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Need advice (Regarding Lifestyle) - 6/27/2008 10:58:27 AM

Kapalua2483

Posts: 11
Joined: 6/12/2008
Status: offline

I was hoping that I would be able to get some good feedback and get some information that I have been seeking. I don't know how to find a submissive heh. I mean just literally I don't know how the introductions/meeting them happens. I have been a dom to women in my life before but I've never been able to meet/have a conversation with a submissive for the purposes of discussing the lifestyle and a potential dom/sub relationship. I've been in a long term relationship recently and it has ended. This relationship kept this lifestyle a bit away from me for a time and I've found it exceedingly difficult to meet/speak with like minded people.

Would there be advice from any out there as to how I can remedy this situtation?

Daniel

Post #: 1

RE: Need advice (Regarding Lifestyle) - 6/27/2008 10:59:22 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Have you ever had a relationship? It's the same process.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Kapalua2483)

Post #: 2

RE: Need advice (Regarding Lifestyle) - 6/27/2008 10:59:49 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Daniel,

I want to say that I am SOOOO sorry that this was your first post.

I hope you have a really thick skin.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to Kapalua2483)

Post #: 3

RE: Need advice (Regarding Lifestyle) - 6/27/2008 11:05:03 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Forget the title and just talk to the person as a person. Worry about it being a Dom/sub relationship later.

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 4

RE: Need advice (Regarding Lifestyle) - 6/27/2008 11:09:56 AM

goodpet

Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline

Hi,
Yes i hope you have thick skin cause you might get slammed on this one..

You are young so that has some to do with it also. And feeling dominant does not mean you might not also be shy. yes Doms can be shy also. Not only are you figuring out relationships in general, but also your feelings of wanting to be the Dom in a relationship.. There is alot going that most here did not really embrace until they were older, 30's, 40's or even older.. so many already had a few miles under their belt

My suggestion would be to not worry about finding one and work on developing your self and what you have to offer a sub.

Get involved in groups, attend events and go the classes, go the clubs and watch, go to munches and ask questions.. and find a mentor.

get involved and find someone you like and talk to them about mentoring your, helping you learn.

There is TesFest July 4th weekend near you, and then Floating World is Aug 16 weekend. BR is in Washington DC over halloween and has a ton of classes.

Go the meetings and ask lots of questions.. find someone on here and start a conversation, talk with the Doms.. don't worry about meeting a sub right now. contact a sub to just ask a question about something in her profile or something she posted. don't try to meet her or pick her up,, just a simple question conversation..

good luck and hang in there.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 5

RE: Need advice (Regarding Lifestyle) - 6/27/2008 11:22:58 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Start as friends; progress from there. Do not talk about your kink until she is ready.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to goodpet)

Post #: 6

RE: Need advice (Regarding Lifestyle) - 6/27/2008 12:13:13 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You can email people here. Make sure you read the profiles first and fit what they're looking for. Don't go about calling them bitch or slut or slave. Don't demand they call you lord or master or grand high pooh-bah. Don't focus on bdsm stuff, talk about interests you have in common that are vanilla, or about something they said in a post that made you think. However, do expect that most of the emails you send out will not get a response. No response is a response.

Otherwise go to a local munch near you. Google bdsm and your town/area. Don't go looking for fresh meat, do go looking to make friends. Even if there's no one there that time, once you make friends you will be invited to parties where there will be other people. If there isn't a group, think about starting one. Search for people in your area, send emails asking if they have any interest and if so you recommend the second Sunday of every month or whenever at a moderate priced place.

Just like meeting people into any other activity.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 7

RE: Need advice (Regarding Lifestyle) - 6/27/2008 9:40:55 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

Untill a submisive is my sub, they are just a person to me and we conversate about everything as normal. Yes I am a dom; but that does not mean that I'm their dom.

Go through the profiles and message those that you like as you would message anyone else being yourself. If you attend a munch, just be yourself and let everyone know that you're a dom. Carry on conversations from there by being yourself. When at a play party, be yourself and let everyone know what you're interested in doing.

Be yourself, talk as you always do, and you'll find the type of sub you're looking for.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to Kapalua2483)

Post #: 8

RE: Need advice (Regarding Lifestyle) - 6/27/2008 9:45:44 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

he's 24...and not the usual 18 or 19 yr old first timers...

24 has a far better chance than a teen to find a sub or dom.

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 9

RE: Need advice (Regarding Lifestyle) - 6/27/2008 9:56:15 PM

kinkypuppy2

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

Get involved with your local bdsm community, have fun make friends, it will happen in time

_____________________________

See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to Kapalua2483)

Post #: 10

RE: Need advice (Regarding Lifestyle) - 6/27/2008 11:55:55 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

Forget the title and just talk to the person as a person. Worry about it being a Dom/sub relationship later.

greetings daniel,

read this. and then read it again.

honestly, i know it's weird even in dating situations to get to know someone because often it can seem kind of contrived because you're both checking each other out for the possibility of a "relationship" - and when you bring bdsm into the mix that also intensifies some of the possible trust and security issues that can come up. but approaching them as friends, as human beings, first, and making all the projections we tend to add on about relationships and especially about domination and submission -later- - or even better, letting that develop without pushing it - actually makes things much easier to navigate and much more solid, in my experience.

respectfully,
a'ishah.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 11

RE: Need advice (Regarding Lifestyle) - 6/29/2008 8:40:03 AM

Huntertn

Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline

damm I cann't really add anything new here..except maybe once you get in these places..relax..and just talk..sooner or later you'll find a sub that respondes to you..she'll even tell You "why" after a while.

(in reply to hisannabelle)

Post #: 12

RE: Need advice (Regarding Lifestyle) - 6/29/2008 10:53:46 AM

goodpet

Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

Untill a submisive is my sub, they are just a person to me .....

Ohhh cool, it's offical...I'm a person...

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 13

RE: Need advice (Regarding Lifestyle) - 6/29/2008 11:39:10 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

The one thi ng daniel that I have found in life in general (relationship/friendship wise) which applies to this lifestyle is the more you search, the harder the target is to find. In every case when I stop looking and at times as i have at this time, closed my doors firmly, the greater the chance suitable people arive where I have the chance of meeting them. Socially I am one of she shyest people about and certainly have a close and bar the gates and bunker up when it comes to socializing outside of my professional area or the very select formal state functions which I am obliged to attend. Even at munches, Neets is the social butterfly and I'm the bloke you'll find in the smoking area in the quietest corner enjoying my smoking and just observing everyone. Now, if this silly old fart who, I'm told, gives the impression (eroneously) that I don't want to talk to or meet people, still finds people want to meet and talk with me, I'd have to say that a younger buck like yourself would have more going for you. Just be yourself and let the natural attraction of people weave it's magick and see what it draws to you. remember it is far better to have empty collars then have them filled with the wrong people.. I know, been there, done that! Something I shall never again do.

Iron Bear
(Incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent)
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it.

Omar Khayyam 1048 CE to 1123 CE (Persian Mathematician, Scientist, Astronomer, Philosopher & Poet).

(in reply to goodpet)

Post #: 14

RE: Need advice (Regarding Lifestyle) - 6/30/2008 5:31:44 AM

Kapalua2483

Posts: 11
Joined: 6/12/2008
Status: offline

I do sincerely appriciate everyone's assistance and feedback. Despite a couple of the posts in the beginning with those concerned of my question. There has been no negative feedback which I greatly appriciate. Anymore advice and continuing conversations are tremendously appriciated and this has all been insightful. Thank You.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 15

RE: Need advice (Regarding Lifestyle) - 6/30/2008 5:34:06 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Read this.

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1717756

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Kapalua2483)

Post #: 16

RE: Need advice (Regarding Lifestyle) - 6/30/2008 1:43:17 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kapalua2483

I was hoping that I would be able to get some good feedback and get some information that I have been seeking. I don't know how to find a submissive heh. I mean just literally I don't know how the introductions/meeting them happens. I have been a dom to women in my life before but I've never been able to meet/have a conversation with a submissive for the purposes of discussing the lifestyle and a potential dom/sub relationship. I've been in a long term relationship recently and it has ended. This relationship kept this lifestyle a bit away from me for a time and I've found it exceedingly difficult to meet/speak with like minded people.

Would there be advice from any out there as to how I can remedy this situtation?

Daniel

Use the 'search' function on the CollarMe Main Page and look for submissives who appeal to you.

Write polite letters of introduction, and mention why you liked them enough to email them. Try not to say 'I think you're hot'.

Consider other D/s dating sites.

Look around for a local D/s group in your area. The one I joined has a Yahoo group and I've been able to meet some people real time without necessarially being ready to attend a group event. My groups' Executive Committee has been very kind to me as well.

I didn't perv your profile so I cannot comment on it; but there are tons of threads on this board about 'good Dom profiles'. Use the search function in the upper right hand corner of the main page of the CollarMe boards to find one.

I'm sorry your relationship ended. That's always painful. Most people need time to 'pause and reflect' between relationships in order to start anew, without undue issues. Make yourself ready to meet a submissive when you actually do. Never forget to use the good manners your parents taught you.

Best wishes,

candystripper

(in reply to Kapalua2483)

Post #: 17

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