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difference between loving and being IN love with Your s... - 7/3/2008 10:33:38 PM

captiveprincess

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Joined: 3/15/2006
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Is there a difference between loving and being IN love with Your submissive? i believe there can be, but does that difference affect the overall relationship? If You are IN love with Your submissive are You more apt to let them get away with minor mistakes. Will You be less apt to hurt Your submissive (the good kind, not the emotionally destroying kind) if You are IN love?

Another aspect: If You have two submissives and love one but are IN love with the other, would You treat them differently?

......just random thoughts from one who is still learning about herself and is interested in the differences between the minds of Dominants and submissives...

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"I believe that in the heart of each human being there is something which I can only describe as a "child of darkness" who is equal and complementary to the more obvious "child of light" ~Laurens van der Post

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RE: difference between loving and being IN love with Yo... - 7/3/2008 10:42:32 PM

joyinslavery

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
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I wanted to respond in a very material way to this thread but thought better about it.

Pick an avatar and stick with it. Or don't.

Have fun.

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 7/3/2008 10:50:18 PM >

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(in reply to captiveprincess)

Post #: 2

RE: difference between loving and being IN love with Yo... - 7/4/2008 1:36:22 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Of course there's a difference between being in love and loving, just like in other relationships. We love our parents...we are not in love with them. I love my slave girl; I am not in love with her. I do feel that it makes the dynamic different...and neither is better as long as they each produce happy, healthy, fulfilled adults.

Master Fire

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(in reply to captiveprincess)

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RE: difference between loving and being IN love with Yo... - 7/4/2008 2:28:39 AM

slaveskin

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Joined: 7/13/2004
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Of course there is a diffrence between "loving" and "being in love"; i would consider that this applies to submissives only not slaves. i fail to see any room for love in slavery; love, by definition, requires return in kind and, for me, this would deny the very essence of slavery.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 4

RE: difference between loving and being IN love with Yo... - 7/4/2008 5:30:34 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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For Me, there absolutely is a difference. I don't have what I term as 'romantic' love for My submissive. That doesn't mean that I don't love him. It means that I love him in a different kind of way. Our dynamic was fortunate enough to have a love form that comes from the people we are and the D/s arrangement. We do love each other, but we are not "in love" with each other.

Anytime anyone asks questions regarding love, I always say that it is difficult to articulate a reply. The problem is with the definition of the word itself. If you've ever looked the word up in the dictionary, you'll find it has multiple definitions, and that it isn't all inclusive. There are so many types of "love" that it would never be possible to list them all. Add to that the fact that people "love" to varying degrees, just as you stated in the original post when asking about loving two submissives differently. That might be a situation where it is the same type of love, but one is stronger than the other based on the people involved.

Anyone and everyone can offer opinions about things like love in a D/s context. What works for some might not work for others and what some feel isn't what others feel at all. There are some people who can't imagine not loving the Dom/me or sub they are involved with, and some who say that love has no place in BDSM. It's always going to come down to the individuals involved in a dynamic, what they think, and what they feel.

One other thing. No, I was never less apt to hurt clip in the good way because I love him. Being a masochist, he enjoyed pain. If anything, My love for him made that more enjoyable, at least for Me. I loved (there's that word again) beating him, marking him, taking him to subspace...... You get the idea.

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(in reply to captiveprincess)

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RE: difference between loving and being IN love with Yo... - 7/4/2008 10:49:22 AM

Shawn1066

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Joined: 10/7/2007
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Well I can't speak for my Owner, but I think this is a question she can answer quite well.

My Owner and I are in love. My Owner and Angel, her other pet, have a love for one another, but it is absolutely no where near romantic love. I personally couldn't tell you how this effects our seperate dynamics, simply because I'm honestly not very familiar with how theirs works on a day-to-day basis.

I know my love for my Owner motivates me to try harder in everything that I do. It inspires me to be a better slave day after day and it is something that really lights up my life. I couldn't be a slave if I did not first love my Owner. It's just not how I'm wired. I honestly see no way in which being in love with her can be a detriment to my service to her...it's only a positive. I'd be more likely to give sub-par service if I wasn't in love with her, I'd say.

It also doesn't effect how willing she is to hurt me(in a good way) at all. She loves me, so she does love making me happy. She understands that when she hurts me, it's not really "hurting" me at all in any real sense.

DV's Fox

< Message edited by Shawn1066 -- 7/4/2008 10:53:56 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 6

RE: difference between loving and being IN love with Yo... - 7/4/2008 12:18:42 PM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

Of course I love my boy toys. I love my 'crew' - my friends who do haunted house work with us. I love my vanilla forum mates who talk everyday and party as often as we can. I love my sons. I love my canines. I am only IN LOVE with my husband.

Do I love one of my boy toys more than the others? Of course I do. My Westie has been jumping through hoops to make me happy for the past month or so. One could say we were still in that 'courtship' stage which is always the most fun. Do I treat him differently? Sure do. I lavish attention on him because he gives it back ten fold. How could anyone NOT love a sweet loving pup who looks up to his Mistress like she made the sun come up in his world of darkness and need? Do I pull the strikes when we play? Not anymore!

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the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
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(in reply to Shawn1066)

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RE: difference between loving and being IN love with Yo... - 7/4/2008 8:49:06 PM

BlackWolfSwitch

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Joined: 4/4/2007
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Oh totally, there is a difference between the two. I myself love my Mistress but I cannot be -in- love with her, as she's not the one I need for that part of my life... nor is she -in- love with me for the same reason.

You just have to be reasonable where lines become blurred, especially if you've got two... one that you love, and one you're in love with. Feelings can get hurt, and hearts crushed. Tread lightly, but always remain caring.

quote:

Of course there is a diffrence between "loving" and "being in love"; i would consider that this applies to submissives only not slaves. i fail to see any room for love in slavery; love, by definition, requires return in kind and, for me, this would deny the very essence of slavery.

I'm sorry, but that has to be the most unhealthy thing I've heard all week, at least.
I understand that each person has their own perspective on things, their own take on how things work... and how one does what they do.
No love in slavery? At all? So that means, by default of saying that and nothing more, that you fail to see the love of BEING a slave? Of enjoying the feeling of giving yourself over or whatever/however it is you view/see/do it?
I'm sorry, that hit a nerve. Please use better wording next time around.
I myself am a switch that has borderlined submissive and slave a few times, and I did love it at least in the smallest bit.

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"Command of the collar, or submission to wear it. It's your choice. My choice is to know what I like from both."

(in reply to captiveprincess)

Post #: 8

RE: difference between loving and being IN love with Yo... - 7/5/2008 4:19:17 AM

malloves69

Posts: 913
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline

im in love with my mistress

she is a amazing woman and i love our times together

known her now for over 7 plus years ..gawd we have done alot of amazing stuff together ...she really brings out the best in me

yes i do pay her ..silly me for falling in love with her ..but i am human and yes i am a man ...with the things we do together how can i not fall in love with her ?

best times of the week when we are together i must say ..most times its 2 times a week ..once a week doesnt seem enough ..i would marry her in a heart beat if she would have me

she says she loves me ..but i feel sometimes not as much or in a different way ..not as much as i love her ..her kids are number one in her life and i accept that because i have kids too but sometimes i wonder and question if we will ever be together 24/7 the way i would hope and love to be able too

so what do i do ? quit seeing her ? boy that would be painfull as hell to do so and i would miss her something fierce ..we talk about growing old together but i wonder if that will ever happen in the way i hope it would so accept what i have now with her and hope she never gets tired and bored with me that she kicks me to the curb ..the chemistry we have together is amazing

but i feel we are on different levels of love which kinda saddens me ..but oh well i accept it for what it is and hope one day we do get together as man and wife

i do not like the alternative of no her so i accept what i have now and hope for the best

been faithfull to her now for almost 3 years ..yes we do have vanilla sex too ..amazing when we cum together i must say

thinking of her always ....mal

(in reply to BlackWolfSwitch)

Post #: 9

RE: difference between loving and being IN love with Yo... - 7/5/2008 5:47:13 AM

mettadas

Posts: 30
Joined: 7/2/2008
From: Ottawa, ON
Status: offline

quote:

love, by definition, requires return in kind

It is quite possible to love one who does not love you back. I find it hard to believe you don't know this, when examples are commonplace. Am I misunderstanding you?

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If Krishna likes you, he will give you everything;
If he loves you, he'll take everything away.

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(in reply to slaveskin)

Post #: 10

RE: difference between loving and being IN love with Yo... - 7/5/2008 10:44:11 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: captiveprincess

Another aspect: If You have two submissives and love one but are IN love with the other, would You treat them differently?

I do and I do.

I am in love with Fox. I expect vastly different things from him by way of our relationship that I do Angel. I love Angel, but I have never been in love with him, we just dont click that way. The main difference forme is sexual. I have sex with Fox, I do not with Angel. That was by mutual decision between Angel and I at the onset of our relationship and it did not inpact IF I fell in love with him, it was just a fact. We tried dating and it didnt click, but we do very well in the role we are in now.
I have no problem hurting Fox, and I cant understand why I would. He hurts for me, and enjoys it. I in turn enjoy the power play. So, why would it change if I were not in love with him. I do not permantnly harm him, and I do not seriously damage any part of him, s I dont see why Id stop what I am doing. And he certainly doenst get away with more... possible less becaue I hold him to a higher standard.

Dv

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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to captiveprincess)

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RE: difference between loving and being IN love with Yo... - 7/5/2008 3:31:31 PM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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I've loved and still do love, many people in my life. In those 46 years I've only really been, in love, twice. I don't like what that does to me. Fortunately I do not forsee it happening again.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to captiveprincess)

Post #: 12

RE: difference between loving and being IN love with Yo... - 7/11/2008 4:15:19 PM

PsyVamp

Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveskin

Of course there is a diffrence between "loving" and "being in love"; i would consider that this applies to submissives only not slaves. i fail to see any room for love in slavery; love, by definition, requires return in kind and, for me, this would deny the very essence of slavery.

And I disagree with the above statement. There can be relationships without being in love, but to give of yourself completely, to put someone else's needs and wants above your own is too much LIKE love to discount it completely.
I think the submissives and slaves that are IN love with their owners may serve a bit more selflessly.
I only hope that their owners appreciate the special bond it would bring and how lucky they really are.
This opinion, of course, I've only formed after speaking to a few dozen of each type (dominant and submissive, master and slave) so by no means is it indicative of EVERYONE.

There is definately a difference between love and being in love... like LaTigresse, I love many people. I don't remember being "in love" with more than one (only including mature relationships, not the puppy love kind)

Lady Jag

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(in reply to slaveskin)

Post #: 13

RE: difference between loving and being IN love with Yo... - 7/11/2008 5:33:47 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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Joined: 6/29/2008
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I think that part of the problem is that we do not use words with any sense of accuracy. I can be fond of my servants, and can feel affection towards them. I may be infatuated with one, or in lust with another... love... love is something else. I am not even certain that it is an idea -- it's more like it's own form of energy. It flows between certain individuals, sustaining them and nourishing them on a level beyond the physical or even mental. It is not unforseeable that I would come to love a servant, or even more than one.

Right now, the only person that I share this particular bond with is my colleague. I have been in love with someone on the other end of the collar -- it didn't damage our relationship or strain our bond.. in fact, it enhanced what we had, and lifted it to a higher level of communion. When he died, the sudden rupture of that bond tore me apart -- as far as I know, I have not yet healed completely, for I not only have no interest in seeking out another individual besides SR to share this energetic bond with, I have not felt even a whisper of it in years... if it comes, it comes, but to me, it still feels like shortly after surgery, where the wound is still too tender, and when it is poked, prodded or examined, it is still tender and a bit raw. But if I do ever feel it again, it will not matter a whit in terms of my expectations if the person who shares that bond rests on the other side of the leash.

Firestorm

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 7/11/2008 5:35:47 PM >

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RE: difference between loving and being IN love with Yo... - 7/11/2008 7:11:05 PM

aidan

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All I can say is thank the numerous fictitious gods that Mistress is in love with me, otherwise it would make being in love with her really, really awkward.

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RE: difference between loving and being IN love with Yo... - 7/11/2008 8:28:34 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
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Oh dear, well I'm going to be very antiseptic about this. I don't think there is such an emotion as "in-love". I think it's a combination of loving someone, infatuation, lust, excitement etc... I mean usually people are "in-love" in the early stages of a relationship and as they know each other better it's just plain ole "love". So what happens? How can "in-love" be better if you don't really know them yet? How can someone be "in-love" with someone and then six months later be "in-love" with someone else?

No, I think it's ALL love, I just think one of them has the added elements. Is one better than the other? Well personally love seems to last longer and survive a lot more tests than "in-love".

(in reply to aidan)

Post #: 16

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