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RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 2:37:30 AM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		Camille, I recently had to put down an animal too.  She saw me through my childhood.  I know in my heart it was right, even though I question it every time I think about it.

The pain will never go away... but it will become a good pain.  The right kind of pain.  The pain that makes you understand mortality in a way Gods cannot.  Everytime someone makes a beautiful post such as yours, you will cry. 

But life will move on.  Other distractions will keep you from thinking about your lost friend more and more often.  You may even feel guilty for giving a new dog a good home, but in your heart you'll know you're doing God's work. 

One day, you'll have the pleasure to choke back tears while you tell someone on the internet what the future will bring.

Replace the bowls, lock away the collar if you kept it... I let Lucky keep hers.

Deep down you know you did right.

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RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 4:33:14 AM   
slvemike4u


Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline 		One of lifes cruel irony's ,never have I been without a dog for any appreciable legnth of time.My condolences Camille on Your loss,there is no love greater or one that comes so easily as that of a beloved pet.More times than I care to remember my heart has been torn to shreds by the need to part with one who has given so much and asked for so little,a belly rub an ear scratched a bowl of cool water a dish of simple food...basically just a little of my attention...and for this I recieve a most simple and awesome love...They are truly our best friends and your decision while painful and heartwrenching had to have been made from the finest corner of your heart..***hugs*** 

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 4:38:38 AM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		*hugs camille*

i went through this a few years back with wolfy.  he was a border collie mix...could herd the cat, kids, a ferret...and what finally decided me was when he snapped at me because he couldnt hear or see me leaning to pet him.  he then fled to his kennel, whining because he nearly hurt his mama.  he didnt have quality of life any longer, and i loved him too much to not ease his passing.  i sat on the floor with him and cried as he breathed out the last, and laughed in the same breath knowing he was ok now.

mickey loves you for doing the same, making sure she is ok now.

*hugs again*
kitten

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 4:45:07 AM   
Aynne


Posts: 740
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline 		Camille I am so very sorry. It is as painful as losing a human loved one, I had to put down my two labs last year after 14 years of the best kind of love and it killed me Never again will I own a dog, I still can't buy pet supplies for the cats without very precisely not looking at the dog stuff. When you feel better take her things to the shelter but keep something to put away that was hers.
Sweetie you will feel better I promise, but don't even try to now, just remember your friend and cry and know you did the hardest and most selfless thing for her and that means you rock and that is why she loved you so much.

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 6:13:26 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Everyone, thank you. Thank you for understanding the pain that I'm feeling. Most of my family are non pet owners and keep saying that it was only a dog.
She wasn't just a dog, she was my dog and my best friend. She stayed glued to my side during my year and a half of being bedridden, so very ill and having no one to help. She helped, she learned how to press against my legs and go rigid so I wouldn't fall. Countless hours and tears as I hugged her and cried.
There was never judgement from her. Only love.

I will take her things to a shelter but not right away. I put everything in a corner of the garage, don't want to look at it all just yet but I will donate it all.

It means so much to me to read all of these posts.

Even while I know it was time I feel guilty and I worry that maybe I moved too fast. Maybe she still would have had good time left but then I think about the fact that I had to carry her downstairs, hold her up to eat. Coax her to eat, only dog I've ever met that was such a reluctant eater her whole life. Sheesh pickier than a toddler!

Today I can think about her and talk about her without crying so hard. I kinda feel hungover from crying last night.

The vet tech is making a paw print for me that I can pick up on Monday.


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RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 6:23:27 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		If she was showing outward signs of pain then I am sure that it was time. Dogs don't show pain in the same way humans do...and when they show it they really are hurting. One other thing Camille, have you considered having her cremated? It does add additional cost but it's not TOO outrageous. I have done that will all of my dogs and in the end their ashes will go wherever mine go....somewhere beautiful where we can run the woods and fields together again. That may sound really silly to some...but it's comforting to me.

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 6:53:56 AM   
MsArcEnCiel


Posts: 17
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		i am very sorry for your loss, camille65. W/we had to put O/our dog to sleep last fall too. His name was Ali, and he was my kindred spirit. It was hard times and even if the sharpest pain has passed, it still sneak attacks me sometimes.

The best words of consolation i was offered were "mourn now as much you need, then it will get easier with time."

heidi

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 7:07:21 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		erin yes I had her cremated but at the time I couldn't handle bringing her ashes home. I wish now I had done that but by the time her eyes glazed over I just could not handle that thought. The only thing I brought home was her name tag, I left her collar and lead for them to give to someone who needs them.
I'm getting her paw print and that I will save. I have a lot of photos, (wish wish wish I had more but she was super camera shy lol) even though they aren't the best quality. One day I will scan all the developed pics and make a real album and not just the one I threw together late yesterday that I posted somewhere here.

Every time I think the tears are done, they come back.

My ex was furious that I chose a holiday time to do this but I like the idea of every year looking up into the night sky at fireworks and thinking of her.
He drove us to the vet but refused to come inside saying he couldn't do it or watch it, or be a part of it. Maybe if he had been in there I could have said yes to her ashes or even her body to bury but it didn't happen that way.




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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 7:11:50 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		If it is what you want Camille, there may still be time. Vets usually contract with crematoriums as having one on site is too costly for most small practices. That means they only schedule pick ups for once or twice a week...so there may still be a chance you could have her ashes if you would like them. My vets office returns them to you in a beautiful wooden box a few weeks down the road so it's not so difficult.

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There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 7:13:12 AM   
Maxwell67


Posts: 435
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		I am so sorry, Camille, that you had to go through that.  As inevitable as it was, one is never prepared for it when it happens, I know from experience. 

It seems pretty obvious to me that you are one of the 'good ones' as far as pet owners are concerned, though, and there are so many wonderful puppies out there that need a person just like you to care for them.  You can never, ever replace your beloved Mickey, but just the same I do hope you will consider adopting another, and soon.  There is space in your home and your life that you deserve to have filled.

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 7:28:15 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		My heart goes out to you Camille ....it sounds like Mickey was very loved.

I really love the idea of being able to look at the fireworks on the 4th of July and think of her....I actually made a trip to Disneyland when I was in the USA a few years ago to watch the fireworks and think of my brother as his birthday was the 4th.  He was a huge animal lover so maybe he is looking after Mickey now.


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RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 9:27:38 AM   
SilentTigresss


Posts: 261
Joined: 1/18/2004
Status: offline 		camille,
i think the paw print is a good idea too. i wish that was mentioned to me when i had to put down two of my pets ( still have 3 dogs, 2 cats). When i had to put Tigger (cat) down, they held onto his ashes for right over a year because i couldnt get myself to pick them up.. (i arranged to keep them). i also have a lock of hair from him too, and asked if they would put a letter i wrote him in there too. (sorry, on a roll now). I can still see my Baron (dog) stopping in the middle of the room and turn to look at me- we had a cool eye communication. i have his ashes too, and a lock of hair. 
Camille, you had more guts then me as i could not see them do it. Do not feel guilty. Sounds like it was time. Your tears will lighten.......after time. It is ok to grieve.

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 10:07:59 AM   
fungasm


Posts: 321
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline 		I'm so sorry.

Keep the bowls. Keep everything non-food until some time as passed.  How much time is up to you... a few weeks, a few months, a few years.... what you need.

As for the food- while many shelters don't take opened bags of food, many rescue groups do.  Those who do English Mastiff/Great Dane rescue in a particular often need food- since their charges eat 1-3 pounds a day.

You are in our thoughts.

Alison

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RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 10:31:56 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I lost mine two years ago and I still miss her terribly.

Hugs!

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RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 10:48:40 AM   
ominousdominus


Posts: 445
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline 		Camille, I am sorry that you had to say goodbye to your friend and family member. I have been throught this very recently myself and can completely empathise with your grief(it's been three months since I lost my four legged girl)......take care-OD

Oh, one more thing, those pictures show how loved and content she was, which is all a dog could ask for.

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RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 11:03:52 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		Camille, Im so sorry for your loss, I loved the slideshow, what gorgeous ears. I miss all my pets to this day, but Im so happy I had chance to love them and have them in my life.My furbaby now is the most amazing dog, I cant bear the thought of losing her down the road, so she gets my unadulterated love every day. It sounds like Mickey got the same from you.  I hope one day you can share that love with another lucky pup.
warm hugs
Lucy

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 11:43:17 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		I fell in love with her ears the moment I set eyes on her. It was at our local Humane Society at the end of an Adoption Days and two dogs were unwanted. Mickey was one of them, she was 6 months old and leaning oh so coolly against the cage with her head tilted and the giant ears just swinging. Her ears were the same size all her life, she had to grow into them lol.
She had been at the shelter for several months and was 1 dog away from being euthanized, I couldn't figure out why no one wanted her til we got home. Jesus she didn't stop running and bouncing for 5 years!

She would run behind my mini bike for hours as I tried to tire her out. She went 35 miles an hour with those ears looking like she was flying. A totally unsocialized and neurotic dog that captured my heart. She was so closely tied into my emotions it was amazing. If she hadn't been so hyper she would have made a wonderful dog to visit sick people, because she gave off tangible love. There was an actual kindness to her, gentleness of heart.

This morning I bought a flowering Dogwood tree that I'm going to plan. So even when I'm gone from this house there will still be a bit of her, she loved to lay and sniff flowers out in the yard.




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RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 12:04:47 PM   
puppen


Posts: 1550
Joined: 6/25/2006
Status: offline 		Oh, sweet heart...

My heart goes out to you. I hope every memory is a bright one that you dwell on.

She was a beautiful baby, and I'm sure she was a happy girl just knowing you loved her.


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RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 12:07:43 PM   
sirsholly


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Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: puppen



She was a beautiful baby, and I'm sure she was a happy girl just knowing you loved her.



this says it all.


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RE: I didn't know it would be so hard - 7/4/2008 12:12:14 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		(camille)

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