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Heavy bottom… Good thing or not - 11/7/2005 1:59:55 PM   
stephanne84


Posts: 9
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		I have been going to a local club in my area for about 4 months now (only played 4-5 times with one guy before that) in that time I have been labeled a heavy bottom (can take a lot on my ass with out bruising or being sore the next day) but in some ways that worried me because I have only been in the scene a short time in comparison to many I play with and I don’t want to have someone come into a scene thinking they can go all out… (I need warm up still) but at the same time if they treat me to carefully then its just a massage… I tend to have a harder time with negotiations as well because I don’t want to top from the bottom, plus I don’t know what my limits are… have not reached any really yet with impact play at least… any ideas on how to keep myself safer?? I just don’t want to get into a bad situation… thanx
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RE: Heavy bottom… Good thing or not - 11/7/2005 2:01:43 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Anything you can list off- some people will love and some people will not love and some people will find downright unappealling.

Use your good judgement and go slowly, works in most any situation.

(in reply to stephanne84)
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RE: Heavy bottom… Good thing or not - 11/7/2005 2:15:22 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		Pretty much just tell them what you just told us. You are still exploring and that's attractive to most people since we all remember when we were there.

The only other thing is to stop worrying about "topping from the bottom" What you are doing is just supplying information. Any good dom appreciates that

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www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to stephanne84)
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RE: Heavy bottom… Good thing or not - 11/7/2005 9:37:55 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		I would explain the situation upfront. Come up with a word that basically means harder, If it's someone you'd play with more often they will get a better feel after time so that it would become less & less necessary.

(in reply to stephanne84)
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RE: Heavy bottom… Good thing or not - 11/8/2005 1:11:27 AM   
wipmebeetme100


Posts: 198
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I tend to have a harder time with negotiations as well because I don’t want to top from the bottom, plus I don’t know what my limits are… have not reached any really yet with impact play at least… any ideas on how to keep myself safer?? I just don’t want to get into a bad situation… thanx


Negotiating is the time to top from the bottom. It is really the only time i feel i have any say in what i will do...or what i want to do. Should you decide to do a pain threshold scene with someone to help you determine your pain level threshold....don't be afraid to use a safe word if necessary. I too have been called a heavy bottom, and like yourself i have yet to find a pain "limit". When i did my pain threshold i felt nothing over a 9. I haven't found any of this to be a deterrent for me, or to create any safety issues. Know who you are playing with, negotiate the play....and let your partner know exactly what you told us in your post. Good Luck and Have Fun!!

cathy

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Happiness is like peeing your pants: Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth
~Unknown

(in reply to stephanne84)
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RE: Heavy bottom… Good thing or not - 11/8/2005 1:24:43 PM   
stephanne84


Posts: 9
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		thank you for all the good feedback... i always have safe words but i have never had to use them... thanx again

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~stephanie~

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RE: Heavy bottom… Good thing or not - 11/11/2005 1:19:04 PM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello Stephanne,
You are not alone. I also just found myself this year and feel like I'm a lightweight compared to the reputation I have in my local dungeon. Not only have I been labeled with a heavy butt, but also as an edge player.
I think this is due to lots of girls in my local scene who like the thought of spankings, but really are powder puffs when it comes to intensity.
Don't worry about where you fit into someone elses mold. Be true to yourself and the Doms you play with and things will be fine.

I'd also like to say if you view your before scenes negotiations as a tool you give the Dom so he's comfortable, that may help you to not feel like you are topping from the bottom. Most of the Doms I've played with appreciated that I would disclose all my limits and what I enjoy to them as it allowed them to feel like they were able to play harder and in more ways with me than they would have otherwise.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to stephanne84)
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RE: Heavy bottom… Good thing or not - 11/11/2005 1:26:20 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64
I think this is due to lots of girls in my local scene who like the thought of spankings, but really are powder puffs when it comes to intensity.

LOL while there certainly are a fair share of those...I agree that you simply are just very high and heavy on the pain spectrum.

(in reply to plantlady64)
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RE: Heavy bottom… Good thing or not - 11/11/2005 1:46:53 PM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64
I think this is due to lots of girls in my local scene who like the thought of spankings, but really are powder puffs when it comes to intensity.
LOL while there certainly are a fair share of those...I agree that you simply are just very high and heavy on the pain spectrum.

Hello LA,
Thank you very much. Coming from someone with as much experience as you I'm going to have to accept it must at least be partially true.

I aspire one day to take my Master's 10's and so far he feels I'm at best a 7 or 8. I feel I still have a long way to go to be the slave he can fully play with the way he wants to. I again say I feel like I'm not a heavy player myself. I feel like I'm a total wuss when it comes to a lot of things in play.
The funny thing is the girl you saw me playing in tandem with at the dungeon last weekend also thinks she's a big baby and she's the heaviest player I've met to date. Maybe we just don't see ourselves as others do.
I guess we all just see the need to grow and not the fact we are over the edge as far as most are concerned.

Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Heavy bottom… Good thing or not - 11/13/2005 4:16:38 PM   
syndee


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/3/2005
Status: offline 		You don't have to use a safe word- how about the traffic light system- negotiate with the top and tell them that if you say amber you think you're coming to a limit- and hopefully you don't have to call out red- or even whisper red- if you think you've gone past it- after all- you know what you're feeling....................maybe a sensitive top would appreciate that. And moaning green...... .greeeeeeeeeen means it's cool by the way..................


(in reply to stephanne84)
Profile   Post #: 10
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