new slave needs advice

new slave needs advice (Full Version)

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hallieB -> new slave needs advice (7/2/2008 8:09:49 PM)
I am new to this so please bear with me. I have only experienced life as a vanilla. Although I have always had a submissive personality I have never experienced some of the expections cast upon me in this lifestyle. Such as asking permission to sit on the furniture, asking permission to wear underwear, asking permission to do anything that I would normally do as routine in the vanilla life. I want to be the best slave I can be for my Master. I know how to communicate with a vanilla man but I need some serious advice on how to communicate with a Master. Even though he has given me instructions on the proper way to behave, I have never seen anything like this first hand. I wish there were other slaves and Master around my everyday life even if it was on sitcom tv shows (please dont laugh) so I could see examples. I only get to see my Master on the weekends and after about the first 24 hours things start to come more natural for me and I am more aware of my actions. When I go home I try to keep focused on his teachings but everyone here is vanilla and its like I do whats natural in this life. Come the weekend its like starting all over again. I am so ready to move forward in this relationship. I dont want to keep taking steps backwards. What can I do? Any advice would be appreciated.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: new slave needs advice (7/2/2008 8:57:40 PM)
Realize that it's not about the actions- it's about the intent and fulfillment. 90% of Ms relationships LOOK and ACT just like any vanilla relationship 90% of the time. That's life. What's different is their dynamic, how they relate to eachother and how that fulfills who they are. This doesn't mean it's easy- when someone waltzes into work and gets tons of hugs and parties for an engagement, while you'd possibly get fired for announcing a collaring there's obviously some disconnect there. If you really know how to communicate with a vanilla man, then you already have everything you need to connect with a master. Your problem will come the more you try to make it different or special- it really isn't.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: new slave needs advice (7/2/2008 11:30:30 PM)
If you are having trouble knowing what to do as far as how to approach your Master for open, honest communication, ask him to state how he would like that done. You have the tools to do this, just not the procedure. If you're not allowed to ask such questions...well...there's a problem there, in my opinion. Master Fire

Thadius -> RE: new slave needs advice (7/3/2008 12:06:22 AM)
Evening hallie, I have to agree with the folks that posted prior to me. Try communicating the feelings you just expressed here with your master, if he is made aware of how you are coping during the week, he could possible find ways to keep you focused, or at the very least have an idea of what needs adjusting. You are going to come to many speedbumps in your journey, and if you are not able to communicate those to the person that you are attempting to give yourself to, those speedbumps will become mountains. I wish you well, Thadius

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: new slave needs advice (7/3/2008 12:57:28 AM)
hallie, Don't be hard on yourself.. You need to take small, incremental steps.. Would you expect anyone to be able to remember an entire series of (dance moves, class schedule, driving directions, exercise class routine) without practice and reinforcement? No, of course not... Talk to your Master and ask him to give you one rule to follow.. Just one.. Follow this rule religiously for a week or two until it becomes second nature.. Then ask Him for a second rule to add to the first. Practice following both rules for some specified amount of days.. and so on.. and so on... Build on that base.. One rule/protocol/ritual/whatever at a time.. As long as you communicate your desire to be a good slave and ask His help to achieve it, you'll be fine...

SydneyDaddy -> RE: new slave needs advice (7/3/2008 2:53:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch hallie, Don't be hard on yourself.. You need to take small, incremental steps.. Would you expect anyone to be able to remember an entire series of (dance moves, class schedule, driving directions, exercise class routine) without practice and reinforcement? No, of course not... Talk to your Master and ask him to give you one rule to follow.. Just one.. Follow this rule religiously for a week or two until it becomes second nature.. Then ask Him for a second rule to add to the first. Practice following both rules for some specified amount of days.. and so on.. and so on... Build on that base.. One rule/protocol/ritual/whatever at a time.. As long as you communicate your desire to be a good slave and ask His help to achieve it, you'll be fine... Very good advice. I am sure people forget just how nerve wracking being a new slave can be. A good Master has to empathic to this and very understanding. Whenever I introduce something new, depending on the complexity, I allow an amnesty period so the slave can practice without pressure. It improves confidence in the slave, and helps promote the emotional tie that should be present. A Master has to be a mentor, teacher as much as they have to be an owner

DarkSteven -> RE: new slave needs advice (7/3/2008 5:50:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross when someone waltzes into work and gets tons of hugs and parties for an engagement, while you'd possibly get fired for announcing a collaring there's obviously some disconnect there. LA, if you REALLY want acceptance at work for a collaring, try bringing in doughnuts to celebrate.

DesFIP -> RE: new slave needs advice (7/3/2008 7:44:15 AM)
Not all submissives have to go commando. Not all submissives are forbidden furniture. Not all submissives need to ask permission to use the toilet. Etc. You're looking at the most micromanagement style and assuming that's the only true way. T'aint so. I'm supposed to sit next to him on the sofa so he can have his arm around me and into my shirt. And also because he just likes cuddling with me. He likes me wearing panties and pretty bras. Like a present being better if it's wrapped and tied with a bow. But I don't have to ask permission for most stuff. He sets up a rule as he sees the necessity for it. As far as being a suddenly perfectly trained sub, if he wanted that he would have found one. He went looking for a newbie because he enjoys training you. Don't hurry the process and assume he's only interested in the goal. He may well be enjoying the journey. Ask him.

proudsub -> RE: new slave needs advice (7/3/2008 11:07:48 AM)
quote: I have never experienced some of the expections cast upon me in this lifestyle Everyone's expectations are different except for a few basics like obeying, communicating and making your dom arware of your limits. You need to know what your dom expects of you not what others do. Edited to add: [sm=welcomewave.gif]

batshalom -> RE: new slave needs advice (7/3/2008 12:05:50 PM)
You'll get used to it with practice, so no worries. Make sure, though, that as you learn more and do more, that it's fulfilling you and is in line with what you want out of a M/s dynamic. Since it's weekend play, the micromanagement seems ok ... but maybe you'll find it's a bit much for you. Just keep in mind that you still have a mind, choices, and an opinion. Communicate respectfully as you go along and it'll all be ok. If you find it's not working for you, express yourself. If your expressions fall on deaf ears ... you have a new set of decisions to make.

hisannabelle -> RE: new slave needs advice (7/3/2008 2:47:20 PM)
greetings hallieb, first of all, understand that as la says, most m/s relationships look vanilla most of the time, and that not every m/s relationship is the same (for example, i don't ask permission to sit on the furniture, although a lot of the time i do sit at His feet). second, to ease the transition in terms of integrating your vanilla week with your m/s weekend - instituting rituals to help you keep your "submissive mindset" throughout the week can be really helpful. that can be anything from keeping a journal to regular emails/calls to things you are required to do when you are alone or without your master that remind you of your relationship to him. third, it can be really hard to function without seeing how others' relationships work, i definitely understand - talk to some of the submissives/slaves here (most of us, including me, would be happy to pm with you!) and read the posts (although take them with a grain of salt) to get an idea of what it's like for the rest of us, if that helps you. there are lots of sites and blogs with great essays and posts about what it's like to be in an m/s relationship as well (although as with the boards take with a grain of salt!) which might help you :) ultimately, communication, communication, communication, as others have noted. i know it gets old after awhile to hear that - but seriously, whatever way YOU feel comfortable communicating your concerns to your master, and he listens, do that. ask him for help. let him know you need guidance on what you need to do and that you do have a hard time transitioning. best of luck to you :) respectfully, a'ishah. (edited because i can't type OR think straight today for some reason.)

cillydom -> RE: new slave needs advice (7/6/2008 8:39:43 AM)
have you discussed this with him?

Focus50 -> RE: new slave needs advice (7/6/2008 4:59:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hallieB I am new to this so please bear with me. I have only experienced life as a vanilla. Although I have always had a submissive personality I have never experienced some of the expections cast upon me in this lifestyle. Such as asking permission to sit on the furniture, asking permission to wear underwear, asking permission to do anything that I would normally do as routine in the vanilla life. I want to be the best slave I can be for my Master. I know how to communicate with a vanilla man but I need some serious advice on how to communicate with a Master. Even though he has given me instructions on the proper way to behave, I have never seen anything like this first hand. I wish there were other slaves and Master around my everyday life even if it was on sitcom tv shows (please dont laugh) so I could see examples. I only get to see my Master on the weekends and after about the first 24 hours things start to come more natural for me and I am more aware of my actions. When I go home I try to keep focused on his teachings but everyone here is vanilla and its like I do whats natural in this life. Come the weekend its like starting all over again. I am so ready to move forward in this relationship. I dont want to keep taking steps backwards. What can I do? Any advice would be appreciated. As LA said, it's not the actions so much as the intimate dynamic you share with each other. And you want that to be "mainstream" or "common or garden variety" in your everyday life when mingling with others? The feminists out there will make your life hell...! lol You really orta be talking about this with your master; esp if it feels like that ole kid's game of "Snakes and Ladders" where you're perpetually sliding back to "square one". In my previous M/s relationships, we were just another couple to our friends and outside world - only those within the lifestyle new our shared intimate dynamic. And we were often "vanilla" within it, too - it's all a matter of the required headspace for any given need or time.... Too much of anything makes it the "norm" and risks being the mundane.... The M/s kinda makes it feel like an exclusive club that few others can default to - special; no? So perhaps it's nothing more than tapping into the right headspace - that's what communication is for.... Focus.

masterforRT -> RE: new slave needs advice (7/8/2008 1:33:11 PM)
None of us can prectice BDSM 24/7. One VERY good Domme I know once commented to me: "subs expect Doms to be at the top of their game all the time. Don't they understand that we get headaches too?" I agree. After all, Doms are people too....

RegisC -> RE: new slave needs advice (7/8/2008 9:07:34 PM)
i need a nw master, how do i go about it???

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