Respect? (Full Version)

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anywhereanytime -> Respect? (11/8/2005 12:06:47 PM)

i apologize if there's another thread like this, i looked but didn't see any.

i've lurked a few different bdsm-related message boards but now this is the only one i frequent. i've noticed that this happens a lot, even when just chatting with subs one-on-one, that there is a huge lack of respect for their Master. And when i see lots of slaves agreeing with eachother or laughing over something that was inappropriate in my eyes, i feel like i'm crazy or some uptight slave who looks down on all the other slaves for their behavior. slaves going online, bad-mouthing what their Masters do/say, ranting in extremely disrespectful ways, it just...saddens me that these people call themselves slaves when they have a Master/Mistress that obviously isn't aware of how they spend their time, and they sit there and trash talk the Person. Here's an example, copy and pasted straight from a discussion about punishment that i was reading: "omg my asshole master made me stand there all alone for like 2 hours, ughh...sometimes i want to beat his head in! he's so stupid sometimes!"

So i guess my question is, have you seen this happen? What is your reaction to it? Do you feel that the respect shown should be the same regardless of if you're standing in front of Him/Her or online where your comments will never be discovered? Have you ever disrespected your Master/Mistress while not in His/Her presence?



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Respect? (11/8/2005 12:10:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: anywhereanytime
So i guess my question is, have you seen this happen?

All the time.
quote:

What is your reaction to it?

Oh mostly just smile and excuse myself. Or I might make a cheeky comment like "Yes but you know in the end you want to submit to it." depending on how bold and risky the context was.
quote:

Do you feel that the respect shown should be the same regardless of if you're standing in front of Him/Her or online where your comments will never be discovered?

*I* certainly feel that behavior should be consistent, but it's absolutely common for subs to behave difrently. In fact my first master had a saying about how most slaves obediences was a direct reciprocal relationship to how close their master was to them.

quote:

Have you ever disrespected your Master/Mistress while not in His/Her presence?

Not in any way that I wouldn't have if we were together.

But we must remember, how WE define disrespect can be terribly different from others. We must always allow a shadow of doubt to be with us and think that perhaps this is exactly how things work happily between them.



mnottertail -> RE: Respect? (11/8/2005 12:26:15 PM)

This is birds babbling at the brook, and no more...........

beneath wonderment.


Ron




swtnsparkling -> RE: Respect? (11/8/2005 12:29:46 PM)

quote:

So i guess my question is, have you seen this happen? What is your reaction to it?

Yes, i have seen it so many times in chat rooms, and it just ticks me off. ( that is when i want to slap one of them- but i leave, in fact i havent been in a chat room now for almost a yr.)
quote:

Do you feel that the respect shown should be the same regardless of if you're standing in front of Him/Her or online where your comments will never be discovered?

ABSOLUTEY!
quote:

Have you ever disrespected your Master/Mistress while not in His/Her presence?

i have not.



sub4hire -> RE: Respect? (11/8/2005 12:45:46 PM)

quote:

So i guess my question is, have you seen this happen? What is your reaction to it? Do you feel that the respect shown should be the same regardless of if you're standing in front of Him/Her or online where your comments will never be discovered? Have you ever disrespected your Master/Mistress while not in His/Her presence?


Never seen it happen, although I don't frequent chat rooms either. I did many year's ago. Got a bit depressing when you would see clueless people heading for the sub sofa.
Whatever the hell that is.

However if I did see it happen I would probably say something. Since online chat's seem somewhat of a family of people with no real time experience they seem to stick up for one another. A chat room to me has just never been a place to really chat about anything real. Does that make sense?
So, in other words if I were in said chat room I would expect to be slammed for having some common sense.
I do talk to my dom online daily while we are both at work. I do believe no matter where you are the same respect should be given.
Have I ever embarrassed my dom? Yes, intentionally, no. For instance...normally he goes to doctor's appts with me. Lately he has not. I've been having trouble with my medical group so I've had to be quite vocal with them. Filing complaints..etc. This would embarrass him, so I'm going alone.
In a lifestyle setting, no I have never embarrassed him, nor disrespected him. Though some may disagree that is only because they do not know our specific dynamic.




Synocense -> RE: Respect? (11/8/2005 1:04:53 PM)

I have been speaking to friends before and said something like "i was so furious, i wanted to kick him the shin" -- and we all laugh. If he had been standing there, he would have lifted an eyebrow then dismissed it, knowing well that I was full of hot air and one 'poke' would deflate me completely. lol You might find this disrespectful, but the people I was speaking to and my master, know the humour behind it : )

Syn



Littlepita -> RE: Respect? (11/8/2005 2:04:10 PM)

I personally feel that if you have a Master and are submitted to him then you need to conduct yourself at all times as you would if He/She was in the room. Sure if you are with your "friends" then maybe you can be a little loser about things and what you express, but around strangers like in a chatroom you are a reflection of your Master and should behave like it.



irishgem -> RE: Respect? (11/8/2005 2:08:31 PM)

I must say, i totally agree with what You have said. In my opinion, a sub should always be respectful of their Master. Like the quote which You copy and pasted...if a sub is being punished by their Master or asked to do something and are not happy with this, then this should be discussed with their Master, explain how they are feeling because there is obviously something wrong. In no matter what i do, what i say, i am always respectful of my Master, whether He is there or not. I would like Him to be proud of me and my actions show my feelings towards Him. I could not even contemplate saying anything bad about Him or slagging Him off. If i would ever feel something is unjustified, then i would feel totally free in expressing how i am feeling so we can understand where this is coming from, deal with it, learn from it and move on. It shows also the kind of relationship that a sub has with her Master and also how good of a Master that person is. I also feel saddened and sometimes shocked by what i read. A Master/sub relationship is very precious and it is sad that some people feel this way, frustrated and not able to share with their Master and vent it out by sharing how they really feel with others. If they could express this to their Master, then it could make a tremendous difference in the relationship. Just my own humble opinion anyway, irishgem



sweetpettjenny -> RE: Respect? (11/8/2005 2:44:22 PM)

yes it happens and yes it is wrong , but thats when i say i am glad to be me , and i know i am respectful , so beyond that i don't worry how others are acting as long as i am acting good



luvdragonx -> RE: Respect? (11/8/2005 3:10:52 PM)

I don't know about the other subs, but the reason I don't do this is because once the genie is out of the bottle.....you know how it goes.

There are times when he does something that drives me nuts and my first inclination is to rant about it. Well, something stops me from publicly doing so because
1. I don't want to give the false impression that all he does is drive me nuts[:)]
2. I wouldn't say something to other people that I haven't talked to him about first

Take yesterday for example. A couple of days ago, he washed a pair of jeans with gum still in the pocket. He's not overly domestic, so it's a small wonder he didn't notice the sticky gum still in the washer or the dried gum smeared all inside the dryer - he just got his jeans and went on his way. When I went to do laundry yesterday, I was pretty crispy at having to spend an additional hour cleaning the washer and dryer.

Now, I had a fleeting thought of bitching about it here, but then I checked myself. It wasn't really necessary and it's a minor blip on the radar - it has no real place here. So I talked with him about it and it was over and done with. I felt better, I hadn't said something in the heat of the moment that I later regretted.



ownedjulia -> RE: Respect? (11/8/2005 4:40:36 PM)

i equate this with 'naughty schoolgirl' mode.

The chat room is basically the bike shed round which the submissives gather to get a few minutes respite from Master :)

Have I ever laughed at my Master in a chat room?

Yes.

have I ever been disrespectful to him in a chatroom.

Yes.

Do I know that he logs the conversations and occasionally checks?

Yes.

Do I get punished when I get caught?

Ohhh, YES!![:D]

All's fair in love and slavery!!




AlderTheKitty -> RE: Respect? (11/8/2005 5:25:05 PM)

i can see both points but some times it's something you need to do it helps you get off negive feelings towards your top it's none done to dyiffy him or her but to get rid of your neagive feelings towards them it would be better for you to wright it in a jurnal if you can't say it to your top in person rather then disracing them infront of others but how many women haven't sat in the ladys room taking about how lousy there husbands are



SoulBelow -> RE: Respect? (11/9/2005 5:15:40 AM)

I would never personally bad mouth my master, I have huge amounts of respect for him, I'm insanely in love with him but we're all human and no matter what type of relationship you're in. everybody gets on eachothers nerves sometimes. Like OwnedJulia says, as long as they're punished then it's okay [:D]



pet4mymaster -> RE: Respect? (11/9/2005 5:19:46 AM)

unfortunatly i have seen this many times in many chat rooms and on several message boards....do i participate in it...only so far as to ask why the action occured and why do you feel it was unjustified and finally did you discuss your feelings with Him/Her....have i ever done something similar....i must admit that i did discuss a previous Master in a disrespectful tone,but likewise i sent a copy of message to Him so that He would know what i had said and He would have the chance to put in His side of what happened and why....about my Sir...NEVER!!....i have "vented" to HIM about certain things in our relationship and also about in our lives outside of the home, but could never dream of saying something to someone else that He did not already know and had approved of me discussing it with my other friends....why do i speak with Sir about things that i know could get me punished if they angered Him....IMHO there are 2 things that are fundamental in ANY relationship BDSM or vanilla
1)relationships are built on trust~~if you do not trust your Master enough to be open with Him/Her about your feelings..how can you trust them enough to have control of your body/mind/life???
2)communication is the foundation of ALL relationships~~when you first met your Master did you not discuss things with Him/Her...what you liked and didn't...if you had any limits(hard or soft)...what made you feel like submission was inside of you~~i do not know of anyone that met their now Master/Mistress in a dark alley and without talking at all gave them complete control of their lives....so why NOW that you are their sub/slave/pet/property would that communication end???
i hope that the words i have written do not upset anyone and please realize that these are only my views not ment to be taken as yours....i do not wish to force others into my way of thinking just give my opinion were it is asked for

Serving Sir Now and ALWAYS



Mercnbeth -> RE: Respect? (11/9/2005 5:46:49 AM)

quote:

So i guess my question is, have you seen this happen?


because this slave is not a frequenter of chat rooms she will have to speak to the disrespect she has seen on message boards and in person, and yes, she has witnessed it.

quote:

What is your reaction to it?

it ranges from general disgust to outright shock.

quote:

Do you feel that the respect shown should be the same regardless of if you're standing in front of Him/Her or online where your comments will never be discovered?

absolutely.

quote:

Have you ever disrespected your Master/Mistress while not in His/Her presence?

No. What would be the point in that? He also has never "gotten on this slave's nerves" or made her feel "angry" at Him.



candystripper -> RE: Respect? (11/9/2005 5:57:48 AM)

Seems to me that respect -- mutual respect -- is the bedrock of a D/s or M/s relationship. i'd be devastated to come across some crude remark made about me on the boards or in chat by my One...particularly if it was something we had not discussed. And by the same token, i cannot imagine discussing any failings or flaws my One has with anyone except maybe my best friend -- by phone.

i have never seen "he's a ninny" written by a submissive or slave about her Dom or Master on these boards -- but possibly memory fails me. What i have seen is disrespect in chat rooms. However, in chat rooms, there's absolutely no way of knowing if the apparently disrespectful comment is intended to harm; possibly the couple switches and he enjoys a bit of humiliation. i try to remind myself that, in chat, people can be anything; a 45 year old man masquarading as a 19 year old lesbian. Given the inherent lack of information, in chat i just assume people are there to enjoy themselves and forget about anything negative....and most are.

candystripper



littleone35 -> RE: Respect? (11/9/2005 8:36:32 AM)

I seen it many times and it never fails to annoy me. I feel and have said sometimes you have submitted to him so deal with it without whining. That did not make me a very popular peson but it is how i felt.

Disrespecting my late master never was gonna happen like others anything i was going to say would have discussed with him first.

littleone



fyreredsub -> RE: Respect? (11/9/2005 10:04:33 AM)

everything i do or say, from this past week on, is a direct reflection of my training/learning that i am engaging in and a perfect example of the character of which is me....
the end result is..my Dom could at any time hear/read of what i say or do and i do not wish to bring a bad reflection upon either one of us b/c i hate punishments.

i choose to make sure whatever i say or do is to be pleasing and i know their is times when i will get angry or even disagree w/ my Dom. however, i feel that whatever i may write , i shall also bring up to him in a manner that will ensure we are able to discuss the hows and why's of any given situation.

this will not guarentee that i will like the end result or final decision but at least i know i will have acted in accordance w/ my character and not caused him any disrespect.

as to chat rooms i have not frequented them and i can not speak for others behavior for we all generally speaking have to answer to someone ,even if it is just looking in the mirror.


quote:

ORIGINAL: anywhereanytime

i apologize if there's another thread like this, i looked but didn't see any.

i've lurked a few different bdsm-related message boards but now this is the only one i frequent. i've noticed that this happens a lot, even when just chatting with subs one-on-one, that there is a huge lack of respect for their Master. And when i see lots of slaves agreeing with eachother or laughing over something that was inappropriate in my eyes, i feel like i'm crazy or some uptight slave who looks down on all the other slaves for their behavior. slaves going online, bad-mouthing what their Masters do/say, ranting in extremely disrespectful ways, it just...saddens me that these people call themselves slaves when they have a Master/Mistress that obviously isn't aware of how they spend their time, and they sit there and trash talk the Person. Here's an example, copy and pasted straight from a discussion about punishment that i was reading: "omg my asshole master made me stand there all alone for like 2 hours, ughh...sometimes i want to beat his head in! he's so stupid sometimes!"

So i guess my question is, have you seen this happen? What is your reaction to it? Do you feel that the respect shown should be the same regardless of if you're standing in front of Him/Her or online where your comments will never be discovered? Have you ever disrespected your Master/Mistress while not in His/Her presence?




Sunshine119 -> RE: Respect? (11/9/2005 12:27:45 PM)

This post really made me laugh. Yes, I have seen it. When I was trying to learn about BDSM, after meeting a person in the vanilla world who introduced me, I lurked on some chat sites. What I quickly found out was that most of the "bitching" was being done by submissives who had never been near a dominant. They were being "ordered" on-line to do things.

Gosh, I can't even imagine standing in a corner for two hours because someone I never met told me to! If I'm going to be made to stand or get in any other posture or situation, I like to know that my Dom is, at the very least, somewhere closeby enjoying my distress.....LOL.



candystripper -> RE: Respect? (11/9/2005 3:40:40 PM)

Sunshine119, some of the ordering is playful. The Owner of a user-room i like has often given me corner-time, and it's all in jest. i think chat rooms are Just For Fun...not for searching, and not for acquiring infomation about BDSM practices. FUN. Hopefully, what you saw was fun; i admit there are trolls in chat rooms who disrespect submissives and slaves, but that's when an Op is supposed to step in and kick.

candystripper



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