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RE: What do subs / slaves really look for in a message? - 11/9/2005 3:34:38 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

kalstolyn...i received something similar. A Man i had corresponded with had "accepted" that we were not suited (my decision) and wanted to stay in contact "to be friends". One day, i opened my email and there was an erotic story from him...which violated pretty much all my limits...along with "hope you enjoy; write me your fantasy". i wrote him back that his conduct was unbecoming and he was mystified as to why i objected.

There is a lesson here...in 99 out of 100 cases, i have Dom and Master friends i met in chat, or on the boards, and while They are Great Men, we are not suited for one reason or another. These Men respect my boundaries and we might flirt a bit but there is no cyber, no phone sex, etc.

When a Man who has expressed an interest in collaring you then goes on to say, "let's be friends" in many cases it's a deceitful ploy to stay in touch and try and "wear you down".

Just my opinion and experience.

candystripper

(in reply to kalstolyn)

Post #: 21

RE: What do subs / slaves really look for in a message? - 11/9/2005 8:15:45 PM

michaelMI

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

[Quote]
This is true. I have received messages like that which started out very nice and polite, only to go read their profile and find that it was lacking something I was looking for. Not everyone is looking for a meaningful LTR...some, actually come here with no thought in mind except finding a person for a single night or day. You have to remeber that not everyone is looking for the same thing; so, when you send out that all important first e-mail, take the time to make sure that the person you are writing to, is looking for the same thing that you are :)
[Quote]

that's the point, i would send an email to someone that says they are also looking to make new friends, only to be BLOCKed for my efforts.

< Message edited by michaelMI -- 11/9/2005 8:17:59 PM >

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 22

RE: What do subs / slaves really look for in a message? - 11/10/2005 1:00:02 AM

MalevolentLyset

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Respond to something in her profile (or journal) that speaks to you. Or make a (nice) comment about her picture. Be respectful. You'd be surprised at how many aren't. Being respectful will give her a good first impression.

Exactly! I so despise and dont read very much of messeges that I can TELL are prewritten and sent to EVERYONE. Blah.

I am more intrigued by ones that say: "A good point you made in your journel about.... I wish you luck along your search."

rather than

"Hey I am 45 from BFE and wondering if you would like to have coffee?"

Its the animal instinct in us to want what we cant have. The second person makes it too easy.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 23

RE: What do subs / slaves really look for in a message? - 11/10/2005 2:45:43 AM

Tapestry

Posts: 226
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline

Most of us can tell the difference between someone who is actually interested in us, or who's desires align with ours, as opposed to someone who is merely "stalking the wild submissive". (From "The Loving Dominant, by John Warren, and my apologies both for using it without receiving prior permission, and for taking it out of context, I know it wasn't intended as crassly as I've used it here.) I have received many notes which were nothing more than someone trying to find a playmate. Sometimes they worded it nicely and sometimes it was most nasty and rude, but nonetheless, it was clear they wanted one thing only. And for the right person, that would be fine. However, my profile is pretty clear as to where i am going here, so why waste my time and theirs?
That's why I say make sure your needs and desires are in alignment. There is a fit for everyone, take the time to write only to those who could honestly be that fit.

One man actually mentioned that after reading my posts here he wished to know me better. Now, I don't know for a fact that he read them, that could certainly be a line used to gain an entrance, except that he made mention of some specifics...but anyway, my point being, do you KNOW what a rush that is?

Have I found Mr Right? I don't know...is there a Mr Right? I don't know...but are there ways to make sure I respond to you? Yes, and in addition to what I already mentioned, humor is key. Make me laugh. At the very least make me smile. There may still be no grounds for a relationship, but I'll write back.

tapestry

(in reply to MalevolentLyset)

Post #: 24

RE: What do subs / slaves really look for in a message? - 11/10/2005 5:23:20 AM

cltcdrd

Posts: 86
Joined: 5/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelMI

[Quote]
This is true. I have received messages like that which started out very nice and polite, only to go read their profile and find that it was lacking something I was looking for. Not everyone is looking for a meaningful LTR...some, actually come here with no thought in mind except finding a person for a single night or day. You have to remeber that not everyone is looking for the same thing; so, when you send out that all important first e-mail, take the time to make sure that the person you are writing to, is looking for the same thing that you are :)
[Quote]

that's the point, i would send an email to someone that says they are also looking to make new friends, only to be BLOCKed for my efforts.

Then you need to look at how you are wording your e-mails. Maybe you are coming on too strong? Offering too much information at the beginning? Or asking for more than what they are willing to divulge at such a time?

_____________________________

~~May Bright Blessings Be Bestowed Upon You and Yours~~

(in reply to michaelMI)

Post #: 25

RE: What do subs / slaves really look for in a message? - 11/10/2005 10:43:10 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Then you need to look at how you are wording your e-mails. Maybe you are coming on too strong? Offering too much information at the beginning? Or asking for more than what they are willing to divulge at such a time?

cltcdrd

Generally i would not reveal a confidence but Michael is a correspondent of mine, and i find him pleasant and fun.

candystripper

(in reply to cltcdrd)

Post #: 26

RE: What do subs / slaves really look for in a message? - 11/10/2005 7:48:48 PM

wipmebeetme100

Posts: 198
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Any advice or comments on communication with subs/slaves for this DOM who always seems to finish last?

I want to know "Why"....why did you write to me when there are 1000's of women you could have written to. Please don't send me a resume....or a message that reads more like business correspondence. Be "You" and tell me why you think you and i might enjoy each other.

Peace,
cathy

_____________________________

Happiness is like peeing your pants: Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth
~Unknown

(in reply to sensualdomNfl)

Post #: 27

RE: What do subs / slaves really look for in a message? - 11/14/2005 4:55:36 AM

cltcdrd

Posts: 86
Joined: 5/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Generally i would not reveal a confidence but Michael is a correspondent of mine, and i find him pleasant and fun.

candystripper

I was not implying otherwise, just responding to what he had said :)

_____________________________

~~May Bright Blessings Be Bestowed Upon You and Yours~~

(in reply to wipmebeetme100)

Post #: 28

RE: What do subs / slaves really look for in a message? - 11/14/2005 5:26:59 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Your topic just made me go and read my emails, which i have been very remiss about attending to. So while i was looking at them i had your topic in mind and put myself into a position of...what if i was looking..which emails would have interested me? which ones wouldnt attract me at all. i didnt really have that many to play my experiment on, cuz my bio states im happily attached and not looking...so i dont recieve hundreds of emails *grin*but from the ones i did receive..i liked the emails that said something intelligent about a post i have made. The ones that said "your hot" i smiled at and deleted. The ones that asked me whether i wanted another Master i frowned at and thought "loser" and deleted them. Some of them were just simply welcoming me to the forums and site, they made me smile and i replied thanking the P/person.

i do have something to add tho.

Master and i had both previous rl experience before we met on the internet and when we started chatting that fact was obvious to both of us. I think this created a relaxed interaction between us. So i guess what im saying is..if there are subbies and slaves out there who fall for the "...those who can write the slickest BS lines and post the best out-of-date or fake picture." as you put it, perhaps they arent really what your looking for anyway.

If your genuine, someone genuine will recognise you.

i wish you well Sir.

(in reply to sensualdomNfl)

Post #: 29

RE: What do subs / slaves really look for in a message? - 11/14/2005 6:43:52 AM

Kyami

Posts: 32
Joined: 11/14/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline

I look for someone who has taken the time to read my profile ( and it shows in his/her email), with a witty or humorous opening line.

_____________________________

"You may be suffering; but you are suffering with love"

(in reply to sensualdomNfl)

Post #: 30

RE: What do subs / slaves really look for in a message? - 11/14/2005 6:15:53 PM

dandofogh

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

Well said ginawithaB! Treat people with respect and you'll get respect back. This means in your words, the way you compose your emails and the way you address people. Find your own voice and the right person will find you, rather than the other way around.

And please, please, please remember to proof-read all emails. It's hard to get all excited about being in touch with someone who writes their emails as if they're writing SMSes. I don't CARE how attractive they are etc etc, it's still indicative of their personality and how much effort they'd put into a real relationship if they email WITH SPELLING MISTAKES AND EVERYTHING IN CAPITALS saying things like "I WNAT 2 B A SLV". I mean... am I supposed to take this persons seriously???

(in reply to ginawithaB)

Post #: 31

RE: What do subs / slaves really look for in a message? - 11/15/2005 1:42:35 AM

Aivana

Posts: 6
Joined: 11/8/2005
Status: offline

I am going to have the most unpopular post yet but here goes:
If there is any one thing that would make me not respond to an email from you it would be this from your profile:

quote:

I understand that submission by a female is a gift of the highest order, not to be taken lightly or for granted.

*But that is simply my thinking*.

Other than that I would say that the best way to get a response is to *read* her profile and then respond with a little note about what you read showing her that you are really interested. But that will not guarantee you a response. When you find the right one you both will know. Patience is key

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 32

RE: What do subs / slaves really look for in a message? - 11/22/2005 10:30:41 PM

MastersBabieGirl

Posts: 63
Joined: 11/17/2005
From: courtice ontario
Status: offline

i personally look for them to be themselves and you can tell in a few sentences if they are trying to be someone they arent
their words are forced somehow

_____________________________

owned and obeying my Master at all times

(in reply to kalstolyn)

Post #: 33

RE: What do subs / slaves really look for in a message? - 11/22/2005 10:51:18 PM

michaelMI

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

here is an example of a message i would send, initiating contact

"hello, how are you doing today?" the wording varies depending on the person and their location.

sometimes i'll make a positive comment on something either in their profile or their journal.

is this cause for rudeness? i think not. but that's just me.

(in reply to cltcdrd)

Post #: 34

RE: What do subs / slaves really look for in a message? - 11/23/2005 6:10:35 AM

orfunboi

Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

i look for something that indicates they actually read my profile, for example, if the email is from a male, obviously he hasn't read it or doesn't understand the word lesbian. It also helps if they are close in area to you. According to my profile, i am looking for real life relationships, so if i recieve an email from a lady in the UK, obviously she hasn't read my profile. You should also make sure you remember if you have sent someone an email already. i have gotten an email from the same lady, 3 times, all 3 say the same exact thing "are you looking for a mistress" No hello, goodbye, just the one line. Again, if she had read my profile, she would know exactly what i was looking for. Maybe she sends out so many emails, that she can't keep track of who she has talked to, but it doesn't make me want to meet her at all. i guess i just look for intelligence and manners. i have gotten some nice emails with comments on my tattoos, but so far i haven't gotten anything that makes me want to run out and meet em.

(in reply to sensualdomNfl)

Post #: 35

RE: What do subs / slaves really look for in a message? - 11/23/2005 7:28:13 AM

Sartoris32801

Posts: 172
Joined: 7/19/2005
Status: offline

To many woman e-mails are as common as the junk mail the post office delivers to our homes, offices.

Most of those are thrown away with out our even opening the envelope, (equivalent to the delete function). The few that do get opened stand out, grasp our attention in some way, and there have been some good suggestion on how to “stand out” from the masses.

However, I suspect that just as direct mail has a success rate of 2%, a positive (operative word here) response from a female submissive would closely approximate that of direct mail.

Your odds, chances however go up exponentially when you get out and actually meet.

Good luck

Sartoris

_____________________________

Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear
And it shows them pearly white
Just a jackknife has old MacHeath, babe
And he keeps it … ah … out of sight.

(in reply to sensualdomNfl)

Post #: 36

RE: What do subs / slaves really look for in a message? - 11/25/2005 1:44:31 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

As a male slave, I can't answer from a female slave's perspective, but I will answer it from a male slave to female Domme's perspective.

As a slave, I don't get that many messages, but the one's I wouldn't answer are the ones who are rude and disrespectful. I am a male slave looking for a Domme or couple. I'm not looking for a Dom only.

People who don't get that don't deserve an answer.

I also don't like Dommes who seem to never get anywhere, who are evasive, etc. I suspect many of these 'Dommes' are really just guys. Often, there is no photo, etc.

(in reply to sensualdomNfl)

Post #: 37

RE: What do subs / slaves really look for in a message? - 11/25/2005 11:17:38 PM

Mshathvri

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: East Bay, California
Status: offline

Great question. When I'm reading my mail, I respond strongly to word choices that reveal something positive or interesting about my correspondant. If I think they're sweet, or witty, or if they stir up a certain sort of licentious interest, then I'm likely going to send them a message in return. I really like messages that seem tailored to my personality and interests, and I pay far more attention to messages from people that are local.

Even if I receive a message that tells me that I'm not on the same wavelength as the sender, I reply if it seems like the message was sent with good intentions- whether flirty, friendly, seductive, or all of the above.

Msh

(in reply to sensualdomNfl)

Post #: 38

RE: What do subs / slaves really look for in a message? - 11/26/2005 11:29:48 AM

Lepidoptera

Posts: 161
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline

Here are my hard fast rules when I was actually looking for someone:

1. Grammar and spelling are all important to me. Poor spelling or grammar says two things. A, you're stupid, or B, you simply don't care enough to put the effort in. Both are a complete turn off. If you spell "you" "u", make many spelling errors, or can't seem to compose a complete sentence, then your message gets deleted. This may not be true for everyone, but it couldn't hurt, could it?

2. A picture. No, not having a picture will not get you automatically deleted. In fact, the guy I'm dating from here did not have a picture up. But that's because he had other things going for him. In general, it's a good idea to have one up. We're going to see what you look like eventually, unless you're only on here for online kicks.

3. Comment on something specific in the profile. No one wants to feel like they got a form letter. If you take the time and the effort to explain what exactly caught your eye, then you'll get more respect. In addition, it helps if what you comment on is not sexual. We've heard "u r so hot" a billion times- we're more interested if you say something like, "I see you like running- I'm an avid runner. In fact, right now I'm training for a 5k. Do you race at all?"

4. That brings me to the last one. If you just say you like us, it's hard to reply. Ask a question- any question. This makes it easy to reply. Messaging people shouldn't be a chore. If we don't respond to a direct question, then it's hopeless. If we give you a one word answer, well, at least you got a reply. If we ask you another question or give you a detailed reply, you're golden.

< Message edited by Lepidoptera -- 11/26/2005 11:31:49 AM >

(in reply to kalstolyn)

Post #: 39

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