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Interview with a Vamp.. err... Dom - 11/8/2005 10:27:20 PM

cravinspankin

Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

Over the last few months, since realizing that i was a submissive and needed a man who was Dominant, i have had the opportunity to chat with online, by phone or even in person with quite a few Doms.
I have become, i feel, quite adept at asking questions i think give me a good idea of whether that Dom is someone i am interested in continuing to converse with and get to know.
However... still being rather new to the lifestyle and still in the exploratory stages with a couple Doms, i can't help but wonder if i'm asking all the right questions.
So i would like to prevail upon you other subs/slaves here as to what questions you ask/asekd, or wished you had, when getting to know a Dom or Master. Perhaps they are specific questions you could share with me, or questions regarding a general area of discussion that i might want to consider.
And please, i would be glad to hear from Doms/Masters as well.
Thank You for letting me prevail upon your experience.

Post #: 1

RE: Interview with a Vamp.. err... Dom - 11/8/2005 10:49:06 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

castlerealm.com has lots of lists of questions, limits checklists and the like.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 2

RE: Interview with a Vamp.. err... Dom - 11/8/2005 10:56:56 PM

cravinspankin

Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

Thank You. I'm quite familiar with castlerealm, and particularly with the checklists.
However, i was more specifically hoping some might share questions you ask of potential Doms, not in terms of limits, but in terms of their style, their thoughts on the lifestyle, their requirments, expectations, practices, etc.
For example... i have come to ask what they consider a punishable offense, and what form that punishment might take.
Some feel there is a difference between disciplining a sub and punishing her. i generally ask this question as well, to see what their thoughts are and to learn how they might discipline a sub during the training process.
but i suspect there may be some areas i'm not covering. Just thought ya'll might have some idea.
and yes, lol.. i did say ya'll... can't help it. it's the texan in me!

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 3

RE: Interview with a Vamp.. err... Dom - 11/8/2005 11:06:49 PM

krazysubbiekat

Posts: 145
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline

Well, as someone is also actively looking for a Dominant, I have a few questions I ask anyone who I am visiting with in hopes of making a connection. Of course, it is during regular conversation that I learn the most about someone...their outlook on life, their likes and dislikes (other than in this lifestyle...coffee or tea? cats or dogs? that sort of thing), their family ties. This is the kind of information that I would need to know about someone if I were to build a any kind of relationship with them. As for discussing a D/s relationship, I will share some of my questions with you if you promise not to tell Shhhhhhh! lol

I would normally ask if I peeked in their toy bag, what would I find. I ask this because I like to get a feel for whether or not our kinks mesh. If I wasn't into needle play, and he had a stock of surgical needles in his bag, we would need to discuss that.

I would also ask what their expectations of a D/s relationship are. If they are just looking for sex with some rope and spankings thrown in, maybe our definitions of this lifestyle are not compatible.

I would ask about their past D/s relationships, if they had any. How they met, how long the relationship lasted, whether or not it ended badly are somethings I would want to know, because I would be be able to get a better feel about their feelings about s-types. It is during this discussion that I would ask for references. (If they are relunctant about that, then it would raise a red flag for me, not necessarily a deal breaker, but something that would give me pause.)

I would ask about their hard limits. If their limits and mine don't mesh, that is something that we would both need to know. For example, if their limits include no chocolate pie in the face, and I needed chocolate pie in my face....again something that would need to be discussed. It is during this discussion that I would want to know how they felt about a s-type having limits and whether or not that they felt the need to push those limits, or if they respected my right to have them.

Now, do I ask all of these questions in one discussion...probably not. These are the sort of things that would be discussed in general getting to know each other time.

I hope that this helps.

kat

_____________________________

"Treat every day like it is a gift. Unwrap it and then wrap your arms around it; it will surprise and intrigue you." --N. Elchibini

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 4

RE: Interview with a Vamp.. err... Dom - 11/8/2005 11:52:52 PM

girl4you2

Posts: 1622
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

i would also ask things of them which were very dear to oneself, whether dear to one's family or to one's basic morals and ethics. for if you've any ideas or basic rights that you hold dear, such as where dominant or government or groups make decisions versus your beliefs, you might wish clarification.

edited for poor spelling at midnight

< Message edited by girl4you2 -- 11/8/2005 11:54:09 PM >

_____________________________

maireann croí éadrom i bhfad. is maith an scáthán súil charad. is leor nod don eolach.
got shoes?

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 5

RE: Interview with a Vamp.. err... Dom - 11/9/2005 12:47:32 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

Ask everything you would ask a vanilla boyfriend and also questions about how they view the lifestyle. What they want out of it? 24/7 etc. Their kinks and how far their willing to go. What have they done etc.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 6

RE: Interview with a Vamp.. err... Dom - 11/9/2005 1:08:08 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin
i was more specifically hoping some might share questions you ask of potential Doms, not in terms of limits, but in terms of their style, their thoughts on the lifestyle, their requirments, expectations, practices, etc.
For example... i have come to ask what they consider a punishable offense, and what form that punishment might take.
Some feel there is a difference between disciplining a sub and punishing her.
but i suspect there may be some areas i'm not covering.

All depends on what you want......... yes I did say "you".
Their *style*, their thoughts, expectations and so on need to offer
you what you need. Is this to be Online or RT, just kinky sex or
do you look to further yourself in some way. So many questions
that only you can answer.

Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 7

RE: Interview with a Vamp.. err... Dom - 11/9/2005 3:21:01 AM

wipmebeetme100

Posts: 198
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

So i would like to prevail upon you other subs/slaves here as to what questions you ask/asekd, or wished you had, when getting to know a Dom or Master.

I like to ask them if they feel that love is absolutely necessary for a M/s relationship.
This question is very effective to get them talking on this subject...and it is a subject that is important to me.

cathy

_____________________________

Happiness is like peeing your pants: Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth
~Unknown

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 8

RE: Interview with a Vamp.. err... Dom - 11/9/2005 6:33:48 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Why did your last relationship end?

Are you still close your ex's?

What are your biggest priorities right now?

Where do you see your life in 5 years personally, professionally, and biologically?

And generally just get a sense of their day-to-day life.

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 9

RE: Interview with a Vamp.. err... Dom - 11/9/2005 7:24:05 AM

cltcdrd

Posts: 86
Joined: 5/31/2005
Status: offline

First off, all the rules that apply to a Vanilla relationship should be observed first. If you feel you would "hit it off" in that respect, then you should move on to the more deeper aspects of what the relationship would entail. Limit's, want's vs needs, desires, likes vs dislikes, etc. The basic rules for relationships, no matter what kind, are pretty much the same; there is no reason to change them just because you choose our lifestyle :)

_____________________________

~~May Bright Blessings Be Bestowed Upon You and Yours~~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 10

RE: Interview with a Vamp.. err... Dom - 11/9/2005 12:38:58 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Steel-Door.com great site, check out Private Chamber there is info there on just about everything.
Some questions:

what are your basic philosophies in regards to D/s?

do you have a sub now? either r/t or online and do you plan on having more than 1, what kind of relationship are you looking for?

what kind if any structured training do you prefer to use, what sorts of discipline/punishment for infractions

what are your Rules / Limits.what do you require of your sub and yourself

what are your pet peeves and how do you react when your angry

how many subs have you had? what was the length of the relationship and what caused them to end?

what is the most important advise you could give to some one new to D/s ?

do you have any problems with giving out your real name addy phone home/work? and any references that could be contacted? I did that and Oh Boy! did I have A LOT of questions lol.

Those who make remarks about being grilled, say goodbye to and those who welcome the questions keeping talking.

< Message edited by swtnsparkling -- 11/9/2005 12:50:25 PM >

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 11

RE: Interview with a Vamp.. err... Dom - 11/9/2005 4:40:46 PM

KittenWithaTwist

Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

I would ask questions that would mean something to me on a personal level. After all, my dom is the person I live with. I love him and I serve him, so I would expect him to have some of the same interests, morals, and values that I have.

So, questions for me would include:

Do you have any pets, what are their names? What do they mean to you?
What are you passionate about?
What are your favorite films or types of films?
If you could travel to one place in the world, where would you go?

As the main character in High Fidelity (by Nick Hornby) said: It's about what you like, not what you are like. *chuckle*

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 12

RE: Interview with a Vamp.. err... Dom - 11/9/2005 8:59:03 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

How about "Do you have references?"

I used to pay close attention to what they asked me. If everything they asked me was about sex and kink, it pretty much meant that was their priority. ie: More interested in what I am, rather than who I am. I really had no interest in being with someone that couldn't appreciate what I bring to the table as a person.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)

Post #: 13

RE: Interview with a Vamp.. err... Dom - 11/9/2005 10:46:43 PM

submissivesilk

Posts: 154
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

i ask them to tell me about their worst scene, or one gone bad. Someone that says they have bee active for 20 years but has never has a bad scene kind of makes me leary.

Also, and this may be mean or sneaky, but because i am so strong willed and need a certain kind of man (don't we all), i see what they do if i disagree with them. Some will actually change their answer to fit my beliefs. This tells me that, although they may be wonderful men, they are not right for me.

Sometimes i ask them to rate their selves sadistic wise. You know, on a scale from one to ten type question.

Of course i ask the normal "regular" questions. It's important to me to be very compatable in other areas.

silk

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 14

RE: Interview with a Vamp.. err... Dom - 11/12/2005 3:47:25 AM

WickedKev

Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cravinspankin

Over the last few months, since realizing that i was a submissive and needed a man who was Dominant, i have had the opportunity to chat with online, by phone or even in person with quite a few Doms.
I have become, i feel, quite adept at asking questions i think give me a good idea of whether that Dom is someone i am interested in continuing to converse with and get to know.
However... still being rather new to the lifestyle and still in the exploratory stages with a couple Doms, i can't help but wonder if i'm asking all the right questions.
So i would like to prevail upon you other subs/slaves here as to what questions you ask/asekd, or wished you had, when getting to know a Dom or Master. Perhaps they are specific questions you could share with me, or questions regarding a general area of discussion that i might want to consider.
And please, i would be glad to hear from Doms/Masters as well.
Thank You for letting me prevail upon your experience.

When I was searching for a sub/slave there is one question I always asked right away and the answer would depend on wether I would pursue it further. I think the question works well eitherway for you to ask a Dom. 'What does your submission/Dominance mean to you?' Think about it under the context that the answer could effect wether you are going to explore a relationship with a sub/Dom you would really like to explore with then come up with an answer.

_____________________________

Those who can make you believe absurdities
can make you commit atrocities.
—Voltaire

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong
—Voltaire

(in reply to cravinspankin)

Post #: 15

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