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PriapicBratt -> Searching (11/7/2005 7:44:51 PM)

Being quite new I would like to hear from a Master as to what I should be looking for, questions or thoughts I should have in mind.




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Searching (11/7/2005 8:26:43 PM)

YOu should be looking for opportunities to learn and not get committed for at least six months to anyone serious.

You should be asking "What will work for me?" "Does this make me happy?" "How will this work in 6 months? A year? 5 years?" "Is this making me feel more like myself?"




FelinePersuasion -> RE: Searching (11/7/2005 9:13:19 PM)

A man can't tell you what you want to look for. That has to come from inside you and your personal interests needs, and what will realistically work




PriapicBratt -> RE: Searching (11/7/2005 11:27:56 PM)

Thank you for your answer Lucky.




SadistDave -> RE: Searching (11/8/2005 2:05:30 AM)

I would suggest starting with a few basic questions about your own needs and desires. Ask yourself what you hope to achieve, and how you hope to achieve those goals. More importantly, you should ask yourself if you're ready to do what is necessary to attain them.

Get used to this line of thought. BDSM is a lifestyle of never-ending opportunities and experiences. Most of us never stop learning about ourselves and re-assessing our desires and needs. We never stop looking for a new challenge to conquer. This begins in "the self". (I know, I know.... sounds like Bondage Wicca, LOL!)

If you haven't already done so, you need to realize that there is a clear difference between the fantasy of BDSM, and the reality of it. I've seen a lot of new folks get wrapped up in the fantasy elements of the lifestyle, without considering their own reactions to certain aspects of it. If reality sets in when you're unprepared for it, you're in for a rough time...

Example: Being a service oriented submissive might sound like a good time unless you have a serious problem being nude in front of people. Should your future Master decide he wants you to serve he and his cronies snacks in the buff at his Super Bowl party, you'll probably spend more time wishing you were dead than actually serving.

A good start might be a few good books and a BDSM checklist. Most scene related books are informative enough to make you ask yourself the important questions. After you've read a few, fill the checklist out as completely as you can, then go back and take a hard look at the things which interest you that you haven't experienced yet. Be critical of yourself when thinking about whether or not you are really capable of, or want to do these things. Look at the worst case scenarios and think about their importance and relevance to you.

Do some serious soul searching. Educate yourself. Do some more soul searching. Form a plan to achieve the goals you've set for yourself. Follow the plan. Make it your personal mission to to find creative ways to make that plan work when it bogs down. You have everything to gain by commiting to your plan 100%, and everything to lose if you don't.

Most importantly, get involved. Find real people locally that you can go to for guidance, and to gain some hands on experience. Find a local club if you can, and start going to meetings and parties. Whatever you do, don't wait around for something come along. Get out and be there when your opportunity presents itself.

I wish you well.
-SD-





fyreredsub -> RE: Searching (11/8/2005 3:49:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

YOu should be looking for opportunities to learn and not get committed for at least six months to anyone serious.

You should be asking "What will work for me?" "Does this make me happy?" "How will this work in 6 months? A year? 5 years?" "Is this making me feel more like myself?"


i have to agree w/ this one.
i had several opportunities to get 'serious and/or collared 'right away but the one i have decided on is going to let me keep my freedom and explore w/ me slowly. he has set up some rules and such that he feels are in my best interests for learning right now but we shall keep things light and (gasp) poly style as we are both still free to play w/ others. i do not wish for a commitment at this time and everyone thats writes damn near thinks they are the one for you and you are too new to know any better.[:)] good luck and the forums are a great place to learn and get support




Cloudz -> RE: Searching (11/8/2005 4:37:25 AM)

There are reasons we all enter this lifestyle. What are yours? Make a list of exactly what you know you want, what you think you may want, things you do not ever want to try. Then read, read, read everything you can find. Talk to people who seem to have the same interests and talk to people who seem to enjoy things that you think you will not enjoy and ask them why they do. Education answers many questions, experience answers many more.

Cloudz




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Searching (11/8/2005 6:03:48 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub
poly style as we are both still free to play w/ others.

That's a new term for me, can you define "poly style"?




CitizenCane -> RE: Searching (11/8/2005 7:15:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PriapicBratt

Being quite new I would like to hear from a Master as to what I should be looking for, questions or thoughts I should have in mind.


I'd look for a new screen name, first off. Priapus is a god of male potency, and 'priapic' means having a constant erection. Possibly not the most appropriate monikker for a female sub, but, of course, suit yourself.





OscarHargraves -> RE: Searching (11/8/2005 7:55:42 AM)

I had an answer all worked out but then I read LuckyA's and she pretty much said what I had intended.

I would suggest that you spend some time thinking realistically what YOU want and what will make YOU happy. If there are any clubs or munches in your area then you might want to visit one (or more) and see what kind of things 'trip your trigger' and what doesn't. Get to know yourself and your wants and needs before you try to find someone else.

And to reiterate what was said, please go slow and don't rush into anything. Finding a Wonderful Dom is just like like a wonderful Vanilla man. It takes time and patience and you may have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find that prince. Don't rush into anything that you will regret later.




PriapicBratt -> RE: Searching (11/8/2005 12:09:07 PM)

Priapic can also mean horny.





PriapicBratt -> RE: Searching (11/8/2005 12:11:00 PM)

Thank you everyone for all the well thought out information.




CitizenCane -> RE: Searching (11/8/2005 12:54:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PriapicBratt

Priapic can also mean horny.




Yes, but in the literal sense- having the horn on- that's why etymology is so useful. Your choice, of course, I'm just pointing out that it might not be the most effective advertising.





domtimothy46176 -> RE: Searching (11/8/2005 3:38:53 PM)

In addition to the excellent points already made, I would add that, in my experience,it's equally important to understand why you have the needs and desires that motivate you. I have found that understanding the reasons that you are inclined toward a course can be immeasurably valuable as a tool to assist you in navigating that course most successfully.
Timothy




MasterRobert1 -> RE: Searching (11/11/2005 3:52:51 AM)

The most important questions right now are the ones you should be asking yourself. Like, Who am I? Do I know what I'm looking for? Do I know the things I want and need from a Master? Do I know what I'm looking for in a relationship. Et cetera. Once you're able to answer those questions, you'll be in much better shape as far as talking meaningfully with a Master.




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