RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (Full Version)

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StrangerinBlack -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 4:06:57 PM)

To be honest, I'm not really sure I understand the question. BDSM to me is all about learning to consciously deepen intimacy, trust, sensuality, pleasure, and catharsis (and more I'm sure). When I hear people use the word vanilla, I usually assume that they are talking about not incorporating any power exchange (consciously) in the bedroom. Not that they do not enjoy all of the good things listed above. So, are there times when I enjoy sex without any commands, whips, leather, or clamps? Sure. Can I somehow "go back" from my love of strong sensation, deep intimacy, and real connections? Not on your life. Even if I were to never pick up a flogger again, I would still be profoundly changed by my BDSM experiences. On the other hand, I still find a naked woman in my bed who want me to be hot as hell, even if she isn't covered in 5 colors of latex paint and hanging upside-down from my ceiling and chanting "Your will be done Master" (but, thinking about it,  if someone wants to negotiate a scene like that, let me know :p )



SeattleDom118 -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 4:38:48 PM)

I have gone back to vanilla, many times. I won't do it again. I'm never as happy.



ViceVersa -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 4:49:50 PM)

I've said this elsewhere, but I consider kink to be my sexual orientation and not something I float in and out of, so...no...I won't change my sexual orientation.



IrishMist -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 5:20:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ponyboyachilles

Could you ever go back to vanilla after experiencing what BDSM has to offer? I have found vanilla sex singularly unsatisfying after all the kinky play I've enjoyed.  But I still enjoy the time I spend with someone I love and sexual and sensual play with her, even if not kinky time or actively doing a scene.  How about you?

Nope, it would be absolutly impossible for me to do so.
Why?
Because I have NEVER seperated my life into the little, labeled boxes that most seem to need in order to survive.
I don't have a vanilla life; I don't have a BDSM life; ; I don't have a kinky life.
I simply have my life. Unlabeled, and uncluttered by all the baggage that labels seem to impose.



Prinsexx -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 5:24:38 PM)

I don't think there is a line between bdsm and vanilla. I don't think there is a line between domination/submission and mastery/slavery. That's what I think. In my experience and feelings there are degrees within the relationships I have with others. For example I have always been me but i have grown and changed. I have always been a domestic slave even within  relationshps where there was little submission on my part to dominance over me. I can be a domestic slave and indeed I can be a slave to my own sexualised and eroticised feelings both within and without a relationship. But I cannot submit to no-one: I cannot submit on my own.
I also cannot be property on my own but I can own my self in terms of being accountable to myself. I can also be a fetishist (although that is a minor aspect of my arousal) even if I am not in a relationship.
As for vanilla: I define that as a relationship within which there is power over me rather than one where there is a consensual exchange. And yes there have been vanilla times within those relationships which have been predominantly bdsm.
I like a relationship to work socially as well as privately so common interests, the ability for that person to be welcomed into my teemagers' lives means that bdsm protocols are below the surface when my partener would be sitting watching television with my family for example.
There are choices I am making right now as to whether I can separate out bdsm in a relationship which is dedicated solely to that but  the separation and compartmentalisation of it is causing me some internal conflict.
I think the opening question is posed from the viewpoint yhat somehow one starts off as vanilla and then becomes bdsm orientated and that since by nature I was born the way I am, I am having issue with answering the linear question in a linear way. That's not to say the question isn't valid but just too limititing a question for me to answer according to my experiences.
IF (as I hope) I am continuing to progress rather than regress then the next lasting relationship will have vanilla compatability (family/straight sex/work interests) subsumed with a dynamic which in terms of its overall power structure also allows me and the other to be essentially ourselves.
Is it ever really possible to go back?



panthersub -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 6:35:09 PM)

i have attempted at going back to a vanilla relationship, but found that i was missing too much of this lifestyle. So i came back to the lifestyle and know that i cannot or will not go back to the vanilla side. Now on the other hand, going back to that side with my Dom, (when i find one), is no big deal, knowing that it won't be all about vanilla.



MrRandallspe -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 6:41:47 PM)

I have tried to have a plain vanilla relationship,really tried hard. Yet,,every time I saw a well rounded female butt,all I could think of was how well it could take a spanking. When I would hear a female bitching and whinning,,I would look at the guy she was with and think what I would do in his place, bend her over my knee and spank her butt red.
I kept working hard to be vanuilla and I would slowing start slipping back into the BDSM,,easing a bit of the Dom side into the relationship. My last wife was starting to enjoy the BDSM and was gradualy becoming a damned good submissive. She was loving everything from bondage to whipping.....right before the world turned upside down on
our lives.
Since then,being a widower,I have been looking for the right sub/slave to become my live-in partner in life. I do trust that soon I will find her. 



petoblivion -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 6:45:09 PM)

For me, I still experience a lot of 'vanilla sex', but I have to say it doesn't fill me in the same way that different forms of 'kinky' play do. Still, I think it makes those times when I do get to play all the more fun. Vanilla sex is not ideal, but sometimes it's better than nothing.



DarkVictory -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 6:46:47 PM)

No matter what approach I take to it, my partners end up placed into a submissive role.  'Trying' to be vanilla just results in a bad evening.



natasha66 -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 7:29:23 PM)

Nope.



malloves69 -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 8:17:38 PM)

i do love vanilla sex too still [:)] but if i ever went back to a vanilla relationship with a woman the least she has to like doing is strapon play [:)] dont think i could be happy without it ..it has been a big part of my fun with my mistress now for almost 3 years gotta say im hooked [:)] love bending over for a lady and her strapon i must say and being fisted is even better [:)] boy that would be hard to give up ..my mistress knows my ass and prostate well [:)] love that about her [:)] mal



Shawn1066 -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 8:18:34 PM)

I wouldn't really know, I've never been and I have no real desire to try.

DV's Fox



DaddyDomsgirl -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 8:25:50 PM)

i've been in vanilla relationships.....i married to a vanilla right now....and i do have a Master/Daddy....so i get best of both worlds....but i cna say i cna live without the BDSM lifestyle...i have before.....but since i have found Daddy i don't think i could anymore cause it would mean giving Daddy up and that is something i can't do



silkncarol -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 8:30:23 PM)

In the last few years i've had more "vanilla" relationships than i have had what would be considered Lifestyle.  I have always been attracted to dominant type-A personality types so i'm able to have my submissive needs met and so many "vanillas" are kinky anyway...just not as open as our group is.  It's very easy to draw someone to the dark side as long as they're open minded and willing to experiment...i'm a great corrupter. 



Leatherist -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 8:31:53 PM)

Vanilla is an elitist fantasy.



OTKkindaGirl -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 9:08:20 PM)

since completely discovering myself, i have only attempted one vanilla relationship and boy did it fail miserably.  i cannot change how i am or the way that i think and i will not allow myself to be looked down upon by the narrowminded and judgemental, such is the case with most vanillas.  for me it isn't so much about kinky sex... hell, i think anybody has the capacity to be a little kinky.  it's difficult to express the need for pain to those who have little understanding of it, especially when they view me as a "very good person, with a very kind soul." 

it was after this relationship that i ordered a special made flogger to remind myself of what i long for so that i would not settle for anything less.  my intentions are to one day hand it to the man i will call "Master". 

i cannot go back to vanilla willingly because i am too misunderstood. at least within this lifestyle there is the comprehension, acceptance, and dare i say appreciation for the person that i am. 

maybe when i am too old to take a flogging while hanging upsidedown, i'll be placed in a nursing home where i will be forced into a vanilla and celebate life but until then, not if i can help it!!




JoePNY707 -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 9:28:45 PM)

Nope! Vanilla is fine, but why settle only for one flavor, when you can have all 38 flavors? [:D]



MagiksSlave -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 9:31:32 PM)

I could and I have to me BDSM isnt life, just something that can be part of it

thats all my ambian addled brain can come up with at the moment the screan is all blurry like!!

MS



DominaSusan -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 9:46:48 PM)

Tried having vanilla sex and it was damm difficult to resist the urge to not tear his skin off with my nails. I think some things just are hard wired.



spanklette -> RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... (6/28/2008 9:54:08 PM)

With the right person, sure....but I'm certainly not going to go out of my way to find something "vanilla".



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