Padriag
Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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You've already been given some good advice. I think Obis made an important point about not boxing yourself in too quickly... there is a LOT yet for you to discover, keep an open mind and try not to approach things with too many preconceptions. Learn to gauge your own reactions to things you experience honestly and listen to that, you'll give yourself a lot of the answers over time.
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ORIGINAL: kass3
I am and have considered myself a writer for quite a while, well as long as I can remember, I have had pieces published and have won country wide writing awards.
Since I was little I have written two types of stories, those I could show other and those that were private.
I always thought that my erotic stories were more potent, I didn’t realize they were erotic at all, I didn’t get aroused by them until I started reading other peoples stories but we’ll get to that. I thought that all the pieces that I handed in to school or to other people to read were shadows of these other private pieces. I now realize that they’re not, they are something completely different. This allows me the freedom to work on both sides of my technique without having to combine them, I can learn two different skills and writing styles now and that is liberating.
I can relate to this very well, I had very similar experiences growing up. I've got about 20 years more experience with it than you and looking back my perspective is that the real difference... what made one feel more potent... was passion. The stories I wrote that were "kinky" or "erotic" were things I felt a passion about. When I discovered other things I also felt passionate about, I found that same potency. For me that turned out to be psychology and philosophy and poetry. You are right, there is no need to combine them, unless you just want too. As a write though, its simply finding your passions, the things that really get your creativity going and enjoying that. You seem to be on the right track with that at an earlier age than I was, congrats and enjoy it!
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I tested my own pain tolerance that night however; I still have the scar on my arm from my scratching (a very stupid move I might add!).
You may have already figured this out... there is a difference between erotic pain... and pain. There is nothing erotic about putting your hand on a hot stove, it hurts. But when you are arroused, when you are in an erotic environment (which does have to be overtly sexual or a physically sexual activity, the suggestion of eroticism can be enough), some forms of pain can be pleasureable... that's erotic pain. The setting, the way things are done, are every bit as important as what is actually done. Something to keep in mind.
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this was the first time I started questioning whether my desires were normal both sexual orientation wise and whether I had a deviant sexual desires. It didn’t help me looking up my parents’ old psychology text books from their university days, they classified sadomasochism as a mental illness, not what I needed to hear.
You aren't the only one who wrestled with that, and I wrestled with it for a lot longer. I was in my mid twenties before I came to terms with it. Its stepping outside the box, exploring new possibilites. Right and wrong are no longer easily judged by what a book says, or convential social mores, you have to stop and really think for yourself, is this right or wrong? That's hard for a lot of people, but I suspect you'll handle it just fine, I get that impression about you. One thing that helped me was reading Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil and On the Geneology of Morals, it made me think and helped me develop my own "tools" for deciding right and wrong for myself. You may be stepping outside convential social values, but you still need to have values of your own... ethics is always a good thing. And as Obis pointed out... becareful you don't step out of one premade box and into another.
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On the question of sexual orientation I think that I am more even when relating to girls, I am able to be dominated to a degree or to dominate but I can never imagine being dominated by a male. Men have enough power in the world as it is, there is no reason I should allow it in my personal life. I respect men however and find it easier to form friendships with men than women, but I find that my female friendships last longer; I get less bored with women, they seem more intricate and I think I would be content in a vanilla relationship with a woman.
I'll add to what Obis said by making a couple of observations, food for thought. In my own life the best relationships began with friendship as the basis. One of the great loves of my life was also my very best friend and its a quality I still look for. From your remarks, my first impression is that you find women more challenging and you enjoy a good challenge, so for now that draws you. That may very well change with time, or not, something else to explore about yourself and decide what is right for you.
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There is still a lot I need to work out with myself. I would appreciate any opinions or personal reflections that might help me. I read in an essay that most women only start feeling the need to enter the bdsm ‘lifestyle’ in their late 20s. If that is true than what the hell is with me? If you’ve reached this far then you can tell that I have very little experience, none really, what suggestions do you have for me? Where should I go from here and have I interpreted this all right?
I think "what is with you" is that you've had access to information at an earlier age than most in previous generations (and I suspect that's going to become more and more common if it hasn't already). I also think you probably have an above average IQ, enjoy challenges, and are quite adept at thinking for yourself... which combined has allowed you to think outside the box more than most, as questions others would not and pursue the answers. You strike me as having a very active mind, that can be a wonderful thing.
If you aren't keeping a journal (and I would be a little surprised if you aren't already) I'd suggest you start. Mine has been a very useful tool for self examination, especially those times when I need to take an objective look at myself.
Based on what you have said, I think you have some questions to ask yourself about why you relate to men and women as you do, where do those ideas and values come from... are they realistic or just stereotypes? You presently list yourself as a switch, nothing wrong with that, but you seem to be questioning whether you are submissive or dominant. That's worth exploring, finding out what each means, the different forms of submission and dominance that exist and the different kinds of relationships that form around them. Some remain switches, that being where they are most comfortable, but I get the impression you tend to be drawn more to one or the other, you just aren't sure which yet. Make friends, talk to people from all parts of this lifestyle, get their perspectives and see what you think of them. You've got your whole life in front of you, take your time and find what's right for you.
Ask lots of questions... most of us here don't mind answering at all... gives us something new to chat about. 
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Padriag
A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer
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Fragments of myself I have discovered and ask assistanc... - 
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