Dommed by a Switch

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persephonee -> Dommed by a Switch (7/4/2008 7:55:03 AM)
i was recently playing with a partner that i sub to, and afterward, ate dinner with him and his wife, who he subs to. it went well and i made new friends. i have been thinking alot about this day and i am confused about how i feel. i have great respect for people in general and i dont play with ones i dont like or respect, so that has not changed. i am just wondering why i dont feel compelled to play again at this time. i dont have a concrete question because i dont have a concrete feeling about this as yet...it just came up and i thought i would throw it out for examination.... Did the spiderweb we wove break when i saw him sub to his wife in a very loving and wonderful way?....Did my suspension of disbelief come down?....i simply feel very differently toward him in a D/s sense...i relate now to him more as sub to sub than Dom to sub and i wonder if there is some way i can change my own internal thinking to accomodate this partner. Is this a common occurance? Is there something i can do to create the D/s heat i like so much? i dont feel drawn to his wife in a D/s sense either. Obviously, we will remain friends and i dont preclude playing again. im just wondering what happened in this case.... Any thoughts? peace and Happy 4th.

gentv2000 -> RE: Dommed by a Switch (7/4/2008 8:22:32 AM)
Persphone, Perhaps what jazzes your desire is the the power, confidence, and control exhibited by a dominant partner? Seeing them submit to another can diminish perceptions of all of these attributes. Symbols of power hold great sway in the human psyche; Remember what happens when the country sees a presidential candidate actually cry in public?! Devestating. Cognively you can probably recognize that the dominant is still the same person with all the attributes that attracted you - but emotionally you can't reconcile it. I doubt there's much you can do other than to warn potential partners of your experience and discuss your feelings with them. This might just be one of those live and learn things. Jen

persephonee -> RE: Dommed by a Switch (7/4/2008 8:42:13 AM)
Thank you for that answer....i was hoping that there may be some way to change the way i feel about my thoughts to include this wonderful couple in my life in other ways than friendship....and im sure it can be done.... i am a proponent of the idea that a person cannot stop random thoughts or prejudices to come to mind...but its entirely in the persons control as how they act or react to that thought..... i have hundreds of thoughts that randomly pop into my head that i dismiss as poppycock.....and dont act or react to them outwardly. i was hoping to retrain myself in this regard. Is there hope?

Madame4a -> RE: Dommed by a Switch (7/4/2008 9:45:06 AM)
I had a switch partner for awhile who never ever wanted to be around anyone she had topped when we were together. We never discussed it, I took it as a limit for her but I knew from what she said that she felt it would lessen what her bottom partners felt for her. I think it happens... I think we put people into a space in our lives and seeing them in the direct opposite can change things.

hardbodysub -> RE: Dommed by a Switch (7/4/2008 9:58:14 AM)
I don't know if this will work for you, but you might try to re-route your way of thinking about it. I can get excited by a woman dominating me, even though she's submissive to someone else. In fact, this can even make it more exciting in a way, because it introduces a subtle humiliation factor. What can be more humbling that being sub/slave to a sub/slave? Several years ago, I read a few Gor books, and the main male character came very close to being seduced into chained bondage by a female sex slave. It was one of the hottest things I ever read! Of particular interest was his introspection about it, his humiliation at almost being made "slave to a slave". Of course, I would have enjoyed the rest of the book better if it hadn't been just "almost".

barrieboytoy -> RE: Dommed by a Switch (7/4/2008 11:08:56 AM)
I would tend to agree with hardbody. I think you might have been comfortable in your role, and then had your perceptions of it change when you saw him in his other role. Perhaps you're not comfortable with being two tiers below his wife in the hierarchy? Just remember all the experiences that you had submitting to him, and consider them through this new lens. He's still every bit as capable of doing those same things - his perception of you is unchanged. The question is, are you capable of getting in the headspace?

persephonee -> RE: Dommed by a Switch (7/5/2008 10:48:08 AM)
Exactly!! That is what im puzzling out...interesting times with ms.p these days. And as for being 2 tiers below his wife, im a bottom's bottom, the lower i get on the totem pole, the hotter i get. hehe...we'll see how things develop.

virgini970 -> RE: Dommed by a Switch (7/6/2008 8:06:39 AM)
you do need to try it with him again you may love it more than every you should know you never know what it's going to be like untill you play you can play the same person but it's never the same but it's all ways wow

barrieboytoy -> RE: Dommed by a Switch (7/10/2008 11:58:22 AM)
Well, it sounds like you're warming to the idea of it... perhaps you'll end up somewhere that you never expected, in a hotter situation than you ever thought you would? Go with it, and keep us informed! ;)

TanukiChan -> RE: Dommed by a Switch (8/6/2008 4:22:24 PM)
Perhaps labels are simply getting the better of you. It's often easier to go with the flow and not overcomplicate things, ne?

Daddysredhead -> RE: Dommed by a Switch (8/12/2008 8:19:55 PM)
This thread has been a very interesting read for me as Daddy and I are thinking of taking on a male sub for play, more for me than anything. The sub knows that I am a switch and that Daddy ultimately has final say in things, and seems to be ok with all of it. We have played with sub females before and, in some ways, they have gotten a little bit "cocky" after seeing Daddy and I play, with me engaged in total submission to Him. It wasn't blatant, but there was just something different afterwards, like "we girls" were all equal in some way. However, Daddy has always started our group play by having the female subs submit (very first thing) to me via rimming. He uses this as a way to put them in their place in the hierarchy. I do not think that the male we have been talking to will have the same issues as he is just so eager to please and serve in whatever way he is directed. I have told the male sub that I want him to be willing to serve in whatever capacity, even if it means that he helps me better submit to Daddy during our scenes. This seems to be extremely exciting to the male sub. I hope that it will remain so, if and when it happens.

chamberqueen -> RE: Dommed by a Switch (8/17/2008 8:42:16 AM)
I was in a situation once where a man had me help to train his wife to Domme him better. It gave me the chance to become closer friends with her, let me live vicariously through sessions that I helped to make up, and kindly kept in my perspective who the real couple was. She and I would have great laughs over the things we came up with mutually for her to do to him. I stood firmly by her rules (he was not to email me, for instance, without copying her) and when he disobeyed I would ask her permission to deal with it as I saw fit. Your feelings towards the situation may have changed some, but that doesn't mean that you can't have fun with it. Explore with them what role you can expect to play and decide if it is worth it to you.

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