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RE: Freedom and relief - 11/9/2005 11:26:56 PM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

Fyreredsub, keeping this with the intended spirit of your post, yes, I think it is gratifying to see a sub who feels fulfilled in her life in general because of a D/s relationship. We can just leave it with the power of D/s instead of trying to break it down into nonmysterious factors such as finding someone who understands, a friend, a lover or whatever.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to fyreredsub)

Post #: 21

RE: Freedom and relief - 11/10/2005 3:10:01 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

To see a wounded soul and to watch it heal and grow till it blooms like a desert flower is the most exciting and satisfying thing I have ever experienced. What makes it truly beautiful is the knowledge that I have been fortunate to have been abler to play a very small part in this healing process. Even when my greatest contribution has been to offer a large shoulder to beat up on if neccessary or to cry on when required; a pair of ears to listen; arms to hiold and protect and the wisdom to know when to keep my mouth shut.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)

Post #: 22

RE: Freedom and relief - 11/10/2005 4:19:45 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

thanks ya'll for your input.

i had based some of my soft limits on things things that had happened in the past...IE no poly b/c ex vanilla spouse had cheated....which is not the here and now..lordie its been 10 yrs since it happened.

i had to realize,that #1 its someone else i'm dealing w/
2. being poly doesn't make me any less special to him
3. people can still be involved and care and be poly w/ out hurting the other emotionally

to come to this realization was a freedom.i shed the old vanilla minset about multiples.......i dont think it was something that would have happened w/out coming to this lifestyle

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to fyreredsub)

Post #: 23

RE: Freedom and relief - 11/10/2005 5:37:55 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub
i shed the old vanilla minset about multiples.......i dont think it was something that would have happened w/out coming to this lifestyle

Hmm but that doesn't mean it was a "vanilla mindset."

After all PLENTY of people in the scene still have that exact same mindset and a large number of poly people are vanilla.

It's great that you've broken boundaries and allowed yourself to be more of yourself. The fact that bdsm and the lifestyle is the path for you is just the particular way of things for you.

(in reply to fyreredsub)

Post #: 24

RE: Freedom and relief - 11/10/2005 6:05:57 AM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

i think a lot of slave types have been involved in abusive relationships just because of their nature..they are attracted to being controlled.
It is an amazingly freeing experience they can have when introduced to Master/slave relationships and are actually Dominated by someone who can truely appreciate them.
i guess how that was for me. I met my first husband at 14. It was a very abusive, controlling relationship, i think im lucky to be alive in some ways. After i finally left..and was first introduced to Master slave relationship....it was like walking through a door to freedom.
Coming out of the relationship of abuse, intially i thought my lesson to be learned was to be strong and in control all the time, yet something inside me just wasnt happy with this way of living. Inside i was sad. When i was introduced to D/s..it was like i was released...it made it "ok" to be submissive to my partner...it made it less confusing to me when it came to intense play..it was "ok" to like it and get turned on by it...i realised my submissiveness wasnt a weakness..but something incredibly natural and lovely...i knew how valuable it was..and that it would never again be owned by an abuser.
ive found incredible happiness in relationship within D/s. yeah..for me its freeing.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 25

RE: Freedom and relief - 11/10/2005 7:11:19 AM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Yes, that gives me a deep sense of peace of mind.

*Brightspot

< Message edited by brightspot -- 11/10/2005 12:27:50 AM >

=========

i envy you. "i" have yet, in my 52 yrs.......to find,. peace of mind.

wolf

(in reply to brightspot)

Post #: 26

RE: Freedom and relief - 11/10/2005 8:29:19 AM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline

Hi Fyre,
I can't address all of your post but I can say that it is VERY exhilerating to me to help my Sub overcome an obstacle, any obstacle that has limited our relationship in any way. Kari, my current Sub has told me many times that one of the most important parts of our relationship is my willingness to help her in all facets of life. One of the 'biggies' we had to deal with is her getting over the way her previous Dom treated her and finding that being a Dom does not mean being a jerk too. I saw this realization grow within her over a period of about the first 6 months of our relationship and it was like watching a child grow or a flower bloom. Today she is much happier than she ever was. Her submissiveness and wanting to serve is no longer a heavy burden to her and she enjoys waking up ecah day. Watching and accomplishing that whole process was a major turn-on for me.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to fyreredsub)

Post #: 27

RE: Freedom and relief - 11/10/2005 8:30:19 AM

WalterRego

Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline

On a slightly different tack

In my prior vanilla marriage/life, where kink when there was bedroom only, I was lazy, inconsiderate. I didn't help out with the house or chores, they were either for my wife to do or the housekeeper. I wouldn't even bother to pick up things, care about how I left the sink or dishes o rbathroom after I shaved. A typical spoiled American man/husband. She used to complain, beg, nag. Truth is, it added to the other stresses of our lives and certainly didn't help hers. BTW, I was like that from the beginning, it was not something which developed as the relationship deteriorated.

Now I am aware of what I do, how I do it, want things to be left neat and as Mistress likes it. I pick up, make the bed, help with or do the wash, get things, attend to errands, things around the house do so many things. She shows me how She wants it, or assigns it as one of my jobs, and it not only gets done, but is natural and sometimes I actually enjoy it.

And I feel better about myself, not just as a submissive, but as a person, a partner.

I honestly don't have a clue as to why or how this, but it is a wonderful feeling.

[I'm not sure this post was totally relevant or pertinent to the question, but it did give me the opportunity to go from Vanilla to Curious]

< Message edited by WalterRego -- 11/10/2005 8:33:48 AM >

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 28

RE: Freedom and relief - 11/10/2005 8:31:35 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OscarHargraves
I saw this realization grow within her over a period of about the first 6 months of our relationship and it was like watching a child grow or a flower bloom.

I really tend to have a personal hatred for that sort of analogy just because, when I was 18 and into the scene, I'd get about 4 emails a day from doms wanting to help me "blossom like the young fragile flower that I was."

Which is too bad because it is an apt analogy. I just can't stand condescension.

On the other hand...I get that same sort of feeling when I teach my nephews something, OR on the occasions I've enlightened an owner on something, helped them reach an understanding. It does go both ways.

(in reply to OscarHargraves)

Post #: 29

RE: Freedom and relief - 11/10/2005 1:49:38 PM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

oh slavejali, do i understand the feelings...lol, some of thoise words/thoughts are on my profile. the being strong and in control but not being happy about it.
i came into this lifestyle as a top-i wasnt happy doing it.
i am finding life much more pleasurable giving into my submission.........instead of fighting it or denying it

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

i think a lot of slave types have been involved in abusive relationships just because of their nature..they are attracted to being controlled.
It is an amazingly freeing experience they can have when introduced to Master/slave relationships and are actually Dominated by someone who can truely appreciate them.
i guess how that was for me. I met my first husband at 14. It was a very abusive, controlling relationship, i think im lucky to be alive in some ways. After i finally left..and was first introduced to Master slave relationship....it was like walking through a door to freedom.
Coming out of the relationship of abuse, intially i thought my lesson to be learned was to be strong and in control all the time, yet something inside me just wasnt happy with this way of living. Inside i was sad. When i was introduced to D/s..it was like i was released...it made it "ok" to be submissive to my partner...it made it less confusing to me when it came to intense play..it was "ok" to like it and get turned on by it...i realised my submissiveness wasnt a weakness..but something incredibly natural and lovely...i knew how valuable it was..and that it would never again be owned by an abuser.
ive found incredible happiness in relationship within D/s. yeah..for me its freeing.

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 30

RE: Freedom and relief - 11/10/2005 1:50:44 PM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

lolol, i have to grin, my master refers to me as a blooming flower

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: OscarHargraves
I saw this realization grow within her over a period of about the first 6 months of our relationship and it was like watching a child grow or a flower bloom.

I really tend to have a personal hatred for that sort of analogy just because, when I was 18 and into the scene, I'd get about 4 emails a day from doms wanting to help me "blossom like the young fragile flower that I was."

Which is too bad because it is an apt analogy. I just can't stand condescension.

On the other hand...I get that same sort of feeling when I teach my nephews something, OR on the occasions I've enlightened an owner on something, helped them reach an understanding. It does go both ways.

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 31

RE: Freedom and relief - 11/10/2005 1:54:14 PM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

i guess that could be so...i just always think of my life as the vanilla (past)then the wiitwd(here and now and future)
but some of the things i had always thought i would say NO to now where based on things that had happened in the past by vanilla men.
the freedom to be me comes from the Masters that i learn from here on the forums and mine in r/t

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 32

RE: Freedom and relief - 11/10/2005 1:57:24 PM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

yes i agree that the power of D/s is it, i think it is in how i respond to my masters training/handling of me which has allowed me to open the door to freedom and serenity

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel

Fyreredsub, keeping this with the intended spirit of your post, yes, I think it is gratifying to see a sub who feels fulfilled in her life in general because of a D/s relationship. We can just leave it with the power of D/s instead of trying to break it down into nonmysterious factors such as finding someone who understands, a friend, a lover or whatever.

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)

Post #: 33

RE: Freedom and relief - 11/10/2005 2:15:28 PM

Oberonrex

Posts: 164
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline

Pride, and happiness/joy. It is a rush for me, to see them move forward and become new, more than they were before. It can take a lot of work, but the rewards for both are well worth it.

(in reply to fyreredsub)

Post #: 34

RE: Freedom and relief - 11/10/2005 5:55:24 PM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

have any of you experienced an absolute sense of peace of mind in the release of vanilla mindsets w/ regards to the letting go of old pains caused by vanilla relationships?

............
Ya'll does this freedom/experience bring a peace of mind to you also?

I wonder if this applies to Dominants as well?

(in reply to fyreredsub)

Post #: 35

RE: Freedom and relief - 11/10/2005 7:13:43 PM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

ah so true bella

i was telling master today how at peace i finally feel, now that i am no longer fighting myself and my need to submit.
giving up control wasn't easy for this girl but oh the freedom now

quote:

ORIGINAL: Belladonna82

:) Fyre you know they say great minds think alike So just relize that the freedom comes with relizing that now you are free and no free person could be cause you are true to yourself :P

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to Belladonna82)

Post #: 36

RE: Freedom and relief - 11/10/2005 8:59:31 PM

KittenWithaTwist

Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel

Fyreredsub, keeping this with the intended spirit of your post, yes, I think it is gratifying to see a sub who feels fulfilled in her life in general because of a D/s relationship. We can just leave it with the power of D/s instead of trying to break it down into nonmysterious factors such as finding someone who understands, a friend, a lover or whatever.

But perhaps the point that some of us intended to make is that it isn't the "power" of a D/s relationship at all, but the help and love of a friend, lover, or "whatever". I don't think that there is any sort of mystical or spiritual something in D/s that makes it powerful or life changing or mesmerizing. It does make me happy to be in a D/s relationship because it suits me on a psychological and sexual level, but it is the strength and love of my partner that has made me feel fulfilled.

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)

Post #: 37

RE: Freedom and relief - 11/10/2005 9:04:14 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fyreredsub

have any of you experienced an absolute sense of peace of mind in the release of vanilla mindsets w/ regards to the letting go of old pains caused by vanilla relationships?

How about letting go of new pains with causes that are not vanilla nor even particularly consensual?

And old and special friend recently got in touch and shared with me that in the time intervening since we did what we had done together she had been gravely ill. She had contracted a life-threatening disorder which required numerous (unanesthetized) spinal taps during the course of treatment. The account would not sound credible if I told you the number.

By way of context, I've had one of these procedures and it was far and away the most physically painful thing I've ever experienced.

I was awed and very grateful when she explained to me that as she would lie on the doctor's table, in the moments before the insertion his voice would in her mind be replaced by mine. With this she said she was able to still herself. It allowed her to endure the pain, over and over again, with a certain strange, minimal, but crucial sort of equanimity.

Insert protracted silence here.

To nurture growth is of course gratifying. If someone had told me that she now gives blood after dropping a limit to do needle play with me, well that would have been pretty cool. But this to me was monumental. I imagine that it will stand as a point of articulation whenever I look back on my life.

The benefit that came certainly wasn't a function of my foresight or good intentions. Frankly I'm humbled and honored to have been used as I was by the powers that rule her life. But thank heaven that both my and her intentions were good and that our actions were as true as we could make them, no matter how depraved from a conventional point of view.

If when we first came together either of us had been acting falsely, could the story have ended the same way?

(in reply to fyreredsub)

Post #: 38

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