,...the list goes on and on.

I think in terms of allowing myself to experience a range of emotions rather than in terms of finding a single optimum one and trying to maintain it indefinately.

So, I probably wouldn't meet anyone's standards for happiness, but I don't have a problem with that.

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RE: Are you happy ? - 6/30/2008 11:18:09 AM

LadyRainfire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

Nobody has ever accused me of being a happy person and this doesn't have a lot to do with bd/sm or what I'm doing at any given time.

I am sometimes content, fulfilled, satisfied, estatic, joyous, sad, miserable, apathetic, frightened, confused, anxious, frustrated,...the list goes on and on.

I think in terms of allowing myself to experience a range of emotions rather than in terms of finding a single optimum one and trying to maintain it indefinately.

So, I probably wouldn't meet anyone's standards for happiness, but I don't have a problem with that.

Why meet someone else's standard for happiness, gypsygrl? To me, it sounds like you are happy but in your own way. Why can't we be happy if we're content, fulfilled, ecstatic, joyous and all those other emotions?

Me, I am very happy, happier than I have been in my life. Happier than I ever thought I would be. I"ve tried, several times, to leave the lifestyle but something always draws me back. It's part of me, it's where I'm comfortable and I don't have to hide my bruises, scratches or marks.:) For once, I'm glad I was drawn back and then came to CM at a friend's urging.

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RE: Are you happy ? - 6/30/2008 11:57:34 AM

opensoul

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Happy is something that I hoped for , tried for so long to have and saw little of until I stopped trying to be like everyone else. My family had their expectations of what I was to be, with a lot of guilt and manipulation by any means possible . I knew deep inside I could not live their life. Now I find I am living my true life for me and it is comforting, allowing me to explore myself worth, inner needs , and become the inside happiest person as well as the outward persona I tried to give to others for so long.
Content, happy and fulfilled are just the beginning of the way I feel.

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RE: Are you happy ? - 6/30/2008 2:02:23 PM

candystripper

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GilBlas

These past 10 years, I have had many stop/go in my d/s life -- for various reasons: moves to different countries every two or three years (don't try Italy, you'll have to fly to Germany every week or so .. ), or I took a little too seriously my social and professional persona..

The obvious thought is that something denied will go underground and come back with a vengeance .... but looking back I cannot really say when I was happier -- when in denial or when trying to explore ?

Not sure what was the more frustrating .. Anyone has the same doubts ?

I think life has seasons. There are times, maybe decades, when D/s takes a back seat because other priorities receive more attention.

When this happens, it's possible you are in denial or dysfunctional in some way. It's also possible you're experiencing the unfortunate fact that no one can have it all, all the time.

I wouldn't worry so much about the past; if you feel you've made mistakes, take corrective action, but don't wallow in regret.

Best wishes,

candystripper

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