Jasmyn
Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Haileypain
Yes I am a bitch. But dispite my name. I am not into causing my subs a great deal of pain, discomfort yes, depriving them of treats yes, but a lot of pain, no. I don't get off on it. I enjoy the dominance I have over them and the way they serve me.
I am extremely sexual in nature and use sex as a weapon as well as flogging, biting, paddling, light bondage and so forth. But I have been referred to as a soft Domme, by some of the subs I have had in my service.
Are there any experienced Domme's or Mistress's out here that share this style, that would be willing to share techniques or lend advice? Even if you're a relitively new Domme or Mistress, like myself. Please by all means share. You may already be leaps and bounds ahead of me.
I have but a years experience in the lyfestyle and wish to learn more from those who have a broader knowledge and greater experience in it.
I AM NOT LOOKING TO EXCHANGE EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT WITH POSERS! I seek real advice from true Mistress's or Domme's.
I have been referred to as a soft Domme.
When I dominate a male, through his own communications on the subject I will initially be able to put him into one of two distinct camps...sexdom or prodom (for wants of better terms). It's easy enough to ask...what is it he is seeking? A sexual experience or a dominant workout? Sometimes you'll get it wrong and the poor lad that wanted a bit of slap and tickle thought they'd be more tickle than slap, or you'll get it right when you thought you were getting it wrong and you'll get called amazing wondering how that happened.
Welcome to the complex world of Female Domination ;)
Through the course of our first session together with a new boy I realised his real kick was his foot fetish and humilation/control fetish. He has a strong ego for young man, very cocky, king of his world attitude, so I begun incorporating foot fetish into the scene. He had to endure the cane first to see how worthy he was of kissing my boots. But initially it was his 'ego' I needed to give a shake-up. He was approaching me for a session more as someone who could do him a service, rather than the commerical element been secondary to the actual experience of him 'serving' me the 'dominant' in the scenario.
When he first turned up we spoke momentarily then he was told to strip and face the wall infront of a table. After a few minutes I re-entered the room, grabbed the back of his head force him to bend over, kicking his feet apart telling him to spread them further, smacked him on the rump hard a couple of times and left the room telling him he dare not move in my absence. I toyed with him for awhile, not caring for his wants but been very direct, assertive and random about mine.
"Get on the floor"
"Get up"
"Bend over"
"Beg"
"Roll over"
"Kiss my boot"
"Don't slober"
"Thank ME"
"How many strokes of my cane do you think your butt should endure for you to be even remotely worthy of kissing my boots again?"
He chose 10 I gave him 20 (everything's immediately double in my dungeon, afterall one does have two cheeks...so until they turn up with half a rump, those are my rules.)
He was not offered the opportunity to orgasm and it never cropped up so to speak and he was duly dispatched with a raw butt and the taste of my boots on his lips. As he left he popped his head back through the door to tell me he 'loved his Mistress'.
The last scene we did together I was less harsh, less strict, less direct than previous times and begun working with his 'his Mistress' buzz, that Mistress in his dreams who is kind and caring but no less in control. After a brief caning I instructed him he was in for a treat and told him to wash my feet, massage, and then kiss my feet. That I was in no hurry and he could kiss and worship, adore and cherish them as much as he wanted. I remember checking in with him at some stage and in response to 'how are you? where are you? after laughing softly, seeing he'd drifted off into some delicious footland, he replied "no idea Mistress, but there is no where else in the world I want to be."
I have had similar reactions from men who have come to see me for dominant workout and got just that. The one thing these scenes always had in common was I took control of the proceedings from the onset. One late night visitor was told to get on his knees the moment he walked through the door and crawl to the playroom. Another was tied up by his own shirt and made to kneel with a bucket on his head till I could be bothered with him. And so on and so on.
Then I have had sessions where it was not about me or domination or service at all. The fantaisers who have a specfic script or want or need. Often I'll find they invaribly can get this need met at a parlour but when they read a dominatrix advert they begin to wonder what it would be like with her...or they've found only pro-doms in their experience have understood the desire for it... ie cross-dressing, many pro-dom and lifestyle women cater specifically to cross-dressers..or they may just like the woman so they see this pro-dom over another or at a parlour.
A lot of people can make the mistake of thinking ALL cross-dressers are seeking a sexual experience, most are not and for this group I tend to allow them to dress and we do 'afternoon tea' or I make them clean if s/he feels like been Cinders of the dungeon, or take them dressed to fetish events and the like...go shopping, do 'girly' stuff.
A good deal of cross-dressers are not submissive when dressed, they actually feel empowered in their role as a 'woman' and you'll find many a top-cd (often wanting to top other men, similar can be found in guys who identify as wanting to be an 'alpha sub' to a dominant woman..sub to her, king of all other men... both ego needs I'd guess).
Then you have the cross-dressers who sexualise femininity, seeing themselves as more desirable, more wanton, more subservient, more pliable then their male self, getting attention normal reserved for 'girls'. Through to 'forced feminisation' where the desire isn't in being dressed as a female, rather in being made to dress (as a female), now you're dressed your a 'whore' or 'slut' or 'bitch' and I'm going to use you like one...at the core its an 'excuse' so they can submit.
Some will be happy with in-session only, whereas others will seek someone to force/fem them 24/7...there it splits off again... where for some its about the domination, keep me humiliated and controlled in pretty pink panties and I'll do as you say... whereas for others they actually *desire* to be 'forced' to be female so the can be made to become that 'whore' or 'slut' or 'bitch' getting used an abused 24/7...the control and responsibility for that not of their doing. A lot of guys have kidnap fantasies akin to this.
Other forced areas are chastity, blackmail, bi-sexual, submission...physical overpowerment/mental overpowerment... all happening for different reasons for the individual, their need for it (domination) to happen this way and that...
Part of the problem for a lot of men who identify as having a need for 'female domination' and get with a so-called 'sensual dominant' is 'sensual dominance' is *too* accommodating. Any woman can deny him orgasm. The sub knows this. It's frustrating for them. Some will stick around in relationships not getting this need for control and subserviences met, then bow, fawn and fall over any woman they perceive as 'strong', identifying as a fem dom or not, and he'll bemoan his partner isn't like that.
A lot of men sigh and ask me how their partner could become more dominant, take more control and lose the guilt of 'womanhood' and control her man the way he desperately needs to be controlled, take their rightful place as his 'superior' and allow him the opportunity to serve and adore her.
Sensual domination doesn't take account of this need to be controlled, to be a secondary creature to his Goddess, Dom, Queen... it's more like it's a dominant kink...and scores of men respond to it...but it's not 'domination' in the sense of what most submissives seek from a dominant experience. It's all fun and games, but the 'accommodating' element of this style of domination is frustrating. It is akin to male doms and fem subs experiences of the dominant been too soft...(in and out of sccenes) which general reads as 'lack of control'...and manifests itself as not wanting to 'upset their sub'.
Someone on here once said the opposites of dominant and submissive weren't themselves but rather indecisiveness and stubborness.
Been too afraid to step into the role of 'the dominant' and actually take charge of 'the submissive' is one of the biggest mistakes newbie (urgh I loathe that term) dominants make in fear of losing the sub...so dom and sub personas are relegated to the bedroom...where even there the sub crys the dom is too soft....and indecisive.
I have subbed in the past so I know how frustrating it is when you have given your mind body and soul over to someone you trust to put you through your paces and their ability to do so has been greatly exaggerated and you find yourselves on different pages.
Try not to do little things like every few minutes or so checking in to see if the sub is 'ok'...subs want to feel like we have their interests as heart but they want to feel like in the scene we are going to put them on a rollercoaster of emotions and experiences that on the surface seems we don't have their interests at heart.
I remember a couple who came to see me...she was a hot little minx, fabulous body, a sexual sensual nymph, mid 40's, petite, gorgeous body...she had been to see me on her own prior to this...part of her need for domination been all her life men had been 'accommodating' of her, fall at her feet...very few men had ever been able to deny her sexually and she wanted a het woman to control her, the thinking been, a straight woman wouldn't be as sexually inamoured with her, and she could turn this woman on sexually..the challenge been to do just that...turn a straight woman bi... but ultimately her desire was for someone to show her husband, who she loved and adored, to 'take control' of her. We scened and part of it I wanted him to deny her sexually...make her beg for his cock, her tied down over a bench, it been inches from her lips... just when she was getting into it and beginning to lose herself in her vocalising of her need to worship his cock, I turn my back and he's getting her to gobble him off...she immediately lost any desire for him...he couldn't understand her need to be denyed by him was inherent in her need to submit at his feet.
Keep asking questions... but pain and control are two very different things... and calling you a 'soft domme' may have very little to do with pain... but rather their belief that you may be to 'easy' on them in the scene... things like not calling them up on moving when you told them they weren't allowed to move...
Introducing things like rituals can help you get a handle on control if you want to move beyond 'sensual domination'... sorry this has turned into bit of an essay so I'll stop now... but hope some of what I've said makes sense and helps a bit.
_____________________________
quote:
"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.
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The hardships of a soft Domme. - 
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