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being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it chan... - 7/3/2008 10:23:42 PM

captiveprincess

Posts: 17
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline

i was wondering how many of you are both submissive and romantic partner (i.e. girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband) to your Dominant? Does being your Dominant's romantic partner affect your Dominant/submissive relationship? If so, how and is it for better or worse?

Some people aspire to have that girlfriend/wife status and others are content merely serving as the submissive/slave. For me, the status of girlfriend/wife is a partnership. Partnership means 50/50. i don't want to have that much say, that much control. Now, i'm not saying that i'm just going to hand over control of my life and have no say at all, but i am definitely going to be careful when selecting the person to hand my life over to. Master/slave is a two-way street but the power exchange would be more like 90/10 when compared to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship in my opinion. i am wondering if any of you out there feel the same.

Dominants please feel free to comment from Your side of the question. Would You want Your submissive to also be Your romantic partner?

_____________________________

"I believe that in the heart of each human being there is something which I can only describe as a "child of darkness" who is equal and complementary to the more obvious "child of light" ~Laurens van der Post

Post #: 1

RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it ... - 7/3/2008 10:29:20 PM

underworld026

Posts: 25
Joined: 5/17/2008
Status: offline

Hm.. I am not with any body.
But my opinion on it is.. It really just depends on the situation.

Like I wonuldn't mind it, but it shouldn't be on my mind all the time.
If that makes sense to you guys... Yea...

_____________________________

(\/)
(O.o)
(> < )O
This is BUNNY!
Copy and paste this in your siggy.
& Help him Reach
World Domination.

(in reply to captiveprincess)

Post #: 2

RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it ... - 7/3/2008 11:19:34 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings captiveprincess,

my master and i have been together for two and a half years, and He considers me His girlfriend. we are planning to have a private non-legal marriage sometime in the near future and to get married legally within the next few years, although this is subject to change based on a lot of things. to be honest, i am not sure i could be in a master/slave relationship that was not also a romantic "partnership," just because of my own experience as a slave, but i don't view romantic relationships as being necessarily 50/50, so that doesn't conflict for me. He still controls every aspect of my life at His discretion regardless.

respectfully,
a'ishah.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to captiveprincess)

Post #: 3

RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it ... - 7/4/2008 2:29:47 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

I used to be very definate on the question of remarriage -- and the answer was HELL NO. It took everything I had to extricate myself from my first marriage and the litigation lasted almost three years.

Now I'm not so sure. It seems to me if I trust him enough to allow him to collar me, I should trust him enough not to wake up one morning a raving f**ktard that only a good divorce lawyer can get rid of.

While I think they are different, I think the collar requires more trust -- after that, remarriage would be fairly easy.

candystripper

(in reply to captiveprincess)

Post #: 4

RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it ... - 7/4/2008 2:44:59 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

I perfrom many of the functions as a girlfriend/wife/lover but I am not those things. I will keep His house, and be His date to parties, and keep Him company in the evenings, screw His brains out on the weekend/in the morning/during lunch/after dinner, support Him through bad times, congratulate Him and celebrate with Him in good times

The things that is different is that *all* of that is done on His terms, under His control, and for His pleasure. He has all the control and that is exactly how I want it.

Our relationship is a partnership in that we are both required to work equally hard to make it work .. but it is not an *equal* partnership. there is no external refernce for terms like "fair" or "just" like there is for a wife or lover or girlfriend. There is us keeping our word to each other.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 5

RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it ... - 7/4/2008 4:13:57 AM

lilacs

Posts: 46
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

~FR~

I see no problem combining the two aspects of a dynamic into one relationship. It was actually my goal to find someone who wanted a vanilla level relationship in addition to the complete D/s dynamic.

I may be his submissive, but we are still a partnership. I support him in many things, and he does me. The difference is that I defer to him and he is the leader in the relationship in all ways. We do not have equal parts to play in the relationship, but we have equal importance.

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 6

RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it ... - 7/4/2008 4:24:40 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

I am a lot of 'things' to Darcy and yes it works and not it doesn't mean I 'change' every moment. I am also a lot of 'things' to others too and I do not alter my person to fit into it. Partnerships do not have to be 50/50 if that is what you agree upon. You work on the percentage outcome together.
Romance isn't discared just because you may be an s-type. And I also take issue with this staement also.

quote:

ORIGINAL: captiveprincess
Some people aspire to have that girlfriend/wife status and others are content merely serving as the submissive/slave. For me, the status of girlfriend/wife is a partnership.

Aspire to be girlfriend/wife? Merely a submissive or slave? You obviously place these on a lower level and that is where your problem lies. Instead of focusing on what you think people should be, focus on yourself and what you are - if you start seperating your life into very specific pigeonholes, you will run into massive problems existing and maintaining them all in reality.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to captiveprincess)

Post #: 7

RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it ... - 7/4/2008 5:07:18 AM

pettingdragons

Posts: 421
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: captiveprincess

i was wondering how many of you are both submissive and romantic partner (i.e. girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband) to your Dominant? Does being your Dominant's romantic partner affect your Dominant/submissive relationship? If so, how and is it for better or worse?

Some people aspire to have that girlfriend/wife status and others are content merely serving as the submissive/slave. For me, the status of girlfriend/wife is a partnership. Partnership means 50/50. i don't want to have that much say, that much control. Now, i'm not saying that i'm just going to hand over control of my life and have no say at all, but i am definitely going to be careful when selecting the person to hand my life over to. Master/slave is a two-way street but the power exchange would be more like 90/10 when compared to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship in my opinion. i am wondering if any of you out there feel the same.

Dominants please feel free to comment from Your side of the question. Would You want Your submissive to also be Your romantic partner?

If romance is a part of your relationship then so be it. If its not then that is your choice. Then there is the definition of romance. Hot bubble baths, oil messages, candles for dinner, flowers. aniversery dates....???
This slave does those things for her Master out of the desire to please or obey, depending on if its a command or if slave just "knows" its what Master needs. Is that considered romantic?
W/we have defined our relationship from the begining as M/s. There has never been a thought of it being anything but Master and slave.....
You are also confusing the D/s and M/s relationships....in this girls opinion they are two very different relationship. **this topic is highly depated and there are many forums about said issue, please use the search engine to find out more information**

"merely content to serve" hmmm that statement is assuming that one finds the postion lower then girlfriend or wife. This slave agrees with the dark, in that you assume that most people place service lower then gf/wife. You are also assuming that husband and wife relationships are 50/50 which not all are, even in the vanilla world. In this slaves world Master has 100% control and nothing less would be acceptable. So obviously this slave does not feel the same as you in this topic.

Just this slaves two cents....

_____________________________

pettingdragons
"may the moon bless you with her light.......so you dont pee on your feet"

(in reply to captiveprincess)

Post #: 8

RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it ... - 7/4/2008 6:55:21 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

I am many things to Him, but no matter what "hat" I am wearing, I am always His slave.

But we look and act like any other couple in love, because that's what we are. It's just that underneath it all, He is in charge.

(in reply to captiveprincess)

Post #: 9

RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it ... - 7/4/2008 6:59:38 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Some people aspire to have that girlfriend/wife status and others are content merely serving as the submissive/slave. For me, the status of girlfriend/wife is a partnership. Partnership means 50/50.

Merely?

I see a partnership as a state of being where all are invested. It doesn't have to be 50/50 division of duties or assets or emotions in order to be a partnership. And it doesn't have to be a girlfriend/wife scenario in order to be a partnership.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to captiveprincess)

Post #: 10

RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it ... - 7/4/2008 7:02:36 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

I am many things to Him, but no matter what "hat" I am wearing, I am always His slave.

But we look and act like any other couple in love, because that's what we are. It's just that underneath it all, He is in charge.

Beautifully and succinctly stated, NaughtyAngel! That is exactly how it is for us as well. I also liked what softness said about everything being done "on His terms, under His control and for His pleasure." He says I am not only His slave, but His wife, His best friend, His little girl, His buddy, His confidante, His completion, His life. There is no separation of being His "slave" but not being this or that. To Him, I am HIS whatever He needs me to be. I strive to do my best at meeting all His expectations

.............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

Post #: 11

RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it ... - 7/4/2008 7:32:23 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

I am many things to Him, but no matter what "hat" I am wearing, I am always His slave.

But we look and act like any other couple in love, because that's what we are. It's just that underneath it all, He is in charge.

Beautifully and succinctly stated, NaughtyAngel! That is exactly how it is for us as well. I also liked what softness said about everything being done "on His terms, under His control and for His pleasure." He says I am not only His slave, but His wife, His best friend, His little girl, His buddy, His confidante, His completion, His life. There is no separation of being His "slave" but not being this or that. To Him, I am HIS whatever He needs me to be. I strive to do my best at meeting all His expectations.............luci

Thank you luci!

Maybe we should just slap a "Multi-Purpose Slave" label on our

s.

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 12

RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it ... - 7/4/2008 8:05:02 AM

BBWnNC72

Posts: 1155
Joined: 6/22/2007
From: NC since Jan of 2007, but born and raised in Cali
Status: offline

Love changed my relationship with my Dominant. Before He loved me, i was His submissive, now i am His girlfriend. It is hard to explain, but i will try. Not putting Him down and He is still very much in control and i would do anything He asked/told of me.
He isn't as controlling as He used to be, He doesn't expect me to just "do" His every whim anymore.
One thing He told me when we first met was that He didn't want to love His submissive because if He happened to hurt her feelings or such, He didn't want to feel bad about it, the type of bad that keeps Him awake.
Little things have changed since He found He loved me and considers me His g/f. i used to hear "go to the bedroom" now i hear "how about we go to the bedroom". i used to hear "i am thirsty" now i hear "mind getting me a glass of water" .
i used to hear chuckles when i cried from a caning, now i hear "babe, are you alright" or He stops and cuddles me.
i am not saying i don't like Him this way, i do, i love HIm. Sometimes i wish the old Dominant was here, the one i had an ounce of fear of. If that makes any sence. He is working it out in His mind, how to be my b/f and Dominant.
i am just saying that it is this way for us.

_____________________________

huggs and purrs
Brian's kat
a.k.a. "greedy monkey"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

Post #: 13

RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it ... - 7/4/2008 8:20:12 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

My Sir is the man who canes my arse until i am in subspace, the man who uses his single tail on me until i am so angry i could spit nails, the man who uses his dildo and hitachi wand until i beg him to stop - and the man who holds my hand in public, who takes me out to eat, who tells me i look beautiful in that dress - and more beautiful out of it. better than a boyfriend or a husband, he is my Sir - and there is absolutely no confusion in roles!

edited for spelling (stupid 'puter!)

< Message edited by kiwisub12 -- 7/4/2008 8:21:05 AM >

(in reply to BBWnNC72)

Post #: 14

RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it ... - 7/4/2008 8:48:30 AM

fluffyswitch

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline

i am His in all ways, both submissive and partner (even potentially life partner, that remains to be seen). i'm not sure if that's changed the dynamic-- because this is the dynamic that we've always had. i imagine that it's the same with anything else, that it varies from person to person.

i haven't noticed a change in the way that He treats me or acts towards me. He was sensual from the start and big into cuddly physical afterplay so i think it just turned into our normal "bonding" cuddling. if anything my being around so much as His partner has given Him more of an outlet for His sadism because i'm around so often and He gets lots of chances for little acts of sadism. i know that He's become more territorial and then tries to say that such and such was actually intended for His other sub, not me, but there are things that He told me before we were serious that have changed. i just let it slide, there's no point in starting a fight.

_____________________________

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” churchill

the first rule of fluff club is that you don't talk about fluff club!

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 15

RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it ... - 7/4/2008 9:12:35 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

currently dating a dominant and nothing has changed.

we have our ups and downs like any ordinary nilla/D/s couple. yes, sometimes it's difficult to balance our work schedules, life, my girls, etc to have some alone time but we do make time for each other even while i'm the clock reviewing a band. then there are times when we're both to exhausted to do anything or go anywhere but it's wonderful just to chat on the phone or cuddle on the couch watching tv .

granted this is dating but living separately ...we're taking baby steps towards a possible 24/7 living situation but for now it's nice having him come over, cooking dinner for us (girls included) and/or doing family activities like grocery shopping or going to museum together.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to captiveprincess)

Post #: 16

RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it ... - 7/4/2008 9:23:29 AM

abcbsex

Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline

Alpha and I actually got married before we decided to work towards a D/s dynamic... and I'm glad for it. I am his wife and partner before I am his submissive, but I'm comforted knowing that he loves all three parts equally. We do have a 50/50 split in the decisions we make, but when I am his submissive, I make the decision to give up my 50% to him. A good dominant would still take your thoughts into consideration though.

_____________________________

I was trained at MasterLordDarkness' Center for Subs Who Don't Serve Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too.....

but it needed to be at least.... four times bigger.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 17

RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it ... - 7/4/2008 10:17:53 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Fiancee and submissive.

I needed the romantic/emotional connection to be able to submit. But what drives my submission and his dominance is emotional transparency, not service or obedience. And I wasn't going to become vulnerable to someone who wasn't interested in how it effected me, who didn't feel the same way I did. I'm not willing to go on this journey alone.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to abcbsex)

Post #: 18

RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it ... - 7/4/2008 10:36:43 AM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

I am my Owner's slave. I am also her fiance and I basically fill the role of housewife quite often. We're deeply in love, and there is a strong, intense, romantic part of our dynamic. We're equal, our roles are merely different. We can be equal as human being and have an entirely lop-sided power dynamic. As I said before, I am her slave...I defer to her leadership and to her decisions.

This is how we excel and this is what it works for us. It hasn't changed our relationship because we've always had the same dynamic. I can love my Owner and still be her willing, obedient slave. Likewise, she can love her property and still make the firm decisions necessry to be the absolute power in the relationship.

DV's Fox

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 19

RE: being both wife/girlfriend and submissive..does it ... - 7/4/2008 10:37:57 AM

captiveprincess

Posts: 17
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BBWnNC72

Love changed my relationship with my Dominant. Before He loved me, i was His submissive, now i am His girlfriend. It is hard to explain, but i will try. Not putting Him down and He is still very much in control and i would do anything He asked/told of me.
He isn't as controlling as He used to be, He doesn't expect me to just "do" His every whim anymore.
One thing He told me when we first met was that He didn't want to love His submissive because if He happened to hurt her feelings or such, He didn't want to feel bad about it, the type of bad that keeps Him awake.
Little things have changed since He found He loved me and considers me His g/f. i used to hear "go to the bedroom" now i hear "how about we go to the bedroom". i used to hear "i am thirsty" now i hear "mind getting me a glass of water" .
i used to hear chuckles when i cried from a caning, now i hear "babe, are you alright" or He stops and cuddles me.
i am not saying i don't like Him this way, i do, i love HIm. Sometimes i wish the old Dominant was here, the one i had an ounce of fear of. If that makes any sence. He is working it out in His mind, how to be my b/f and Dominant.
i am just saying that it is this way for us.

Thank you BBWnNC72. This is exactly the type of thing i was wondering - whether different types of love (because there are many types) changed a relationship and what kind of effects would it have.

_____________________________

"I believe that in the heart of each human being there is something which I can only describe as a "child of darkness" who is equal and complementary to the more obvious "child of light" ~Laurens van der Post

(in reply to BBWnNC72)

Post #: 20

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