RE: Safety Concerns...

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RE: Safety Concerns... - 7/4/2008 1:15:04 PM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
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Lots of good advice here, but I get the impression you may be asking about more than just an initial "get to know you" meeting, which is easily arranged in a public place. At some point, if things look good after public meeting(s), and you've decided you want to "play", then what? Especially if you're sub, you may be allowing yourself to be put in a physically helpless position at some point. How do you try to safeguard yourself as you get to this point?

Don't ignore "gut feelings" that give you warning; but also don't think you're safe just because you get a positive gut feeling. Remember Ted Bundy. Letting a friend or friends know where you're going, and when you're coming back is a good step. But it doesn't really cover all the bases. If you've misjudged someone's character, they could be taking you somewhere other than you expected after you're incapacitated.

I don't see any alternative to the following: (1) Insist on knowing your partner's real name and address; require a photo id, driver's license, etc. before putting yourself in a potentially dangerous situation, and give this information to your friend(s) before going to a play date. (2) Arrange a safe call system with a trusted friend. At pre-planned times, you have to call your friend and use a special code word that indicates whether you are OK or not. This way if the person you are with tries to force you into telling you're friend you're OK when you're really not, you can get the message across without them knowing it. The calls don't end until you're safely home.

Might seem like overkill, maybe (1) alone is enough, but better safe than sorry.

(in reply to BiCuriousGirl27)

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RE: Safety Concerns... - 7/4/2008 9:05:17 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

Before you meet you should discuss things like whether or not a safe word will be used; and what that word should be. You should ask for a description of the type of play to expect. (If this makes the Dom/me angry then you will have an automatic clue that there are not to be trusted.) Make sure that you have your own transportation and don't have to wait for a taxi or a friend to pick you up but that you can leave immediately at any sign of a problem.

I have a rule of no session for 24 hours after meeting someone in person in public. If the conversation needs to be more private I will sit in a car with them. The wait gives us both time to think about the other person and to see if there was anything that made us uncomfortable. This has also weeded out some undesirables; those not willing to wait but pushing too hard for an immediate session give me the feeling that they would also push too hard DURING a session.

I agree with the suggestions about phone calls but I would say more than once every two hours. The standing suggestion in one well known BDSM group is to have a friend call you once every 15 minutes until you know that you are comfortable. Have this person on speed dial so that if you can get to your phone but can't talk that they can hear what's going on. Make sure that the have the address and room number of the hotel that you are in, and the main phone number.

Make sure that you are not under the influence of drugs or alcohol so that you know that you are thinking clearly. If you feel that the Dom/me is under the influence call off the session and reschedule it for when they are sober.

There is always some risk involved, but if you keep your senses and are prepared in advance you should do fine. Just make sure that you've gotten to know the person to some extent and that you truly fell comfortable with them - not just MOSTLY comfortable, but comfortable enough to turn your body over to them.

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(in reply to MasterHermes)

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RE: Safety Concerns... - 7/4/2008 11:31:08 PM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fungasm
- NICE Hotels are safer than homes. When someone takes a nice hotel room, they have to provide full id. Most hotels have cameras in the hallways and other security. - Let someone know where you are going.

I haf'ta agree with Alison. I generally get a nice hotel room which they don't even let me have until I've given them both a credit card and ID (post Sept 11 rules). Unless we're good enough to fake both of those, nobody is gonna plan on harming you under those conditions. Still, letting a friend know by the two-call system is good too, as Alison suggested. You simply tell them when you're meeting so and so and where; and then again, at a pre-arranged time around the expected end of the play period. I didn't even think of the cameras too, which is also a good bit of protection since you have to go to the front desk to rent the room and there's almost certainly a camera there.

End result ... play in safety!

(in reply to fungasm)

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Post #: 23