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BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/28/2008 5:25:11 PM   
pagankinktress


Posts: 80
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline 		Perhaps a variance on this question has been asked before, but I'm going to toss this out anyway.

With the discussions going on in the "When Does BDSM Become Unhealthy" thread, and the "Should SM Be In the DSM" in the alternative news sections, I got to thinking about BDSM in a somwhat philosophical way.  My question to you fine posters, is what is about BDSM that you value?  Would you feel comfortable saying that in some or any ways, it has helped you become a better person?  Is that even something you seek actively when engaging in BDSM, on whatever level or for whatever purpose, (be it physical, psychological, sexually, 24/7, etc.)?  Do you find that BDSM has ever served as a catalyst for self improvement in any particular area of your life?

Ok, hmmmm...so that's a bunch of questions.  I'd be interested in hearing from anyone who wouldn't mind sharing any part of the mutliple choice disertation I've now just created. ;)

_____________________________

~ Ivy

My Blog: http://www.bohemianrhapsodize.com/
http://twitter.com/pagankinktress
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RE: BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/28/2008 5:29:46 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My question to you fine posters, is what is about BDSM that you value?

Can't really say that I VALUE any of it. However, if you were to instead ask "what is it about the people who participate in BDSM' that I value", My answer would be a bit different.
quote:

  Would you feel comfortable saying that in some or any ways, it has helped you become a better person?

Nope. I was a bitch before I ever discovered how much of a maso I was; I am still bitch.
quote:

  Is that even something you seek actively when engaging in BDSM, on whatever level or for whatever purpose,

In ALL my relationships...the one thing that speaks the loudest to me is HIS ability to put some pain on me...that's what I seek and what motivates me.


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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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RE: BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/28/2008 5:42:24 PM   
pagankinktress


Posts: 80
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline 		I getcha, Irish.  And that does put an intriguing spin on my question, so I'd love to hear what it is about the people in BDSM that you do value, if you wouldn't mind sharing. 

Also, I think it's cool that you can articulate that the thing in your relationships that you feel has resonated most deeply within and for you, has been the pain your partner is able to inflict upon you.  Would you then feel comfortable saying it's pain for the sake of pain's sake that you value?  I ask because it sounds like this is something that sparks you most, and you had mentioned it is what you seek and are motivated by.

I appreciate your candor and sharing your thoughts and experiences.  =)



_____________________________

~ Ivy

My Blog: http://www.bohemianrhapsodize.com/
http://twitter.com/pagankinktress

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RE: BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/28/2008 5:50:49 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I getcha, Irish.  And that does put an intriguing spin on my question, so I'd love to hear what it is about the people in BDSM that you do value, if you wouldn't mind sharing. 

What is it about people that I value ( and please be aware of the fact that I DO NOT seperate people by lables of any kind ). I value people for their uniqueness. Every single person that I have come into contact with in my years has had at least one outstanding quality that made them shine above those who surrounded them. I find this not only fascinating, but also valuable in that I learns something new from them each and every time.
quote:

  Would you then feel comfortable saying it's pain for the sake of pain's sake that you value? 

It is safe to say that yes, I like pain. But, it would be more of the truth to say instead that I LOVE VIOLENCE and crave the pain that comes from it. Violence turns me on; the pain gained from it turns me on even more.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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RE: BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/28/2008 5:59:48 PM   
pagankinktress


Posts: 80
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline 		Of course, I wouldn't take your response as though you were categorizing people in terms of BDSM-minded vs. otherwise.  But it's good that you put it out there like that, because I can see how things might get stereotyped and distorted in forums sometimes. 

I really like how you talk about the way that in your interactions with various people in your life, you  have learned something new.  That is very meaningful and a beautiful thing to recognize.  It's all a learning process, I often think.

Thanks again, Irish. 

~Edited for whacked out grammatical errors


< Message edited by pagankinktress -- 6/28/2008 6:01:52 PM >

_____________________________

~ Ivy

My Blog: http://www.bohemianrhapsodize.com/
http://twitter.com/pagankinktress

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RE: BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/28/2008 6:10:29 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Improvement? Yes..... more self-control, and self knowledge.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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RE: BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/28/2008 6:21:02 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		What i appreciate about bdsm is that it gave me an outlet for desires and personality bend that in mainline society is not accepted.  The bdsm "society" gave me structure and guidelines that enabled me to safely navigate the process of finding a dom .  The relationship i have found within the bdsm community is one that has given me the structure to be completely happy.
I don't think i am explaining myself very well - if there isn't a shared vocabulary, then communication is inhibited. This community, being the primary place i have found info on the " lifestyle", has given me a way of learning the communication style of this societal subgroup.


Who'd've thunk it!

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RE: BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/28/2008 6:35:28 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		BDSM to me is a limited acronym signifying four prevalent kinks, nothing more or less.  BDSM is a label for some stuff I enjoy as a hobby, like reading or going to the movies- and like movies they bring me lots of pleasure, lots of things to enjoy in my leisure time and some great shared experiences.

Now, if you want to talk about Ds or relationship dynamics...well my relationships are fulfilling to who I am and help me experience myself in relationship to another and the intimacy I gain from that is astounding- but no more or less than any other relationship dynamics would be for another.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/28/2008 6:36:58 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		BDSM itself has no value for me. The partner I am with is where I place my value, and what we get into depends on who they are and what we want, not what we call it.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

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RE: BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/28/2008 6:40:55 PM   
petoblivion


Posts: 9
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline 		I feel that it's allowed me to see a side of my self that I didn't acknowledge before. Although I'm still discovering it, I value that it's allowed me to see a different side of people and of interactions as well, both good and bad. I tend to be a black and white thinker, and I think in a way BDSM allows me to see the gray in the world. This is putting it too simply, but pain isn't always a bad thing, nor is not being in control in the strictest sense.

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RE: BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/28/2008 6:43:44 PM   
pagankinktress


Posts: 80
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, the acronym itself can be limiting, I agree.  Yet, I think when I put the question out here, I used "BDSM" as the key word because I was afraid if I went with "D/s and the value it brings", I would have left out those who might enjoy various physical kinks like bondage, sensation or knife play--in other words those who particpate in exchanges for the sake of the exchange and don't necessarily seek the relational aspect. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but in my head at the time, it did. :)

Very well put, LA and thanks for describing how D/s relationship dynamics have positively impacted you. 



quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

BDSM to me is a limited acronym signifying four prevalent kinks, nothing more or less.  BDSM is a label for some stuff I enjoy as a hobby, like reading or going to the movies- and like movies they bring me lots of pleasure, lots of things to enjoy in my leisure time and some great shared experiences.

Now, if you want to talk about Ds or relationship dynamics...well my relationships are fulfilling to who I am and help me experience myself in relationship to another and the intimacy I gain from that is astounding- but no more or less than any other relationship dynamics would be for another.


_____________________________

~ Ivy

My Blog: http://www.bohemianrhapsodize.com/
http://twitter.com/pagankinktress

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RE: BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/28/2008 7:06:10 PM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		BDSM's value is that it gives me a broad term to kind of, sort of, explain myself to people who have similar interests.

That's it.

Otherwise, I could care less about it and the Lifestyle in general.  My Owner is who I put value in, and not in the thing we're both a part of.  The relationship and the dynamic we share is important.  Nothing else really is, in my eyes.

DV's Fox

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RE: BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/28/2008 7:11:11 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		~FR~

What I value most about BDSM is that I can use it for a variety of purposes. It's a tool which allows me opportunities to laugh, cry, cleanse, fly, cum, cringe etc. depending on the energy of the moment, my needs or wants at the time and, of course, the path that Himself wants us to walk. I can use it alone, in front of a crowd, with lovers, strangers or friends. It effects all of my senses in so many ways or deprives me of the use of some of them for periods of time so that I come back to Earth a bit more appreciative of what was lost in the moment or what the moment has allowed me to gain.



_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/28/2008 7:12:45 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It isn't any of the acts or kinks I value. It's the fact that this is a safe and healthy way for me to express my submissiveness. In non d/s relationships I would give and give and never get anything back or be valued for what I did. The opposite, I was looked down on while they took and drained me dry.

He values me and appreciates what I do. I receive in equal value to what I give, which allows me to keep giving.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/28/2008 8:24:18 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I see it as entertainment-not a life style.
 
I don;t see watching movies or riding a bicycle as a "Lifestyle" either.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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RE: BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/28/2008 9:17:32 PM   
JoePNY707


Posts: 293
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		Hi Pagan--

I'd say the most important value of BDSM--in my opinion, of course--is that if you are willing to be introspective, and carefully evaluate WHY you are attracted to BDSM--what need or urge it fulfills, how you see yourself fitting in the world as a result of it, that you can gain some valuable insights/self knowledge about yourself....the kind you do NOT learn in Psych 101!

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RE: BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/28/2008 10:13:08 PM   
DarkVictory


Posts: 247
Joined: 8/7/2004
Status: offline
The sex is very, very good.... even when it's bad, cause when it's bad, I get to make someone suffer for it.

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RE: BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/28/2008 10:28:36 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		There are BDSM practitioners who use it for spiritual practice, as well as sexual practice, as well as For the Rush, and for many different reasons. When examining the idea of using BDSM as a catalyst for change learning growth etc. looking at those who practice it in part as a spiritual practice might be a good place to start.

I actually presented a new class "SM more than meets the Skin" (Useing SM for different purposes) at Southeast Leatherfest earlier this month. Hope to present it a few more times later this year.

< Message edited by Archer -- 6/28/2008 10:30:04 PM >

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RE: BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/28/2008 11:33:11 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pagankinktress

Perhaps a variance on this question has been asked before, but I'm going to toss this out anyway.

With the discussions going on in the "When Does BDSM Become Unhealthy" thread, and the "Should SM Be In the DSM" in the alternative news sections, I got to thinking about BDSM in a somwhat philosophical way.  My question to you fine posters, is what is about BDSM that you value?  Would you feel comfortable saying that in some or any ways, it has helped you become a better person?  Is that even something you seek actively when engaging in BDSM, on whatever level or for whatever purpose, (be it physical, psychological, sexually, 24/7, etc.)?  Do you find that BDSM has ever served as a catalyst for self improvement in any particular area of your life?

Ok, hmmmm...so that's a bunch of questions.  I'd be interested in hearing from anyone who wouldn't mind sharing any part of the mutliple choice disertation I've now just created. ;)


Hi pagankinkstress.  Here are some ideas of mine that come to mnd:
 
* Finding out about D/s gave me insight into my true nature as a submissive and allowed me to let go of labels like 'weak'; 'insecure'; etc, some of which had been applied to me by friends in whom I had confided in my heart's desire.
 
* Finding out about D/s allowed me to develop as a submissive; from discovering how much I love light bondage to learning about 'letting go' and allowing my Dom to take charge.  It won't be as easy for me as I thought at first blush.
 
* Finding out about Ds gave me access to web sites like this one, in which Doms seek submissives, and increased my chances of meeting someone who is right for me and being collared.  It allowed me to start dating Doms, which has been great fun.
 
* I personally am not interetsed in sadism; I am not maso.  I love light bondage. I am not sure exactly what discipline means -- I think everyone has their own ideas on that. I no yearning to be disciplined, no matter what method is used.  I don't want to disappoint my Dom and cause him to feel the need to use discipline to correct me.  Instead I feel a very strong desire to be pleasing.
 
I think absolutely everyone has a different slant on what BDSM even means, never mind what value it has for them.  But I liked your Op.
 
candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 6/28/2008 11:36:44 PM >

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RE: BDSM and Its Value To You - 6/29/2008 1:54:25 AM   
DelilahDeb


Posts: 429
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		Fast Reply:

Knowing isn't the same as doing. I've known and dabbled in kinky practice to enhance sex for more than a decade, but I say dabbled for a reason. Discovering the enjoyment and fulfillment than dominating can bring me has opened my eyes to dynamics that have colored my interpersonal relationships all of my life.

The value for me lies in...
1. self-discovery
2. increased intimacy
3. spiritual energy
4. really, really hot sex!

Lady Delilah Deb

_____________________________

"All acts of love & pleasure are My rituals."
--from the Charge of the Goddess, a Wiccan teaching

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