AAkasha
Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Msfrauline
I honestly thought that I had been listening to him. Some times I just don't understand what he wants. I get most of what he is talking about but he claims that I haven't made the true connection between what he has handed me, complete control, and the ways this could improve my life at the same time making him happy. I would have to agree with that. I truly don't understand how it's an advantage for me to see him do all the chores when I have done "domestic" things my whole life. It's easier just to do it myself than to show him how I want it done.
It doesn't motivate me to control him knowing I can just sit on the couch while he scurries around in an apron and cleans. If this is truly about me then I shouldn't have to bend to his sweaty fantaises about doing house chores. We always end up at this crossroads...me just being dominant in the bedroom which never seems to be enough for him.
Then when he doesn't see things going his way, we have to TALK about it. Hours at a time. I always agree to attempt the things tha he suggests but by weeks end I am back to doing things myself and he gets frustrated becuase I am not being sincere with him.
Our problem is that while we have been married a year and 1/2 we have known each other for four years and I still can't seem to completly wrap my head around a lot of this and take it out of the bedroom. I lose interest within a couple of days and it's just gone. If there's no sexual charge in it for me then there's no interest. I was raised that sexual things say in the bedroom and they arn't suposed to be done in the living rooom etc.
Your husband needs to realize that there is no such thing as "easy domination." Just because you can get him to do all the chores or housework while you sit back and relax does not mean it should be an easy task. See how he feels about him doing all the housework while you go to the mall and have your nails done. What he wants/needs is supervision, affirmation, punishment, and to be kept in a mindset -- he wants you to *dominate* him outside of the bedroom.
He believes that "domination" is easier for you than "doing chores." This is the BIGGEST misconception!
It is actually easier for a woman to do her own chores than have to oversee a man do them -- a man who is looking for some sort of mindset, sexual gratification or fantasy play. You are expected to be a fantasy provider while also making sure the chores get done. Meanwhile, they rarely get done as well, or as quickly, as if you would have just done them yourself.
Domination is a mindset. Even if the femdom is sitting on the couch, she has to mentally be in a certain place and she has to actively engage in subtle cues, observe behaviors and be "involved" in her mate's submission. This requires emotional energy that subs just don't realize. Otherwise, it would be no problem if the submissive did these tasks while the femdom left and did her own thing, and there would be no requirement for her to contantly praise, correct, supervise or punish.
He wants a walking fantasy. He wants you to use a "femdom edge" for everything from "go clean the car" to "pick milk up at the grocery store." He has to realize that adding that femdom edge sucks energy out of you and takes time away from your schedule, and requires that you analyze your own behavior and consciously bend to his will.
This is reverse domination. It causes huge burn out and resentment. It makes a woman lose her spark in the bedroom or for times when she really would love to be dominant. She's so tired of having to be "on" all the time that the bedroom sounds like a great place to sleep, and have fantasies where her control is natural and not forced.
It angers me when subs say "my wife has a goldmine here -- I would do any task, any chore, any thing -- foot rubs, massages, clean the bathrooms, organize her shoes - ANYTHING!" -- but they forget the high price tag that comes with it. He has all these unrealistic NEEDS for her to play a role in order to GET these things from him. And the role he requires isn't just something a woman can snap her fingers and get into -- if anything, she's faking it, and thinking "this is so stupid that I have to act like a bitch to get him to cook a meal."
These men need to realize that there are many, many "vanilla" guys that happily do dishes and clean and cook - - no strings attached and without having to "put on a femdom act." What he is offering you is not a "goldmine" -- it's a request for barter. In his case, the barter is not a fair deal to you because you are getting less "out of it" than you "put into it."
Domination isn't supposed to make your life more complicated and exhaust you emotionally.
Akasha
_____________________________
Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]
|
RE: Getting your submissive to be quiet - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread